He cannot reach her; she is too far. She is shouting - no, screaming - his name, and he has never felt so helpless in his life. Her fingers are slipping off the edge; how ironic that she will die falling into water. Perhaps when she falls her gills will flutter and take in the oxygen that she cannot use when she is dead.
Dead. The word clangs through him like a bell and he nearly staggers back from the cliff edge. Tula will be dead, and it will be his fault for not saving her. She howls his name once again before letting go entirely. She falls gracefully, the same way that she lived, except for the fact that she is shrieking in fear and denial.
There is a hand on his shoulder and he looks up to see his father, and now Kaldur's wearing Black Manta armor - the very same one hanging in his closet in his room at the Cave, the one he swore to never put on or look at ever again. He wants to vomit, but instead kneels and bows his head.
"Father." Kaldur does not recognize his own voice.
And Tigress is standing behind his father. She reaches up and unclasps her necklace. His eyes try to convey a warning as he kneels paralyzed, watching as black hair gives way to blond and the orange costume flickers back to a midriff-baring green outfit. He watches silently, a tear finding its way down his cheek when his father, not even looking back, stabs Artemis in the heart. Her eyes widen as green turns red with blood and a sword is withdrawn, the blade crimson.
"No. No!" Kaldur roars, and suddenly he can move.
He races to her as she sways on her feet and catches her as she falls, lowering her to the ground. He pushes at the wound, praying through tears that she will survive.
He looks up and scrambles backwards, his hands wet and staining the grass red wherever they touch. There is Nightwing and Robin and Kid Flash and Superboy and Ms. Martian and Beast Boy and all the rest of the team laid out, bleeding from various wounds. His stomach turns and he looks up at his father.
"You did this."
"No," Kaldur pleads. "No."
Because there is one body not there, and he cannot bear to witness his death. And as Roy limps towards him, Kaldur shakes his head and screams at him to leave, to turn back, but Roy, the stubborn bastard that he is, keeps on going. He keeps on going until he's close enough to grab Kaldur's forearms and look into his eyes and say, "I love you."
And Kaldur has no control of his limbs as one arm shakes off Roy's grip, accepts the knife from his father and stabs Roy in the chest, all while begging not to. Roy's smile fades as he falls to his knees and Kaldur falls with him and pulls Roy to his chest and cries and cries and cries.
Kaldur jolts awake, breathing heavily. He places a hand on his sweaty chest, attempting to calm his racing heart. He gently disentangles his legs from Roy's and not-so-gently kicks off his blankets, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
He groans quietly and rests his elbows on his knees, covering his face with his hands. He can feel the bed shifting behind him and hear the creaking bed springs of the old mattress. There is a soft, raspy with sleep voice behind him saying his name, but he cannot understand it through the sudden sobs overtaking his body.
And there is a cool hand on his back, rubbing gently, and another one peels his hands away from his face and forces a glass of water into them; except he's trembling too hard to hold it without spilling the contents all over him and Roy, so Roy takes it back and holds it to Kaldur's lips, coaxing them open.
Kaldur's shaking slowly subsides and Roy kisses his cheek before asking, "Are you okay?"
Kaldur almost laughs at the ridiculousness of the question and is well on the way to saying, "Yes. I am fine, thank you, Roy," but the words get stuck in his throat and come out instead as a choked kind of whimper.
"Okay," Roy murmurs, "you need a minute." Not a question, but an affirmation.
Kaldur breathes deeply and slowly lets it out, closing his eyes. Roy wraps an arm around Kaldur's shoulders and squeezes him to the side of his body. Kaldur doesn't complain about the pressure, only curling completely into Roy. Roy looks down at him, and sighs.
"This is bullshit," he whispers.
"What is, my love?" Kaldur asks, his voice scratchy.
"The nightmares. It's bullshit. You're waking up, scared from dreaming about god knows what and -"
"I killed you," Kaldur says quietly.
Roy startles into silence before sighing. "Tell me everything."
So Kaldur tries. He tells Roy about Tula hanging from the cliff and falling and screaming. He tells Roy about wearing that terrible, jet-black armor. He tells Roy about kneeling to his father. He tells Roy about Tigress becoming Artemis and being killed by his father. He tells Roy about the bodies of all their teammates, their friends, their family.
He tells Roy about him limping to Kaldur and telling him that he loves him and then -
Kaldur's chest heaves with another sob and Roy's hand migrates from Kaldur's left shoulder to the middle of Kaldur's back where he rubs in a soothing rhythm.
"What happened after?"
Kaldur shakes his head, his hand over his mouth and his eyes clenched shut.
"I cannot," he forces out through his fingers after he has regained just enough breath to talk.
Roy opens his mouth, presumably to argue, then decides against it, instead pressing a soft kiss to Kaldur's forehead.
"Do you wanna go back to sleep?" Roy offers.
"No," Kaldur answers. "I do not - I cannot -"
"Hey, hey, it's okay, I get it," Roy placates.
"Can - can -"
"I'm not moving unless you want to."
Kaldur sighs shakily and presses deeper into Roy and closes his eyes, not quite going to sleep.
And if Kaldur doesn't really fall asleep until an hour and a half later at 3:37 in the morning, Roy says nothing. If the two of them show up to the Cave fifteen minutes late clutching large iced coffees and with dark bags under their eyes, the team says nothing besides Nightwing quietly telling them that today was promised to be quiet and if they wanted to take Kaldur's room, he'd cover for them at training because he and the rest of the team all knew what it was like not to sleep at night.