Pairing: Remus/Sirius. Of course.
Genre: angst, romangst, friendship, tragedy, something along those lines.
Title: Asphalt Flowers
Prompt:
'Where the Sidewalk Ends', by Shel Silverstein.
Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends
Word Count: 1,695
Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black.
In the Muggle press, the ever – darkening sky was reported as the result of factory fog in London. Remus figured that might have something to do with it, but it was more likely the presence of Dementors lurking around every corner, not to mention the constant smoke from battles being fought in dark alleyways, out of the Muggle eye. Battles in which his friends were risking their lives, on a daily basis, while he sat in Headquarters trying to break codes.
Headquarters was a bleak, grim place; it was an abandoned Muggle Underground station that had been fortified with every defensive spell known to Albus Dumbledore. The tile and cement walls were cold and unfriendly, and the fluorescent lights, still in place from when it had been a train station, were glaring and harsh. Remus hated the long hours he spent here, particularly when his friends and colleagues were out doing something for the cause.
The smoke from the battles wasn't the only smoke being blown over London. Members of the Order of the Phoenix were being picked off, one by one, by the Death Eaters, in battles, assassinations, and ambushes. While some bodies were lost without a trace, others were recovered from broken houses and shady lanes. There was no time to stage a proper funeral for each martyr, so cremations were held at the end of every week.
--
"Marlene McKinnon, a loyal member of the Order of the Phoenix, who fought valiantly against He – Who – Must – Not – Be – Named himself, may she rest in peace."
The wizened old man stepped down from the makeshift podium behind the Potter residence in Godric's Hollow. The bodies of five witches and wizards, laid out one by one on a funeral pyre, were covered with the white sheet. To his right, Remus heard Lily Potter sobbing quietly into her handkerchief; she'd always been a close friend to Marlene. Remus stroked her arm gently, trying to be of some comfort. To his left, Sirius stood stock still, as if chiseled in stone. His face was impassive, his arms crossed over his chest.
James Potter and Peter Pettigrew were the ones who lit the pyre with white flames from their wands. As the pyre started to blaze, they stepped back into the line of people assembled to pay their respects.
The flames started out white, as they always did, but the smoke was still black.
--
"I thought we'd be done with this by now," Sirius muttered, throwing his coat on the ground as he and Remus entered their flat. Sirius hadn't shown any emotion at all through the entire funeral, choosing instead to remain motionless and cold. Remus was glad to have his roommate say anything, at this point, as perplexing as it was.
"Done with what, Sirius?"
At first there was no answer, and Remus assumed that Sirius had lapsed back into his fit of sullenness. He drifted into the kitchen and put on a pot of tea, and then began scouring the cupboards for a bar of chocolate; the lift he needed so desperately right now. Sirius trailed after him, black hair falling into his face, hiding his stunning grey eyes.
"Done with this bloody war, that's what." Remus heard a fist pound on the counter, making the teacups rattle. He jumped slightly and turned to face Sirius, bar of chocolate in hand. The other boy was hunched over the counter, his hair still a curtain blocking Remus out of know what he was thinking. His fist was clenched, and Remus could see the muscles of his arm, straining against what, Remus couldn't tell.
"We were fucking invincible, you know? When this whole thing started. We were just out of school, were arrogant little prats, we didn't know what the hell we were signing on for. Sure other people could die, but we wouldn't because we just couldn't. We had no logic, no way of knowing things would turn out like this, with people dying and disappearing left and right, getting blown to smithereens, having our best friends ripped away from us in the name of war!" Sirius was shouting now. His voice bounced off of the walls and hit Remus like a grenade. "I don't want to be a part of this anymore, Remus! I don't want to go to sleep every night wondering if I'll wake up the next morning, or if you'll wake up the next morning. I don't want to be living in constant fear that you, or James, or Pete will get captured and tortured to death! I'm only twenty!" His voice broke and he collapsed on the counter, his head buried in his arms.
