Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. The Harry Potter universe and characters belongs to J.K. Rowling, unfortunately not me.

Warnings: This will contain potentially distressing themes including PTSD, alcoholism, and suicide ideation. Slash and smut in future chapters.

A/N: This story is loosely based on past experiences. It is intentionally written from Draco's POV as someone's observations of another's mental illness. PTSD and other mental illnesses are different for everyone so this is just my take on how the war could have affect Harry. It is not written to offend anyone. The first five-ish chapters are written but after that I haven't fully planned it out. Let me know what you think!

Chapter 1

Draco Malfoy stood leaning against the wall in the fairly packed 8th Year Common Room, sipping his glass of Ogden's Old. It was Halloween night, and the students now known as the 8th Years were holding yet another "bonding" party. After the war ended, those in Draco's year who had returned to Hogwarts to finish their education were all housed together. They were encouraged to make amends with old rivals and set an example of interhouse cooperation for the younger students. Initially Draco had scoffed at McGonagall's urging, especially once he realized he was the only Slytherin from his year returning. He didn't think there was any way that any of his fellow students would ever forgive him and be able to move on. Draco had been pleasantly surprised to be instantly forgiven when, after he spent the first week of the term avoiding contact with anyone and everyone, he decided to personally apologize to many of the others for his past behavior. As it turned out, everyone was eager to have a year of peace after all of the fighting many of them had been a part of during the war. It had been quite a big adjustment for Draco to suddenly be friends with those he had tormented for the past several years, but he found that he much preferred it.

"Knut for your thoughts," came a voice very near Draco's left ear. He jumped slightly and turned to see who had joined him. He was surprised to see none other than Harry Potter standing next to him. Out of all of the Gryffindors that had returned, Potter was the one with whom he had the least contact. He was actually fairly close to some of his old housemates, Granger and Longbottom in particular, but Potter wasn't around a whole lot these days. If the rumors were to be believed, it was because he was often off shagging anyone who showed interest, male or female. As a general rule, Draco tried not to believe the gossip, but in this case, he shared a dorm with the man in question and knew there was at least some truth to the stories. Draco found this approach to coping with the horrors the other man had been through a bit reprehensible but who was he to judge?

"Just contemplating how much longer I can stomach watching Weasley try and snog Granger's face off," Draco responded drily.

Potter threw his head back and let out a deep, genuine laugh. "I know the feeling. Try being their best mate. Although, do you know what I've found helps?" he asked with a gleam in his eye.

"What?"

"Finding someone to snog as a distraction," Potter all but purred, trailing his index finger down the center of Draco's chest suggestively.

Draco managed to control his body's inclination to react to the other man's touch. He could admit that Potter was an attractive man and Draco had known that he himself was gay since the age of 13, but that did not mean he had any interest in becoming yet another notch in Potter's already quite impressive bedpost. "Very funny, Potter," he answered with an eye roll.

Potter chuckled but took a step back, taking the hint that Draco wasn't interested. Draco expected him to move on to someone else in hopes of finding someone to shag, but instead he offered to grab Draco a refill and then started a conversation about Quidditch. Twenty minutes later, Draco was surprised to realize he actually enjoyed talking with Potter. It was the longest conversation he had ever had with the other man and found, when he wasn't being obnoxious to get into someone's pants, he was actually fairly interesting. Before he knew it, he had consumed another glass of firewhisky, and he was on his way to being utterly pissed.

"Let me go fetch you another refill, mate," Potter offered with a wide smile.

Draco returned the smile and surveyed the party. At this point in the night, most everyone was drunk and many of them were paired off and snogging someone. "You two seem to be getting on well," Hermione commented as she approached.

"Finally decided to come up for air, did you?" Draco retorted with a smirk.

Hermione giggled, obviously quite drunk herself. "Oh, hush. We've been building up to this our entire Hogwarts careers. We deserve some time to just enjoy each other."

"Fair enough. I would just prefer not to witness it," Draco teased.

Hermione smiled. "Point taken, but back to you. You and Harry seem to be getting on," she repeated.

Draco shrugged in response. "Yeah, I guess we are. This is the longest conversation we've ever had. I guess he's not so bad when he finds the time to have a conversation as opposed to hitting on everything with a pulse," he observed.

"Do I sense a little jealousy in those words?" she asked with a playful smirk.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. You have clearly had a little too much to drink."

