Author's note:

Hi guys! So, it's been a hot minute since I've written a fanfiction. Or written at all. That's the beauty of college and work and the real world. I used to create fanfictions on an older account that I never bother to get on anymore, abandoning many stories. I think I just lost a lot of inspiration. But, I've regained it. My apologizes if my writing feels a little rough. It's been a WHILE. I just love the Eren x Levi pairing with a burning passion, I had to make a story about them.

Also, this will be rated M later. Just wanted it to get out there beforehand.

So here you go. For all those interested in this – please enjoy.

The silence was the most violent thing he could experience right now. Nothing was louder than it. Nothing was more desolate. His ears had dropped all focus on sounds hours ago and they had been screaming ever since. Eyes were stuck on the stone wall ahead of him with a cast-iron fix – unseeing, vacant. What he saw was not physical.

Eren Jaeger was musing over something quite terrifying in his mind.

These images, these memories were forever constant within. They'd show up unannounced like rude neighbors and disrupt order. When they arrived tonight, Eren grew still as stone, his movements stunned by fear as he gave in – thinking, and thinking, and thinking. Usually, they were broken. You can't replay events if you've never lived them.

Eren had heard, though. The alarming words that had come from his mouth and his reckless actions that had caused great destruction. It frightened him to a point where he couldn't even talk about it. Those who had gotten close enough knew that and said nothing. You must be ready to give up your humanity in order to make change, he had said. Eren felt like a fool for not being prepared for the consequences.

In his brain, it suddenly reeled a blurry scene. A bandaged hand – his hand, reaching towards green grass. The rays of light from the setting sun behind his back met with silver on the ground and it glistened. A teaspoon. Beforehand he had been talking to someone from the squad. Perhaps it was Eldo. It had been so casual of a conversation. The type comrades typically had. Eren did remember accidentally pushing it off the table. His fingers wrapped around the spoon and grasped it, and then there was a flash of blinding light.

Eren felt the wind come from below and it ensnare him with thick, hot smoke. He went to move his arm, but it felt submerged in concrete. He smelled the scent of his hair burning from the small embers kissing the strands at the ends, but also the familiar odor of scorching flesh.

Titan flesh.

At that instant he knew what he had done.

Eren's eyes grew wide, heart dropping fast to his stomach and going into a state of vertigo. He was going to have a panic attack. He pressed his free hand flat on the solid muscle of a partially transformed Titan and tried to wrench his arm out from the inside. Frustrated grunts and cries ripped out of his throat as he struggled.

Why now?

The smoke and ashes diminished quickly, revealing a grotesque picture to the Special Operations Squad. Eren saw in agony that all their swords were drawn, once calm faces reformed into malice. They were ready to kill him. Even though he was made clear the reasons why – understood why, he was shaken and speechless.

Eren, at that second, asked himself a tremendous question.

"What am I…?"

A resigned, impassive voice sounded throughout the dusky, empty basement of the old Survey Corps headquaters. It almost echoed, shattering Eren's thoughts. It was immediately recognizable. Why was he…?

"A human or a Titan?" it asked.

Eren slowly turned his head to gaze at the doorway where the shadowy figure stood in the threshold, "Sir?"

Corporal Levi then stepped into the room. His boots made resonating clomps as he walked on the cold stone floor. His face came into to the dim and yellow glow of the only lit candle placed on the only standing table in the room, illuminating his face and created shadows under his cool eyes. "A man or beast?" he asked idly, almost like he was sighing. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the hard wall, bending his knee and placing his foot against it as well. From there – looking directly at Eren, and spoke again. "Tell me, what do you think you are, Eren?"

Eren couldn't find the right words to give Levi an answer. His mouth was unexpectedly dry. "I-I don't – what do you mean?"

"You were asking yourself a question just now," he said. "Don't you wish to find the answer?"

Eren eyes fell to the floor, his features looking too tired for someone of only fifteen. "I don't want to look too far into it," he said sadly. "I'm afraid of what I will find there." And that was the most honest truth he could give his Corporal.

