The frog prince(ss)

Once upon a time there was a beautiful English prince who lived well… in England. While it was almost always foul weather in his kingdom, he used to go play in the dark forest by a fresh pond underneath a lime tree with his favourite golden ball. He tossed it up high and caught it many times. He always enjoyed the scenery of the forest and the delight of the rare weather.

One day when he was tossing the golden ball, it slipped out of his hand and fell into the pond. The prince didn't know what to do! The side of the pond was muddy and slippery. The little prince was afraid of falling into the pond and drowning. The thought of never seeing his favourite toy ever again made him sad, even cry a little. He sat down with his head buried in his arms. How could he ever retrieve the golden ball?

Suddenly there sounded a voice from the pond. 'Croak. Why are you crying, mon chér?' The little prince looked up and saw a little frog standing at the side of the pond. 'Bloody hell!' the prince yelled out. 'Don't worry, mon petit prince. I'm not going to harm you (*whisper* yet). Please tell me why are you crying?'

After the prince regained his cool he answered: 'Well you see… I seem to have lost my golden ball in the pond.' 'Oh non non. Balls you say? *dirty thoughts*' 'Yes, it's my favourite toy! I play with it every time it's sunny like this.' 'Oh non non non. I like to play too. Only… more often. Oui? Oh non non non. *more dirty thoughts*' 'Yes, my golden ball is very precious to me.'

The frog looked confused for a minute. 'Uhh, gold?' 'Yes, it was a gift from my mother.' the prince replied. 'Oh, that kind of ball…' The frog croaked disappointed.

'I can swim and retrieve the ball for you, ma chérie.' the frog said. 'But under a few conditions… *hon hon hon*' The little prince looked happy with gratitude for a moment. 'Oh, thank you, dear frog. What do you want? I'll give you anything! Tea, scones, the finest clothes, the new world, anything!'

The frog laughed and replied: 'Those seem very alluring, but I have these few things to ask from you. I would like to sit at your table, eat from your golden plate, have a drink from your glass and sleep with you… I mean next to you in your royal bed and a kiss. And above all I would like to have your friendship. I am really a beautiful princess, you know?' 'That seems to be quite a lot, don't you think?' 'Sacrebleu! Do you want your ball or not?' And without much further thinking the prince agreed. How bad could a kiss be, from a princess? Just like in that story.

The frog nodded, jumped into the pond and dug up the golden ball. 'Thank you! I am ever so grateful!' And the prince ran back to his castle. 'Mon chér. Wait! Damn it! I'm a frog! I can't keep up! Mon dieu!'

The next day the royal family was enjoying their meal on their golden plates, when suddenly there sounded a thud from the door.

'Mon chér! Open the door! It's me, the frog! Be a darling and open the door. WE HAD A DEAL!'

'What is that sound?' the prince's mother, the land of the Angles, asked. 'Probably nothing, mother. But I'll go take a look.' the prince answered and walked to the door.

'Go home, you stupid git!' the prince shouted angrily and he flung the door close. 'What is going on there?' his mother asked. He couldn't hold himself and told his mother about the encounters from the day before. 'No way in bloody hell that I'm going to kiss a frog. Not even if it's a princess or something!'

From the door the frog said: 'Mon chér. Please open the door. I can be your little girlfriend now! Hon hon hon hon. WE HAD A DEAL! Je veux être ta pote!'

The English prince's mother looked strict at her son and said: 'When you make a promise, you should keep it. That is the way of a gentleman.'

He did like being a gentleman… 'Oh very well then.' And he let the frog in.

The frog entered the castle and took a seat at the diner table, next to the prince. The dishes were served and the frog was eager to dig in. After the first bite the frog fell silent…

This was…

It was…

'SACREBLEU, THIS IS UTTERLY DISGUSTING!' the frog cried out.

'You, idiot! can't you appreciate the delicacy of the English kitchen?' the prince said arrogantly.

'It tastes like King Herny's sack…' the frog said.

'Bloody hell! Whatthefklznfindcvfi!'

The frog left his plate untouched, but did take a few sips of the prince's kingom's attempt of wine. Which again, tasted like king Henry's sack… :3

The frog turned to the queen and said: 'Dear mademoiselle, I have jumped all the way from the forest to your palace. May I take a rest?' He sounded charming and the queen couldn't help to insist. 'Of course you may. My son will escort you.'

The English prince took the frog to his chambers, where the frog immediately jumped on the bed and took a sexy pose. 'Now, mon chér. How about a kiss? Oh non non non.' 'There is no way I am going to kiss you!' the prince yelled.

'But please! If you kiss me tonight I will turn into myself again! You see… I am a princess of a kingdom not far from yours. I was bewitched by an evil sorcerer who turned me into a frog. I beg of you, mon chér. I will be forever grateful if you just gave me a little kiss. And in return I will grant you my hand in marriage and my kingdom. Please I beg of you.'

The prince looked at the frog, this time with sympathy. He could use an extra piece of land and it was only for one time. 'And you truly are a beautiful princess?' 'Oui, monsieur. I guarantee.'

The prince doubted for a bit, but he decided to be the gentleman he was and to safe this unfortunate soul from her horrible state. 'Alright then. I'll grant you your wish. If you keep your word and marry me.' The frog looked happy and jumped in the air. 'Merci! Merci! Merci! Yes! I'll marry you, oui? I promise!'

The English prince grabbed the frog and placed a gentle kiss on its lips. It didn't take long for flashes of light to appear as the frog turned into her natural state. She twirled around in the flashes. A beautiful long dress appeared and the prince saw the most beautiful blonde locks he had ever seen.

'Merci, Arthur! You have saved my life. Now I will keep my promise! Oh non non non non *evil French laugh*.' Arthur looked quite confused for a bit, he had never told her his name. Wait a minute…

The princess turned around and she was… she was… A DUDE?

'FRANCIS! YOU STUPID FRENCH FROG!' Arthur yelled out. 'Bonjour! I have finally returned from my dreadful state. By no one else but the very guy who bewitched me! Hon hon hon! Now… How about that marriage!?'

'Keep away from me!' Arthur shouted desperately.

'SAY HELLO THE MY CROTCH MONSTER!'

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! HELP ME'

OH HON HON HON!

Fin (the end)

Hey guys! I really hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you have any suggestions on what fairy tale (or other kind of story) I should do next, tell me so. Please Fave and comment.

In needed a break from the other story I'm writing, which is far more serious, so I needed something fun. I decided to write a serie of mini stories including your favourite characters. Au revoir, mes amis!