"You are probably right. Mostly wishful thinking, I guess. I'd like to see Harry slow down a bit, maybe find himself a steady partner. Who better to tame Harry Potter than Draco Malfoy himself?" Hermione mused, almost to herself.

Draco was saved from answering when Potter returned with his refill. "Here you go, Draco. Hey, Hermione," he greeted.

Hermione returned the greeting before bidding both of them goodnight. Draco considered following suit until Potter engaged him once again in conversation. This time by asking Draco how his latest potions experiment was going. One thing led to another until it was nearly three in the morning, and they were the only two left in the common room. Draco was enjoying the conversation but couldn't stifle a yawn. "It's probably about time we head to bed, don't you think?" he suggested somewhat reluctantly.

"One more drink," Potter countered.

Draco hesitated. He really was quite knackered, but Potter was looking at him with such a hopeful expression he couldn't say no. He blamed the copious amounts of firewhisky he had already consumed. "Alright, fine. One more drink," he acquiesced.

Potter shot him a dazzling smile and squeezed his leg briefly, just above his knee. Draco attempted to ignore the tingling in his thigh left by Potter's touch. "Here you are," Potter announced, handing Draco another drink, his fingers briefly brushing against Draco's. Draco immediately took a large sip of the drink in an attempt to hide the fact that he had almost dropped his drink after the contact.

Draco became acutely aware of how close Potter was sitting to him. He could have sworn that he wasn't sitting that close before he got up to get the refills. "So, Draco, rumor has it you're as bent as I am. When did you know?" Potter inquired, leaning almost imperceptibly closer.

"Rumor has it that you're not all that bent," Draco joked.

Potter gave him a small smile. "Touché. I prefer blokes, but I can definitely appreciate the female form as well. But seriously, how'd you know?"

"It was 3rd Year. Pansy obviously fancied me and finally convinced me to take her on a proper date. I didn't want to go, but I thought maybe it was just because it was Pansy. I took her out in Hogsmeade and accidentally dropped my napkin. There was this really fit waiter walking by who stopped to pick it up for me as I also bent to pick it up. His perfect arse was just inches from my face, and I just knew. I had never felt anything remotely stirring while looking at Pansy's tits, but that bloke's arse was another story," Draco confessed, a dreamy look on his face at the memory.

Potter shook his head, clearly amused. "You wanna know how I knew that I liked blokes?" he asked. Draco nodded. "It was you," Potter said matter-of-factly, intense, green eyes meeting Draco's levelly.

Draco choked on his sip of firewhisky. "What?!"

Potter smirked, clearly proud of the reaction he had elicited. "It was you. It was during 6th Year when I was following you everywhere. You were in the Prefect's bathroom, getting ready to take a bath. I had to make sure you weren't up to anything other than bathing, of course. You took off your robes and then your shirt, and I found I couldn't look away. I wanted to, I really did, but I couldn't bring myself to. I did end up coming to my senses before you were completely naked, but that moment stuck in my head for a long time."

Draco gaped at the raven haired man in front of him, completely at a loss for words. Even if he had come up with something to say, he wouldn't have been able to get the words out as Potter's mouth covered his. Alarm bells were ringing in Draco's head, reminding him that he didn't think this was a great idea, but he couldn't help himself. Between the good conversation, the surprising revelation from Potter, and the copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed, Draco's resolve was completely gone. Draco returned the kiss enthusiastically pushing Potter onto his back and settling himself on top. Potter moaned under him, opening his mouth for Draco's tongue to explore. Their tongues battled for dominance as Potter slid his hands down Draco's back to his arse, kneading gently. It was Draco's turn to moan as the motion pulled his burgeoning erection down onto Potter's.

The pair remained in their passionate embrace for several minutes. They broke apart briefly for air, and just as Draco was about to re-initiate the kiss, there were footsteps on the stairs. Draco pushed himself off of Potter and to the other side of the couch as quickly as possible, scolding himself for getting so caught up. Hermione appeared at the bottom of the stairs a moment later. "Oh, hello," she said, clearly surprised to see them still up.

Draco mumbled a greeting. "Well, Potter, it's been fun, but it's about time for me to turn in for the night. Good night," he excused himself with a nod at Hermione and Potter, making sure not to make eye contact with either. What had he been thinking, snogging Potter like that? Potter was an obnoxious wanker, and Draco could clearly do better. He would simply chalk this up to being pissed and make sure it didn't ever happen again, even if he had enjoyed the kiss immensely.