Taste the Rainbow

Chapter 1

About a month has passed since Akemi Homura joined the school I attend, Mitakihara Middle School. Unfortunately, Homura has major health issues, and she occasionally suffers from delusional episodes. I do feel sorry for Homura, but I must admit that part of the reason I wish that Homura wasn't like this is so that Madoka wouldn't spend so much time with her.

I know it's horrible of me to feel that way, but I can't help it. Whereas Madoka and I, often along with Hitomi, would always hang out together after school and on weekends, I'm now increasingly left to myself, and it leaves me feeling kinda lonely. There are now many days when Madoka visits Homura in the hospital, or when Madoka walks Homura home from school to look after her, or when Madoka helps Homura with her school work. Madoka being so frequently torn away from me because of Homura has made me more keenly aware of my depth of feelings for her.

I'm a lesbian. Or, at least, I'm attracted to other girls in ways that most girls are attracted to guys. I don't have any real interest in guys, though I do admire Hitomi's boyfriend Kyousuke. He's a fantastic violinist! But I don't feel any passion for him himself, just his music.

The person I've long felt deep love and attraction for is Madoka.

But Madoka is such a normal feminine girl, as innocent and wonderful as she is. I see little reason to think that she's a lesbian, as she talked about how it would be wonderful to get love letters like the ones Hitomi used to get from guys in our class.

So you think I wouldn't be jealous of Madoka getting closer to Homura, right? Well, I just can't help my feelings here. And it's getting harder to hide them…

"Sayaka, you've been unusually quiet lately." Madoka says to me while we eat next to each other on the pure white rooftop of our school, during lunch hour.

"Sorry…" I reply, very casually, while I chow down on a rice ball, "I've had a lot on my mind."

"Is it anything I can help with?" Madoka asks, in an increasingly concerned tone of voice.

Sigh… Do you have to sound so concerned about me, Madoka? Do you have to make me love you even more when I know you are beyond my reach, now more than ever?

"It's nothing you need to worry about." I tell Madoka, in a depressed tone since I know what I'm saying isn't exactly honest here.

Then I felt something move in me. I felt a desire to force some issues with Madoka; issues that I found increasingly hard to just calmly accept.

"Well, to tell you the truth…" I said, changing my tone of voice to sound a bit more alert and alarmed, "I'm a bit worried about you, Madoka. You've really gone above and beyond to help out Homura! I can tell that Homura has really come to rely on you a lot. You're not finding that stressful or tiresome at all?"

Madoka initially looks a bit surprised by what I said here. But then she looks more contemplative as she carefully considers what I said.

"Don't worry." she states, "I enjoy spending time with Homura! I mean, there's a lot of work to helping her out, yeah, but she's a very interesting person. These delusions she has are just amazing… Do you know that she has a recurring delusion in which you and I are both like magical girls from some sort of anime show?!"

"Next you'll tell me that the new famous JPop Idol Mami Tomoe is in Homura's delusions with us." I jokingly replied.

"Wow… how did you know?!" Madoka asked in shock.

"I was just joking." I answered, "Though it is funny that Homura apparently likes the same type of TV shows and music that you and I do."

"Right." Madoka replied, "So once Homura gets caught up on her school work, and has more free time, I hope that you, her, Hitomi, and I can all spend a lot of time together!"

Madoka smiled widely while saying that. Such a sweet, innocent girl… Such a wonderful friend… My heart aches at not being able to have her as my girlfriend, while I feel shame over the jealousy I currently feel towards Homura. Shame over that, and over what I'm about to say.

"Look, Madoka, you do realize that Hitomi is kind of busy now that she has a boyfriend, right?" I asked rhetorically, "Once you find a special someone in life, you don't always have time for group activities."

Madoka seemed crestfallen over what I just said to her. It made me feel even more horrible about myself. But it also made me feel increasingly agitated over the broader situation.

"Yeah, I guess you're right…" Madoka admitted in a melancholic tone, "But you, Homura, and I could all spend time together, right?"

Madoka's expectation here was reasonable. And it was fair. And I hated to be sucked into being the bad guy again. So I took a different approach.

"Do you think Homura would want that?" I asked, while raising an eyebrow.

"Why wouldn't Homura want that?" Madoka asked in turn, "Homura has never given me the impression that she dislikes you. Not when the two of us talk about you. Well… I think she finds you a bit intimidating, but when I tell her about the real you, she seems to accept what I have to say there. So…"

"That's not what I meant by my question." I interjected.

"What do you mean then?" Madoka asked.

"What I mean is…" I began in uneasy answer, "What I mean is that I think that Homura likes you as more than just a friend."

And I should know, because I like you the same way, Madoka…

While Madoka has a certain innocent naivety to her, she thankfully tends to catch on quickly once the truth is laid bare.

"…You think that Homura has a crush on me?" Madoka asked, "You think… she's a lesbian?"

"Well, she does look at you a certain way…" I replied, "There are hints there. It's not that hard to tell…"

Madoka became silent and very contemplative for a few seconds after that.

"Homura doesn't look at me any differently than you do, Sayaka." she finally says.

That one line was so very sharp, striking like an arrow straight through the heart…

It made me shyly turn my head away from Madoka, while I tried in vain to stop myself from blushing.

"L-Let's head back to class…" I began in stammering statement, while I rose to a standing position "I-I'll…"

"Wait…" Madoka said, as though a light-bulb just went off over her head, "Do you have a crush on me?"

That question stopped me in my tracks, and caused me to place an enclosed hand over my heart. Madoka stood up behind me while she asked the question.

"D-Don't be silly" I began in nervously smiling reply, as I turned my head to face Madoka, "I-If I felt that way about you, I w-would have told you…"

"You do feel that way about me, don't you?" Madoka asked, as I could tell she was seeing through my very poor attempt to deny it.

I sighed deeply.

"Look." I said, after turning away from Madoka, and recomposing myself, "Let's talk about it some other time, Ok? You're my best friend, and that's…"

Then I felt something that shocked me, while also feeling so very good to me. I felt Madoka suddenly but gently wrap her arms around my waist from behind! I felt Madoka lean her head against my shoulders.

"I'm so happy!" Madoka said, "I've felt the same way about you for so long, but I never thought it was even possible that…"

Wait… this can't be happening. Can it? Have I misjudged Madoka all this time?!

"A-are you saying you have a crush on me?!" I asked Madoka, as I quickly released myself from her embrace and turned to face her with a shocked expression on my face.

"Well, um… he he…" Madoka replied, shyly squirming a bit while blushing up a storm.

"But Madoka, you wanted to get love letters like Hitomi did!" I exclaimed, "And geez, I even told you that I wanted you to be my wife! How could you…"

"I thought you were joking." Madoka quickly interjected with an answer, "I thought you were just trying to cheer me up since I wasn't getting love letters like Hitomi was. I never said that I wanted to get love letters from boys specifically, Sayaka…"

I then swallowed hard. It really was happening. It really was! Oh wow, how should I…

"Anyway, if you have a crush on me then…" Madoka said, "You should know that I also have a crush on you. I mean, I'm happy with our friendship. You're my best friend! But if you want more than that, then so do I."

My heart was racing right now. And I think that Madoka's heart was also racing.

Tears rushed to my eyes, and I felt an overwhelming desire to hug Madoka tightly right now and accept her every word!

"Yes, I want that." I said, while I tightly embraced Madoka, and nestled my head alongside her's, "I've wanted that for so long, Madoka!"

And then our long years of platonic friendship turned into a radiantly romantic rainbow of possibilities…