I was wanting to do a holiday fanfic this year, and couldn't think of anything. Then, I heard Bob Rivers' song "Walking Round in Women's Underwear"...and thus, this story was born. Bit of a spin-off from a previous Christmas fic, "Bad Santa", though you don't really need to have read this first.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all of my lovely followers and readers! Love you all. xoxo
Usual disclaimer - don't own them, wish I did. This is written for fun and not profit.
"Come on, Laney – hell, I'll even buy it off of ya," Reno was pleading with Elena, who seemed more perplexed than annoyed.
"Reno….as weird as it is for you to want to borrow any of my clothing – why do you want to borrow that particular outfit? I bought it as kind of a gag, you know…"
"Yeah, and then you chickened out of being one of Santa's sexy elves," Reno retorted, smirking.
"That's not exactly how it happened, Reno, and you know that," Elena replied, her patience strained. "The President made us wear those other ridiculous costumes last year."
"I know, and Rude is still bitching about having to wear those tights," Reno complained, groaning. "You got off easy, though, Laney. You were a cute elf. I had to be fucking Santa Claus. I'm not even fat! I was a shitty Santa."
"You were also a drunken Santa," Rude interjected, giving a small cough to announce his presence.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Reno said, waving Rude off. "I only had a few nips, yo."
"Several of the mothers complained directly to Rufus about the intoxicated Santa from last year's Yule festivities," Tseng broke in, sipping his morning coffee. His face held a slight smirk, he didn't seem annoyed really. Mostly…amused.
"I wasn't drunk, Tseng," Reno protested. "Just a little buzzed. Hey, don't judge, those kids were horrible! And Rude wouldn't give me my flask, either. Trust me, if I'd had booze, I woulda drunk it."
"I'm sure you would have, Reno," Tseng replied. "At any rate….Rufus has decided to hire some actors from the local production of LOVELESS to serve as Santa and his elves this year. So the Turks are off the hook."
"Good," Reno said quickly, brightening. "So, that means you won't need that sexy little number after all, right Laney? Come on, let me borrow it, please?"
"What sexy little number?" Tseng asked, his curiosity aroused. Elena blushed darkly and glared at Reno.
"Nothing, sir," Elena mumbled uncomfortably. "Reno is just being a pest. As per usual. If you'll excuse us?" Still glaring, Elena waved Reno out of the Turks' office, into the corridor.
"Why did you have to say that in front of Tseng!" Elena nearly exploded at Reno, once they were out of earshot.
"Aw, the Director likes you, Laney!" Reno teased. "Come on, I didn't mean any harm. So…will you let me borrow it, please?"
Elena sighed with annoyance. She had to give Reno credit for being persistent, at least. "Fine. After work, just meet me at my place, and I'll get it."
"Thanks, Laney," Reno said joyously, swooping her up in a hug. "Oh – can I borrow the Santa hat too?" he added with a grin.
Elena couldn't help but smile, despite Reno being continually irritating. If it made him happy, she supposed she could oblige him. "Fine. You can have the hat too."
"Awesome!" Reno chortled with glee. "Cloud ain't gonna know what hit him, when he sees me in this."
Cloud had finished up a very long day of deliveries and rode on home on his motorcycle, feeling utterly exhausted. It being the height of the holiday season, he'd been putting in some very long hours delivering packages. He trudged up the steps of the building, heading upstairs to the apartment he shared with Reno. The two had been living together for some time now, having carved out a nice little slice of domestic bliss following the insanity of post-Meteor Midgar and the return of Sephiroth. Now, save for Reno's job as a Turk, or the occasional mercenary-for-hire job that Cloud would take on for extra income, their lives were relatively sane. That is, if one could consider being in a relationship with Reno anything resembling sane.
The apartment was dark and quiet, then as Cloud ventured further in, tossing his keys onto the kitchen counter, he noticed the flickering of candlelight coming from the living room. A wry grin crossed his face; Cloud knew what that meant. Reno was trying to set a romantic mood for the evening, no doubt his mind full of lustful thoughts. Cloud had to admit, as tired as he felt, that was not a thing he minded terribly.
Cloud kicked off his boots and placed them neatly, side by side in the hallway, then loosened his belt as he made his way toward the living room, grinning in anticipation. He flicked on the overhead light and stared in shock and disbelief at the scantily clad redhead who was reclined upon the sofa, striking a seductive pose.
"Hey, Cloud," Reno purred, crossing and uncrossing his legs. "Welcome home."
Cloud froze, and stammered. "R-Reno? What….what are you doing wearing that?"
Reno frowned. "What? You mean you don't like this?" He sighed in disgust, flinging the Santa hat to the ground. "I thought you liked this kind of thing." Cloud's eyes traveled up and down the slender but lean-muscled body; the red satin negligee had spaghetti straps and white fur trim running along the hem. To complete the look, Reno was wearing red fishnet stockings with garters, and his feet were decked out in red satin pumps.
