COMPARISONS
By T'Pam
Disclaimer: Voyager and all her crew belong to
Paramount/Viacom. No copyright infringement is intended. No
profit will be made, as this story is just for fun.
Author's note: I wrote this little tale a couple of years ago
and thought I'd share it with you.
This is an AU story. What would Tom's life have been like if
he hadn't lied after Caldik Prime? What would have happened
if he'd told the truth, right from the start? Would his life
have turned out any differently, or would he still be where
he is now?
I have taken the liberty (please don't take my head,
Paramount - whoops, wrong program!) of using some direct
dialogue from the pilot episode, 'Caretaker'. There is also
a little taken from the episode 'Faces'. If you haven't seen
either episode or the episodes in between them, you might
find this a little confusing as I've left a lot out, assuming
that you already know what happened.
Codes: J&P, P/T.
Rated PG-13 - for disturbing images.
~^~
Comparisons
Part One
Tom Paris pushed through the crowded, noisy room looking
around desperately for an escape. Unfortunately, his father
caught his eye and beckoned him over. 'Damn it!' Tom muttered
to himself. The Admiral was standing with a group of Starfleet
Admirals and Captains, and the last thing he felt like doing
at the moment was facing a bunch of stiff necks and being
forced to make polite conversation. Tom quickly darted his
gaze away and continued to push his way out of the room.
Finally he reached the big double doors that led out onto the
patio and stumbled through them. Taking a few deep breaths of
fresh air he noticed with dismay that there were nearly as many
people out here as there were inside.
"Tommy," a voice called and he looked over to see his oldest
sister, Kathleen, pushing her way towards him. "Dad's really
outdone himself this time," she said as she reached him and
linked her arm through his. "This would have to be the
biggest party he's ever held." They walked out into the
gardens to get away from the crowd.
"Yeah, well its not every day his one and only son graduates
from Starfleet Academy," Tom said bitterly. "I don't even
know half these people. And the other half, I barely do."
Kathleen laughed lightly. "Trust Dad," she smiled. "He
*would* turn your graduation into an opportunity to improve
his public image."
Tom stopped in mid-stride, frowning fiercely. "I've got a
good mind to spend the rest of the night in my room."
"Dad would probably send a security team up to drag you down.
Grin and bear it, Tommy. Just like you have countless times
before. Let Dad have his little moment in the spotlight."
"This isn't what I wanted. I'm so sick of everything," Tom
said angrily. "I didn't want a big fuss made over my
graduation. Dad knew that. Gods, I wish he'd listen to me
just for once in my life."
Kathleen sighed tiredly. "I know, Tommy. But this means a
lot to Dad remember. This time last year it looked like your
career in Starfleet was over. If it wasn't for Admiral Brand
talking you out of throwing it all in and repeating your
final year instead, it would have been. Dad's dream would
have been too."
"Sometimes I wish I *had* quit."
"You don't mean that."
"Damn it, Kath, I'm going to be twenty-three years old in a
couple of months and most of the time I don't feel like I've
got a life at all. My whole life revolves around what Dad
wants me to do."
"I understand that, but just be patient. Soon you'll be on
your own. Away from Dad's influence and constant
interfering. You'll be on the Enterprise... Starfleet's most
coveted vessel. And there's no way in hell Captain Picard
will let Dad interfere. It's a dream come true for you."
Tom shook his head. "Charlie would have been on the
Enterprise now. We could have served together. I just
wish... well, you know," he ended softly.
Kathleen squeezed his arm as she nodded. "Tommy, the
accident was more than a year ago. You have to stop with all
the self recrimination."
"Kath, I killed them. All of them," he said in anguish. "My
three closest friends."
Kathleen hugged him tightly. "It was an accident. You made
a mistake. No one blames you."
"I blame myself."
"They wouldn't want this, Tommy. They'd want you to get on
with your life."
"I know," Tom said softly. "It's just so hard."
"There you are," someone cried racing towards them. "Tommy,
you'd better get back inside quick. Dad's about to send a
search party out for you." It was Moira, their sister.
"What's going on? Anything I should know about?"
Kathleen shook her head. "Tommy just needed to get away from
the crowd for a while."
"Jeez, I don't blame you. You do realize don't you, that
most of those people up there are complete strangers?"
Tom sighed. "We noticed."
"You know, if I wasn't such a loving, adoring sister, I could
be just a tiny bit jealous right now, little brother," Moira
teased. "Jeez, when Kath and I graduated uni Dad invited
about ten people."
"Hey, well, you're welcome to this mob," Tom answered
quietly.
"I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy," Moira laughed
before hugging him as well. The truth was, she adored her
younger brother. Both sisters did. He was special.
Although both sisters wished their father paid them a little
more attention than he did, neither of them wanted the kind
of attention that he lavished on Tom. Any jealous tendencies
had been wiped out years ago.
"Come on, you two," Moira said standing up straight and
linking her arm through Tom's. She gestured to Kathleen to do
the same. "We Paris kids will march in there with our heads
held high. Just as the Admiral drummed into us years ago.
We'll get you through this, Tommy. That's what big sisters
are for."
Tom couldn't help but laugh as he marched back up to the
house between them both. He'd be leaving in two weeks. He
wouldn't miss much about his life at the moment, but he'd
certainly miss them. And his mother, he thought as he saw
her heading down towards them, a worried frown on her face.
She smiled as she saw them approaching. It reminded her of
when they were children and they used to march around the
gardens. Only now Tom towered over his two older sisters.
"I was just coming to see if everything was all right," she
said as they stopped in front of her. "Your father wants you
to meet someone, Tom."
Tom sighed. "Let me guess. Another Admiral."
"No. A Commander this time. She's really very nice.
Kathryn Janeway. I'm sure you've heard your father speak of
her."
Tom grimaced. "His little protégé. The little science
officer he's single-handedly turning into a Captain? Gods,
haven't I been punished enough tonight?"
"Tom, don't be so quick to judge. She's a lovely lady," his
mother frowned.
"Mom's right, Tommy. Kathryn's great," Moira enthused. "And
you know I'm not one for all these Starfleet types."
