Disclaimer: Not mine :)

Sometimes Bella thought she was a master of deceit. Her friends accused her of having a face like an open book, but she didn't see how that could be true. Not with her secrets. If they knew her innermost thoughts, Bella wouldn't have any friends.

The beach was quiet that Thursday afternoon, as it was most days. The damp press of the forest and the bitter spray of the Pacific Ocean didn't really make for the typical family outing destination. Occasionally a few die-hard nature enthusiasts would make the long trek down from the cliffs to attempt some whale spotting, but generally, Bella and her pack were alone.

Right then, the boys were leaping around like kids under the thin disguise of a football game. As they were yelling about touchdowns, or home runs, or whatever, Bella was idly flicking through a battered copy of Lady Chatterly's Lover and contemplating dinner.

Her Dad was on the late shift that night, which meant she was staying at Jacob's. After all, Forks was a hotspot for crime and violence, and no place was more dangerous than the Chief of Police's own home. Danger lurked around every corner. Luckily, Bella had sanctuary in the form of La Push, and the pack houses. Staying at Jacob's meant cooking at Jacob's. Or Sam's. Or Jared's. Or Paul's. Not that she minded; Bella couldn't imagine how tiring it was cooking for upwards of four werewolves three meals a day, and Emily, Kim and Rachael had never once complained, as far as she knew. Bella was glad to ease the pressure once in a while.

But sometimes, Bella wanted to scream that she wasn't an imprint! No matter how much Jacob wanted her to be one, she would never be a part of the pack like that. Sometimes, Bella let herself think that if she spent some time away, she might find somebody that she could want like Emily wanted Sam. But only sometimes.

"Bella!"

Bella looked up at her name to see a very sandy Quil bounding towards her like an enthusiastic puppy – a common metal comparison of hers.

"Quil? Quil-" Bella's words were cut off as she found herself thrown over a wide shoulder.

"Quil Lahote! You put me down right now!"

As usual, Bella found her scolding words ignored as she was hauled up the beach in her new role as 'the ball.'

"Lahote, if you want to be on cub-sitting duty for the next month, carry on doing what you're doing!" Hollered Jake from further down the beach.

"Only if you can retrieve the ball!" Quil screamed back. "Now you just hold tight," He stage whispered to Bella, who was having a predictably bumpy ride. "If I can hang on to you for five minutes, I get the rabbit for my hot date on Saturday."

"Why on earth would I cooperate with you right now, Quil dearest?" Bella enquired testily. "Give me one good reason."

"Easy." Quil's voice was full of confidence. "'Cause it'll piss Jake off enough to make him phase tonight. He'll be out all night."

Bella didn't even have the shame to feel guilty about Quil's perceptive statement. She frowned down at the expanse of bronze skin covering his back, and thought of a quiet evening alone.

"Deal," She muttered.

All through dinner, Bella could tell that Quil's prediction was going to come through.

The nuclear reactor that was Jacob Black was about to go Chernobyl on some unlucky bastard's ass unless he got out of the house - and fast. The boys could see it too, and were being surprisingly accommodating, considering their goading behaviour at the beach earlier.

"Whoa Quil! What's your hand doing?"

"Jesus Quil, you don't have to hold her all close like that!"

Bella rolled her eyes at the antics of her pack. Quil's hand was just above her left knee, something werewolf eyesight couldn't miss. Yet she wasn't surprised when she heard Jacob's grunt of fury.

Peeking through the gap between Quil's elbow and torso, she saw Jacob charge, kicking up sand like a four-by-four.

"Quil?" She asked. "Why aren't you running?"

The small pause that followed her question should have tipped her off that he was up to something.

"Quil?"

"More fun this way."

"Wha-"

Bella's words were cut off as she found herself flying back over Quil's shoulder to be held in front of his body like some sort of disgruntled lion king.

"You want her?" Quil's voice rang out with undisguised glee.

"Quil." Jake skidded to halt six feet from Bella and Quil. "Quil. If you don't put her down, you will be so fucking sorry." Bella winced at that; her boys never usually cursed in front of her.

"You want me to put her down? Are you sure you don't want to come and get her?" Quil waved Bella tauntingly closer.

Jacob growled and took one step forward, crouching slightly, his massive biceps tensing oh-so-subtly.

Bella folded her arms and looked away, seriously irritated.

"Make this good, Little Bit. You want him to phase tonight."

Quil's words, spoken under his breath and mostly carried away by the wind, would have no chance of reaching Jake in his wound up state - werewolf hearing or not. Bella heard just fine, though.

"Quil? You're holding me a little too tight."

She sensed, rather than saw Jake's sudden bloodlust.

"Oh sweet Jesus." Quil's exclamation was a low utterance, soon forgotten as he sprinted down the beach, lugging a quasi-compliant Bella and fleeing a murderous werewolf.

