The Wanderling Woods was as silent as always as Fitz stood before the tree of his father. Teal leaves drooped over the brown bark as though hunching over him. There was no one else by his side. He had to come alone to face Alden. He clenched his fists and bit his lip to keep from any tears escaping. He had worn a bright white tunic and grey pants to keep his mood light, so why did he feel even worse?
"How could you do this," he murmured despite no one being around to overhear, "leaving with Sophie and letting yourself be killed by guilt. Why did you have to keep it a secret? Why did you have to take her instead of mom or Biana or…or me?"
The tree gave no response. Fitz let out a hoarse breath and glared at the branches. He knew what he had been doing the past few weeks had been wrong. He should have never been so hard on his father or Sophie or the others…but he needed something to break.
What am I thinking?!
There it was. His conscience pounding against his brain. It had been there all this time, ever since Sophie had told him the truth.
She had nothing to do with Alden giving into guilt!
But she had to. She had been there. She had let him go too deep. She had been unable to save the day.
I would have done no better!
He grit his teeth and slammed his fist against the tree. "How could you take her to Exile without telling anyone?!" Again and again he punched the trunk. "We should have gone together! If you had just trusted us this never would have happened!" He was on his knees now, forehead laid on the bark.
How could I be so cruel to Sophie of all people?
He needed to be cruel to Sophie. If she had only come to him and asked him for help then Alden would still be alive. She knew something was wrong – she knew her mind was damaged, but she still went with him!
She wanted to keep him safe-
Fitz covered his ears and shook the voice away. "Shut up! Shut up! She let him die! She let his mind give into guilt!"
I look up to her so much.
"How can someone as powerful as her let my father of all people die?!"
I want to be like her.
"After everything we did for her!"
I want to keep her safe.
"How could I ever trust her?!"
She deserves so much better than me-?
Something moved out of the corner of his eye. Fitz glanced behind him and spotted a star-shaped leaf of light gold hue. It floated on a light breeze before landing near his feet. He gingerly picked it up and examined the points. He had seen such a leaf only one place before.
This belongs to her tree.
His anger was trying to keep his legs locked to the ground. Her tree would only make him rage and break something. Break a lot of things. Still he stood and walked down the silent path. In his hand the leaf clung to the creases of his palm. She may have ruined his life, but at least he would be doing something productive by investigating.
How big an idiot can I possibly be?!
His conscience was practically screaming in his ears. He winced at the volume.
Keefe told me she was coming back to fix Alden! He told me all the pain she was going through. Biana and I need to apologize soon, before-
He shook away the voice again and crunched the leaf between his fingers. "I need a break before I end up going insane."
Too late.
He stopped. Was his conscience trying to hold a conversation with him?
I should have just kept my mouth shut. Now Sophie has gone and nearly gotten herself killed by our enemies because of me.
He continued to walk as the voice boomed inside his skull.
Keefe was so mad and he deserved to be. I should have never turned Biana against Sophie.
He began to jog.
Sophie needed me and I failed her. I failed everyone.
He began running.
If anything deserves to be broken-
He froze. He had arrived at her tree. It was the scrawniest tree in the woods with thin bark and a strange blend of brown pods and yellow leaves in the shapes of stars. The branches swayed as a cool wind swept through.
Then there was the body.
Her blonde hair was strewn around her head like a halo. A long white dress hugged her body and curled over her knees. Her eyes were shut and her skin was glistening with dew. Fitz let the leaf drop from his hand as his eyes widened in horror.
"…Sophie?"
He instinctively raced to her side and fell to his knees again. He gently held her in his shaky arms and gave her a light nudge. "Why are you falling asleep here of all places?" When she gave no response he nudged her again. "You have to get up and fix this. This is…all your…fault…," his voice was failing him. Slowly he placed his ear against her chest. "How deep a sleep have you gotten yourself into-!?"
No heartbeat.
No response.