"You thought I'd like it if you dressed up like a woman?" Cloud blurted, shaking his head. "Why – I mean, I appreciate the thought you put into this, but why….why would you even think that?"
"Oh, for fuck's sake! Laney was right, I shoulda asked first," Reno snapped, taking off the high heels and flinging them to the side, annoyed. "But I guess…well, I figured you might like it if I dressed up all pretty, on account of you used to dress like a girl."
Cloud stared at Reno blankly. "Reno, I dressed like a girl once. Once! And not because I wanted to, it was because I had to….to infiltrate Don Corneo's place. I thought you knew that!"
"Yeah, well!" Reno huffed indignantly, trying to save what little dignity he had left. "You certainly looked like you were enjoying it."
"Wait a minute," Cloud interrupted, taking a seat next to Reno. "You weren't there, how do you know anything about it?"
"Oh for crying out loud, Cloud!" Reno retorted, exasperated. "ShinRa has surveillance fucking everywhere. I've seen the tapes, from back then…thought you looked kinda hot in that dress, actually," he muttered, letting his voice drop.
"What?" Cloud asked, hoping he didn't hear what he thought he heard. "What did you say?"
"I just – oh, never mind," Reno replied, sitting back on the sofa and groaning. "I thought you kind of dug that whole get-up. I mean, you didn't seem to mind gettin' all made up and everything."
"Well…I mean, it was nice, having the Bee Girls pamper me a bit," Cloud admitted. "But Reno, I'd really rather forget that whole day, it was kind of weird. From that Mukki guy in the hot tub, then finding out Corneo had a taste for 'athletic' girls like myself – ugh, I just don't want to remember any of it."
"Who the hell's Mukki?" Reno asked, suspicious. "What hot tub?"
"I guess ShinRa doesn't have cameras everywhere," Cloud replied, chuckling. Reno grunted, annoyed, and turned his back on Cloud, pretending to root around the cushions of the couch.
"What's going on?" Cloud asked. "What are you looking for?"
"My balls," Reno snapped. "They were here just a minute ago."
Cloud couldn't help but to laugh. He pulled Reno up and put an arm around his shoulders, one finger toying with the thin spaghetti strap of the nightie. "Look, Reno…you don't have to dress up like that to turn me on."
"Really?" Reno said, his face lighting up hopefully. Cloud nodded, smiling, and tipped Reno's chin up, lips brushing against his lover's.
"Really," Cloud replied, kissing him slowly, tenderly. "In fact, I'd prefer you in nothing at all, if I'm being honest.
Reno snickered, and let out a sigh of relief. "That can be arranged, yo." He sat up and began slowly pulling the negligee up over his head, gasping in horror when he heard a rip.
"Oh no! Shit! Cloud, it's stuck! I can't get it off!" Reno's expression was frantic, and Cloud bit his lip to keep from laughing.
"Um…let me help you with that," Cloud murmured, body heaving with silent laughter.
"Cloud, you fucker…you better not be laughing at me!" Reno roared. "I dressed up like a slutty little elf just for you, an' now I'm stuck in this! Merry Christmas, you bastard!"
Cloud could no longer contain himself, and burst out laughing. "I'm sorry….I'm sorry, but…Reno, didn't you try this on before you bought it?"
Reno glared at Cloud sullenly. "Didn't buy it, I borrowed it from Laney. She's gonna kill me if I can't get this off."
Cloud raised an eyebrow at that. "You borrowed this from Elena? Reno…gods, Reno, you're crazy. I love you, but you're crazy." He laughed again, shaking his head as he pulled out a pocket knife. "Look…maybe it can be repaired after, but I'm going to have to cut this off of you," Cloud warned Reno, running the knife along one of the side seams.
"So much for trying to surprise you," Reno complained, breathing a sigh of relief as the confining garment fell from his body, leaving him wearing nothing but the red fishnet stockings and the garters.
"Oh, you did surprise me, Reno, no doubt about that," Cloud replied, grinning. "That's honestly the last thing I expected to see when I got home from work today."
"And my plans to get you all horny didn't work out," Reno went on, pouting. Cloud shook his head.
"No, Reno…that's where you're wrong," Cloud said simply. He stared at Reno, smirking, then stood up, pulling him sharply to his feet.
"So completely wrong," Cloud whispered, nudging Reno toward the bedroom. Reno grinned widely, giving a quick, rueful glance at the pile of red satin that once was a sexy negligee.
Eh, I'll buy her a new one, Reno silently vowed, sniggering as he and Cloud practically ran down the small hallway to the bedroom. And hey, it kinda worked after all! I'm gonna get laid tonight! Reno mentally high-fived himself, congratulating his own genius.