At the dinner table, Jake's hand was clenched so tightly around his fork that Bella wouldn't be surprised if it was squished to a cast of the inside of his fist.

"Thirds, anyone?" Bella placed a fifth lasagne down on the table, the one she had eaten one square of. Whilst Paul, Quil and Embry quarrelled over it like the last melon before an ice age, Bella went and crouched by Jakes chair.

"Jake, honey?" Bella tugged a little on his denim cut-offs. "Jake, you can go for a run if you need to. I'll be fine here."

She saw his chest expand and shrink as he heaved a massive sigh.

"I don't want to. I had plans for tonight. We haven't had a night in in forever."

Bella felt the first pangs of guilt.

"I know, Jake. I was looking forward to it too. But there will be other nights – Charlie's on the late shift twice more in the next fortnight."

Jake's huge hand covered her own.

"Are you sure you don't mind? I can stay."

"Jake, go. We both know that's not true."

For the first time since talking to him, she looked into his face. And immediately regretted it. He was looking back like he was looking for salvation.

"Alright, I'll go."

Bella stood up to get the dishes, feeling a pair of eyes burning her back.

"Guys, I'm heading out for the night. Do the dishes for Bells, then go home. She doesn't need you assholes begging for food all night."

"Ah man!"

"Dude! You know Rachael's on that healthy-eating shit!"

"Dishes, losers!"

"Jake, I can get the dishes. It's not like they haven't already been licked clean."

"Shut up Bella. I'll be back in the morning. Dishes!"

Bella watched in guilty relief as Jake's wide back momentarily filled the doorway, and then was gone. He was such a good friend. And she was... Not.

"Guys? Seriously, I can get the washing up. Go pester somebody else."

The three young men paused in their clearing of the table to stare at her with calculating eyes.

"You're not doing that female thing, are you?" Embry spoke.

Mildly affronted, but not in the least surprised, Bella rose to the bait. "Female thing?"

"You know," Embry's voice was mocking. "Where you pretend to be okay about something, then hold it over our heads for the next month?"

"For nothing other than your own enjoyment?" Quil helpfully supplied.

But Bella was in no mood to trade gender jibes.

"Just get out, guys," She spoke tiredly, not unkindly, and the boys' demeanour changed. Paul walked out quietly, casting a worried glance back at Embry, who paused, before ruffling her hair and leaving.

"You take care, Little Bit."

"Bella?" Quil asked when they were alone. "Do you wanna talk?"

"I just want to get the dishes done so I can have a bubble bath and go to bed, Quil. That's all I want right now."

"Hey," A large brown hand caught hers as she tried to grab the condiments. "Talk to me, Swan. You know it won't go further than me."

"There's nothing to say," She mumbled, unsuccessfully trying to tug her hand back. "It's just girl stuff."

"Pull the other one, babe. I've known you since the day you were born. If ever there was a girl immune to 'girl stuff', it would be you." He had caught her other hand now, and was holding them in one fist between their bodies.

"Quil, I really, really don't want to talk about this. And I definitely don't want to force the whole pack to listen to my problems."

"So there is something."

Bella rolled her eyes.

"You knew that already. Now let me go so I can go drown my sorrows in a bubble bath."

"Bella." The big man crouched so his deep-set eyes were level with hers. "When have I ever shared any of our conversations with the pack?"

Bella looked away, trying to avoid his earnest gaze, so much like Jake's.

"Never."

"Exactly. Now talk to me. You've been off for weeks, and it isn't like you not to have taken it out on one of us by now."

"This really isn't something I want discussed in the pack forum, Lahote." Bella shot him a threatening look straight in the eye. "I mean it. This is private."

"I get it, Swan. Just spit it out so I can tell you how stupid you're being."

"Can we sit down?" She gestured at the dining table.

"Sure thing."

Quil waited until Bella was seated before straddling his own seat and fixing her with his most patient look.

"Spill."

Bella fiddled with the red sleeve of her hoodie before asking him a question.

"Are you happy here, Quil? Are you really happy here?"

Quil paused, surprised at her approach, but willing to play along.

"Sure. It's home. I'm where I belong."

Bella's lip trembled before she carried on, looking at the banged-up pine of the table. "How do you know? How do you know that you belong here when you've never been anywhere else?"

"That's an easy one, Bells. My whole life is here. There isn't anything I want that I don't have right here. I have history, and family, and friends, and a future. I won't find my imprint anywhere but here, and I won't ever find a job more fulfilling than the one I do right now. This is my life and I wouldn't know what 'more' is to ask for it."

As he spoke, Bella felt her heart being crushed more and more into a bruised lump. A physical pain beneath her ribcage pulsed in time with the life-giving organ.

