A/N: Hey guys, it's my first ever story! I'm so happy! :D
Thanks to my awesome cousin(though not a Total Drama fan XD) for helping me publish it. You can check her out as Officially a Psychopath, she is awesome, crazy, fun, crazy, nice, crazy, and did I mentioned crazy?
Anyways, back on track. I don't own Trent, Courtney, and Total Drama. They belong to Teletoon/Fresh TV. The songs in italics are You Are Not Alone by Michael Jackson and Kiss It Better by Jeffree Star.
BTW, when you get to the songs, it helps that you listen to them.
Enjoy~!
It all started after the end of Total Drama World Tour when Courtney, the competitive CIT felt unhappy about herself. It was when after everyone survived the volcano eruption in Hawaii and they all got on the yacht to lead them back home to safety. While everyone lived in a happy position, now that the traveling season ended, Courtney was the only person not in a happy mood. She was unhappy, angry, depressed, and upset about what had happened to her, but also what happened to Duncan, her ex-lover and Gwen, her ex-friend. She was mostly upset with herself.
"How could you?" She asked herself. "How could you be such a bitch?" She asked herself again.
Courtney had always begun to talk to herself after her nightmare came true. Duncan and Gwen had secretly kissed behind her back right after they had found him together in London; and ever since that, Courtney became obsessed with trying to get revenge on them. Though she got her success on Gwen in Australia, she failed miserably when she planned to get Duncan.
However, she not only became obsessed with getting revenge on the two traitors, she also became obsessed with self-harm, depression, and suicide. It actually all started after when Duncan cheated on her, after the incident, the CIT cried every tear she had in her eyes every night and she didn't care if it kept everyone up, not even the Jumbo Jet's rats. She only cared about her sadness. Then after her elimination in China and when she joined the aftermath show, she began to cut herself with her fingernails; she made sure no one saw of course, but she still cut and scratched herself until her arms bled and her blood came out of her veins and arteries, turning them into scars.
Afterwards, her arms were covered with scars; but in order to hide them, she used tan powder make up to brush them so no one would know her self harm. While recently it was a sunny afternoon and when everyone was on the yacht in their rooms, the tanned girl was walking outside of her room on the deck and saw the goth and punk themselves. Duncan and Gwen were outside under the afternoon's sunset, looking at each other in their eyes, very in love and un-aware that the CIT was looking at them of course. Courtney just looked at them with all sources of anger.
Anger, disgust, agony, envy, etc…She wanted to do all sources of evil to them once she saw them, but once she saw their dark lips kiss each other, her anger switched to sadness. Courtney then felt a little burn in her throat and knew what was coming. Therefore, the bossy girl just quickly ran back to her cabin and didn't stop until she reached it. She then jumped on her bed and let all the tears dropped.
"I can't take it anymore!" Courtney sobbed, "Why can't they just physically tell me to die rather than make me think more about death when I have to see them kiss!" Courtney sobbed even more. And that's when the Type-A one thought of suicide. Ever since Duncan and Gwen hooked up by backstabbing and breaking her heart, Courtney just couldn't think of anything besides suicide.
Well, of course she thought of revenge, but suicide was mixed in too. I mean she thought about her timeline on Total Drama. On the island, she was bossy and competitive, yet nice at times, but then she finally got the key now: She became a bitch in Total Drama Action and World Tour! No wonder everyone began to hate her, she became bossy, mean, nasty, cruel, whiny, and selfish. She only cared about winning and competitive throughout those seasons. Courtney felt ashamed. She was ashamed of everything she did; and because of that, she lost her boyfriend, her best friend, and everyone's respect.
In addition, Courtney also had more tears hit down, after all she was hurt, very hurt. Therefore, she quietly walked into her bathroom, turned on the light, and began to search for a razor blade to cut herself. Her depression got to her again and needed to cut big time thanks to what Duncan and Gwen did to her. Afterwards, she turned on the sink, closed the drain and filled up the sink with water until it was filled. She then grabbed the blade, pressed it to her forearm and begin to carve the word "bitch" in it.
