Disclaimer: I don't own anything OC related.

AN: I'm busy today, I know, just blame it on the lack of OC yesterday. I've been working on this one for a while and it explores Ryan's mysterious sexual history and the ramifications that it may have on his life. I'm putting it as PG-13 because I can't write anything explicit (it makes me blush) but be aware that there are mentions of things that may be upsetting to younger readers. What else…hmm…enjoy! (And for people waiting for me to finish my other stories, trust me, I'm really working on them. Really.)

Touch

"…Who's to blame

if you never saw it coming

yet you heard the bullet humming

but you never thought of running…

--"Fastlane" Singer unknown

Ryan knew how to touch a woman. He learned at an early age that girls liked him. A lot. He lost his virginity to a 25 year old on his thirteenth birthday, a present from his brother. He was already an expert at pleasing people, once he was introduced to sex; he found the thing he was best at. He knew how to touch them, where to kiss, what to say. But it was all mechanical. The women responded to his gentle hands and tongue, but he never felt anything. Sex never equaled love. Ryan had never known love. The closest he has come is his relationship with Marissa, but no matter how passionately she screamed his name in ecstasy, he only felt worse. Dirty. Like he was staining her.

Summer asked Marissa at lunch one day, if everything is okay.

"With Ryan and me? Yeah. Great. Why?" Marissa asked.

"Well, I mean, you say everything's great and you're always talking about the sex..."

"The sex is unbelievable..."

Summer motioned with her hands, "See? But Chino...you say he's not into it, like he's going through motions and that's off to me..."

"He won't say anything. That's what worries me. I mean, he keeps his mouth busy…"

"Ew…" Summer interjected.

"But he won't say my name and he won't look me in my eyes," Marissa continued quietly.

"Well, Seth says that he's worried about him. Says he's back to all-broody mode again."

"We haven't really been talking lately. I'll talk to him," Marissa said, thoughtful.

*****

"I could be your baby doll

I could be your doll, baby

I could be the thing you want

I could do it all for you…"

"He's like milk to you…"

--Soul Coughing "St. Louise is Listening"

Kirsten dragged Seth and Ryan to the mall after school. She had noticed Ryan's somber mood and decided that new clothes will cheer him up.

Ryan and Seth were absently flipping through shirts a few feet away from Kirsten when the woman approached.

Seth was stricken by her obvious beauty. She looked to be in her late twenties or early thirties and could be a model with her perfect curves and makeup.

"Ryan. Holy shit," She said suddenly.

"Gloria? Hey…" Ryan reddened, recognizing the woman. She laughed before embracing him and kissing him deeply. Kirsten gasped, but didn't interrupt. Ryan pulled away.

"Hey, now."

"It's just been so long and you look so damn good…" She smiled.

Seth pulled his mother away from them, trying to help Ryan not incriminate himself further. Kirsten managed to keep within listening distance of Ryan.

"Thanks, you too," Ryan replied.

"I haven't seen you around…"

"Yeah, I don't live in Chino anymore," Ryan muttered.

"Good for you. You legal yet? So I can marry you?" Gloria teased.

"My age isn't what kept us apart," Ryan replied coldly.

Gloria's enthusiasm faltered. "I saw your mom a couple of weeks ago."

"Really." Ryan didn't react. "So. I guess she's using again."

"Damn, bitter much?" Gloria replied.

Ryan shrugged. Kirsten had lost all color in her face by this point and Seth was struggling to keep her from rushing over.

Gloria sighed. "She's high. Wouldn't stop talking about you and how much she fucked up."

"Fuck you, Gloria," Ryan stated coldly. Seth and Kirsten had never heard Ryan's voice sound that cold.

"Why are you making it be like this?" Gloria asked suddenly.

Ryan laughed dryly. "Do you remember the last time I saw you?"

"What?" She asked, confused.

"You don't remember because you had a straw so far up your nose that you couldn't tell the police your own name. And my mom almost died. We have nothing to say to each other anymore," Ryan said.

"Ryan…"

"You're full of shit." Ryan seemed to snap out of his anger for a moment and remembered his surroundings. "This is over." He grabbed a couple of shirts from the rack and disappeared into the men's dressing room. Gloria hesitated an instant and then left the store.

"I think…I'll go help Ryan…" Seth left his stunned mother beside the socks. Seth found Ryan leaning against the wall of the dressing area.

"Tell me that didn't just happen in front of your mom," Ryan said.

"First, wow. I want to know everything…"

"No, you don't," Ryan murmured.

"How old is she?" Seth questioned.

"You don't want to know that either. What am I going to tell your mom?" Ryan asked, his eyes distant.

"Tell her that you've never seen her before," Seth replied. "But just to clarify, you did have sex with that woman, right?"

"I am not having this conversation," Ryan muttered.

"Why not?" Seth responded.

"Because it's not something I've proud of," Ryan said. He met Seth's gaze. "You know I've been with a lot of women."

"But not…I mean…" Seth stammered.

Ryan covered his face with his hand. "Gloria's damn beautiful, but she's rotten on the inside. She's like poison. She doesn't know how to do anything but use people for what she wants."

"What was that stuff about your mom?" Seth asked quietly.

"We met through Dawn. They were coke-buddies. She'd come over, get high with my mom, we'd fuck and then she'd leave," Ryan whispered. "The last time she came over, my mom OD'd. Gloria couldn't even call 911 because she was so wasted."

"Dude, I'm sorry…"

"Don't be sorry. Let's just get out of here."

*****

Kirsten was too stunned to say anything to Ryan. She felt like she was finally getting to know him, but after overhearing the conversation with Gloria, she realized that she didn't know him as well as she thought.

Once they unloaded their purchases, Ryan said he wasn't feeling well and retreated to the pool house.

Kirsten waited for Sandy, patiently, drinking a glass of Merlot to calm her nerves. Finally, he arrived home around ten.

"Sandy, I need to talk to you," She said after having accepted his kiss of greeting.

"What's wrong? What's happened?" Sandy asked immediately concerned.

"It's about Ryan." She reported the day's events to him slowly and then paused for his response.

*****