"High praise indeed," Tom said sarcastically.
Kathleen gave a small laugh. "If you'd hung around the house
a little more over the past few years you would have met her
already. Just give her a chance."
"Yeah... right," Tom scoffed, but refrained from saying
anything else. He didn't want to upset his mother, but he
really didn't feel like meeting this drab little - yes Sir,
let me lick your boots clean, Sir - perfect Starfleet officer
his father was always talking about. He'd managed to avoid
meeting her up until now. He might have guessed that tonight
would be the night.
Sighing heavily he marched back into the crowd and decided
to get it over with, but if his father thought that he was
going to be all over this woman asking for help on how to be
the perfect officer too, he had another think coming.
******
Kathryn Janeway watched the young man standing in front of
her and decided she didn't like him. No, that wasn't strong
enough. She detested him. Smart aleck, spoilt brat. She
wanted to smack that insolent look right off his face.
The way that he'd acknowledged her when his father had
introduced them had been snide, and he continued to look at
her as if she were saying or doing something amusing. The
look in his eyes was mocking.
That this was the son of her mentor, the Thomas that she had
heard so much about, was a shock. He was rude and
insufferable and totally without any redeeming qualities that
she could see.
"Yes," he was saying. "You wouldn't believe how much my
father raves on about what a paragon of virtue you are.
Ah... If we could all only be like you."
"Thomas, I think you've said enough." Kathryn looked up into
the Admiral's face at the quiet rebuke. His eyes glimmered
dangerously, and he was turning a deep shade of red as he
glared at his son.
Tom barely glanced at him. "Have I embarrassed you,
Commander? Please accept my apologies."
Kathryn looked him up and down a small smile on her face.
She was pleased to notice that Tom turned a little red. Two
could play this game. "That's not necessary. I wasn't
embarrassed. I'm pleased to know that young people can look
up to me as an example. I'm sure if you try a little harder
you too can be a... um... paragon of virtue."
Tom turned redder and mock saluted her with his glass of
champagne. "Ah... but would anybody really want to be?" he
countered.
"How very astute," Kathryn said in the most condescending
tone she could, raising her glass also. "Admiral," she asked
turning towards him. "How old did you say your young son
was? Eighteen? Nineteen?" She watched Tom out of the corner
of her eye stiffen.
"Thomas is twenty-two, Kathryn. After all, he's just
graduated from the academy." There was a definite twinkle in
the Admiral's eye now.
"Really? Twenty-two? I'm surprised. I thought he must have
started at the academy early or something, but I forgot...
you actually repeated your final year, didn't you?" She
turned her icy stare back to Tom and saw the insolent,
mocking look wiped away. Genuine pain flashed through his
eyes and he turned a little pale.
Kathryn wished the words back at once. When would she learn?
She was always letting her temper get the better of her. She
knew all about Tom's past, of course, and knew that he had
had a difficult time coping after the accident near Caldik
Prime. The past year at the academy couldn't have been easy
either.
The majority of the other cadets had given him a pretty rough
time. Nobody trusted a pilot that could make a mistake and
kill three people. Nobody wanted to be in the same squadron
as him, and although she could understand the sentiment, it
must have been hard for him. She opened her mouth to
apologize, but Tom had already recovered his composure.
"That's right," he nodded. "I chose not to graduate last
year. I didn't feel I deserved to. I think I needed to be
punished and this last year has certainly been that. I still
think I was right." Kathryn was surprised at the sincerity
in his voice. Gone was the smart aleck, insolent young man
from before and in his place was someone Kathryn would have
liked to know. "Excuse me," Tom said suddenly. "I see
someone over there that I actually know and would actually
like to speak to." And with that he walked off.
Kathryn watched him go, speechless at his audacity. Did he
speak to all senior officers in that way? After all, he was
only an Ensign. Admiral's son or not. Her opinion of Tom
Paris reverted back to her original thoughts. If she never
had anything to do with him again it would be too soon.
"I must apologize for that," the Admiral said, obviously
embarrassed. "I don't know what got into him. He's not
usually like that."
'Yeah... right,' Kathryn thought to herself but she didn't
say it. She felt sorry for the poor Admiral, having a son
like that. The Admiral obviously worshipped the ground Tom
walked on. He was always talking about him, boasting about
his achievements, and since the accident, worrying about him.
And Tom just as obviously didn't care. He obviously took it
all for granted.
She wondered how he'd go on the Enterprise. Captain Picard
wouldn't put up with any nonsense, that's for sure. She
wondered why Picard had especially requested him, as from
what she could gather, nobody else had really wanted him.
She knew that Tom had become one of the most safety conscious
and careful pilots at the academy since Caldik Prime, but his
past would always hold him back. Knowing that Tom was a
gifted pilot, she was still a little surprised that Captain
Picard was willing to take him on.
She reassured the Admiral as best she could, trying not to
let him know just how awful she thought Tom really was until
Kathleen and Moira joined them.
"Hi, Kathryn," they both said at the same time. Kathleen
looked up at her father. She could tell by his face that
something had happened.
"Where's Tommy?" Moira asked.
"He's gone off somewhere with his friends," her father
answered shortly.
"Is something wrong?" Kathleen asked.
"I don't think Tom and I hit it off very well," Kathryn
answered diplomatically.
"Oh dear. I had a horrible feeling that he was going to give
you a hard time. What happened?"
Admiral Paris snorted. "Thomas was insubordinate."
"Oh! Did you put him on report?" Moira asked crisply.
The Admiral flushed angrily. "That's not funny, young lady.
I've had enough from your brother tonight."
"Well honestly, Dad, what did you expect? You know Tommy
didn't want any fuss and you organized all this." Moira
waved her arms around.
"It was a surprise for him. He could have been a little
grateful."
Kathryn privately agreed. She was a little surprised at
Moira. She'd been able to get to know both the Paris girls
quite well over the past few years and thought they were both
very polite and charming. She hadn't expected Moira to speak
to her father like that. And in front of someone outside the
family too.