Courtney felt pain as the blood of her arm came out, but luckily, she was too sad to even care about it. The warm blood began to drip down into the sink's water and once it was over, the blue water was now red blood and Courtney's arm was written with bitch on it in capital letters. The Type A then drained the blood colored now water and washed off whatever blood stains they was in the sink. Later on, once the Type A was in her bedroom again, she just cried. Not caring if anyone, especially Duncan and Gwen heard.
"I wanna die." She said. "I wanna die." The crying went on for at least for ten minutes, or as Courtney thought in her head an hour. She just cried and sobbed until someone heard it from outside her door.
"Courtney?" The voice said from outside. "Is that you in there?" The voice belonged to Trent. Once she heard the voice, Courtney panicked. Usually when she was sad or pissed, Courtney would yell "Go away," but something in her mind said don't. She needed Trent, but what for? She asked herself what Trent wanted. Not only because he heard her cry obviously, but for other reasons. Was he feeling sympathy for her? Did he wanna know what's wrong with her and maybe he can help? Or was he feeling as lonely as her secretly? The last question hit Courtney just like bats hit baseballs during a baseball game, but she really doubt Trent felt that, however she really needed Trent at the moment, so she just covered her arm quickly and ran to the door and opened it.
"Come in Trent, and hello." Courtney introduced though she tried to be happy, her voiced was a little cracked do to her sobs.
"Are you okay Courtney?" Trent asked once he and Courtney made connections. Suddenly, a silence came. Both the CIT and musician just stared at each other muted until Courtney once again felt tears in her eyes and the burning fire in her throat.
"No, I'm not!" Courtney cried and fell on her knees once she answered. Trent's expression then went shocked once he saw how upset Courtney was. She was her knees, crying her eyes, screaming like a little kid wanting candy or it lost its favorite toy. Wanting to now know more, the musician asked calmly and walked into the room while doing so.
"What is the matter Courtney? Why are you sad?" The musician asked sweetly, but the crying girl was still on the floor crying. Trent just frowned, he couldn't stand seeing Courtney like this despite the fact like everyone else, was aware of her personality, but he knew that it was wrong to see her like this. This was like another side of her that no one knew, though Courtney did cried in the past, but this was a different type of cry. Therefore, he tried to calm her down in the most polite way to avoid an angry Courtney.
"I think I know the answer, but it doesn't hurt to tell me right?" The Elvis looking guy spoke honestly. He was hoping for Courtney to not get mad at him or attack him violently since he did spoke honestly after all. Once she got the message, Courtney just calmed down a bit and tried to get herself together again. She took deep breaths, dried her eyes and finally spoke.
"No, I guess it doesn't." The CIT responded, though her voice was a bit cracked. Trent then smiled once he heard Courtney's answer, but decided to stay on topic and go back to worried and curious at the same time. "So, what is it that you are crying about?" Trent asked, wanting to know even if he did knew the answer.
Courtney stayed a little quiet and tried to think of a way to tell Trent the truth, and at the same time not wanting another tear show to happen. Therefore, she again took deep breaths and finally spoke.
"Well, you know what happened on World Tour right? With…Duncan and Gwen…right?" She replied without crying, though she was about ready to. Once Trent heard the answer, he frowned a bit. He knew he was right; Courtney was still upset about the whole Duncan and Gwen kiss and who can he blame? While yes he accepted Gwen's new relationship with the delinquent, that doesn't mean he can't blame Courtney for feeling sad. Honestly, if he and Gwen we're still together and if she did Duncan's role, he would be mad and heartbroken as Courtney, heck we would probably be the same too. Never forgive her. Nevertheless, having a similar feeling, he talked to her again.
"Yeah, I understand. I should have known you were still upset about that." The musician revealed to her a bit sweetly, but a bit sadly. Courtney looked at him with a depressed expression, she didn't want to cry again, but she knew she had to.
"Exactly," The CIT spilled out. "I know it looked like I was completely over it, but I actually wasn't." She said in the most truthful voice she can think of. Trent, wanting to know more, then asked "And how come? If you're such a smart and independent girl, how come you couldn't get over it actually? What makes you this sad despite now that the jackass hurt you?" He finished his last sentence with agony. Like Courtney, Trent couldn't stand the delinquent. He hated him ever since the island. Well while they were friendly bros at times, Trent knew Duncan wasn't the right guy and he knew Duncan would do some horrible crap to hurt people, and it was not only his pranks and physically moments, his cheating is what made him right.
