A/N: I wrote this on the bus on my way to a friend yesterday and if it feels familiar it is because I've posted it on asianfanfics under the un Dongmander^^

and please listen to Blue Tomorrow by Super Junior M while reading this :)
I also apologize ahead for this crappy one shot ^^

I will never forget what happened that day, that aweful day that will be forever burned inside my mind, my heart.
Everyone tell me that I should move on, that I am supposed to let go, supposed to handle going every day without you.
Yesterday, everyday, feels like the day after it all happened. It feels like it was yesterday you left me, like it was yesterday you stole my heart, it was yesterday you let me go my own way.
But I promised you, I promised to never let go, never let you leave me, never forget you.
All of that I promised the day we met, the day my life changed, the day I got sentenced to walk alone on thos earth.
You stole my heart the day we met. You could not be satisfied with having a place in it, you greedily took it all and crushed it to all too small fragments to make sure that I can never move on, never love anyone else then you.
I know that you are expecting me to accuse you for being selfish but that I can not do. Not when I am being so much more selfish than you could ever be.
I do not want to heal my broken heart, do not want to move on.
I want to treasure all my wonderful memories of you, all the memories we created together.

Do you remember?

Do you remember the day we first met in the dance studio?
How shy and nervous you were?
We were just trainees back then, but still I remember it as if it happened yesterday.
That was the day you stole my heart.
We did not know that we would end up in the same band back then, we just got paired up along with a few other trainees and spent all our free time in that studio, practicing and eating. Some times we even slept cuddled up against each other in a sitting position against the wall out of pure exhaustion. It all made us grow closer to each other.
Do you remember it now?
And the day we got to know that we would debut on the same stage, in the same group?
Can you remember how you glomped me out of happiness?
And how the others' assigned to the group went to hug us two, making it a group-hug?

Do you remember the day I confessed to you?
It was the same day as our debut. I was nervous, so nervous to stand on that stage and perform our first song to an audience knowing nothing about us more than our names and group name.
I was even more nervous because of my feelings for you and pulled you away from the others' just ten minutes prior to to our performance with the excuse of having something important to tell you, making you worry and come with me.
Can you remember how I stuttered out my confession? Or how you blushed beneath the make up as you told me you felt the same way?
That was also when we shared our first kiss, insecure and careful, gentle and tingling, just like a first kiss should be. And then how we had to run back to the others' not to miss our own performance.

And do you remember how I used to sneak in to your room in the mornings?
How I told the other's I was going to wake you up just to get some snuggle time before breakfast and schedules?

Can you remember our first night together?
Can you recall how nervous and shy you were?
How embarrassed you felt when being exposed to me?
You were so beautiful, you have always been, but that night you took my breath away.
It was the first time you let me show you how much I really love you, the first time you let me hold you through out the night.
Please tell me that you still remember.
Because I do.

I remember it as if it was yesterday, as if all of that was yesterday. And yesterday was the day you left me, left me to stand alone beneath the street lights, stand alone in the rain seeking shelter. A shelter I could only find in your embrace.
I've buried everything deep inside my shattered heart, deep within me are the words "I love you", the words that once were upon my lips, the words I once spoke to you, the words you so sweetly whispered in my Ear.

Now my love for you is one sided and loneliness takes over me everyday, everyday of my life.
The loneliness will never subside, never leave. Every day I have to face the pain without you.

Your side of the bed remain untouched and empty and my never ending tears falls on the cold pillow.
I just want to pause life, rewind it and relive my days with you by my side again. Pause and wait for a miracle, pause and wait for you to come back.

The days are hard to stand without you.
I love you, it can never change.
I will be loving you to eternity Lee Hyukjae.

How could you die and leave me alone?
How could you leave me alone with only the memories of you?
I miss you still and I always will.
Soon I will be standing by your side again, and when I do I won't let go of you ever again. Where ever you are now I hope you are happy, and that you remember. Because I can not handle all these memories on my own.

Especially not the day you died, the day you left me.
It was the worst day I have ever experienced.
Why did you do it?
Why did you save me?
Why did you take a blow that was meant for me?
And why can you not answer my questions?

I am so lonely Hyukkie, it has almost been a year and I am only a shell of the former me.
I can not laugh anymore, I have forgotten how to smile.
Will you teach me when we meet again on the other side? Will you even remember me?

I have finally taken them, I will be by your side soon again.
I am selfish, I know, but I can not go on without you. I can not live without you.
I am sorry for being so weak Hyukkie, but life without you is too hard to handle.
I love you, good bye, and see you soon.

Love, your Donghae