There was a pause from Levi that made Eren nervous and he couldn't bring himself to look at him. He waited for a response like a subordinate should, not wanting to offend him in any way. Eren was fresh meat – a newborn to the Survey Corps. He must keep his tongue in place, especially with this man.

Finally, and to great relief, Levi spoke. "We are all battling fear. Mankind has been fighting it for centuries. When you let it consume you, you stop looking for reason." His sharp eyes – which were the darkest blue Eren had ever seen, abruptly became grave. Those who did not know him wouldn't be able to tell. "You'll become a lamb to the slaughter."

Eren started tautly playing with his fingers. He kept his eyes to the ground, speaking dejectedly. "Mankind fears Titan, but what do you do when man fears himself?"

"What you fear you will become," Levi replied. "If you're afraid that you are a fiend then eventually you will become one. Nothing is more powerful than the human mind, Jaeger. If it falters then so will you."

"I don't know what to do. This power…" Eren ceased movement with his hands and simply stared at them, doubting them. "I can't understand it."

Levi said nothing. There was a deafening silence that flooded the room then. It filled Eren's senses once again and began plaguing his brain with that evening's incident. His whole body became rigid, eyes twisting shut. He hated feeling so ashamed, so mortified, so...

"I didn't mean to transform today," he exclaimed. "I couldn't help it. It was just a teaspoon, Corporal. I panicked. I didn't-"

"We discussed this matter in the dining hall," Levi interjected. "We know how it happened."

Eren hesitated, pondering. "You saw the way they looked at me," he whispered.

"I did. What of it?"

What?

Eren suddenly found the will to face Levi when infuriation and disbelief seized his entire being. How could he be so indifferent? Nobody knew. Nobody would ever know the unrest his endured, the loathing of being an aberration and a godforsaken monstrosity. He was the unfortunate creation that humanity hides from behind walls that nearly touch the sky and he had absolutely no rule over it. How was he supposed to save man when he could not stop himself from hurting the innocent when he loses himself?

He stood up swiftly and with pronounced force. The bed slammed up against the wall, rattling the metal frame. Eren's eyes looked like someone had set fire to them with gasoline. His demeanor altered so quickly. He took a daring step towards his Corporal, shouting, "They looked at me like I was a monster!" A finger was jabbed in Levi's direction, "You're squad! They didn't see me as a human, but a mindless Titan! How do you think the rest of the world's going to see me when they can't even understand?"

"Calm down."

"How can I when humanity sees me as the very thing I'm trying to protect them against?" Eren demanded, heated.

Levi's eyes grew threatening. He did not take kindly to people disregarding a warning. "Eren."

His own name fell on deaf ears. No longer was he wise if he had ever been. He was riled with the deepest kind of anger – the anger he felt for himself because he was meant to be the one to kill them all. And even now, with the possession of what most thought of as a great and horrendous ability – the endowment of change, he still was helpless to himself. He hated it. This was not his vision. He wanted to know why.

"How can I when I look like the monster that ripped my mother out of the debris of our home and devoured her?" Eren raged on, "The Titans took her away from me and I'm resembling one!"

Levi did a first in that moment: he raised his voice to an outranked officer, "Eren!"

"I'm either humanity's hope or just another piece in their demise!" Eren took another very danger step towards his superior, his voice consumed with grief and desperation, "Tell me, Corporal, what the fuck am I because I don't know anymore!"

The answer came easy.

"You're a child."

Eren halted at the remark. As unexpectedly as his temper ignited, it died just as fast. He stood motionless and eyeing his Corporal with nothing to say. He visibly saw in shorter man's harsh expression that he had tested his patience. Eren realized how forebodingly close he had gotten to him. An audible gasp escaped from his lips, however Levi's hard stare kept him rooted where he stood.

He was very pissed.

But, Levi was frighteningly apathetic in all circumstances.