Courtney thought for the most honest answer ever and unlike last time where she couldn't cry, she decided to cry this time. "It's just that I honestly thought," the Princess spoke with watery eyes. "That Duncan really did love me. He really did." She starts to think up all the good times she and Duncan did once TDI ended. They went on a few dates, carved wood together and even pranked Harold because of how much they hated him. And she loved it.
"He and I did all of these amazing things together that made me realized that I loved him. I didn't care if he really was a delinquent. I really didn't." As she says this, Courtney starts to sob even more now and actually saw the real truth. "But I guess once Action came, and he was there without me, and he started to be with Gwen, I thought he was really gonna leave me because...because…" Trent places a hand on her back and rubs it gently. "Because what Courtney?" He asks a bit worried, knowing what's coming up next.
"Because I felt so paranoid and lost without him!" She revealed with tears and started to sob for actual this time. "Trent, I loved him so much, that I wanted to be with him! Then I came to Action and I started to become bossy and rude and hell, even tried to change him! Change him! I didn't know why, but I thought if I did change him, he would always be with me!" Courtney sobbed so much as she spoke, that her jaws and cheekbones started to hurt her. Maybe it was because of all the wailing in her voice that caused the pain. Trent couldn't take it no more; he took both of his arms and wrapped them around Courtney and calmed her down, or at least tried to calm her down. But it was no use, the CIT kept crying and crying.
"But it turned out I was wrong," Courtney said "it didn't work. I was being rude to everyone, even Duncan. The man I could ever love in my whole life." The CIT cried out. "I didn't know why, but my brain told me as revenge for not winning last season and for Duncan's flirting, get mean, get nasty, get bossy, and change him. So I did and that's when everyone, even Duncan started to hate me; and…I should have seen it coming. Especially once that kiss came." Referring to both of her kiss with the delinquent and the one that hurt her behind her back.
Trent couldn't believe the words that he was hearing. Courtney was so in love with Duncan, yet her perfectionism and competition traits got in the way of their relationship that she actually, had to put the relationship on hold. In addition, he simply frowned like a sad clown and begins to hold her tightly in his chest. Not caring if she got his shirt soggy and sticky.
"Geez Courtney," Trent said with sympathy in his talk. "I'm so sorry." Courtney cried for a few more minutes, and then looks up at him with a confused look. "What did you say?" She asked very confused. Knowing what she really means, the guitar player took a deep breath and told her again. "Yes Courtney, I'm sorry for you," he then took her hands and holds them with his and he also looked at her in the eyes with the most honest voice ever. "Courtney, I'm very sorry for you. Honest. I really never thought how hurt and emotional you can get. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not insulting you or trying to make you feel worse, but it's true.
Usually, when we all say you, we thought as you as well, the person you are." The green shirt boy exposed, but luckily, Courtney just listened to him. "But now that I had talked to you, I'd realized that you are not that person. You have a heart and feelings. You were just too scared to have Duncan leave you, yet you couldn't leave your competitive side, so therefore, you mixed them both in, but they all failed now didn't they?" Courtney nodded simply because Trent was exactly right. Now it was her turn to speak.
"Yes Trent, you're right. I did wanted to be in love with Duncan, yet stay true to myself. How should I have not known that it would fail in the end?" Trent tried to speak again, but Courtney added more things. "And because of that, it turns out," once she began to speak the last product, Courtney reveals Trent her cut and yet surprisingly, still bleeding arm. "Words do hurt." Upon seeing the bleeding arm, Trent was shocked. Although he knew Courtney was an emotional human, he never thought she would go self-harm on herself.
"Oh my God, Courtney, you," Trent talked with fear, but Courtney finished it off. "Yes Trent, I cut myself. Ever since I was voted off in China. It helped me see the truth about myself. I'm a bitch, I'm bossy, I'm rude, I'm mean, and…no one on this show ever liked me. I just thought Bridgette only wanted to be my friend because she felt bad for me. She doesn't care. No one on this show cares about me."