"Moira... please," Kathleen said quickly. "Kathryn doesn't
need to hear our family squabbles."
Moira turned to her and smiled. "I'm sorry. You must think
I'm terribly rude."
"She probably thinks it runs in the family," Admiral Paris
said with a disapproving stare. "Please accept my apologies,
Kathryn."
"As I've already told you, there's nothing to apologize for,"
Kathryn said with a smile. The Admiral couldn't be held
responsible for his children... after all, they were adults
now, she decided.
Two more Admirals claimed Admiral Paris's attention just then
and Kathryn found herself alone with the two Paris sisters.
"I'm so sorry if Tommy was rude to you," Kathleen apologized.
"Well, it was hardly your fault," Kathryn answered dryly. "I
just hope he doesn't treat all senior officers he meets the
way he treated me. His career won't last long if he does."
"I'm afraid you've got the wrong idea about him," Kathleen
went on to explain. "He's had a bad night. Please excuse
him."
"You don't have to explain," Kathryn said quickly. Tom Paris
was obviously coddled by his sisters. Her opinion of him
went down even further. She decided to change the subject.
Tom had managed to avoid meeting her all these years, and
since he was assigned to the Enterprise she really didn't
believe that she would have to have anything to do with him
from now either. Anyway, she certainly hoped so.
******
Captain Kathryn Janeway stood on the bridge of her new ship.
The U.S.S. Voyager. NCC-74656. A new intrepid-class vessel,
especially designed for its maneuverability and speed.
Kathryn looked around proudly. It was a beautiful ship.
Sleek and modern. This was only the second intrepid-class
vessel ever built. And it was hers. If it wasn't for the
fact that she was worried sick about her Vulcan chief of
security, Tuvok, she would be completely happy.
Tuvok was more than just her security officer. He was a
trusted friend and he was missing. He'd been working
undercover infiltrating the Maquis, a group of rebels
fighting against the Federation-Cardassian treaty. He'd
failed to report in when he was supposed to and word had come
back from the Cardassians that a vessel, that from last
reports Tuvok had been aboard, had disappeared in the
Badlands.
Traveling through the Badlands was extremely hazardous, but
this new ship was especially designed for it. Kathryn itched
to get under way. The sound of the turbolift doors opening
behind her made her swivel around. Admiral Radissan stepped
out and smiled at her in greeting.
"Katie, I thought I might find you up here. Can't tear
yourself away?"
Kathryn smiled. "She's my baby."
"Well, baby or not, you should be home relaxing and getting
some sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow." Voyager was
scheduled to leave first thing in the morning and head for
Deep Space Nine.
Kathryn sighed. "I know. I just wanted to make sure
everything was ready. Last minute jitters, I suppose you
could say."
Admiral Radissan grinned at her. "Well, I have some
marvelous news for you. I've just come from a meeting with
Admiral Paris and we've come up with the perfect solution for
your piloting problems."
Voyager's chief helmsman had been called away suddenly.
Lieutenant Parkin's Mother had been taken seriously ill and
the Lieutenant had been given compassionate leave. Kathryn
had requested an experienced pilot to take his place, as this
mission would require better than average pilots.
"Thank you, Admiral, but I've had more than one skilled pilot
assigned now. Lieutenant Stadi will be taking over as chief
helmsman. She's a Betazoid with a lot of experience. We
should be fine."
"But wouldn't you prefer to have the best?"
"The best?"
"That's right. One of the best pilots in Starfleet just so
happens to be between postings at the moment. He's waiting
for the new Enterprise E to be finished. It's still quite a
few months down the track yet, so we thought he could come
with you. It's just temporary, of course. Just for this
mission, probably. I don't think Jean-Luc wants to part with
him permanently."
Kathryn felt a sick churning in her stomach. "That's really
not necessary, Admiral."
"Nonsense," Admiral Radissan chuckled. "It was Owen's idea,
and a good one at that."
"I assume we're talking about Tom Paris here?" Her voice was
more than a little dry.
Admiral Radissan frowned. "If you're worried about his past,
don't be. He's proven himself again and again on the
Enterprise. He never takes any chances with the safety of
the crew. The accident was a foolish mistake that happened
to a young man that had quite a lot of things to deal with at
the time. We are more than confident that nothing like that
would ever happen again."
"Oh, I'm sure of that too," Kathryn quickly agreed. "That's
not what I'm worried about. I just thought he would have
been busy. I'm surprised that he isn't."
"He's on leave at the moment. He hasn't had any for quite
some time." The Admiral nodded enthusiastically. "Quite a
stroke of luck actually. Apparently young Thomas was only
saying the other day that he would love to have the chance to
fly one of the new intrepid-class ships."
"Well lucky him." Kathryn couldn't help the sarcasm.
Admiral Radissan raised his eyebrows. "You're friends with
the family aren't you, so you know Tom, don't you?"
Kathryn shook her head. "I know the Admiral's wife and
daughters, but I've only met Tom once. It must have been
three years ago now, at least. Admiral, I'd really prefer
not to have him here. I don't need him."
"Lieutenant Paris is a fine officer. He'd be an asset to any
crew. Maneuvering through the Badlands is going to take the
best pilot you can get, and Tom's it."
Kathryn shook her head, an obstinate frown on her face.
"That wouldn't be fair to Lieutenant Stadi. She's really
looking forward to this mission. And she's more than
capable."
The Admiral crossed his arms across his chest and regarded
her steadily. "Kathryn," he said finally. "Lieutenant Stadi
will be assigned as your chief helmsman when you return from
this mission. I don't understand your attitude. It's almost
as if you don't like Tom, but you said you'd only met him
once."
"Once was quite enough," Kathryn answered shortly.
"I see. I gather he didn't make a favorable impression."
Kathryn snorted. "He did not."
Admiral Radissan frowned. "I have always found Tom to be
very likeable. Very easy to get along with and Jean-Luc
speaks very highly of him."
"Perhaps he didn't think I was worthy of impressing at the
time."