"You may be a part of the Survey Corps, but wearing the uniform doesn't make you a man of battle. You're still running around here shitting in your diapers." Levi nonchalantly lifted his head to stare at the ceiling like he was contemplating something troublesome when really he was mocking the brat, "You would think Trost would've made you a solider, but mentally you're still weak."

Eren's eyes narrowed, "What do you-?"

Levi's eyes flickered down and gazed at the boy with his mouth in a tight line, quickly reminding the kid of just who the fuck he was and immediately silencing him. "You have these juvenile dreams of being a lone beacon of hope for mankind. When are you going to realize there are no heroes in this story?"

Eren's eyes grew large in response and did not open his mouth to speak. Satisfied with his shock, Levi continued.

"Just because you have unique abilities that the rest of us don't may make you superior to others, but not to me or my squad. As I said before, we could kill you without hesitation if we wanted to. Titan form or no."

"I don't think of myself as superior!" he blurted. He knew he slipped up, but Eren so badly wanted to defend himself.

"You may sit here and say that. However, you do." Levi almost smirked, "Sometimes I smile when I recall myself kicking you like a beaten dog during your court hearing when you show such ignorance now."

Before he could give it much thought, Eren gave into action again. It seemed to be a habit of his. His teeth gritted up tight and he bared them in fury. He took a fast move towards Levi with his right arm raised and hand clenched in a fist. How terribly he wanted to strike him, but he caught himself from making such a huge mistake. He planted his foot solidly on the ground and with a great effort fought to keep it there. Eren glared at his Corporal with distain, remembering how he had beaten him until his face was cascading blood and spit in the middle of the Military Court. Inevitably, it had saved his life. So, slowly he lowered his arm, letting his shoulders relax.

Those dark eyes were fixed on him now. Dull and emotionless, as they always were and would always remain. "You want to hit me," Levi stated.

Eren turned his head away, muttering, "No, sir."

"Well, do it."

Wait…

He immediately snapped his body back into attention. "What?" Eren was dumbfounded. He couldn't be serious. Had he really just given him permission?

"Come on, Jaeger," Levi urged, sounding irritable. "I never give someone the first swing."

Eren was still confused. This was too uncharacteristic of him. Was it deception? "Are you serious?"

"This is an order."

Eren Jaeger could lie and say he contemplated it extensively, but truth is he barely did. His thoughts were pushing him – advocating him, recalling how this man has treated him like shit ever since he was granted the boy's custody. And above all else, it was a command. It was taught to Eren to never defy authorization from higher ups. It was justified.

He charged at Levi with fervor and aimed a strong punch directly between his eyes. He hoped it hurt him.

The second before Eren's calloused knuckles would have connected, Levi disappeared. Eren inhaled a sharp breath and looked down. Levi had dodged it, ducking below the powerful blow. It seemed like everything went in decelerated speed as the man reached up and clutched Eren's arm in a vice grip with his left hand and grabbed the fabric of his shirt with the right.

Eren gasped, "Shit!"

In one swift motion, Levi turned on his heel and took his strength to lithely roll the kid's whole body over his shoulder by the hold he had on his arm, and hurled him to the floor. Eren felt his spine smash on the stone and his teeth close hard on the inside of his lip. His mouth opened to cry out in pain, but the wind had already deserted his lungs.

Levi watched Eren struggle for air as he leisurely walked over and stomped his foot square on his chest. He screwed his heel into his sternum, "Pathetic," he hissed.

Eren feebly turned his head to the side and spat out the blood that was filling his mouth. The thick moisture hung sloppily from his bottom lip. He winced, "Fuck!"

Levi added pressure to his boot, crushing the kid's chest. "Don't forget, Jaeger," he said roughly, "I told the Military Court that you would be my responsibility. I don't take that lightly. Neither do my teammates. Remember that the Survey Corps could have let you become the Military Police's science experiment."

Eren let out a ragged cough as he tried to speak and his expression twisted in agony. "Then why didn't you?" he shouted

Levi leaned in closer, his voice deep and very serious. There was a profound conviction in what he said. "Because Titan's deserve such horrific treatment, not you – not a human being."

