Disclaimer: This is an original work of fanfiction based on characters and stories written by others. No infringement on their rights is intended by this story. Star Wars and the Star Wars Universe are the intellectual property of George Lucas. Naruto Uzumaki, the characters and ninja world seen in story are the intellectual property of Masashi Kishimoto.
Attack of the Clones: A Naruto/Jedi Crossover
Episode 1: Konoha's Shadow Menace
Obiwan Kenobi looked at the damage to the J-Type 327 Nubian and sighed in resignation. "It looks like we'll need some replacement parts for the hyperdrive if we ever plan on getting to Coruscant. I told you that letting the kid fly the ship was a bad idea, especially after watching him run that 'pod race' and nearly get himself killed."
Qui-Gon Jinn looked at his apprentice appraisingly, observing how the younger Jedi was dealing with the situation. While his duties as a mentor and trainer certainly included passing on techniques in the Force and both armed and unarmed combat styles, the primary duty of a Jedi Master towards his padawan was to pass on the teachings and philosophy of the Jedi Order. Teaching someone to become powerful would be of no value to the Republic if in the end they turned to darkness and sought destruction and vengeance through the Dark Side of the Force and started killing everyone. It wouldn't do for that to happen. Yet again.
"How far is it from here to the nearest spaceport then, Obiwan?" Qui-Gon asked, searching his apprentice for tell-tale signs of exasperation or impatience, which might lead to outright anger.
"Oh, not far. A few lightyears in any direction, master," Obiwan quipped.
Qui-Gon's calm expression darkened momentarily. "What do you mean? Are there no settlements on this planet? I thought you said this planet was inhabited."
"Oh, it is, Master Qui-Gon," his apprentice answered stoically. "The computer database estimates a population in the high hundreds of thousands or low millions based on previous anthropological data."
"Anthropological data?" the Jedi Master echoed. "As in, the kind given on a planet-wide habitat preserve, that kind of anthropological data?" He paused for a moment, pondering the implications. They were on an inhabited world with a human or humanoid population, but left preserved from outside interference by treaty and order of the Galactic Senate. There wouldn't be any place that could service a spaceship anywhere.
"Hey, I can fix it. I can fix anything," little Anakin piped up from behind and started inspecting the hyperdrive. "Let me take a look. Hmm, looks to me like the thermal giga-amputator is leaking oil."
Using the Force, Obiwan pulled the boy away from the hyperdrive by his britches. "First of all, stop making up names for parts to complex machinery, and second, that's not oil. It's a lubricant."
"Good work, Anakin, you've discovered the problem with the hyperdrive." Qui-Gon said, giving the boy a pat on the head while Obiwan rolled his eyes. "My padawan and I will leave the ship and go find a suitable replacement."
"Wait," came a feminine voice. "Why don't we signal for help? Surely someone will come and rescue us!" It was Padmé, the queen of Naboo's chief handmaiden and spokesperson.
"Because, simple handmaiden," the Jedi said condescendingly, "if we set off a signal the Trade Federation ships or perhaps one of the Hutts would locate us and then Queen Amidala would be taken hostage. You wouldn't want that, now would you? Now leave the thinking to us Jedi."
Padmé frowned. "Isn't there some kind of secret frequency that you Jedi have that you can use to contact other Jedi without everyone else finding out about it? Why don't you use that? Just program it into the ship's computer and someone will come rescue us."
"That does sound like a good plan, Master. In fact, we probably should have done that on Tatooine instead of betting our ship on that boy winning a race," Obiwan chimed in.
The Jedi Master considered things for a moment. Then he shook his head. "No, no, we'll stick to my plan. Let's go, my young padawan."
"Then I'm coming with you," the handmaiden of the Queen insisted.
"No, you're not," Qui-Gon ordered. "Just stay with the ship. Serve tea, or flirt with the eight year old kid or something."
And with that, the Jedi set off into the forest.
Naruto: Attack of the Clones!
"I think I sense a presence, master," Obiwan whispered to his teacher.
"Most likely your imagination, I doubt there's anyone Force-sensitive on this primitive planet."
"If you say so, but—"
A dozen long metal knife-like weapons struck the ground in a circle around them. A pair of figures appeared among the trees, wearing black robes and white ceramic masks.
"You were saying, master?" Obiwan said to his teacher with a touch of reproof.
"Ah, young padawan, that was a test, which, sadly, you failed," Qui-Gon replied with a sigh.
"A test? I said—"
"That you sensed a presence up ahead. And yet, did you act on your knowledge? No, you trusted me above your own feelings. You have to learn to trust your own instincts and not follow others blindly, Obiwan."
"I see. So, to teach me a lesson, you have us get captured by natives?"
"A small price to pay for a valuable lesson."
"Well then… thank you, master."
The lead figure drew another one of those knives, a weapon that Obiwan remembered being referred to by his Jedi Academy instructors as a kunai, a weapon used by some clans of warriors or more primitive planets. After pulling the weapon out, the figure spoke something in a language neither he nor Qui-Gon could understand.
"Anata wa, sono ha no kakusareta mura no chikaku ni wa nani o ryokō shite imasu ka?"
"Seems they don't speak Basic. Hold on, let me turn on my Universal Translator."
Obiwan turned to his teacher in surprise. "Your what? How can you have a Universal Translator? When did you get that? I've never heard of such a thing!"
"I got it off of a ship from a galaxy far, far away in an alternate future parallel universe. It was created by some kind of United Federation of Planets or some such. Unfortunately, it was all part of a temporal anomaly of some sort and the entire universe ended up being wiped out by a time travel paradox. I accept no responsibility for any of it."