He almost dropped her as he whipped his head back up and studied her expressionless face. She felt lighter than ever. Lighter than when he had brought her back after fading. "Sophie. Sophie! Sophie!" His anger was dwindling away as fear took its place. "Wake up. Wake up! Who said you could go and…and…hey," he shook her by her shoulders, "wake up and speak to me! You need to wake up and fix this! Sophie!"
Nothing. Her eyes remained closed. Her body remained motionless. Fitz was beginning to find breathing hard. His palms had never been so sweaty. "What happened to you…where were you all this time…Keefe said you were fine…"
This happened because I was the biggest jerk in Elven history.
Time was slowing down around him. Even the light wind had vanished. He laid her body back on the grass. No tears flowed. He was too stunned.
I did this.
Someone gasped behind him. "Sophie?" Fitz turned to find Biana standing a few feet away. She had her favourite blue dress and heels on and a butterfly clip in her hair. Her hands were over her mouth in terror as she stared at him and Sophie. "Fitz?"
He tried in vain to shield Sophie from her vision. His voice crawled out of his throat. "We need to call Elwin. He can save her. He has to save her."
"What have we done?" Her shoulders were shaking and her eyes were brimming with tears. "I should have…we should have…" Her hands lowered to hug her arms as she locked eyes with him. "This is all our fault."
"We need to get Elwin here-"
"No one can save you when guilt breaks your mind!"
Her scream gave his gut a near physical punch. He tried standing to face her. "Sophie needs our help-"
"Why do you care?! You keep yelling at her! You keep telling me to ignore her! I keep letting it happen!" Tears were pouring down her rosy cheeks. "We killed her because we let her think we blame her! I never blamed her! I just missed him! Sophie is dead because of us!"
SNAP.
Fitz actually heard her heart break. Her eyes went lifeless. Her clip fell to the ground. Her arms went limp. She stood like a statue in the middle of the path. Then the ground beneath her heels began to tremble. Indigo roots began growing out around her feet and creeping up her legs. She was slowly being enveloped by purple bark.
"Biana?!"
In seconds her entire body had vanished inside the bark. As it twisted around above her head, the bark grew out into branches. Diamond-shaped leaves of baby blue sprouted like flowers. Fitz had never seen such beautiful leaves. It terrified him. The tree grew twice as large as Biana. Three times as large. Four times as large. He jumped to his feet, leaving Sophie behind as he ran over to the bark and began banging on the trunk. "Biana! Get out of there! I am not going to lose you and Sophie! Biana!"
There was no response. He ran around to the other side but there was no opening. Biana had her own tree in Wanderling Woods.
I did this.
He stumbled back to Sophie and carried her bridal style. All he had to do with get to Elwin and everything could be fixed. He would come back for Biana. He had just stood back up, however, when another gathering of roots burst from the ground a few feet away from him. Soon another tree had formed in the woods, this one with chocolate coloured bark and heart-shaped leaves that were a translucent pink. His body went cold.
"…Mom?"
The tree could belong to no one but his mother. He could hear her voice riding in on the wind. "I should have never let Sophie…let Biana…this is all my fault!"
I did this.
Della and Biana had fallen to guilt as quickly as Sophie. Fitz backed away from the three trees and ran off. His destination was the entrance to Wanderling Woods. His plan was weak. All his faith was in Elwin.
Like it should have been weeks ago. They all tried their best.
More roots broke out of the ground. He skid to a halt as a green tree blocked his path. Every leaf was a different shape and colour, and as Fitz looked closer, he realized that each resembled the leaves of other trees: Biana, Sophie, Dex, Della, and Alden.
"Keefe!"
Another voice drifted past him. "All I had to do was keep them safe. Instead I let everyone I ever cared for fall apart…"
I did this.
Fitz ran past the tree. It was almost impossible with the way his legs were shaking.
Guilt tears us apart.
Sophie was growing heavier in his arms.
Each a domino waiting to topple over.
Tree after tree burst forth on either side of him.
And I was the instigator.