The Admiral frowned again. "I'm not sure I understand what
the problem is. So, you don't like him? Is it a rule that
Captains must like all their crew? Are you worried that he
won't follow orders? I can assure you that he will, and
besides, since when have you had a problem getting anyone to
toe-the-line? I won't force him onto you if you truly don't
believe that you can work with him... after all it's your
ship, but this mission is very important. You should have
the best people you possibly can have working under you."
Kathryn sighed. "You're right, of course. And I shouldn't
let my personal feelings affect my judgment."
The Admiral patted her arm. "That's the spirit. And quite
frankly, I don't think you'll regret this decision. Tom is a
very nice person. Just give him a chance. It can't be easy
trying to make a mark for yourself when you have an Admiral
as famous as Owen Paris for a father."
"Perhaps," she allowed. "And after all it's only for a few
weeks. Surely I can put up with him for that long."
Admiral Radissan smiled. "Three weeks at the most, Kathryn.
Three weeks at the most."
******
Tom threw himself on his bed and pounded the pillow in
disgust. He couldn't believe it. He'd just set everything
up to be temporarily assigned to the new shuttle testing
facility in Sydney, Australia, and now *this* happens. His
father had done it again. He pounded the pillow again and
then picking it up, threw it with all his might against the
door of his room.
A soft thud followed. The noise was not very satisfying.
Tom walked over and picked the pillow up, throwing it back
on his bed. Rummaging around in the back of his wardrobe he
found his bag and promptly started throwing his clothes into
it, without a lot of thought about what they might look like
when he pulled them back out again.
Slamming the doors of his cupboard with unnecessary force, he
scooped his padds and personal items from the top of his
bedside cupboard and threw them in on top of everything.
Gritting his teeth, he sank back down on the bed and wished
for about the thousandth time that he hadn't come home to
visit.
He wouldn't have either if Commander Riker hadn't made it
sound like an order. In the three years since he'd been
assigned to the Enterprise D, he had only come home once
before. That visit had been a disaster also. His father had
immediately started what could only be called an
interrogation and when Tom had sarcastically remarked that he
didn't realize he was at the Spanish inquisition, things had
deteriorated quickly.
He'd spent the rest of his visit flitting between his
sister's houses and only visited his mother when he was sure
his father wasn't home. The hurt she'd tried to hide still
pierced his heart more than two years later. That was why,
this time, he had been determined to make it up to her.
He had withstood his father's endless questions and comments
about everything he had done and should have done
differently, and his endless criticism about the Enterprise
and its crew. His father was obviously not one of Captain
Picard's fans. He had quietly disagreed with his father over
practically everything he said, but had managed to keep his
temper at all times. His mother's obvious pleasure had made
it all worthwhile.
And then he'd come home this evening practically bursting
with the news that Will Riker had just given him, to be told
he was being temporarily assigned to Voyager. Under Captain
Kathryn Janeway... no less, and he had to report first thing
in the morning.
"But, Dad, I can't go to Voyager. Commander Riker's set up
an interview for me with the shuttle testing center in
Sydney, tomorrow," he'd argued.
Admiral Paris had sniffed disdainfully. "A test pilot,
Thomas? I think not. I thought you'd outgrown all that
nonsense years ago."
Tom had flushed angrily. "No, Dad, I just put it on hold for
a while. It's something I've always wanted to do. Now's my
chance. Just until the Enterprise E is ready."
"You have more important things to do. Now it's all been
arranged, so there's not much sense arguing. You have orders
to follow."
"Naturally," Tom had replied bitterly.
"Thomas, I don't think you realize what an important
assignment this is. It will help your career. And you'll
get to test out the new intrepid class vessel. What more
could you want?"
"I want to do what *I* planned," Tom had answered quietly.
"The Commander went to a lot of trouble setting up this
interview for me and I can't just not turn up. That wouldn't
be very good for my career now either, would it?" he'd ended
sarcastically.
"Don't worry about that. I'll explain to them," his father
had said dismissively. "Perhaps Commander Riker could take
your place instead. That's probably what he should be doing
anyway."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Tom had asked, his voice
rising a little. His father had made quite a few cutting
remarks about all of his shipmates over the past few weeks,
but he had managed to ignore him up until then. But at that
moment... well he was spoiling for a fight.
"Will Riker has had the opportunity to captain his own ship
on numerous occasions and each time he's turned it down. The
man has no ambition. He should probably take himself right
out of the running."
Tom, whom respected and admired Will Riker, answered
furiously. "How dare you say that? The Borg would have
assimilated us all if it wasn't for him outsmarting them and
getting Captain Picard back. It was one of the first things
I was told about when I joined the crew. Everyone on that
ship thinks the world of the Commander. He made a decision
to stay aboard the Enterprise because he's happy and content
there. Quite frankly, I envy him."
"That's what worries me. Will Riker was one of the most
ambitious cadets we'd ever had at the academy. Gods! He
was a Commander by the age of thirty, and now look at him.
All of his aspirations gone. I won't allow you to do that."
"What are you saying? Are you crazy?" Tom had shouted,
bringing his mother hurrying into the room.
"I'm saying that this Voyager mission could be the turning
point in your career. The Maquis have to be stopped and if
you can be one of the key people instrumental in doing that
you could be a Lieutenant Commander by the end of the year.
Just think of that, Tom."
"I am," Tom had yelled. "It makes me want to puke."
"Thomas!" his father had roared while his mother had stepped
between them.
"I'm not sure what's happening here, but I won't have you
yelling at one another," she'd said firmly, the distress
obvious in her bright blue eyes. "Now, both of you calm down
and tell me what's going on."
When Tom had finished explaining, she had turned to her
husband. "I know why you did this, Owen, but you have to
stop it. Tom is a grown man. Let him lead his own life.
You have to stop interfering. You have to leave him alone."
"Fine." Owen Paris had turned away abruptly. "This is the
last time I'll try to help you, Thomas. You're on your own."
"Good," he'd said gruffly, not believing his father for a
moment, and then turning on his heel had marched from the
room.
Tom laid down on the bed and closed his eyes. He needed to
get some sleep. Tomorrow would be one hell of a day.
