Author's Notes:
I WANT A FREAKIN' DIVORCE FROM MY MUSE!
I have real work to do and a real life to lead and she won't leave me alone!
What's worse, she doesn't believe in plot-bunny population control!
This came to me this morning while I was in the shower. I really wish it hadn't.
I want to finish my other story!

"Meet Payback, the bitch."
Chapter 1
The setup.

Chapter Posted: 4/9/14
Story Notes:
Thank you for reading my story, I hope you enjoy it.
It takes place somewhere in the fifth season time-frame.
No particular reference points needed.
No spoilers.

"Thanks again Missus R." Esposito says to the woman as she holds the door open for them.

"No need dears. The video will be all I need." she says smiling wide.

"This will only take us five minutes, Alexis gave us a map of where to place them." Ryan says holding up the hand drawn map.

"I'll have you know, I'm doing this against my better judgement. I almost feel sorry for Richard but I'm sure he's earned your revenge." Martha calls out to them as she goes to the 'fridge to get a bottle of water.

"Ryan, did she say under the mattress or the bed?" Esposito calls out from the bedroom.

"Under the mattress!" Ryan calls back from the office. "I've got two planted in here including the light-sensitive one and I've put the note Beckett gave us on the desk! I'm going upstairs to the guest room, be right back."

"Okay bro', I've got mine set, I just have the one to put in his shoes in the closet." he hears back followed by "Ryan! You have to see this, Lanie doesn't have this many shoes!"

"Ah Richard. Your karmic comeuppance will make a nuclear test look peaceful." Martha mumbles to herself sitting at the breakfast bar waiting for them to finish.

"Holy crap!" Ryan yells now that he's seen it. "Dude, I have to take a picture for Jenny, she won't believe this!"

"Okay, Alexis said the pair of shoes with the laces tied in a bow right?" Esposito says sounding as if he's on his knees looking for the shoes in question. "Got it!" he calls out.

As the two detectives walk into the living room, Martha's sitting there smiling. "Boys, I have to say, I'm very pleased that my son has you for friends."

"Thank you Misses R." Javi says smiling.

"If you were enemies, I am not sure he'd survive it." she says with a wink. "Okay you two, skedaddle, you have to talk to the super before you leave and we don't want Richard to wonder where you are. I'm sorry I don't know how that water heater thingy works." she says shepherding them to the door.

"Thanks again Misses Rogers." Ryan says as she locks the door and he presses the button for the elevator.

"How's your school doing? Castle says he's never seen you so happy working so hard."

"He said that? What a dear. He's right you know. This is possibly the hardest work I've ever had but it's also the most fulfilling. Oh, here we are. I'll introduce you two and then I have to run."

"Of course." they say in stereo.

"Ah, there he is now with Eduardo." She says stepping out of the elevator.

"Hello Missus Rogers." he says pleasantly.

"I'd like to introduce these two gentlemen to you. This is Detective Ryan and Detective Esposito. Eduardo and Jorge knows them too. They are..." she stops and looks at the two for a moment then smiling says "repaying a number of gifts my son Richard has given them. I'm authorizing you to let them into the loft and help them with anything they need. You of course never met them before nor have we had this conversation." she says with a wink.

"Of course, I'll be glad to." he answers with a slight nod.

"Thank you. If that's all gentlemen, I'll bid you adieu, I need to attend to my school." She says seeming to float away as the four men just watch her go.

"Do you think she's always like that?" Ryan asks to no one in particular.

"So, what can I help you with gentlemen?" the super asks.

"We want to turn the water heater for his showers down to just warm." Esposito says smiling.

Eduardo, hearing this smiles with a light chuckle and walks back to his post shaking his head.

"Yes, let's go up there now. It's very easy to do." the super says ushering the men back into the elevator.

"Are you sure Tori's in?" Ryan asked in a whisper.

"Yeah bro' I talked to her again a few minutes ago. She's in on the gag." Esposito whispers back.

"Hey guys!" Castle says as he approaches his seat. "How's it goin? You two plotting to take over the world?"

"Hey Castle." Ryan says with a disinterested nod.

