Chapter One
The word "successor" is a curious one, since it has nothing to do with someone who does well in something or achieves a goal. It simply means "a person who takes the place of another after they have passed away, retired, or driven mad." For instance, the successor of George Washington was the second president of the United States, John Adams, who is scarcely known to anyone but historians, students studying the colonial period, and deceased souls, which a fancy way of saying "dead people."
In this way, I am the successor of Mr. Lemony Snicket. He has not passed away, retired, or driven mad, but he has been depressed by all the woeful research he was forced to do, and has asked me, alas, to take his place. And I am sorry to say that this book is just as dreadful as the thirteen books that preceed it. For within the pages of this book are word after word, and paragraph after paragraph of dread. I am sorry, but that is how the story goes.
Violet Baudelaire, of course, was not thinking about the depressed Mr. Snicket as she steered the sailboat known as Beatrice. She was thinking of an invention that would make the boat speed up. At sixteen, Violet was an excellent inventor. Anyone who knew her well could tell that she was thinking of an invention, because at this particular moment, she had her hair tied up in a ribbon to keep out her eyes, which was what she did when she was thinking hard.
Klaus Baudelaire was also thinking, but not of the late Mr. Adams, though he was one of the few people in the world who knew of our second president who was not a historian, a student, or a dead person. He was thinking about what he could have possibly read about the ocean in which they were floating. Klaus was an excellent researcher, and whenever he heard an important detail, he would write them down in his commonplace book, a phrase which here means "dark green notebook." Klaus, who was fourteen, had read many books in the library of the Baudelaire mansion before it was destroyed in the awful fire that killed their parents.
Sunny Baudelaire was also thinking, but not of Mr. Snicket, or, sadly, me, though I was not born when this event occured. Sunny was thinking about what she could cook with the nonperishable food supplies the Baudelaires had brought with them on their long journey out of the unnamed island, which had previously been run by a hoggish - a word which here means "selfish" - man named Ishmael. Sunny, who was only two, had developed some prodigious - the word "prodigious" here means "unusually skillful for a toddler like Sunny" - cooking skills while forced to prepare a meal for a greedy villain.
Beatrice, the youngest Baudelaire, was not thinking at all, seeing as she was only a baby. Beatrice was not the Baudelaire orphans' direct sister, but after her mother, who was a dear friend the Baudelaire orphans', died nearly a year ago, the three children had no choice but to care for the young infant, and thus became their sister. Beatrice often spoke in a series of shrieks, which Sunny was best at translating. That very moment, even, she asked "Ghog?" which meant "What is that shape rising out of the water?" and Sunny was quick to translate.
All three children recognized it. The shape rising out of the water was a question mark, and the three orphans had learned, while on a ship known as the Queequeg, that it was something more treacherous than the evil Count Olaf, who had been a very evil man, and who had also been after the Baudelaire fortune for many years. At the start of his plan, he caused the fire that destroyed the mansion, and Violet, Klaus, and Sunny were sent to live with this evil villain, and were almost in his clutches, had it not been for Violet's determination and intelligence. They were then sent to live with a number of guardians, including a charming herpetologist, a grammar-obsessed pantophobe, an unfair lumber mill manager, a dismal preparatory school, the city's sixth most important financial advisor, and a crow-filled village. By that time, they had lost the inept banker who had been assigned to taking care of their affairs, but had not done a good job at all. On top of all that, Count Olaf seemed to find the children wherever they went.
"It's so frightening," said Klaus, "seeing it again. I wonder if the Quagmire triplets are in there."
The three Quagmire triplets - Duncan, Isadora, and Quigley, were also orphans, but the children had not seen them for quite some time, and it was unknown if they were even alive. The last they heard, this very question mark shape had swallowed them up, and either Quigley or Duncan had called Violet's name before the thing swallowed the triplets up.
"Yes," Sunny agreed, "but will it take us, too?"
That question was soon answered, as the question mark shape rose completely out of the water and swallowed the four Baudelaires into its dark depths.