End Part One
By T'Pam
Disclaimer: Voyager and all her crew belong to
Paramount/Viacom. No copyright infringement is intended. No
profit will be made, as this story is just for fun.
Author's note: I wrote this little tale a couple of years ago
and thought I'd share it with you.
This is an AU story. What would Tom's life have been like if
he hadn't lied after Caldik Prime? What would have happened
if he'd told the truth, right from the start? Would his life
have turned out any differently, or would he still be where
he is now?
I have taken the liberty (please don't take my head,
Paramount - whoops, wrong program!) of using some direct
dialogue from the pilot episode, 'Caretaker'. There is also
a little taken from the episode 'Faces'. If you haven't seen
either episode or the episodes in between them, you might
find this a little confusing as I've left a lot out, assuming
that you already know what happened.
Codes: J&P, P/T.
Rated PG-13 - for disturbing images.
~^~
Comparisons
Part One
Tom Paris pushed through the crowded, noisy room looking
around desperately for an escape. Unfortunately, his father
caught his eye and beckoned him over. 'Damn it!' Tom muttered
to himself. The Admiral was standing with a group of Starfleet
Admirals and Captains, and the last thing he felt like doing
at the moment was facing a bunch of stiff necks and being
forced to make polite conversation. Tom quickly darted his
gaze away and continued to push his way out of the room.
Finally he reached the big double doors that led out onto the
patio and stumbled through them. Taking a few deep breaths of
fresh air he noticed with dismay that there were nearly as many
people out here as there were inside.
"Tommy," a voice called and he looked over to see his oldest
sister, Kathleen, pushing her way towards him. "Dad's really
outdone himself this time," she said as she reached him and
linked her arm through his. "This would have to be the
biggest party he's ever held." They walked out into the
gardens to get away from the crowd.
"Yeah, well its not every day his one and only son graduates
from Starfleet Academy," Tom said bitterly. "I don't even
know half these people. And the other half, I barely do."
Kathleen laughed lightly. "Trust Dad," she smiled. "He
*would* turn your graduation into an opportunity to improve
his public image."
Tom stopped in mid-stride, frowning fiercely. "I've got a
good mind to spend the rest of the night in my room."
"Dad would probably send a security team up to drag you down.
Grin and bear it, Tommy. Just like you have countless times
before. Let Dad have his little moment in the spotlight."
"This isn't what I wanted. I'm so sick of everything," Tom
said angrily. "I didn't want a big fuss made over my
graduation. Dad knew that. Gods, I wish he'd listen to me
just for once in my life."
Kathleen sighed tiredly. "I know, Tommy. But this means a
lot to Dad remember. This time last year it looked like your
career in Starfleet was over. If it wasn't for Admiral Brand
talking you out of throwing it all in and repeating your
final year instead, it would have been. Dad's dream would
have been too."
"Sometimes I wish I *had* quit."
"You don't mean that."
"Damn it, Kath, I'm going to be twenty-three years old in a
couple of months and most of the time I don't feel like I've
got a life at all. My whole life revolves around what Dad
wants me to do."
"I understand that, but just be patient. Soon you'll be on
your own. Away from Dad's influence and constant
interfering. You'll be on the Enterprise... Starfleet's most
coveted vessel. And there's no way in hell Captain Picard
will let Dad interfere. It's a dream come true for you."
Tom shook his head. "Charlie would have been on the
Enterprise now. We could have served together. I just
wish... well, you know," he ended softly.
Kathleen squeezed his arm as she nodded. "Tommy, the
accident was more than a year ago. You have to stop with all
the self recrimination."
"Kath, I killed them. All of them," he said in anguish. "My
three closest friends."
Kathleen hugged him tightly. "It was an accident. You made
a mistake. No one blames you."
"I blame myself."
"They wouldn't want this, Tommy. They'd want you to get on
with your life."
"I know," Tom said softly. "It's just so hard."
"There you are," someone cried racing towards them. "Tommy,
you'd better get back inside quick. Dad's about to send a
search party out for you." It was Moira, their sister.
"What's going on? Anything I should know about?"
Kathleen shook her head. "Tommy just needed to get away from
the crowd for a while."
"Jeez, I don't blame you. You do realize don't you, that
most of those people up there are complete strangers?"
Tom sighed. "We noticed."
"You know, if I wasn't such a loving, adoring sister, I could
be just a tiny bit jealous right now, little brother," Moira
teased. "Jeez, when Kath and I graduated uni Dad invited
about ten people."
"Hey, well, you're welcome to this mob," Tom answered
quietly.
"I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy," Moira laughed
before hugging him as well. The truth was, she adored her
younger brother. Both sisters did. He was special.
Although both sisters wished their father paid them a little
more attention than he did, neither of them wanted the kind
of attention that he lavished on Tom. Any jealous tendencies
had been wiped out years ago.
"Come on, you two," Moira said standing up straight and
linking her arm through Tom's. She gestured to Kathleen to do
the same. "We Paris kids will march in there with our heads
held high. Just as the Admiral drummed into us years ago.
We'll get you through this, Tommy. That's what big sisters
are for."
Tom couldn't help but laugh as he marched back up to the
house between them both. He'd be leaving in two weeks. He
wouldn't miss much about his life at the moment, but he'd
certainly miss them. And his mother, he thought as he saw
her heading down towards them, a worried frown on her face.
She smiled as she saw them approaching. It reminded her of
when they were children and they used to march around the
gardens. Only now Tom towered over his two older sisters.
"I was just coming to see if everything was all right," she
said as they stopped in front of her. "Your father wants you
to meet someone, Tom."
Tom sighed. "Let me guess. Another Admiral."
"No. A Commander this time. She's really very nice.
Kathryn Janeway. I'm sure you've heard your father speak of
her."
Tom grimaced. "His little protégé. The little science
officer he's single-handedly turning into a Captain? Gods,
haven't I been punished enough tonight?"
"Tom, don't be so quick to judge. She's a lovely lady," his
mother frowned.
"Mom's right, Tommy. Kathryn's great," Moira enthused. "And
you know I'm not one for all these Starfleet types."