He tripped over the roots of a tree reminiscent of Elwin and toppled to the ground. Sophie hit the grass in front of him. He got to her feet and looked around with panting breaths. They were now completely surrounded by trees. "Please," he yelled, "somebody help us! I need to get to Elwin," he glanced back at the tree of the doctor, "or someone who can help!"
No one will come for me and I deserve it.
One final set of roots broke through the soil and wrapped around his legs. He tried ripping it off but it only tightened. He fell onto his back as the roots crept over his waist and arms. Soon he was unable to move. "Help me," he cried out as all the trees loomed over him like a cage, "please help me!"
I did this. I did this. I did this. I did this. I did this.
He was pulled into a standing position as bark covered his feet and thighs. It was spreading over him, faster and faster, just below his chest in seconds. A loose root slapped over his mouth to keep him from speaking. He could barely shake his body, let alone break free.
I could break it. I love breaking things. I…I…no! I hate breaking things! I hate hurting others! I want to fix this! I need my family back! I need my friends back!
Bark crawled over his eyes and shut the world out.
I need Sophie back!
"FITZ!"
He bolted up and reached for the roots, only to find his body free of any. In fact, his clothes were different. He was also no longer standing amidst the trees of Wanderling Woods. He was back in his bedroom in Everglen, wearing his pajamas and snuggling up with Mr. Snuggles as the sun poured through the window. Biana stood by his door in a dark green dress. He pulled the blanket over the dragon as she sighed. "I called you five times already."
He could have jumped up and kissed her on the cheek. "Biana! You aren't a tree!"
"…What?"
He slipped out of bed and grinned. "It was all a dream! You and mom and Keefe are fine, and Sophie never died of guilt…" His grin faded as he took in the look of shock and regret on her face. "…Sorry. Nightmare."
She shuffled over to him and put a hand on his arm. "You too?" She gave him a glance before her eyes fell to her feet. "I keep imagining dad yelling at me. He keeps telling me to never talk to him again. He keeps blaming me for making Sophie cry…" She took a deep breath and pushed her hair from her face. "Everyone will be here soon. Get changed."
Fitz watched her return to the bedroom door. She stopped with her hand on the doorknob and let herself give him one last look. "Can we fix this?"
He gulped aloud and thought about his dream. Then his thoughts lingered to what was about to happen. Alden could very well wake up today…or he could continue to lie in bed…forever…all of this was on Sophie now. He had pushed her to such extremes…
"Of course we can fix this."
Biana did not smile, instead giving him a sharp nod. "We have to fix this. No matter what Sophie does today, we need to be there for her. No more ignoring her."
Fitz gulped again. "No more breaking stuff."
Biana gazed at the many broken shelves, books and shirts in the corner of his room. She finally gave him a small smile. "Good idea." She closed the door behind her and left Fitz alone to get changed. He turned to the window and gazed outside. A lone moonlark flew over the field and up through the sunlight.
Sophie…how can I ever apologize to her? I said so many things. I made her cry so many times. Keefe should have done far more than yell at me. He should have given me a good punch or two. Maybe that would have woken me up.
He noted a warmth slowly making its way through his veins.
I can fix this, Sophie. I promise you, even if you can no longer hear me, I can fix this. No more breaking.
Starting today our bond will only grow.
END
I LOVE the "Keeper of the Lost Cities" series, and Messenger is a wonderful author with a vivid imagination. I find myself re-reading books from the series every so often because of how amazing the characters and story are. When it came to "Exile", however, made me CRY. How could Fitz say all those things and get away with it with a simple "sorry"?! It hurt me to keep reading. Writing out this scenario really helped me work through the pain, pain I have never felt when reading any other series (thank you Messenger -_-).
I understand now. Fitz had to let out his grief in the form of anger. That is his character. It still hurts, but he really is growing and making up for what he did. I simply wrote this because I feel that it would be realistic for him to be dealing with his emotions in his dreams. Don't we all, Elf and human?