"Wait, then how do you still have the device? How are you even here, and how do you even remember any of what happened? This makes no sense at all!"
"Deus ex machina, my young padawan, deus ex machina." Qui-Gon Jinn pulled a pair of arrow-shaped metal devices from his robes and handed one to his apprentice. "Here, put this on. A lot less annoying than having to deal with a language barrier or having C-3PO as a translator. Trust me."
Qui-Gon spread his arms out wide in a greeting. "Hail, my cloaked friends. We are simple travelers in your lands looking for hyperdrive lubricant fluid compatible with a J-Type 327 Nubian. Do you happen to know where we can get something like that?"
Obiwan slapped his hand over his forehead. "Master, they don't have spaceships around here, remember?" he said quietly.
At the confused looks from the two figures in front of them, Qui-Gon started making large gestures with his hands and talking in very simple words. "We. Sky-ship people. You. Simple savages. You-Savages, take We-Sky-ship-people go look yucky water. Ok?"
The two figures looked at each other in confusion.
"Have you ever heard of the Hidden Village of the Sky Ship people?" one of the ANBU said to the other.
"Never heard of it. Maybe it's not a ninja village, just a small town full of idiots or something. Probably from over near Cloud?"
"Doesn't matter. They're too close to the village, we had better interrogate…watch out!"
A hail of senbon passed straight though where the ANBU black-ops ninja had just been, as the pair sprang out of the way from the unexpected attack.
"Iwa-nin!" one of the pair shouted as a large group of enemies began attacking.
The ring of steel on steel reached the pair of Jedi's ears as two more of the robed and masked ninja appeared out of seemingly nowhere to join their teammates against an onslaught of around a dozen strange vicious looking ninja with the symbol of two pentagon-like shapes, one larger than the other, on the metal bands on their foreheads. Suddenly a pair of the newly arrived ninja charged towards the Jedi, weapons in hand.
Obiwan and Qui-Gon ignited their lightsabers just as the threatening ninja approached. Kunai met lightsaber, but to the great shock of the onrushing ninja, the Jedi's weapons slid through the metal like a superhot plasma weapon through butter. The momentum of the ninja caused them to continue forward and the pair of Jedi cleanly sliced off the hands of the attackers.
The Iwa ninja screamed like little girls. Well, actually, they screamed more like grown men with their hands cut off, but they still screamed.
Another of the attacking ninja turned towards the two Jedi and put his hands together in a strange sign while yelling out "Doton: Doryūsō!"
"Master, I get the feeling that the ground around us is about to explode towards us in the form of a spike."
"Probably just your imagination, Obiwan."
Obiwan Kenobi leapt back away from his position as a spear of solid earth shot out of the ground right where he had been standing. He noticed Qui-Gon had leapt away as well.
"Very good, you're learning," his teacher remarked to him with a nod.
"Thank you, master."
The Jedi watched as one of the masked ninja they had been talking to turned on the ninja that had just attacked them and yelled out, "Katon: Endan!" and spat three globs of what appeared to be oil out of his mouth. The balls of oil turned into fire, catching the Iwa ninja and causing him to explode into flames.
"Master Qui-Gon, why aren't the words they are saying while attacking translating, like the rest of their speech?"
"It adds local color, Obiwan. But if you must, we could make them translate alongside the romaji."
"Okay, but then why are they yelling out the attack they are about to make? Why tell your opponent ahead of time what you are about to do?"
"You have to learn to let go of yourself, Obiwan. Go with the flow. Now, follow my lead."
The Jedi Master leapt to the ground, his student following behind.
"Force Push: Throw my opponent 20 feet away to slam into a tree!" Qui-Gon yelled out as he extended his hands towards one of the attacking enemies. The Iwa ninja was thrown 20 feet away to crash into a tree with a crunch.
Obiwan jumped into the midst of three of the attacking ninja.
"Ataru Lightsaber Style: Stab my opponent on the left, jump over a slice from a kunai, somersault, over the one in front of me's head and disembowel him!" he yelled. As soon as he landed, Obiwan stabbed the opponent on his left while the opponent right in front of him was trying to stab him with his kunai. Obiwan immediately somersaulted over the ninja in front of him's head, turned and disemboweled him with his lightsaber. Unfortunately, Obiwan barely had time to register the incoming senbon thrown his way, but fortunately, one of the masked figures knocked those attacks out of the air with carefully thrown shuriken, preventing the Jedi from getting skewered.
Defeating the remaining Iwa intruders was easily accomplished once the Jedi and Leaf ninja had joined forces. In the end, the two Jedi stood together in front of the four black robed ANBU ninja, while the remaining Iwa ninja quickly retreated.
"Impressive fighting," the lead ANBU ninja said. "You have great skill and unusual techniques. But why did your apprentice shout out everything he was going to do before attacking? That third Iwa ninja knew exactly where your student was going to land because he had been told what was going to happen. Pretty foolish thing to do."
Qui-Gon shrugged his shoulders. "I have no clue what he was thinking. Sometimes, I think he just doesn't get it. By the way, do you have any explanation for why enemy ninja suddenly showed up and attacked?"
"No idea. But it was sure lucky they did, otherwise we wouldn't have been able to tell that the two of you were good guys." The other three masked ninja nodded in agreement.
There was a pause as neither group could see a good way to transition from this to something more constructive. "Obiwan, what do you suppose a couple of alien visitors from space would say in a situation like this to speed things along?"
"Take me to your leader?"
"Oh yeah, that's the ticket!"