Once she finished her sentence, she lefts herself go of Trent and walks to a corner and with her knees in her chest as she hold them and cried once again. Despite knowing she wanted him to leave, Trent refused to leave. He knew ever since the asshole of a delinquent and his ex kissed, he knew something bad was gonna happen, and it was Courtney who was gonna be sad in the end. Additionally, Trent thought of the best way to show Courtney that she was wrong and someone does care about her; and he found the answer. He cleared his throat and started to sing a song that he knew would get his message across.
"Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold
Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
But you are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
But you are not alone
'Lone, 'lone
Why, 'lone
Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin
Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
you are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
you are not alone
Whisper three words and I'll come running
And girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there
You are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
you are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
you are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
you are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
For you are not alone...
Not alone ohh
You are not alone
You are not alone
Say it again
You are not alone
You are not alone
Not alone, Not alone
If you just reach out for me girl
In the morning, in the evening
Not alone, not alone
You and me not alone
Oh together together
Not not being alone
Not not being alone."
After the cool musician finished his song, Courtney raised her head a bit out of her knees and turn around to see Trent again. Trent though, just stood there in silent, hoping he didn't upset Courtney, even if the irony was he sung her a happy song. To his surprise though, Courtney got on her feet again and ran fast like a wolf to Trent and collapses in his chest and cried again. Both tears were sad and happy actually. Sad because the song fit her so much and happy because she got the message: Trent cares about her after all.
"Thank you, thank you." The CIT repeated over and over again as she cried in the guitar player's chest for a second time. Unlike last time, Trent just smiled and rubbed her slowly.
"You're welcome Courtney, you're not alone." He said with a smile as he calmed her down. It took about two minutes for Courtney to calm down and in the end, the two were in Courtney's bathroom with Trent cleaning up Courtney's cut arm as a sign to show that she was not alone and he cared about her.
"I'm sorry if my arm scared you. Actually, I'm sorry if everything I did scared you." The grey shirt girl apologized. Trent smiled sweetly and accepted it. "It's okay, you were just upset. That's all." This made Courtney sighed once she heard this.
"But you don't know how upset I was though." Courtney said with sadness as it came out of her vocal cords. Trent just shrugged it off, and replied "Still, I don't blame you. If Gwen and I were still together and if she did that to me, I would be like you. Sad, pissed, crying myself to sleep, and even go down to cutting and suicide." Courtney just raised an eyebrow.
"Really?" She just asked. Trent nodded. "Totally, really." Courtney, wanting to talk more, replied back "Impossible though, you're not like me Trent." As he heard the words of Courtney float to his ears like balloons, Trent asked once more.
"What do you mean, Courtney? You mean I wouldn't be like that?" He asked with a little disgust in his voice, scaring Courtney a bit.
"No," she began. "As in, you're not like me in personality. You're not bossy, you don't yell or scream if something doesn't go your way, you don't threaten people, you're unselfish, and you don't whine like a brat if you lose." When she finished her explanation, the singer had just finished cleaning her arm.
"All done, healthy and clean again." Trent talked with delight. Courtney saw her once again cleaned arm and felt happy as she smiled once she saw her tanned skin at last. While so, Trent bended over and kissed it at of surprised since that's what made Courtney's mood go to. Seeing what his act did, Trent stopped there and blushed with embarrassment.
"Sorry, I was…I was…" Trent tried to explained, but Courtney let out a smile and a giggle. "It's okay," the princess spoke. "My mom always did say a kiss always makes an injury feel better." Trent couldn't help, but agree as well.
"That is true; but that's not why I was kissing it." He truthfully said. One more time, this caused Courtney to be confused.
"But if that's not the point, why did you kiss it?" She asked with such curiosity. More curiosity than Lindsay asking what two plus two equaled. Because she wanted the answer to his question, Trent took a breath and answered.
"Because, I was thinking of this one song that was by this one artist Gwen showed me when were together, and it also fits how I feel around you." Even though she got the answer, Courtney wanted another one, so she asked again "And that song would be?"