"High praise indeed," Tom said sarcastically.
Kathleen gave a small laugh. "If you'd hung around the house
a little more over the past few years you would have met her
already. Just give her a chance."
"Yeah... right," Tom scoffed, but refrained from saying
anything else. He didn't want to upset his mother, but he
really didn't feel like meeting this drab little - yes Sir,
let me lick your boots clean, Sir - perfect Starfleet officer
his father was always talking about. He'd managed to avoid
meeting her up until now. He might have guessed that tonight
would be the night.
Sighing heavily he marched back into the crowd and decided
to get it over with, but if his father thought that he was
going to be all over this woman asking for help on how to be
the perfect officer too, he had another think coming.
******
Kathryn Janeway watched the young man standing in front of
her and decided she didn't like him. No, that wasn't strong
enough. She detested him. Smart aleck, spoilt brat. She
wanted to smack that insolent look right off his face.
The way that he'd acknowledged her when his father had
introduced them had been snide, and he continued to look at
her as if she were saying or doing something amusing. The
look in his eyes was mocking.
That this was the son of her mentor, the Thomas that she had
heard so much about, was a shock. He was rude and
insufferable and totally without any redeeming qualities that
she could see.
"Yes," he was saying. "You wouldn't believe how much my
father raves on about what a paragon of virtue you are.
Ah... If we could all only be like you."
"Thomas, I think you've said enough." Kathryn looked up into
the Admiral's face at the quiet rebuke. His eyes glimmered
dangerously, and he was turning a deep shade of red as he
glared at his son.
Tom barely glanced at him. "Have I embarrassed you,
Commander? Please accept my apologies."
Kathryn looked him up and down a small smile on her face.
She was pleased to notice that Tom turned a little red. Two
could play this game. "That's not necessary. I wasn't
embarrassed. I'm pleased to know that young people can look
up to me as an example. I'm sure if you try a little harder
you too can be a... um... paragon of virtue."
Tom turned redder and mock saluted her with his glass of
champagne. "Ah... but would anybody really want to be?" he
countered.
"How very astute," Kathryn said in the most condescending
tone she could, raising her glass also. "Admiral," she asked
turning towards him. "How old did you say your young son
was? Eighteen? Nineteen?" She watched Tom out of the corner
of her eye stiffen.
"Thomas is twenty-two, Kathryn. After all, he's just
graduated from the academy." There was a definite twinkle in
the Admiral's eye now.
"Really? Twenty-two? I'm surprised. I thought he must have
started at the academy early or something, but I forgot...
you actually repeated your final year, didn't you?" She
turned her icy stare back to Tom and saw the insolent,
mocking look wiped away. Genuine pain flashed through his
eyes and he turned a little pale.
Kathryn wished the words back at once. When would she learn?
She was always letting her temper get the better of her. She
knew all about Tom's past, of course, and knew that he had
had a difficult time coping after the accident near Caldik
Prime. The past year at the academy couldn't have been easy
either.
The majority of the other cadets had given him a pretty rough
time. Nobody trusted a pilot that could make a mistake and
kill three people. Nobody wanted to be in the same squadron
as him, and although she could understand the sentiment, it
must have been hard for him. She opened her mouth to
apologize, but Tom had already recovered his composure.
"That's right," he nodded. "I chose not to graduate last
year. I didn't feel I deserved to. I think I needed to be
punished and this last year has certainly been that. I still
think I was right." Kathryn was surprised at the sincerity
in his voice. Gone was the smart aleck, insolent young man
from before and in his place was someone Kathryn would have
liked to know. "Excuse me," Tom said suddenly. "I see
someone over there that I actually know and would actually
like to speak to." And with that he walked off.
Kathryn watched him go, speechless at his audacity. Did he
speak to all senior officers in that way? After all, he was
only an Ensign. Admiral's son or not. Her opinion of Tom
Paris reverted back to her original thoughts. If she never
had anything to do with him again it would be too soon.
"I must apologize for that," the Admiral said, obviously
embarrassed. "I don't know what got into him. He's not
usually like that."
'Yeah... right,' Kathryn thought to herself but she didn't
say it. She felt sorry for the poor Admiral, having a son
like that. The Admiral obviously worshipped the ground Tom
walked on. He was always talking about him, boasting about
his achievements, and since the accident, worrying about him.
And Tom just as obviously didn't care. He obviously took it
all for granted.
She wondered how he'd go on the Enterprise. Captain Picard
wouldn't put up with any nonsense, that's for sure. She
wondered why Picard had especially requested him, as from
what she could gather, nobody else had really wanted him.
She knew that Tom had become one of the most safety conscious
and careful pilots at the academy since Caldik Prime, but his
past would always hold him back. Knowing that Tom was a
gifted pilot, she was still a little surprised that Captain
Picard was willing to take him on.
She reassured the Admiral as best she could, trying not to
let him know just how awful she thought Tom really was until
Kathleen and Moira joined them.
"Hi, Kathryn," they both said at the same time. Kathleen
looked up at her father. She could tell by his face that
something had happened.
"Where's Tommy?" Moira asked.
"He's gone off somewhere with his friends," her father
answered shortly.
"Is something wrong?" Kathleen asked.
"I don't think Tom and I hit it off very well," Kathryn
answered diplomatically.
"Oh dear. I had a horrible feeling that he was going to give
you a hard time. What happened?"
Admiral Paris snorted. "Thomas was insubordinate."
"Oh! Did you put him on report?" Moira asked crisply.
The Admiral flushed angrily. "That's not funny, young lady.
I've had enough from your brother tonight."
"Well honestly, Dad, what did you expect? You know Tommy
didn't want any fuss and you organized all this." Moira
waved her arms around.
"It was a surprise for him. He could have been a little
grateful."
Kathryn privately agreed. She was a little surprised at
Moira. She'd been able to get to know both the Paris girls
quite well over the past few years and thought they were both
very polite and charming. She hadn't expected Moira to speak
to her father like that. And in front of someone outside the
family too.
