Bunnies Never Accept Screaming for an Answer

By: Storm Parakaitz

Note: Crack, and crossover of AJ/GS4 and Rayman Raving Rabbids. Pairing? Uhhh, ValantXRabbid? I dunno.
Disclaimer: I do not own Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, Rayman Raving Rabbids, or any related characters and likewise used in this piece of writing.

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Valant paced back and forth along the backstage halls of the Sunshine Coliseum. He needed an idea. Something great. His rabbit, El-ahrairah, was sitting on a crate in the hall, watching his owner walk about nervously. The tiny fur-ball's head moved in accordance to Valant's footsteps.

"I need an idea," he thought aloud. El-ahrairah hopped up and down, like he was excited. Valant knelt down to see him. "What's up?" he asked the rabbit. All he did in response was sniff the crate quizzically. Valant grabbed the small mammal and lifted up the crate to uncover an unused plunger.

Valant looked at it for a minute, then picked it up. "Hmm... maybe I can use this. Yeah, I could pull a rabbit out of a toilet. Moderately revolting, but seems lightly entertaining to me."

El-ahrairah sat up, his ears perked. He sniffed the air, loud enough for Valant to hear it and become slightly perturbed by it. He quickly shrugged it off and set the crate back down, setting the rabbit gently down on top of it again. He took the plunger and turned around before standing up.

However, what he saw as he turned around was not a welcome greeting, nor one he expected. Its blue eyes stared down the magician. In return, Valant's cold eyes drilled holes into the oppressor's head. If the creature wasn't already fucking insane, it would have been driven into dementia by that stare. So instead, its eyes turned red and it jumped on Valant's back, beat him with one hand, and took the plunger with the other. Then it screamed, "DAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

Valant jumped backwards onto the crate with a mighty thump and screamed as well. "AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

The raving animal frowned and tapped him on the shoulder with the plunger. Valant didn't quite understand what that meant, and the bunny cleared his throat and once again let loose a scream of "DAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Valant responded the same way as last time: "AAAHHHHHH!!"

The frustrated animal slammed the plunger into his head, knocking his hat off and sending one of the magician's doves flying. Valant screamed again, "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

The bunny hit him again. "DAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Valant said nothing, just looked at the Rabbid, in shock. The animal picked up his hat and put it on mockingly. The two then heard a squeak. "El-ahrairah!" Valant cried, looking around for his pet rabbit. He found the white animal tangled in his cape. Valant picked him up and set him into his lap. The Rabbid studied El-ahrairah warily, confused as to what the little snowball in front of him might possibly be.

Valant started petting El-ahrairah's head, a practice he often did to calm himself, when he felt something else behind that crate. He turned around, but saw nothing, so he ignored it. The Rabbid just sat there in front of them fidgeting, as it seemed impossible for the strange creature to stay still.

Suddenly, Valant felt something on his head. "Wha-AAHHHH!" the nervous magician once again almost fell backwards and looked up to see... another Rabbid... petting him on the head, in imitation to what he was doing to El-ahrairah. The insane animal giggled maniacally.

The other Rabbid hit Valant in the shoulder with the plunger and yelled once again, his signature cry of "DAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

Frustrated, Valant grabbed the Rabbid on his head and threw him against the wall forcefully. He looked down at the first Rabbid, who didn't seem to care about his friend. "What do you want with me?" he asked sternly but honestly. The Rabbid answered with sticking the plunger on Valant's head.

He grabbed the psychotic creature and held it up to his face. If anyone were watching this, I assure you, they would not be taking a man with a plunger on his head and a white rabbit in his lap dressed in a canary yellow cape very seriously, especially when it was holding something as strange looking as that Rabbid.

In response, the Rabbid kissed him. When Valant pulled the creature off his face and threw him on the ground, the bunny didn't seem fazed, and instead he just gave the magician a seductive whistle. Valant's mature response? Spitting on him. All the Rabbid did was snicker evilly.

"You kissed me you rat!" Yelled Valant, outraged.

"Hehehehe!" The Rabbid jumped up and knocked Valant's head back into the crate. "DAAAAAAAHHH!"

Valant screamed again, "AAAAAAHHHH!!" This caused his furry adversary to whack him in the chin with the war cry of "DAAAAAAAHHHHH!" At this moment, something clicked inside Valant's head, and he let out a roaring laugh. The Rabbid, now standing on his chest, gave him the most puzzled look ever. Valant lifted his head back up to meet the bunny, and evil smirk across his lips. "DAAAAAAAAHHHH!!"

This threw his raving friend off. "DAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

Valant laughed again. "Would you like to join me on the big stage?" To demonstrate his magic, he made his own hat disappear with a flick of his cape. The Rabbid put his hands on his head and searched frantically, but could not find where the hat went, when Valant grabbed the hat from behind the Rabbid's own back and placed it back on the bunny's head gently. The Rabbid was genuinely impressed. Valant picked up El-ahrairah and stood up, ready to walk back, when the Rabbid tugged at his pant leg. The man looked at him in wonderment, when the creature let out a powerful "DAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

Valant jumped back, his mouth wide open, and responded with a "DAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!" of his own. The bunny's red eyes faded back to blue and he gave the magician a big, two-toothed smile. He held out his hands. Valant didn't know how to respond to that, so he handed him El-ahrairah. Well, that didn't work. The Rabbid just looked at it, clueless.

Signing, Valant took the rabbit back. He couldn't think... what did this bunny want? When, out of habit, did he put El-ahrairah to perch on his head, did he find his answer: the plunger was still on his head. Valant laughed and handed the Rabbid his weapon. The bunny ended up following Valant to the dressing room, and the one he knocked into the wall? He ran off, terrified of Valant's magic.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"