Knowing what to do now, Trent took the confused and question asking CIT into his arms, wrapped her around, therefore cuddling on his shoulder which was perfect for him because her ear was close to his mouth. Once the plan was in position, he sang the song Courtney requested in the most emotional and honest way to tell Courtney the message of the song: She's perfect the way she is.
"Tell me what you're made of, I'm made of innocence too
What you're afraid of, I'll make it disappear
Beautiful scars don't last forever, Come on let me kiss it better
The pain won't last forever, Come on let me kiss it better
You're perfect the way you are, I wanna hold you suffering in my arms
Their talking and their talking but they make no sound
Whatever you do don't let them break you down
You're perfect, you're perfect, you're perfect
The way you are
You're perfect, you're perfect, you're perfect
They make you wanna self destruct, and become someone else
When it feels like it'ss too much, baby don't hurt yourself
Beautiful scars don't last forever, Come on let me kiss it better
The pain won't last forever, Come on let me kiss it better
You're perfect the way you are, I wanna hold you suffering in my arms
Their talking and their talking but they make no sound
Whatever you do don't let them break you down
You're perfect, you're perfect, you're perfect
The way you are
You're perfect, you're perfect, you're perfect
Don't you see, don't you see you're P-E-R-F-E-C-T
Don't you see, don't you see you're P-E-R-F-E-C-T
Don't you see, don't you see
You're perfect the way you are, I wanna hold you suffering in my arms
Their talking and their talking but they make no sound
Whatever you do don't let them break you down
You're perfect, you're perfect, you're perfect
The way you are
You're perfect, you're perfect, you're perfect
The way you are
You're perfect, you're perfect, you're perfect
The way you are
You're perfect, you're perfect, you're perfect
You're perfect, you're perfect, you're perfect
The way you are
You're perfect, you're perfect, you're perfect."
As the song faded away, Courtney broke the tear sprinklers for like the fourth time in a row. This time, she cries with happiness and Trent holds her tighter as he heard the CIT cried.
"Trent, that was amazing," Courtney began to talk with happiness. "Now I know what you meant. After all of these shows, deep down you cared about me. You never hated me." She finished her sentence with a smile. Trent replied back with his smile as well. "Yeah, of course I did." He said honestly, "I know it didn't look like it since I was with Gwen and you called me a loser, but I knew despite the flaws you have Courtney, you're beautiful, very beautiful. Not to mention, smart, independent, cute, hot, and amazing to be with." Courtney smiled and blushed as Trent was telling her the truth. Sure Duncan said that to her in the past, but that was the past. This was now. In addition, Courtney hugged her new friend another time and thanked him as well.
"Thank you Trent, I'd never realized how much I needed you into now." The CIT happily replied with the biggest happiness she could have ever found.
"No problem Courtney," Trent replied with the same happiness as Courtney and hugged her back, but without leaving two last things. "Oh, and Courtney, two things." When the "two things" were heard, Courtney titled her head a bit.
"Yes?" She asked.
"One," The guy who looked like Freddie Mercury's long lost brother began, "if you ever and I mean ever feel this way again, don't be afraid to talk to me. I'm actually down the hall from your room." Trent revealed. Courtney just nodded and replied with honest, "I promise." "Good, and the last one." As Courtney was wondering what Trent was about to do next, Trent titled his head to Courtney's lips and kissed them softly. Courtney, as she sees this becomes shocked at this moment, but starts to get use to it and simple answers back and to add the moment, her leg pops up; because nevertheless, you knew where she belonged and why she belonged. Despite all the pain she went through from not only Duncan and Gwen themselves or what the others thought of her or what her haters from the media or web said about her, she knew that she finally found someone who cared and actually cared about her, loved her for her and importantly: will never leave her.
The two then stopped their kiss and looked at each other just how Courtney and Duncan looked at each other when they first kissed.
"So, does that make us a thing?" Courtney asked, trying to add some satirical moments, similar to how Duncan and Gwen acted when they became together.
"I don't know, maybe. If that's okay with you." Trent answered, doing the same. Courtney became silent for a minute and finally replied:
"I think it is okay with me."