Steam was rising out of the teapot, but Remus ignored it for the time being. He crossed the small kitchen and put his arms around Sirius gently. He could feel the other boy shaking slightly, and Remus knew that he was crying. "Shhh, Padfoot, shh. It's okay. Everything will be okay," he murmured, trying to comfort his lover, even though he himself did not have faith in his words.
Sirius straightened up and pushed his hair out of his face. He turned and looked at Remus, staring him straight in the eye. Remus blinked, and looked right back. This was the only foolproof way to read Sirius Black; stare him straight in the eye and try to not fear what you might find. What Remus found right then was that Sirius's words were true. Even though he had to go out every day and try to find and kill the people that were murdering their friends, Sirius was nothing more than a scared boy, just out of school.
"How can you know that everything will be okay, Remus?"
Remus had no answer, so he remained silent.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
It sometimes seemed to Remus that all things beautiful had gone from the world. The sky was grey and the streets were deserted – everyone was staying in the safety of their homes whenever it was possible. Friendships were crumbling and there were no more children laughing in the parks on their way home from school.
The only things that remained good and true were the daisies, the hardy white flowers that pushed their way out of the cracks in the asphalt. They were the only spots of color in the otherwise bleak face of London. Even they were sparse; there weren't even enough for little girls to make daisy chains, and even they sometimes looked like they were fading.
But they provided enough hope for Remus to keep waking up every morning.
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow
"Pack."
The front door of the flat slammed closed and Remus poked his head out of his study, worn and battered copy of Anna Karenina open in his hand. His worn, grey sweater clung comfortably to his ever – thinning frame and his hair was mussed; he'd fallen asleep in the middle of reading.
"Pack? Sirius, what in the world are you talking about?"
"Remus, I've got to get away." His beautiful grey eyes were overtaken by some unnamable emotion – some combination fear, anxiety, panic, and resolution. "I can't take this anymore, any of it. I can't just sit here and watch everything we ever loved crumble into bits because of some wackjob who thinks Mudbloods aren't good enough! I have to leave, Rem, I have to, but I'm not going without you so please, please Remus, please come with me."
Remus carefully marked his page in Anna Karenina and padded out of the study, eyebrows drawn together in concern. Sirius had been brooding and silent ever since his outburst in the kitchen two months before now, and it had made Remus sick with worry. There was never any conversation in the once cozy and cheerful flat, and even their lovemaking was silent and hurried.
"Where are we going?"
Running away was irrational, Remus knew. They would be leaving behind not just their crumbling world, but they would also be deserting James and Peter, Dumbledore and Lily, everyone who trusted them. They would never see the baby boy expected by James and Lily. They would probably be caught and killed before they even got out of England, but it scared Remus so much to see Sirius emotionless for so long, that he was willing to do anything.
"France. I have an uncle in France."
Without another word, Remus retreated to his room and started shoving the essentials into an old rucksack.
To the place where the sidewalk ends
Shouldering their packs, the two boys stood against the dark outline of London. The street was cracked and broken, and it ended about three feet from where they stood. The sidewalk that ran beside it was also broken, bits of concrete flung into the dying grass on the left side.
They sky remained dark, as always.
Remus's resolve broke first. He sat down at the end of the cracked sidewalk and shrugged his rucksack off of his shoulder. "I can't go, Sirius."
The taller boy looked down at Remus, bit his lip, and sat down next to him. "I know."
They sat in silence for a while. Then Remus, again, broke the silence. "I want to get away with you, you know. It's just, I can't leave everything behind. I can't leave James and Lily with no word and Dumbledore with my work unfinished…I just can't."
Sirius put his arm around Remus and pulled him close. "I know." He heaved a sigh and let his own rucksack slip off his shoulder. "I just feel like it's the end of the world, though, and I couldn't bear to think of that. I didn't want to be around for that."
Remus nestled his head into the crook of Sirius's neck and let a few tears fall from his large, brown eyes.
"If I had to be at the end of the world with anyone, I'm glad it's you."
fin.