I don't own anything related to Supernatural or the characters, any songs referenced I don't own and only use to set a tone for the chapter. This is pretty dark like a lot of my stories so if you don't like Wincest, reading about someone self destructing, substance abuse, homosexuality or prostitution you might want to stop reading right here. Castiel as a kind virgin angel trick that hires Dean, Dick Roman as a cold, cruel trick that also hires Dean.

Redemption is a long, hard road so it's your choice to take the journey with Sam and Dean or not.

"Big White Room" by Jessie J sets the tone for the story and what Dean feels inside as he slips away.

…

Sitting in a big white room alone,
Tilt my head and feel the tears roll down.
Cause my eyes can't see in the dark,
I feel numb, broken, and so so scared.
I don't wanna be here anymore,
I wanna be somewhere else,
Roaming free, like I used to be.
But I have to stay in this big white room,
With little old me...
I'm going crazy,
I'm losing my mind.
I'm going crazy,
In this big white room of mine.
Sitting in a big white room alone,
Close the door,
Don't want the pain to come in.
I catch my tears,
And try to stay strong.
I cry, but feel sick.
My heart is beating out of control.
Can I run more faster than you?

John was packed and ready to go, he looked around the apartment that consisted of two rooms. There was a tiny bathroom and the rest was a couch that folded out, a kitchenette and two windows overlooking the alley. The one luxury, if you could call it that, was a an old TV that got exactly two channels, one in Spanish and one that only seemed to carry local news.

If Sam and Dean were lucky on the weekends they had a fishing program and if Sam got up early enough he caught a few cartoons while he ate a bowl of Happy O's with sugar packets Dean stole from a diner during a rare breakfast out.

"Ok guys you got everything you need?"

Dean hugged his dad, "I don't know why we can't come with you, besides you're gonna miss Sam's birthday…a kid only turns ten once in a lifetime you know."

John grabbed Sam and messed up his hair, "You forgive me right?"

"Sure dad you missed Deans so why should I be special?" Sam was being sarcastic but John never picked up on it. He grabbed his bags and made Dean go over the check list, "We got a bus map, a credit card and two IDs …um…knives, ammo and one revolver."

John gave him twenty dollars cash, "It's not much but the credit card should still be good for a couple weeks. The room is paid up for a month I'll be back before that and here Dean," he handed the boy the Impala keys, "your only fourteen so no driving unless you have to," he handed Dean a card with a local address and phone number, "A buddy of mine stored her for me, I don't want her parked out on the street or in an alley."

Dean held them up like he just found the Holy Grail, "You're serious?"

"I mean it Dean, emergencies only. I'm getting a ride from a hunter heading out on the same job, we're meeting up with a couple other guys. Ok you got my number, I'll see you both in about a week, remember you got a couple weeks of school left…Dean."

Dean gave his dad an innocent look, "What, right away you look at me! Sam could skip to you know."

Sam back kicked him in the butt, "Not likely, dads on to you." Dean gave him a shove onto the sofa bed, "Don't kick me Sam."

John watched them both and wondered if the two would kill each other in the course of a week but then he saw Sam grin at his brother and Dean gave Sam a wink, all was right with the world, " I love you guys."

They both chimed in, "Love you too dad." Sam was already at the window watching his dad hop in a beat up old Ford truck and leave. Dean was lying on the sofa bed reading a comic book he must have read a hundred times. Sam jumped on the bed next to him and turned on the fan, it was spring but the heat was already oppressive.

John had kept them in one spot long enough for the boys to finish out a school year and he promised the next place would be out of the city. Dean hated being stuck there, he was used to the road and school meant little to him. Sam on the other hand craved education and stability.

Sam snatched the comic away, "What are you reading Dean?" Dean grabbed it back, rolled it up and smacked him with it, "The one stupid comic book between us what do you think?"

Sam reached under the mattress and pulled out a skin mag, "Dad left this." Dean took it away and dropped the centerfold open, "whoa I didn't know he had this! Wow look at that…pretty nice right Sammy?"

Sam looked at her with curiosity and little else, "She's ok I guess, I don't think about that stuff like you do." Dean folded it back up and shoved it under the mattress, "Well your turning ten tomorrow so I suppose you don't."

Sam was walking his feet up the dirty wall and back down again then rolled on his stomach, he shoved his foot in Dean's back and shoved him laughing, "I bet you never did anything anyway."