"Moira... please," Kathleen said quickly. "Kathryn doesn't
need to hear our family squabbles."
Moira turned to her and smiled. "I'm sorry. You must think
I'm terribly rude."
"She probably thinks it runs in the family," Admiral Paris
said with a disapproving stare. "Please accept my apologies,
Kathryn."
"As I've already told you, there's nothing to apologize for,"
Kathryn said with a smile. The Admiral couldn't be held
responsible for his children... after all, they were adults
now, she decided.
Two more Admirals claimed Admiral Paris's attention just then
and Kathryn found herself alone with the two Paris sisters.
"I'm so sorry if Tommy was rude to you," Kathleen apologized.
"Well, it was hardly your fault," Kathryn answered dryly. "I
just hope he doesn't treat all senior officers he meets the
way he treated me. His career won't last long if he does."
"I'm afraid you've got the wrong idea about him," Kathleen
went on to explain. "He's had a bad night. Please excuse
him."
"You don't have to explain," Kathryn said quickly. Tom Paris
was obviously coddled by his sisters. Her opinion of him
went down even further. She decided to change the subject.
Tom had managed to avoid meeting her all these years, and
since he was assigned to the Enterprise she really didn't
believe that she would have to have anything to do with him
from now either. Anyway, she certainly hoped so.
******
Captain Kathryn Janeway stood on the bridge of her new ship.
The U.S.S. Voyager. NCC-74656. A new intrepid-class vessel,
especially designed for its maneuverability and speed.
Kathryn looked around proudly. It was a beautiful ship.
Sleek and modern. This was only the second intrepid-class
vessel ever built. And it was hers. If it wasn't for the
fact that she was worried sick about her Vulcan chief of
security, Tuvok, she would be completely happy.
Tuvok was more than just her security officer. He was a
trusted friend and he was missing. He'd been working
undercover infiltrating the Maquis, a group of rebels
fighting against the Federation-Cardassian treaty. He'd
failed to report in when he was supposed to and word had come
back from the Cardassians that a vessel, that from last
reports Tuvok had been aboard, had disappeared in the
Badlands.
Traveling through the Badlands was extremely hazardous, but
this new ship was especially designed for it. Kathryn itched
to get under way. The sound of the turbolift doors opening
behind her made her swivel around. Admiral Radissan stepped
out and smiled at her in greeting.
"Katie, I thought I might find you up here. Can't tear
yourself away?"
Kathryn smiled. "She's my baby."
"Well, baby or not, you should be home relaxing and getting
some sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow." Voyager was
scheduled to leave first thing in the morning and head for
Deep Space Nine.
Kathryn sighed. "I know. I just wanted to make sure
everything was ready. Last minute jitters, I suppose you
could say."
Admiral Radissan grinned at her. "Well, I have some
marvelous news for you. I've just come from a meeting with
Admiral Paris and we've come up with the perfect solution for
your piloting problems."
Voyager's chief helmsman had been called away suddenly.
Lieutenant Parkin's Mother had been taken seriously ill and
the Lieutenant had been given compassionate leave. Kathryn
had requested an experienced pilot to take his place, as this
mission would require better than average pilots.
"Thank you, Admiral, but I've had more than one skilled pilot
assigned now. Lieutenant Stadi will be taking over as chief
helmsman. She's a Betazoid with a lot of experience. We
should be fine."
"But wouldn't you prefer to have the best?"
"The best?"
"That's right. One of the best pilots in Starfleet just so
happens to be between postings at the moment. He's waiting
for the new Enterprise E to be finished. It's still quite a
few months down the track yet, so we thought he could come
with you. It's just temporary, of course. Just for this
mission, probably. I don't think Jean-Luc wants to part with
him permanently."
Kathryn felt a sick churning in her stomach. "That's really
not necessary, Admiral."
"Nonsense," Admiral Radissan chuckled. "It was Owen's idea,
and a good one at that."
"I assume we're talking about Tom Paris here?" Her voice was
more than a little dry.
Admiral Radissan frowned. "If you're worried about his past,
don't be. He's proven himself again and again on the
Enterprise. He never takes any chances with the safety of
the crew. The accident was a foolish mistake that happened
to a young man that had quite a lot of things to deal with at
the time. We are more than confident that nothing like that
would ever happen again."
"Oh, I'm sure of that too," Kathryn quickly agreed. "That's
not what I'm worried about. I just thought he would have
been busy. I'm surprised that he isn't."
"He's on leave at the moment. He hasn't had any for quite
some time." The Admiral nodded enthusiastically. "Quite a
stroke of luck actually. Apparently young Thomas was only
saying the other day that he would love to have the chance to
fly one of the new intrepid-class ships."
"Well lucky him." Kathryn couldn't help the sarcasm.
Admiral Radissan raised his eyebrows. "You're friends with
the family aren't you, so you know Tom, don't you?"
Kathryn shook her head. "I know the Admiral's wife and
daughters, but I've only met Tom once. It must have been
three years ago now, at least. Admiral, I'd really prefer
not to have him here. I don't need him."
"Lieutenant Paris is a fine officer. He'd be an asset to any
crew. Maneuvering through the Badlands is going to take the
best pilot you can get, and Tom's it."
Kathryn shook her head, an obstinate frown on her face.
"That wouldn't be fair to Lieutenant Stadi. She's really
looking forward to this mission. And she's more than
capable."
The Admiral crossed his arms across his chest and regarded
her steadily. "Kathryn," he said finally. "Lieutenant Stadi
will be assigned as your chief helmsman when you return from
this mission. I don't understand your attitude. It's almost
as if you don't like Tom, but you said you'd only met him
once."
"Once was quite enough," Kathryn answered shortly.
"I see. I gather he didn't make a favorable impression."
Kathryn snorted. "He did not."
Admiral Radissan frowned. "I have always found Tom to be
very likeable. Very easy to get along with and Jean-Luc
speaks very highly of him."
"Perhaps he didn't think I was worthy of impressing at the
time."