"I'm not pack, Quil." Her voice was low, like she was telling scary stories in the dark.

"Wait – what? Of course you-"

"No, Quil! Literally, I'm not pack! I'm not going to find an imprint here, I'm not ever going to have one! I don't have generations of history here like you all do, and seriously, no future! This isn't where I belong!" As she spoke, the pain in her chest lessened.

"Quil, I love you all – but I feel like the only thing I'm doing here is clinging to a hope that's never coming true. And I don't even know that it's my hope any more."

Quil stared at her face, so uncompromising, feeling lost.

"Bella, I – What exactly are you saying?"

Her thin shoulders fell, and she sighed, dropping her head into the crook of her arm on the table.

"I don't know." Her voice was muffled.

"Are you... Are you saying you don't want to come here any more?"

"What?" Her head shot up, dark hair clinging to her face. "No! No, that's not what I'm saying at all!"

"Then what?" Quil asked gently.

"I guess... I guess I'm saying that I don't want to just come here. I need to find who I am outside of the rez, and a pack that isn't really mine."

"Bella, the pack is yours. You're wrong there. You might not be native, but you're as close as a skinny white girl can get."

For once, Bella didn't grin at the skinny white girl joke.

"Maybe that isn't close enough, Quil."

Quil felt his gut clench for the girl in front of him, huddled up in her too-big hoodie. He let his hot hand cover hers, much the way Jake had earlier.

"Quil?" She looked up at him with surprisingly clear eyes.

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm going to have an early night. Do you mind if I just get the table and turn in?"

Quil held her eyes, frowning. "Sure thing. Let me help you."

They gathered the mismatched crockery in silence, and stood side by side at the sink, washing and drying. Quil usually felt at home and comfortable in any of the pack houses, but today the pale green Black kitchen was sad. He couldn't wait to leave.

"Hey Quil?"

"Yeah?" He was drying the last dish; the pan for the white sauce.

"Thanks. For listening, I mean."

"Ah, Bella! You know you don't need to thank me." He reached down to scoop her up, realising he probably should have done that earlier.

Bella shoved her face against his chest.

"Still. I do appreciate it."

"Good."

"Now get out of here." She lightly slapped his pec. "I mean it, leave. I need my beauty sleep."

She smiled weakly at him.

Quil rolled his eyes, but knew he was out of his depth.

"Fine. I'm going."

He placed her lightly back on the linoleum.

"See you around, Little Bit." He ruffled her hair, and left in the silent manner that characterized the pack.

Bella stood still for a few seconds, chewing her upper lip, the put the pan away, and retreated into Jake's room.

"Hello?"

"Hi Angela, it's Bella."

"No. See, we have this thing called caller ID, and I totally assumed that by your name coming up, it wouldn't be you," Angela dead panned.

"Shut up, doofus. Do you still need a ride to Jessica's tonight?"

"Ugh, yeah. Not that I'm going to find one now. I can't believe that Ben is still sick. I think he's faking to get out of this stupid party."

Bella grinned at the floor. "Your concern for your boyfriend is heart-rending,"

"Whatever. No offence to Jessica, but a welcome party for the new surgeon and his undoubtedly stuck up, entitled family is not my idea of fun. I'll be stuck watching Jessica humping Mike in the corner, and her mom trying to hump the new doctor in front of her husband and his wife."

"Are you sure you mean no offence to Jessica?"

"Shut up. Why are you calling me, stalker? I thought you'd be snuggling with your man-beast tonight."

Bella gritted her teeth in irritation. "He's not my man-beast, Angela, for the last time!" Though she wasn't touching the man-beast comment. Angela had no idea just how right she really was.

"You're a deluded fool, my sweet. I love my Ben, but good lord in heaven, your Jake makes my ovaries sing. And he's been in love with you since he visited you in hospital the day you were born. But whatever, that's old news. What do you want?"

"Well, I was going to offer you a ride to Jessica's, as I've suddenly found my evening free. But you're right. It does not sound fun."

"Don't you dare!" Angela squealed. "You've offered, it's a binding contract, you are not getting out of this! It starts at seven, you want to pick me up at six forty-five?"

"Sure, but can I ask a favour?"

"Yes, you can borrow something."

"And-"

"Yes, I'll do your hair."

"Oh. Thanks. I'll be at yours for six?"

"Sure thing."

"Later, loser."

Bella hung up, feeling slightly better about herself. She wasn't going to find herself a life at the Stanley's welcome party, but it was a start.

A/N: This is how I plan to stay sane during the revolting exam period, so any feedback is not only appreciated, but will help towards NOT screaming at my family, NOT crying at car adverts, and NOT eating enough to feed a small elephant. Oh, and towards those lovely A grades. Please?