"Shut up Sam, I've done stuff."

"Like what?"

"Like kissing and touching…I touched a boob."

Sam made a face, "Weird...over or under a bra?"

Dean was feeling embarrassed now, he talked a big game but at fourteen hadn't done a lot, he knew it was pointless to lie to Sam because his little brother could always tell when he was full of bullshit. "Over."

Sam started laughing and an angry Dean sat on him, "Stop laughing!"

"It's funny Dean, everyone thinks you're such a big deal. It's ok I don't think I'd want to sleep with you if you had sex, something gross might crawl on me." Sam started giggling again and Dean jammed his fingers in his brothers arm pits tickling him and making it worse.

"Sam you are such a bitch sometimes maybe tomorrow you can sit at home for your birthday."

Sam stopped laughing and grabbed Dean by the shirt, "Noooo come on Dean you promised we could do something fun." Dean fished out the twenty dollars John left them, "Twenty bucks worth of fun …what can we do with that?"

Dean got off and sat there staring at the twenty willing it to turn into a fifty, Sam rested his head in his brother's lap, " Pizza, cake and ice cream. I don't care as long as we do something, I'm so bored here I hate the city."

Dean pushed all the hair off Sam's face, "oh that's what you look like. Maybe we can get you a haircut tomorrow so people can tell you're a boy." Sam finger combed it back over his eyes, "Shut up I like my hair, you don't have any."

Dean ran his hands over the close cut, "Hey if you're hunting you don't want some monster to have something extra to grab right?"

Sam sighed, "I guess not…I'm hungry what we have left?" Dean looked in the fridge, "Beer, peanut butter, jelly and half a loaf of bread." Dean looked in the cupboard, "Cereal but no milk…cool we have some potato chips left!"

Sam covered up his face and groaned, "Yuck…well I'll mix some of the jelly with the cereal and peanut butter, we can pretend it's a bowl of doughnuts right?" That's just what they did and somehow that glop didn't taste so bad to them.

Sam dipped his fingers in the bowl then licked them off, "With some imagination and a good attitude I might not even barf this up."

Dean made a face, "Can you loan me some of that Sammy because I think I'm about to." Dean gave up and polished off the chips instead.

…..

Dean had change in his pocket, "Hey I got enough for a load of laundry, you got anything you need washed for school?" Sam gathered up their socks, underwear, and anything else they deemed filthy, they both stripped and stuffed it all in a bag.

Laundry night meant everything went in because they just had a couple changes of clothes so the boys would wait until the middle of the night, wrap towels around themselves and sneak down to do a load so everything was clean for the next week.

They made a game of it, slinking through the halls being as quiet as mice in the dim light then pounding down the stairs trying not to laugh, Sam was quicker but that only meant he lost his towel every time when Dean snatched it off and waved it in the air teasing him for streaking.

"Give it back Dean!"

"Come and get it Sam," Dean tossed the bag to the bottom and ran down past Sam with his brother in hot pursuit, they made it to the stark white laundry room with the flickering light and started a load. Dean tossed in Sam's towel and started laughing.

"God you are such a jerk Dean." His big brother could push all his buttons and Sam fell for it every time, he stood there frustrated covering himself with a magazine refusing to acknowledge him. This bothered Dean because he couldn't stand it when Sam didn't give him attention.

"Here wear mine you baby." He tossed his towel in Sam's face and hopped up on the table buck naked waiting for the load to get done. Sam made a face, "Gross thanks for the ass towel." He gratefully wrapped it around his waist and hopped up next to his brother.

Dean called his dad while they waited and it went to voice mail, "Dad just checking in, you should have called by now so let me know if you got there ok…um…so anyway love you bye."

Sam looked up at him worried, "He should have called by now…Dean he always calls right?"

"Hey dad can handle himself, he's fine." They sat there quietly both lost in their own thoughts and were surprised when the washer went off, the brothers didn't realize they had been down there that long.

"Dean do we have enough for the dryer?"

Dean spread the coins out, "Yeah for one round, we have to hang em after that."

…

The next morning Sam was up early jiggling the bed trying to wake his brother up without actually touching him, Dean opened one eye and sighed, "You want me up right..need that birthday spanking?"

"No I want breakfast and tonight I want pizza, cake and ice cream."