"Corporal…" Eren said weakly.

Levi closed his eyes and gave a genuine sigh. It was the most human reaction he had ever shown to anyone. "I really loathe repeating myself, but I said before that I would expect nothing less of how my squad reacted to your unexpected transformation. There is no moments to think about these things, Eren. Not in this life. We act accordingly." He removed his implanted foot from Eren's chest and looked at him sternly as he strained to sit up, "Do you understand?"

Eren nodded and finally got himself upright. He didn't feel like standing, so he sat there – sullen and staring out into space as he talked with a certain sadness, "I don't want to be to be out of control of this power. Last time I transformed to defend humanity, I almost killed Mikasa."

"Yes, the girl," Levi said thoughtfully.

Eren shook his head free of the pictures his brain was trying to construct of that time. He still couldn't recollect it. It was always a shady illustration. "I don't want to hurt anyone. I want to harness this power. I want to be the last trump card this world has."

"I don't disagree that you're a game changer," Levi said. "Believe in your abilities, as I do mine. However, keep in mind that there are other lives at stake other than yours. Don't go acting senseless because of your vow for revenge. Don't put my comrade's lives in danger."

"I won't, Corporal."

Levi paused and observed Eren sitting alone on the cold ground. His eyes were transfixed to something ahead that was only being seen by his own mind. Levi noticed there was still blood painted on his mouth. He squatted down in front of him, forcing Eren to come out of his silent reverie. His eyes widened as he felt the odd sensation of Levi's thumb swiping across his bottom lip, wiping off the blood he caused him to shed. It was such a tender, yet foreign touch to him. Eren's mother had caressed him so many years ago, but this did not feel the same.

"Don't put your life in danger, Eren," he said.

The boy's heart skipped a massive beat.

"People will die on this expedition beyond the wall. You must be smart, practical. I hope there's a great secret in Zhiganshina like you say, I don't like people's deaths to be in vain."

That's when he spotted it. Eren caught a glimpse of softness in his eyes.

Those eyes.

He had never noticed them before – never noticed the way Levi's jet black hair fell so lightly and flawlessly across them. They made him feel like he was in the blackest, most profound part of the ocean. It was constricting him on the inside and leaving him breathless.

Eren wanted to be closer, and it was starting to cloud his judgment.

"Levi, I-"

Fuck. He just called him by his first name.

The Corporal didn't not move to reprimand him for his disrespect. He remained sitting in front of him, both arms resting on his bent knees. For once, he was looking down at Eren. His height always kept him looking up at everyone who passed him even though most of the time he was twice their age and looked ten years younger. Eren would forever find that fascinating about him.

But, right now, he was fearful.

His body tensed up as Levi leaned down close to him. Eren could actually feel the warmth of his breath against his face. "Who gave you consent to use my first name when addressing me, Jaeger?" he asked.

Eren fought to get the words out, but all he could do was stammer and trip over them in a panic, "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean any insult by it, it just sorta…"

Levi lifted his hand and the kid flinched as he placed it on top of his messy deep brown hair. He gripped the locks delicately, watching in amusement as Eren's expressions changed dramatically within a matter of seconds from shitless, to perplexed, and then to apprehensive. Levi gently tilted his head up.

"You got bravado, you little shit, for calling me that."

Eren knew he should feel scared, but he didn't. The feeling absorbing him was something unusual, something confusing. Perhaps it was a longing from the constant pull he felt from the inside. The sensation came only when he wanted.

Did he want Levi?

His Corporal's piercing eyes never left his as he lowered his voice, filling Eren's perception with a haze and rattling his chest with an undeniable ache that did not spur from physical affliction. Eren couldn't help but pay close attention to his lips as he spoke.

"Fortunately for you, I like the sound of it," Levi nearly whispered.

Eren's entire body grew remarkably hot. It came from the core of his stomach and raced up to his brain at a hundred miles an hour with no signs of descending. He by no means would ever fathom why he yearned to press their lips together. It was like a throwing a match onto a pile of dry leaves and they instantly catching fire. It kept spreading everywhere.