"Yo." Esposito says getting up and walking across the bullpen.

Looking around, Castle can't see anything amiss so he just assumes they're having a bad day. Partners, being as in synch as they are would likely share each others moods.

Rick, continuing to look around doesn't see Kate but her coat's on the chair so she's around. Just then the door to an interrogation room opens and Kate strides out with her phone in her hand, glowering at him.

"Castle!" She snaps. "What the hell? Why aren't you answering calls from Gina again? You know it pisses me off when she has to resort to calling me like I'm your damn keeper." Angrily she takes her seat and slaps her phone down on the desk. "And then to top off that call, while I'm on the phone with her, Paula calls and tells me that she needs the drafts for those speeches you offered to write for Bob. Castle! He's the damn mayor, you can't screw with his deadlines!" she says admonishing him none too quietly.

"I did? When did I do that?" he asks shocked.

"Don't give me that crap Richard Castle," she growls then lowering her voice "I know you better than that. You've had that note on your desk for a few days now. We're off-call so there's no damn reason for you to be here. Go home. Gina said you owe her five chapters and Paula said the drafts of the speeches needs to be in her inbox by tomorrow morning or she's coming after you."

As he inhales to speak wearing a smirk on his face she cuts him off with "No, I will not protect you from her either. You're on your own with this one. You said you'd do it so you have to get it done. No more shirking your responsibilities." causing his smirk to slide off his face.

Just then Tori comes over to Beckett's desk with a folder. "Detective, you said you wanted new copies of these photos?"

Beckett takes the folder, glances at the contents and tells her "No, these aren't what I'd hoped for. Can I come with you to show you what I want and you can tell me if you can do it?"

"Of course." Tori says taking the folder back. "Come on, it shouldn't be too hard."

"Okay." Kate says getting up then turning to Rick "Castle. Go." she says with her arm pointed out towards the elevator and staring him down for a beat before turning and walking off with the technical officer.

"What the heck just happened?" Castle mumbles to himself. Turning he sees Ryan has abandoned him too. "Not much I can do." he thinks as he gets up and leaves mumbling to himself that he doesn't remember making these promises.

Sitting in the TSU lab, Kate is laughing with Kevin, Javi, and Tori. "Oh you should have heard Gina, she could not have enjoyed the idea of roasting him any more than if she was holding the blowtorch herself."

"Okay, he's exited the building aaaannnddd..." she says drawing out the word "He's in a taxi, the coast is clear." Tori tells them as she watches the monitor.

"Thank you Tori." Javi says giving her his 'I'm too cool for my shades.' smile.

"Detective Ryan, did he really do that to you?" she asks not sure if he's embellished his story.

"Oh yes he did." Kate says before turning to Kevin allowing him to continue.

Smiling, the Irishman tells her "Yes he did. I don't know how the hell he arranged it but he did. You should have seen the hotel, it was swarming with their police. I couldn't get to my suitcase to get my badge to prove who I was.-"

"I still say it's weird, you were on your honeymoon, what the hell were you doing bringing your badge?" Javi asks not really expecting an answer.

"Did your wife know what was happening?" the young woman asks smiling, obviously enjoying the story.

"Not at first. They did it so I could hear her arguing with them about her age. Then they pulled me away and put me into a car and moved Jenny back inside to where I couldn't see her. That's when they told her the story to calm her down. They made me sweat about four hours down at the police station with what can only be described as the smelliest people they could find." Ryan explains while looking a little more determined with each passing second. "Oh yeah, and a freakin' goat who hadn't had a date in the past hundred years I think." he spits out in disgust.

"Do you think they really thought she was thirteen?"

"No, afterwards they 'fessed up and told us that Castle had also sent them proof of her real age and our marriage license to make sure that they knew it was a joke."

"Tori, thanks for everything." Kate says standing. "Tomorrow is going to be a fun day." she announces to the group then turning to her team giving them one of those raised eyebrow expectant looks "In the mean time, we've all got real work to do, right."

"Yeesss mom." the two drone as they turn and leave the tech's office with a wave to the girl.