"You can only be jealous of someone who has something you think you ought to have yourself."
~Margaret Atwood
He wasn't really jealous. It was concern rather. Concern that made him clench his fists every time he heard that name. Concern that made his lips wither inwards when she pulled away from him.
Humaira, or Rajni as she called herself now, stood leaning away from him, rubbing her palms against the red sari she wore, like touching him was a bad thing. It hadn't even been intentional, she'd run into him and he hadn't really been paying attention.
Ayaan would have liked to admit that he'd been distracted by work or something else but that would have been a lie. He'd actually been distracted by the very person who had graced his arms just moments ago.
He still had a hard time wrapping his mind around the fact that the person in front of him while still being Humaira wasn't really the Humaira he'd grown up with. The sari's she'd taken to wearing as Rajni, made her appear more like a woman rather than the girl she'd always been to him. She'd still retained the simplicity that had always been a part of Humaira. He had been watching her descend the stairs, entertaining the temptation to release her hair from the confines of the braid that she wore, when she'd crashed into him. He missed seeing her hair down, framing her face in a carefree manner.
Another thing he missed about her was the manner she'd sneak glances at him from the corners of their home, smiling shyly at him, her eyes unable to hide her affection even when averted. He still half expected to catch her in some corner staring at him, her smile looking at him expectantly. He'd never been able to return the affection that she'd had for him, something he'd come to regret greatly. He might have not been able to love Humaira but she didn't deserve the brunt of his anger and frustration. She'd never really asked anything of him.
"I'm sorry, Ayaanji." Her voice broke into his thoughts.
He brushed her apology away like always. It made him uncomfortable. "Actually I was just coming to see you."
Her expression quickly changed, hope lighting her eyes, and Ayaan knew what she was going to ask even before she voiced.
"Nikhat needed some help from you. She wanted to pick out some jewelry and wanted your opinion. I unfortunately am of no help at all." His words rushed out before Humaira said anything.
He saw her face fall slightly, but she still managed a smile. He knew she wanted to hear about Vikram but he really didn't have any information to give her. Truth be told he hadn't really followed up on looking for Vikram Shukla. He still hoped that one day he'd wake up and he'd have his Humaira back. Humaira, who smiled for him and not at the mention of Vikram Shukla's name.
He returned her smile awkwardly as she nodded in acknowledgement and left to find Nikhat.
He sighed. He really wasn't jealous.