He felt so exhausted. Too shattered to comprehend. He never found the need to break down and confide in someone – to collapse and find comfort in them. Not even with Mikasa and Armin. Not like the way he did now. He wanted to be strong for them. They had all lost a part of themselves in this hellish world and they were the only family he would ever have again. But, with Levi…

He did not need to be anything for him.

Because he was nothing to him.

And oddly enough, that gave Eren solace. He was just so tired.

He pushed himself up onto his knees, the picture of Levi hovering above him never left his sight until he was face-to-face with him. Funny how now they seemed like the same height. Eren's brown eyes had turned half-lidded and lustrous. Levi had seen the look before – the look of intense and carnal thirst. Something fiery and wild had taken over his soul.

Eren dreadfully wanted to feel Levi's sultry breath against his lips. He leaned in closer and closer. His lips were slightly parted and a light pant eluded from in between them.

Levi did not show a bodily reaction. He retained his stoic composer even though for an instance he struggled with it. But his voice – oh, Christ his voice – couldn't hide his rapidly mounting hunger. It was so faint and soft like velvet. Or perhaps that's just how it seemed to Eren, but it didn't seem real. Levi was currently proving himself to be human.

"What are you doing, brat?"

"I don't know," he breathed. Their lips were a mere inch away and he was very aware of it. This was so unlike himself…and he sort of enjoyed it. He went to seal the gap between them, his eyes slipping shut.

"Corporal Levi!"

The voice was female and called from down the basement hallway. They didn't even overhear her loud footsteps.

Eren immediately stopped and was frozen in place, his lips barely brushing Levi's. It was Petra. He couldn't allow himself to be seen with his superior officer like this.

That's when Levi promptly snatched Eren up by his collar. He let out a surprised yelped as he was jerked up to his feet and then pushed to the side. They couldn't be so close together. Eren quickly gained balance, but barely had time to scrub away the dried and crusted blood on his mouth and chin before a pretty young girl rounded the corner and stepped into the room.

It was hard to believe that she was a deadly solider of the Special Operations Squad.

She entered with a smile like she usually does. Unbeknownst to Eren, it was mostly because Lance Corporal Levi was within her presence. She had always been very captivated by him. Levi knew it was because she had fantasies of marrying him if they made it out of the Survey Corps alive together. Her father certainly did endorse the idea, but unfortunately the man she wished to wed did not.

However, Levi addressed her as he did with everyone else, "Yes, Petra?"

"A message arrived on horseback from Commander Irvin, sir," she said urgently.

"Probably just a request for an update," he replied. "I'll be there shortly."

Petra nodded understandingly, "Of course. We're calling it a day as well." She gave a formal salute to him – right fist tight on her chest, left fist tight on her back, "Goodnight, sir."

Levi gave a curt nod and granted her clearance to leave.

Before Petra exited the room, she gave a beaming smiling to Eren and waved, "Goodnight, Eren."

"U-Um, yeah, goodnight," he stuttered.

And then she was gone.

They were alone together once again. Now, this time, Eren gulped when he glanced over at Levi who was still staring off at the door Petra had just ran off through. A tidal wave of consciousness washed over his mind and he was swept away in a current of crystal understanding.

He had attempted to kiss Levi and the man had pushed him away like he was infected with leprosy. There was no other way to put it. The embarrassment Eren felt was uncanny. What had come over him? What did he fucking expect? This man was claimed to be the strongest warrior humanity had in its arsenal and Eren wanted him to indulge in wicked desires with him?

"Get rested," Levi commanded, facing straight ahead. "There's things to be done tomorrow. I want you up at sunrise."

Eren opened his mouth to begin frantically explaining his inappropriate actions, but figured against it. It wasn't worth it and definitely was not the right time. He didn't know if there would ever be a right time. Levi would probably forget all of this by the morning, and for some reason, that made him feel hollow.

