Death by Negligence

by Arty Diane

What's the best way to annoy someone? Sing a parody of a famous song for them of course! Unrelated one-shots, where characters sing parodies to tick someone else off. No one is safe from singing or being sung at, no matter if they're the British government, or a tenant of 221 Baker Street! It's the Drugs squad's turn to sing...

1. Death by Negligence

This silly fic struck me late at night. The original song is "Poor thing" from the movie "Sweeney Todd" Read and review!

I don't own BBC Sherlock (unfortunately) or Sweeny Todd (fortunately!)

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Mycroft walked up the steps of 221 B. He heard Sherlock and John talking to each other from behind the flat's closed door, when suddenly the volume of the conversation increased.

"Noooooooooo!"

"Calm down John!"

"I can't! I can't believe this!"

"It's alright; there is no need to over-react."

"I'm a horrible person, Harry trusted me with it."

"You are not a horrible person, John. This could have happened to anyone."

"No Sherlock, it's dead, and it's all my fault."

"There is no need to panic John!"

"This qualifies as death by negligence, there is every reason to panic!"

"Calm down, take deep breaths."

"I killed it, I'm a murderer!"

"It wasn't a human."

"I'll plead for non-man-slaughter then."

Mycroft burst into the room "Who's dead?"

"My mobile phone!" John wailed.

Mycroft raised an eyebrow "Pardon?"

Sherlock patted John's shoulder "The battery of his mobile phone ran out."

"Why don't you plug it in then?" Mycroft was confused.

John clutched the lightless phone to his chest in an exaggerated manner. Sherlock continued to pat him. "It's Okay, let it all out, it'll make you feel better."

"Can I commemorate it by a song?"

"Really John, there is no need…"

"You can leave if you want Mycroft." Sherlock told him airily.

"Actually I'm here for-"

Just then John began to sing :

There was a mobile phone and its charger

And it was useful

It was handed down to a brother

To keep him to the sister tether

And it was useful

(Spoken) John: Nokia, N97 was its make

Sherlock: What was its cause of death?

John: Overuse

The brother used this phone you see

Handy little thing

Lent 'round a bit

Had great reception and never missed a ping

Poor thing

Poor thing

It had great reception

Poor thing

Poor thing

Great for making a clear connection

I blame myself for its misfortune

So I sing this dirge although out of tune.

Poor thing

Poor thing

Mycroft was exasperated "O please John, this is really too much"

Mycroft has to endure me sing

Poor thing

Poor thing

When the rhyme bug decides to sting

You either join in or leave the floor

And on your way out do shut the door!

Poor thing

Poor thing

Mycroft was out of the door before John had finished the last refrain.

Mycroft was no match for my rhyme, y'see,

And I don't think my way was too cruel.

Mission accomplished in record time, y'see,

Worked better than wails and mime, y'see!

Poor soul!

Poor thing!

"That was brilliant John! If I knew singing a parody of a song would get rid of him, I would have taken up the practice much sooner."

"Great! What musical number are we going to watch next?"