A/N: I just really wanted some sort of mention of Jesse St. James in the first episode of season five, considering her audition was at the St. James theater and they brought back Vocal Adrenaline, but I didn't get it. So, I figured I'd right a fic about it. I'm not sure how I feel about Jesse in this - I've never written him post-season three, but I figured he'd be a bit more vulnerable now. Although I was upset that I didn't get to throw in any of his snark, I think it still came out okay. Also, the end of the chapter is sort of supposed to foreshadow the next episode, just so you're aware. I hope you enjoy!
He picked up on the third ring. Rachel Berry has always known Jesse St. James to pick up on the first ring, but maybe things were different now. She hadn't spoken to him over the phone since the egg incident in her sophomore year and she hadn't spoken to him, period, since Nationals almost a year ago now. She didn't even know where he was - Akron; coaching VA? LA; trying to beg his way back into college? New York; following the same path as her? The possibilities were endless. Still, even if they weren't close, it felt right to tell him. She'd had that feeling since leaving the St. James theatre after her audition. Besides, he had been the one to say it was an inevitability.
"Rachel." She bit down on her lip as she heard his voice come from the other end of the line. So he still had her number in his phone. She'd had to search through a box in her bedroom to find her diary from back when she was fifteen, the place where she'd taped in Jesse's number, surrounded by hearts drawn by her favourite pink pen.
"Jesse," she responded, a small smile creeping onto her face as she said his name for the first time in far too long. "I… How are you?" she asked, beginning to pace around the room as she waited for a response. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe this was wrong. Maybe he didn't want to talk to her. But no - if he hadn't wanted to talk to her, he wouldn't have picked up. And he'd picked up on the third ring.
"Mediocre," he admitted, and she could almost picture him shrugging as he spoke. Rachel knew him too well. At least, she thought she did. She still wasn't sure what aspects of their relationship had been real. Some of it had been, considering Jesse had come back to Lima to see her after being kicked out of UCLA. Other parts, though, had to purely be fabrications. He hadn't liked her at the beginning. She had just been a pawn and he had been playing her, trying to get her closer to her mother.
"I have something to tell you," she said, stopping her pacing, keeping herself rooted in one place in her bedroom. She reached to smooth down the apron she was still wearing.
There was silence on the other end for a moment. "Well, go on," Jesse finally said, causing Rachel's smile to widen as she felt a small blush creep up her cheeks.
"Right, sorry," she muttered, laughing nervously as she pushed her bangs out of her eyes. She exhaled, trying to prepare herself. She didn't want to sound too excited when she told him. "Jesse, I- I got it. I got Fanny Brice. I'm going to be playing Fanny Brice in the revival of Funny Girl!"
Silence again. Rachel began to chew nervously on her bottom lip. Finally, Jesse's voice was heard once more. "Rachel, that's amazing. I knew you were going to be a star some day and… here you are."
She felt her cheeks grow warmer as she made her way over to her bed, perching herself on it. "I know. It's been my dream to play Fanny since I was a little girl and it's finally coming true and it just feels so right, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," he said softly. His end of the line went silent again and Rachel began to fiddle with her quilt. She knew he still had more to say. Jesse St. James always had to get the last word. She'd learned that over the years. "I tried out," he finally said. "For Nicky Arnstein, obviously. The director said that I just wasn't right for the part."
It was Rachel's turn to be silent this time. She swallowed hard. She hadn't known that. If she had, she wouldn't have called to tell him about Fanny. Now she felt horrible, knowing that she'd brought it up again. "I'm sorry, Jesse. They're wrong, you know. I think you would have made an amazing Nicky. You're extremely talented. They would have been lucky to have someone like you." She grinned, but felt her brow begin to furrow as she thought more about what Jesse had said. "When did you watch Funny Girl?" Despite both of their interests in Broadway shows, Jesse had always been the one to prefer rock musicals and anything by Stephen Sondheim. Rachel had always preferred anything that was a classic - Sound of Music, West Side Story, Oklahoma.
"I watched it after Nationals," he explained. Rachel wasn't certain which Nationals he was talking about. It could have been the last Nationals that Vocal Adrenaline had won, or it could have been the Nationals in New York, or it could have even been the Nationals that Jesse had coached Vocal Adrenaline for the previous year. It didn't really matter, though. He'd watched it after their relationship was over. He'd watched it because of her, she was sure of it. That thought alone caused her to dip her head down in an attempt to hide her blush, even if Jesse couldn't see her face. "So, what about NYADA? Will you defer your enrolment so you can focus on the show, or will you try and juggle both?" he asked, seeming to be honestly curious in how she planned to continue her post-secondary education.
"I'll speak to Madam Tibideaux about it, I guess," she responded. Quite honestly, she hadn't thought too much on the specifics of it. It had only been an hour, maybe less, since the director had told her that she'd be playing the part of Fanny. That was the only thought that seemed to be going through her mind. She was Fanny. She'd gotten Fanny. That was all that really mattered in the heat of the moment.
Jesse cleared his throat and she could almost imagine him nervously running his hands through his hair, wherever it was that he was. "About Miss Tibideaux," he began, clearing his throat once more. "Rachel, did she ever tell you why she chose to accept you? You know, after the choke job you pulled at your audition."
