If I May Cease to Be
Could be looked at as a retelling of "The Way Through the Woods," but can very well stand on its own. Title inspired by John Keats.
Shock. Shock was what he felt, and shock could eat up a couple seconds and make them into an eternity. Morse blinked, shook himself out of it. Lewis was panting, bent over and leaning against a tree. Morse felt himself move by instinct alone. He caught Lewis under the shoulder before the younger man collapsed to the ground and threw his arm around his shoulder. Lewis was like a scarecrow; no bones and all legs, but Morse could handle his weight just fine.
"Come on, Lewis," he said, trying very hard to ignore the blood on Lewis' shirt. It wasn't his, he thought. It couldn't be his, because Lewis was in shock, not pale from blood loss. He shouldered Lewis back the way he came, crunching down the deep brush with steady purpose. Lewis was walking now, but leaning heavily on Morse, free hand swinging listlessly out to catch against branches and tree trunks, as if assure himself that he was still real.
Morse set Lewis down heavily on a fallen log. The younger man swayed, but seemed able to remain upright. Morse fought to get out of his jacket; he noticed the young man shivering. "Here." He put his jacket over Lewis' shoulders, watching his sergeant curl beneath the fabric. Morse had a bigger suit size, but given the height difference, Lewis would still struggle to keep it on. "Keep that on you," Morse directed with all the authority he could manage; he was still reeling himself, but he knew it was his duty to be strong.
He stalked back to the jag and radioed through to the station about what had happened, then returned to Lewis to wait, finally sitting himself to reduce the shaking in his limbs. Lewis tipped sideways, his head resting on Morse's shoulder. As a comfort, both for himself and Lewis, Morse wrapped an arm around his sergeant's shoulders.
"I almost thought…Val and the kids…" Lewis stammered, voice broken.
"Shh," Morse said, meaning for it to come out with its usual grounding harshness but instead only sounding soft and warm. "Don't think about that. It's all right."
"I was afraid…ye wouldn't come, Sir." Lewis admitted, trembling under Morse's fingers.
"Well, why did you tell everyone at the station you were going home, Lewis?" Morse said harshly, but it was more to tease than anything; they'd fought enough during this case, pride and bureaucracy and plain old misunderstanding throwing a wrench in their finely-tuned machine.
Lewis smiled, catching on that it was a joke. "Didn't want to be written up for insubordination to Johnson."
"Glad you had the sense to tell that other constable, or maybe I wouldn't…" Morse shook his head. "But there's no use thinking about that now. You and I are both safe; that's what matters."
"Good to know you break your own rules, too, sir," Lewis mumbled, smiling. Morse chuckled.
They sat in silence for a while, listening for approaching police sirens.
"I'm sorry for shouting, sir."
Morse shook his head. "Don't apologize, Lewis. You had every right to be angry at me. I was out of bounds."
"But you were right. I should've listened to you."
"So…you're not transferring?"
Lewis shook his head slowly against Morse's shoulder. "Nope."
"You know, Lewis," Morse began, his throat clenching up a bit, "you will rise through the ranks. You are a great detective. I shouldn't have said…"
"It's all right, Sir. We were both…"
"No, Lewis, it was wrong of me to say." Morse turned his head to look at him. "I don't apologize often, Robbie. Let me say my peace."
Lewis tilted his head up. "Go on, then," he smiled smugly, "tell me about how great I am."
Morse snorted. "Don't push it."
"Aye."
Morse thought. There were so many things he wanted to say, but pride and a sense of inner snob wouldn't let him. He wished he wasn't like that, not towards Lewis, anyway, but there it was.
"You are by far the most talented sergeant I have ever worked with," Morse said quietly to the earth, unsure if Robbie, head heavy on his shoulder, had heard. "I trust your intuition, and that's rare for me." He tilted his head back, interrupted by the sound of cars coming down the drive. He stood up, and Robbie moved to stand with him, but Morse prevented it. "Stay there a minute. I'll talk to them."
Robbie smiled and pulled his guv's jacket tighter around his shoulders.