Categories: Daniel/Janet, Jack/Daniel friendship, angst

Season/Spoilers: set season 8; spoilers for Stargate: Atlantis episode "Rising," "Heroes," "New Order," Stargate: The Movie

Summary: Why did Daniel want to go on the Atlantis mission, and why didn't Jack let him?

Author's Notes: I wrote this right after I saw "Rising" for the first time, and I figure it is (probably?) the first Daniel/Janet Atlantis fic. This was almost just a drabble, but I decided to turn it into a vignette; it's still pretty darn short, though. It also marks the end of my dead!Janet fics. No more! Only fix-its and denial from here on out!

General Jack O'Neill scanned the skeleton crew in the control room. It was nearly midnight, and no teams were off-world, so only two technicians stood watch. Jack walked to the window and looked down into the gate room.

"How long's he been down there?" he asked one of the sergeants.

"A couple of hours, sir."

Jack nodded and left the room, descending the stairs into the gate room. A lone figure stood at the base of the ramp, staring at the dormant stargate. "If you think this is cool, you should see it when it starts spinning around and this blue stuff kind of whooshes out of it."

Daniel Jackson started at his friend's words. "Oh, hi, Jack. I, uh, didn't hear you come in."

"Whatcha doing?" Daniel didn't answer, and Jack decided to try a different approach. "You realize it's late, don't you? And you're scaring the night crew. Go to bed, Daniel."

"What do you suppose they found when they got there?" Daniel asked meditatively. "Do you think they found Atlantis?"

"I certainly hope so. If not, we just spent a whole lot of time and money, not to mention our one and only zed-thingy, on nothing."

"Not nothing," Daniel said with conviction. "I know they found something. I just—I wish I could have been a part of it."

"We need you here, Daniel," Jack answered without hesitation.

"But this wasn't just some routine mission, Jack," the younger man protested. "The Lost City of the Ancients, Atlantis—it's practically what I've been working toward my whole life." He paused and looked down at the floor. "Besides, what do I have for me here anyway?"

"Your team; your friends. We've worked too hard to get you back to just go throwing you out to some other galaxy on a suicide mission."

Daniel sighed with frustration. "I don't think it's a suicide mission. I mean, even if they can't make it back, just think of all they can learn. And who knows, maybe they'll find plenty of power sources to dial home again. We can hardly imagine what they'll encounter there."

Jack studied his friend's profile for a long moment. "Maybe I misjudged your motivations," he conceded. "But can you tell me truthfully that you wanting to go on this mission has nothing to do with Janet's death?"

Daniel's head snapped around to face Jack, his face momentarily stricken with pain. "What do you mean?" he whispered.

"Look," said Jack, "all I'm saying is I know how when you lose someone, sometimes you just want to get as far away from the pain as possible. You know why I went on the original Abydos mission in the first place. If that's your motivation, it's not a good one."

Daniel didn't say anything but nodded faintly. Finally, he answered slowly: "I really don't know, Jack. I am genuinely excited about the possibility of finding Atlantis. I think my motivations are pure, but at the same time," he paused, "the thought of going away is not exactly unappealing." He pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

"If Janet were still alive, would you still want to go?"

This time, Daniel did not hesitate. "Not for all the lost cities in the universe."

Jack put his hand on his friend's shoulder and sighed. He opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again.

Daniel swallowed hard. "Yeah, well, the question is really moot anyway. The Atlantis team is long gone, and—and Janet's—" He took a deep, shaky breath. "It's getting late. I should probably go to bed."

Jack nodded, not wanting to push too far and allowing Daniel to end the conversation. "Good idea," he conceded. "SG-1 has that mission tomorrow, and Carter and Teal'c need you awake and alert."

Daniel gave the gate one last look before turning and leaving the room.

"'Night, Daniel," said Jack under his breath.

The End