The Admiral frowned again. "I'm not sure I understand what
the problem is. So, you don't like him? Is it a rule that
Captains must like all their crew? Are you worried that he
won't follow orders? I can assure you that he will, and
besides, since when have you had a problem getting anyone to
toe-the-line? I won't force him onto you if you truly don't
believe that you can work with him... after all it's your
ship, but this mission is very important. You should have
the best people you possibly can have working under you."
Kathryn sighed. "You're right, of course. And I shouldn't
let my personal feelings affect my judgment."
The Admiral patted her arm. "That's the spirit. And quite
frankly, I don't think you'll regret this decision. Tom is a
very nice person. Just give him a chance. It can't be easy
trying to make a mark for yourself when you have an Admiral
as famous as Owen Paris for a father."
"Perhaps," she allowed. "And after all it's only for a few
weeks. Surely I can put up with him for that long."
Admiral Radissan smiled. "Three weeks at the most, Kathryn.
Three weeks at the most."
******
Tom threw himself on his bed and pounded the pillow in
disgust. He couldn't believe it. He'd just set everything
up to be temporarily assigned to the new shuttle testing
facility in Sydney, Australia, and now *this* happens. His
father had done it again. He pounded the pillow again and
then picking it up, threw it with all his might against the
door of his room.
A soft thud followed. The noise was not very satisfying.
Tom walked over and picked the pillow up, throwing it back
on his bed. Rummaging around in the back of his wardrobe he
found his bag and promptly started throwing his clothes into
it, without a lot of thought about what they might look like
when he pulled them back out again.
Slamming the doors of his cupboard with unnecessary force, he
scooped his padds and personal items from the top of his
bedside cupboard and threw them in on top of everything.
Gritting his teeth, he sank back down on the bed and wished
for about the thousandth time that he hadn't come home to
visit.
He wouldn't have either if Commander Riker hadn't made it
sound like an order. In the three years since he'd been
assigned to the Enterprise D, he had only come home once
before. That visit had been a disaster also. His father had
immediately started what could only be called an
interrogation and when Tom had sarcastically remarked that he
didn't realize he was at the Spanish inquisition, things had
deteriorated quickly.
He'd spent the rest of his visit flitting between his
sister's houses and only visited his mother when he was sure
his father wasn't home. The hurt she'd tried to hide still
pierced his heart more than two years later. That was why,
this time, he had been determined to make it up to her.
He had withstood his father's endless questions and comments
about everything he had done and should have done
differently, and his endless criticism about the Enterprise
and its crew. His father was obviously not one of Captain
Picard's fans. He had quietly disagreed with his father over
practically everything he said, but had managed to keep his
temper at all times. His mother's obvious pleasure had made
it all worthwhile.
And then he'd come home this evening practically bursting
with the news that Will Riker had just given him, to be told
he was being temporarily assigned to Voyager. Under Captain
Kathryn Janeway... no less, and he had to report first thing
in the morning.
"But, Dad, I can't go to Voyager. Commander Riker's set up
an interview for me with the shuttle testing center in
Sydney, tomorrow," he'd argued.
Admiral Paris had sniffed disdainfully. "A test pilot,
Thomas? I think not. I thought you'd outgrown all that
nonsense years ago."
Tom had flushed angrily. "No, Dad, I just put it on hold for
a while. It's something I've always wanted to do. Now's my
chance. Just until the Enterprise E is ready."
"You have more important things to do. Now it's all been
arranged, so there's not much sense arguing. You have orders
to follow."
"Naturally," Tom had replied bitterly.
"Thomas, I don't think you realize what an important
assignment this is. It will help your career. And you'll
get to test out the new intrepid class vessel. What more
could you want?"
"I want to do what *I* planned," Tom had answered quietly.
"The Commander went to a lot of trouble setting up this
interview for me and I can't just not turn up. That wouldn't
be very good for my career now either, would it?" he'd ended
sarcastically.
"Don't worry about that. I'll explain to them," his father
had said dismissively. "Perhaps Commander Riker could take
your place instead. That's probably what he should be doing
anyway."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Tom had asked, his voice
rising a little. His father had made quite a few cutting
remarks about all of his shipmates over the past few weeks,
but he had managed to ignore him up until then. But at that
moment... well he was spoiling for a fight.
"Will Riker has had the opportunity to captain his own ship
on numerous occasions and each time he's turned it down. The
man has no ambition. He should probably take himself right
out of the running."
Tom, whom respected and admired Will Riker, answered
furiously. "How dare you say that? The Borg would have
assimilated us all if it wasn't for him outsmarting them and
getting Captain Picard back. It was one of the first things
I was told about when I joined the crew. Everyone on that
ship thinks the world of the Commander. He made a decision
to stay aboard the Enterprise because he's happy and content
there. Quite frankly, I envy him."
"That's what worries me. Will Riker was one of the most
ambitious cadets we'd ever had at the academy. Gods! He
was a Commander by the age of thirty, and now look at him.
All of his aspirations gone. I won't allow you to do that."
"What are you saying? Are you crazy?" Tom had shouted,
bringing his mother hurrying into the room.
"I'm saying that this Voyager mission could be the turning
point in your career. The Maquis have to be stopped and if
you can be one of the key people instrumental in doing that
you could be a Lieutenant Commander by the end of the year.
Just think of that, Tom."
"I am," Tom had yelled. "It makes me want to puke."
"Thomas!" his father had roared while his mother had stepped
between them.
"I'm not sure what's happening here, but I won't have you
yelling at one another," she'd said firmly, the distress
obvious in her bright blue eyes. "Now, both of you calm down
and tell me what's going on."
When Tom had finished explaining, she had turned to her
husband. "I know why you did this, Owen, but you have to
stop it. Tom is a grown man. Let him lead his own life.
You have to stop interfering. You have to leave him alone."
"Fine." Owen Paris had turned away abruptly. "This is the
last time I'll try to help you, Thomas. You're on your own."
"Good," he'd said gruffly, not believing his father for a
moment, and then turning on his heel had marched from the
room.
Tom laid down on the bed and closed his eyes. He needed to
get some sleep. Tomorrow would be one hell of a day.
End Part One