Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood does not belong to me. All characters and references to the show belong to the immortal Hiromu Arakawa (I've probably spelled that wrong)
Just a little word before you start: I...I have no excuse for this. It was in my head, I wrote it, don't judge me too hard ;)
Envy's Prank
Ed moaned as Envy slammed his small body against the brick wall. His cool hands were up his shirt and trailing across his hot skin, and his delicious tongue in his mouth and intertwining with Eds. The alchemist tangled his fingers into long dark hair, pulling harshly as their tongues fought and grinding his erection against Envy's.
How the hell did this happen? Ed absently wondered as he and Envy moaned simultaneously, their kisses becoming harsher and their hands pulling at each-others clothes, one minute we're fighting in the alley of the warehouse district, and the next...
"Ha-ah!" Ed broke the kiss and cried out as Envy's wandering hand slipped into his open zipper and into his black boxers. His hand stroked his rock hard cock as his lips nipped and sucked on the supple skin of Ed's neck. The blonde moaned helplessly as he rocked his hips hard into Envy's hand.
"E-Envy..." Ed felt the homunculus's lips smirk against his neck as he shamelessly moaned his name. Suddenly he was looking into lustful violet eyes, and Ed blushed as he realised Envy was standing before him, completely naked except for his skort and exposing his pale, delctable skin and smooth, taut muscles. Ed shuddered as Envy squeezed his cock.
"Oh fuck!" squeezing his eyes shut Ed threw his head back into the wall, trembling against the hard brick and moaning softly as Envy trailed his fingers down his cock and fingered the slit. So...so good...
"Mmmn~" Envy chuckled as his soft tongue licked a trail up the alchemist's neck "You like this-" he gave another squeeze and Ed moaned again "-Pipsqueak?"
"D-don't call me-AH! YES!" Ed nearly screamed as Envy other hand yanked down his pants, slipped into his boxers and played with his balls. Ed's moans became louder, a thin sweat breaking out over his forehead as he fought to control himself. Damn it, he was close...he was so fucking close...
Envy chuckled into his neck again as Ed gripped his bare shoulders with all his strength, fighting to stay upright as his legs became weak "Good...I'm glad to hear that, Pipsqueak"
Suddenly the glorious hands vanished and Ed moaned in protest, so close to his release only to be denied. Then he saw the way Envy was looking at him, his eyes dark with lust and his pale tongue running over his lips. Ed shivered, his cock twitching in his pants. The homunculus looked ready to devour him...
Instead Envy just pulled Ed flush against him, making the alchemist gasp. His muscular arms wrapped around Ed's shoulders, and one toned leg went between the blondes and ground against his crotch hard. Fingers intertwined in Ed's braid, while others cupped his face, tilting it up and bringing his lips so close to Envy's that he could feel the homunculus' breath hitting his lips. It was hot, and heavy, and Ed shivered, his pleasure spiking with each movement of Envy's leg against his groin "Envy..."
"Ed..." the homunculus whispered, using the alchemists name for the first time and stealing a small kiss from his lips "I want you..." another kiss, deeper this time "To do something for me"
"W-what?" Ed panted, barely able to speak through the lust-filled fog in his mind.
Envy smirked, stealing another kiss "I want you..." he whispered against Ed's lips "To suck my dick"
This time when Envy kissed Ed, it was so hard and so hot that the boy moaned harder than he ever had in his life. Envy's lips moved with the ferocity of a starving man and his tongue drove deep into Ed's mouth, intertwining and sucking until Ed all but lost his mind. Making him putty in the homunculus' very capable hands.
So, when those two strong hands gently pushed down on his shoulders, Ed didn't resist. The alchemist dropped to his knees, his soft lips kissing Envy's toned stomach on the way down. He felt the homunculus shiver at the contact, and grinned against his skin.
"Go on, Ed~" Envy's voice was husky, rougher than usual, and Ed could see the strain of his desire through his skort. His rather..large, desire...Ed gulped. And Envy gripped his hair.
"Do it, Pipsqueak. Take my cock in your mouth and suck it like you know you want to!" Envy growled, his voice growing harsher as he tugged Ed's head towards his throbbing crotch. Ed grunted, but did as he was told, by now way too turned on to argue.
His hands slid up Envy's thighs.
His fingers slipped into Envy's waistband.
His face flushed, and Ed licked his dry lips in anticipation as he pulled the skort down, down to reveal a huge, throbbing-
Mustang.
...Huh?
Ed stopped up short, his face just an inch from Envy's crotch. For instead of his dick, hanging smack in the middle of the homunculus' legs was the bossy, smug face of Colonel Roy Mustang.
Ed couldn't move. His face was uttlerly white and completely dumbstruck "What the fuck...?"
"FULLMETAL!" the Mustang head suddenly screamed "WHERE'S YOUR PAPERWORK?!"
"WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Ed screamed to high heaven. The Horror! Oh God THE HORROR!
"HAHAHA!" Envy screamed with laughter as Ed shot to his feet with and with lightning speed "ENVY, WHAT THE FUCK?!" he screamed, the high pitched, terrified, scarred-for-life sound bouncing off the cold brick walls "THAT IS SO WRONG! WHAT THE HELL?! WHAT THE FUCK?! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"
Meanwhile a naked Envy was collapsing to his knee's on the alley floor and laughing so hard he thought he might die! His fist pounded on the ground, cackling as Edward-who still had his pants around his ankles-shuffled away as fast as he could. Oh, that had been funny! That had been too FUCKING funny!
"Oh my GOD!" Envy wailed, falling onto his back in the dirty alley and laughing so hard there were tears were forming in the corners of his evil eyes "That was so good! Oh my God, that one was good!"
He punched the air, both fists shooting out to the starry sky as he bellowed out for all to hear: "BEST. PRANK. EVER!"
Holy...crap...
WELL! If you made it to the end without getting bored or booking me a room in a mental health clinic, then please let me know what you thought! And yes, this is a one shot, I doubt I need to explain why. Until next time, my darlings!