She bit down on her lip. She tried not to think about what had happened at her NYADA audition and yet, here Jesse was, bringing it up again. Maybe this was his payback for her reminding him that he didn't get the part of Nicky. "No, she never mentioned it," Rachel responded, shrugging as she spoke. "I always presumed it was due to my amazing performance at Nationals. The Celine Dion solo, my duet with Finn-"
"Rachel, I spoke to Miss Tibideaux about you," Jesse cut in.
Rachel was silent for a moment, trying to process what he had just said. "Jesse, what do you mean?" she asked, sitting up straighter as she awaited his answer.
"I… After Nationals, after the New Directions performed, I saw her in the lobby. And I told her how you were destined to be a star. I told her how you were one of the greatest performers I had ever seen. I told her that she would never regret accepting you into NYADA."
She let out a breath that she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. "You… you really did that? For me?"
"Of course."
Rachel let her eyes flutter close for a moment, taking it all in. To think - perhaps without the assistance of Jesse St. James, she wouldn't be where she was today. She wouldn't be living in New York with Kurt and Santana. She wouldn't be playing the role of Fanny Brice on Broadway. Kurt would never have reapplied for NYADA. Santana would have never left Louisville for New York. All thanks to Jesse St. James. "Jesse, I don't know how to thank you for that," she finally said softly. "Did you really mean all of those things you said? Do you really believe that I'm one of the most talented people you've ever seen."
The voice on the other end of the line was as sincere as she had ever heard Jesse St. James be. "Of course," he repeated. "You're even more talented than I am. And don't argue that, because I know it's true. You're playing Fanny, Rachel, and I can't even get a job as a singing waiter at Johnny Rockets. I've tried for commercials and bit-parts. I'm a college flunk-out living in a rundown apartment in New York, trying to make it on his own. I may have been talented in Akron, and I may still be talented now, but not enough."
Sighing, Rachel pulled her legs up to her chest, holding them there tightly. "Maybe the right part just hasn't come along yet, Jesse. You're a four times national show choir champion. Your rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody was-"
"Flawless, I know," he responded, and she could just imagine the way that he would roll his eyes. "But that was then. That was three years ago. I'm not eighteen anymore. I'm twenty one, Rachel, and the real world isn't like the show choir world. I thought I was something great when I was in high school. I thought I was so great that I didn't think I needed a back-up and now I'm realizing… I do. But I have nothing I can do. The teachers at Carmel were always pulling strings to keep my grades as impeccable as they were - I barely attended any of those classes. I don't know enough to try and choose a new career path. I always thought performing was my destiny, but now I'm realizing just how tough show biz really is."
Rachel pulled on the bottom of her dress, thinking over what Jesse had said. "If I could talk to the director. If I could get him to offer you a role in the show! It wouldn't be much, but it would be something. It would be a start. A way to get your foot in the door."
More silence. This silence lasted longer than the last two and Rachel had even glanced at her phone to make sure that the connection had not been lost. Finally, she heard Jesse's voice. "You'd do that for me?"
"Of course," she said, grinning. "We're friends, aren't we?" At least, she assumed they were friends. "We'd be able to work together, and it would be my thanks for you helping me get into NYADA."
"I don't want a pity part," he said, instantly growing defensive.
She sighed. "Jesse, I know that you had big dreams of becoming a star and those dreams were dashed by the reality of show business, but I think you should take the part. It's not out of pity. It's out of thanks. Out of caring. Like I said, we're friends."
Rachel could hear him sigh. "You think this would get my name out there?" he asked.
"Yes, Jesse, it would. And then you can go out there and show them all what they were missing when they turned you away. You'll go back to being the Jesse that I knew." And loved, she wanted to add, but she didn't feel very comfortable bringing their past back into this.
"Thank you, Rachel."
"You're welcome, Jesse."
Silence.
"I should go," he said, and she could hear some shuffling in the background. "I have to be at work in an hour."
"Right, okay," she said, swinging her legs off of the bed and setting her feet down on the floor. "Good luck with everything, Jesse."
"You too, Rachel," he replied. "And congratulations, again. I'm sure you and Finn will love to take this opportunity to celebrate."
Hearing his name left a dull pang in her stomach. "I… haven't actually told Finn yet. We… broke up. Last fall. He's in Lima now, actually, studying to be a teacher."
"Oh." There was more shuffling in the background and it sounded almost as though Jesse had dropped something. "Oh," he repeated. "Well, celebrating stag is still always a good option. I should go. It was good talking to you."
And with that, he hung up. Without so much as a real goodbye. Rachel brought the cellphone away from her ear, staring down at the screen. Finn. She had to call and tell Finn. He'd been part of the reason that she'd even received the callback in the first place. He'd helped her just as much as Jesse had, even if she was only now learning just how much assistance Jesse had given her.
She quickly dialled Finn's number and brought the phone up to her ear. It rang once. Twice. Three times. She continued to listen to the ringing until his answering machine picked up her call. "Hi, Finn. It's Rachel. Call me back when you get this, okay? I have something I have to tell you." She hung up, setting the phone down on her bed. When he called back, she'd tell him her good news. In the meantime, she had a call to make to the director and a favour to ask of him.