He looked to the floor, "Yes, sir," he said wretchedly.

"I'll be preoccupied with reports. I will be returning later."

Eren knew it wasn't to resume what they had started. It was strictly to keep watch on him. After all, it was his legal responsibility to do so.

Levi departed the room without another word. His pace didn't slow on the way out and nor did he bother to give him a glance over his shoulder. Jesus, as if he'd anticipated that. There again, he was left to dwell in the dreary quiet of the castle's basement. All Eren could do was stumble back to his bed, his back still sore from when Levi had tossed him to the ground.

As he sat, he absentmindedly thought of how fucking uncomfortable the worn mattress was.

Eren wondered furiously how he could have behaved so irrationally. Really, he couldn't explain it even if he wanted to – couldn't identify it as lust because he barely knew what it was. His father was away too often for him to properly talk to his son about such things. Eventually, Eren stopped trying to rationalize it. He laid himself back on his poor excuse for a bed and carefully rolled over to his stomach. He did not wish to ignite the throbbing pain in his spine.

Eren couldn't say how long he lied there. It could have been minutes or hours. Regardless, Levi never came back.

He did drift to sleep though. At some point, everyone has to. Within his slumber, he dreamed loudly and vibrantly. Even at his calmest states, Eren's brain strained to evoke memories that weren't there and would never exist. He dreamt of his body dying while he was a Titan and he became one for eternity. And then, he dreamt of his mother – alive and breathing and talking, and hating him for being a creature of sin that murdered her five years ago.

Then, it was his father.

After Mom died, you lost it.

The same cut up event that convinced him and the entire Survey Corps that there was a secret to the Titan's demise and humanity's victory in the basement of his broken home. Eren's father had become crazed. All he could remember was crying and pleading and fighting off a syringe in his grasp. He meant to inject him with an unknown serum and Eren didn't know if he succeeded because it never showed him. He wasn't even sure if happened at all. It would pan off to a still image of the wooden door his father kept locked in the house. He had given his son the key to its skeletons before he had left.

And then…

Blood.

Carla's blood. Mom's blood.

Only ten years old, he was.

On and on it went like this. Eren was suffocating in his own ceaseless nightmares. He couldn't find a way out.

"Calm down."

It was Levi's voice. In the darkness. Where?

Eren looked for it. He had to find it. He looked this way – then that way. Every way possible until a scene exploded into of his face. Eren's eyes shot down and widened incredulously. There was his hand, engulfed in hot and sizzling skinned muscle. The malformed Titan. Eren shook his head vehemently.

Not again.

"Calm down."

Below him.

Eren glanced down and saw Levi standing in front of the steaming tons of broiling flesh. He was not looking to Eren, but to his fortified squad who had been screaming and barking at him. "Which side are you on, Eren?!" They would call over and over, muddling his mind. He'd almost shed frustrated tears. And Levi was ordering them to stop.

He saw those lips move this time.

"Calm down," he said abrasively.

Everything hushed then. Including Eren's fear. He saw Levi peek over his shoulder to him, but did not make it blatant.

Eren, he's talking to you.

And at that instant, everything made perfect sense to him.

Hope you found this a good read! I'm planning on this being either a two-shot or a three-shot. It just depends how the next chapter plays out for my brain. Levi was so difficult to write about because he is such a badass and shows absolutely no emotion. I struggled to try to keep him in character. But working with a polar opposite couple makes it so fun.

Just some side note if people feel like Eren is kind of an emotional hot mess. I mean, he's a kid. And he's very headstrong. I just wanted to portray a side that Attack on Titan didn't touch on too much. Think about it. He's fifteen and has the weight of the world on his shoulders. He has the power to transform into a Titan – the thing he hates the most in this world. Could you imagine that burden? Jesus Christ. I would feel like a monster. It's just common sense.

Anyways, reviews are appreciated. I'll update regardless. Just one would be nice. And critics are welcome only if you have something constructive to say. Keep it classy, guys.

Until next time!