Here is what's obvious: after everything is over - after Henry and Will are safe - everyone goes to the hospital to get checked out. It makes sense. And JJ would have insisted on it anyway. Everyone but Reid and Garcia go in, either - her team for acoustic trauma from the blast, Will to be sure there was no permanent damage done by the unsubs, and Henry, for peace of mind.
Here is what's not so obvious: that going into the hospital would stir identical feelings to those JJ experienced fourteen months ago, when she'd had to lie to everyone she worked with, and cared about, in order to save Emily's life. With everything that had happened to Will and Henry, she almost feels guilty for not focusing on them. She has focused on them. Henry is fine, and she's on her way to see Will.
What JJ isn't counting on is the detour she takes on the way. How she goes first, to find Emily, to be sure she's okay, and not barely conscious. And the minute she does that - and sees Emily sitting there, swearing mildly, and clearly frustrated at being fussed over - it does not cause the relief JJ is anticipating. It causes panic. Before Emily can say anything, JJ darts into the nearest restroom and closes herself in a stall.
She falls to her knees and gags. There are tears on her face. She can't breathe. Her soon-to-be-husband, and her son have just barely escaped death, and all JJ can think of is how she had to fake the death of a team member. She remembers it. Images come like a slideshow, out of control. Sounds and smells are amplified. The team's raw grief is too real. JJ recalls in that all-too-clear fashion how she'd had to make a trip up to pediatric oncology in order to trigger a genuine emotional response.
It is too much.
JJ can't bear to think of Reid's betrayal. Of Rossi's subtle suspicions. Of Morgan's guilt and of Emily's loneliness. Of Penelope's depression. Of Hotch's careful glances, to be sure she was carrying this through accurately, so that no one would suspect.
She is not sure how long she stays there, but her phone buzzes on her hip suddenly. On instinct, she swallows back the tears and picks up.
"Agent Jareau," she says, having not even looked at the screen. She holds the phone to her least-damaged ear, and prays whomever it is will speak up.
"JJ, it's me."
"Emily?"
"Yeah, I'm cleared to go. Where are you? How are Henry and Will?" she asks.
"Bathroom," she elaborates so that Emily will know where to find her, and then JJ does her best to gather herself so Emily won't be totally shocked when she arrives. She forces herself to her feet. To the sink. To rinse her mouth and splash water on her face. To breathe.
When she looks up, Emily's face is reflected in the mirror with her own. Once again, JJ is breathless. "I didn't hear you come in," she manages, her voice still soft.
"Are you okay?" Emily asks, eyeing JJ carefully.
JJ closes her eyes and shakes her head. "I can't stop thinking about it…about before…" she manages.
Emily keeps her distance, but she nods, as if mildly curious. "Can I tell you something?"
"Of course."
"You're not going to like it," Emily warns.
"Tell me," JJ insists, taking a deep breath. This day sure as hell can't get any worse.
Emily takes a step. Then another. Until she is standing right in front of JJ. She takes JJ's hand. "I have to go," she confesses.
In a second, JJ feels lightheaded. She sways and Emily steadies her. All JJ can think is that it's happening again and simultaneously that it's not possible to have such crappy luck twice. "I can't," she gasps, short of breath again. "I can't tell them again."
"I will…and Hotch already knows. I just…I thought you should be aware. I just can't do this anymore, JJ… You understand."
JJ nods and gets control of herself. She does understand. "Where will you go?" she wonders and then bites her tongue. If Emily wants to keep it a secret, that's her choice.
"Paris?" Emily shrugs, smiling sadly. "Will you visit?"
"You bet," JJ nods, hugging Emily tightly.
The End.