Autor: Scar

Beta reader: Hannival Kinney

Genre: romance, introspective

Rating: K

Summary: Set after Monday's First look (07. 16. 12)

Brendan is broken and there's only one boy who can fix him.

I hope you like it. feedback is appreciated.

Enjoy!

More than a hug

xHOx

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The flat is dark and quiet tonight. Not that you really wanted this, but sometimes staying on your own can be a real cure.

Amy has gone to her father's, taking the kids with her; Doug seems all taken by the crusade "Let's cheer Texas Longford up."

You don't know why you did it. You don't know why you couldn't let Doug know that this night could have been entirely yours, the whole flat at your disposal. Certainly Doug would have agreed to stay with you, because you haven't had much time for yourselves lately, or it would have been him asking you to come over at his place, maybe convincing you to adhere to the same crusade.

No. It's better this way.

You don't know why you wanted this, but sometimes staying alone can be rejuvenating for your mind, even if solitude makes you think, and think again, until you feel much more tired and drained than before.

At the end you are so tired of wandering around your home, changing channels on your TV, that you decide to go to bed earlier than usual. It's been ages since you went to bed before ten.

No sex, no rubber ducks in the bath before dinner, no dragon or gorilla to make your kids laugh. Just you, your pillow and a long night of absolute rest ahead.

Easier said than done.

You turn over, shake the pillow up, roll over again, but sleep doesn't come.

Maybe you feel bit guilty for having wanted a night for yourself, maybe you are so used to have so many people around you that you have forgotten what it means to be really alone.

At one point your eyes seem to succumb and you slowly slip into a pleasant doze, happy to know that in a few seconds you will finally snore freely.

Suddenly you hear the front door opening and then the footsteps of someone in the living-room, who seems to be trying to make as less noise as possible, and failing. The visitor touches something in the dark, perhaps the vase on the coffee table, and drops it. The crash of glass confirms this.

You grab the first things within your reach: a shoe and a water bottle.

You peer from the room very slowly and notice a shadow. It seems disoriented, as if still deciding what to steal, or better yet, if there's something worth stealing in your home.

"Stop right where you are!" you intimate, trying to sound threatening, even if you are shaking. "Whoever you are."

"Stephen."

All the words of this world wouldn't be enough to describe the thousands sensations you're feeling in this moment. First of all, anger.

You turn on the light and, for long seconds, you two look at each other without saying a word. You can hear your own voice screaming inside you all the curses you know and you know well you could hit all of Brendan's nerves if you wanted to. But you don't. You just can't.

"I-" you hear him starting.

You can hear his heavy breathing as well, and, for a crazy moment, even his heart beating furiously. You're upset, because since you've known him you've never seen him this way. Not with that bloodshot eyes, hair and clothes disheveled. He looks like he's aged ten years, but paradoxically you have never seen him so young and fragile.

Your heart misses a beat.

Only after an eternity you realize that your shoe and the water bottle are still in your hands.

You put them down somewhere and you get close to him.

He lowers his gaze to yours, that is cautious and thoughtful instead. You might ask him why is he here, in the middle of the night, or why has he had the nerve to get in your flat, in the middle of the night, but you don't, because you already know the answer.

"Brendan" you tell him, and your voice sounds like it's coming out straight of a cartoon.

You don't say more, because you know what he's feeling in this moment, even if he looks worse than you ever imagined.

Taking his chin in your fingers and looking into his eyes, tired and bloodshot, seem to you the most logical things to do. And when he scoops you in his arms, holding you tight, leaving you breathless, you can only hold him back. Just like that.

And then, suddenly, you hear his sobs, his tears soaking the collar of your shirt. You accept his desperate moans as if you were waiting for this for a couple of weeks now.

"I've fucked everything up, Stephen. Everything. I'm a fuck up. I'm lost."

"Shush" you whisper, while you're stroking his head.

"I lost everything," he keeps saying in tears. "My family, Lynsey, my kids, you ... and now Cheryl."

Suddenly he straightens up and looks at you in amazement. The words came out of your mouth without you even noticing.

You didn't lose me - you said, and now you can't go back because it's the truth. "And you didn't lose your family as well. They love you. Trust me."

"Do you still care about me?" he asks, frowning.

"Yeah" you answer in a whisper. "And don't pretend not to know it. You wouldn't be here otherwise."

A little bit of cockiness. Just a little.

"I don't deserve it" he tells you, and at the same time you feel his fingers stroking your face, hesitating around your lips.

You know it's time to send him away, because you feel like you're seeing a movie, old and revised. He's playing the same old games to get into your pants once again. But it doesn't happen. His fingers are gentle and his eyes seem to look at you like they have never done before. Adoring.

"I should have stopped that day of a year ago and got on that plane to Florida with you. Maybe things would have gone differently."

You nod. "Maybe."

"I missed you so much. I miss ye."

His lips touch yours and you just let him do it. But it's not like the other times, when he overwhelmed you with his passion. Brendan breaks the kiss almost immediately, lowers his hands, and this distance already seems like something wrong to you, incomplete.

"I'm here to say goodbye, Stephen," he says lugubriously. "I'm going to sell the club, this flat, to start over somewhere else. I just have to convince my sister to leave with me."

You feel a tight lump in your throat that stops your breathing. You'd have never thought that hearing these words, now of all times, could hurt so much, much more than anything he has ever done to you.

"Are ya gonna leave forever?"

"I did some terrible things," he resumed with a sad look, with no effort to hide it. "My sister hates me. I... I killed another man, Stephen, and Lynsey has paid for it. Cheryl is in danger, too. It was all my fault".

The pain inside of you becomes bigger and bigger. You close your eyes for a moment, then look into his again, but not like you might look at a murderer. You put your hands behind his neck and your breath caresses his face.

"Brendan" you say in a choked voice. Then you hug him because that's the only thing you can do for him, the only one you can do for yourself.

"You can stay with me, tonight... if you want" you say, and the thought of Doug doesn't touch your mind, not even a second.

"No," he replies, surprising you. "I can't... I should..."

"Stay" you tell him, simply.

And then finally a kiss that makes your toes curl.

You're not going to stop, this time.