"That's gonna cost you Sammy." Sam squealed and tried to escape but Dean clamped onto his ankle and dragged the squirming, laughing ten year old over his lap. He leaned an elbow over his back and pinned Sam down, "Stop wiggling!"

Sam slapped his leg, "Let go perv." Dean let him go and sat there, "Fine get off me." Sam stopped moving and rested his head on his arms, "Just get it over with or I know I'll get it later."

"Nope you ruined the moment, no birthday spanking."

Sam wiggled his butt, "I'm not moving."

Dean yanked down his boxers and gave him ten hard slaps as Sam started screaming and laughing. Dean unceremoniously pushed him off and got up, "Jesus Sam the whole building is going to think I'm killing you!" He put on his jeans and tossed a clean t shirt to his brother, "Get dressed and I'll spring for a real breakfast."

….

Sam blew bubbles in his milk and watched his brother over his glass, "What are you looking at Sam?"

"Nothing…you look nice today."

"Weird…sure whatever I look nice."

The waitress came with their food, "So where is that father of yours today?" Dean gave her his sweetest smile, "Working ma'am."

The pretty brunette tapped her name tag, "Well tell him Julie says hello and I still owe him that dessert."

Sam made a face, "Gross she means sex."

Dean kicked him under that table, "Yeah sure I'll tell him."

They watched her walk away, "Geez Sam don't say everything that pops in your head!" Sam pointed a breakfast link at him, "Dad is sleeping with her."

"So what?"

"So yuck that's what, what are we going to do today?"

Dean looked at the twenty dollars, "Well after I pay for this I think we should have about ten bucks left, enough for pizza and ice cream for supper or what we should really do is get you new underwear and socks."

"Can't dad scam a new credit card and we can use the one we got at the ATM?

"Sam scam is such an ugly word…but yeah scam some new ones. Before this expires we can take some out but let's try to wait until dad gets back. It's for emergencies."

They sat there eating their breakfast both polishing off every single bite. When the waitress came back she asked if there was anything else.

Dean sat there looking up at her with big, soulful green eyes, "Today is Sammy's tenth birthday. I wish dad was here, he always gets us pie and ice cream to celebrate but…"

Dean let his voice drift off and looked down at the table while Sam played his part and sadly rested his head on the table looking at her like a lost puppy.

She looked at them both and started to tear up, "You know what, breakfast is on me, happy birthday Sam! I'll be right back."

She came back with two pieces of pie topped with vanilla ice cream and set them down, "You boys have a good day now ok?" They both said in unison "Thank you!"

Dean started shoveling it in and Sam ate his slowly, "I wanted cake and ice cream."

"Well you got free pie and that's the best pie there is so suck it up and eat it."

…..

They spent the rest of the day walking around window shopping together until Dean suggested Dumpster diving, "No way Dean you always put me in there to look around."

"Sam think of all the cool things we find though, look you go in and I promise you can shower when we get back and I'll do your laundry, even your shoes swear to god."

They found some magazines, a perfectly good jacket and a broken radio Dean was going to try to fix. By the time Dean fished his brother out Sam stunk and was covered in things they both had no desire to identify.

True to his word Dean stripped Sam, stuck him in the shower and washed his clothes since they still had the twenty dollars. Dean ran to the corner store and bought a little cake and a quart of ice cream then came back and ordered Sam a pizza with the toppings he liked the best.

When Sam got out of the shower he saw the cake and jumped on the bed excited, "I want cake now!"

"Tough, I ordered pizza, we eat that first."

Sam jumped on Deans back and wrapped his arms and legs around him, "Pizza? Wow you're the best Dean!"

Dean turned in circles trying to loosen the wet, naked monkey on his back but when Sam held on to Dean he never let go.

…..

Sam ran to the door when there was a knock, "Is it the pizza guy?" Dean walked up behind him, wrapped a towel around his waist and flicked his ear, "Seriously Sam you don't say it like that and you don't answer the door in the nude. Who is it?"

"Its Rick…I was hunting with John… is Dean there?"

Dean took the safety off and opened the door, "Where's dad?" Rick looked down at Sam then back to Dean, "Can I talk to you alone?"

Dean looked down at the jacket he was holding, it was torn and stained with dried blood, "Sam you stay here I'll be back."

TBC

(New story here so your reviews and thoughts are appreciated thanks)