A Xenogears fanfic
It's all my fault...
Lacan stared hopelessly at the unconscious, auburn haired young woman who lay before him. Even in sleep she looked like an angel, her snow white cloak and dress spread like wings around her. Her injuries had all been attended to and healed and the anesthetic should have worn off by now. Yet still, she refused to awaken.
It's all my fault...all of it...
The mood within the dark green walls of the medical ward was anything but joyful for the three men that stood watch over her. It had been that way since Sophia was wheeled in there several hours ago. Everyone returned from that ambush in the battlefield wounded not only in body, but in spirit as well. Most of the combatants barely managed to escape with their lives, but it was Sophia who took the brunt of the damage. She did it for them. She wanted to protect them even if it meant her life and indeed, it nearly came to that. No one felt the pain of that near loss more than Krelian, who led the Resistance Armed Forces, and Lacan, who was supposed to protect her.
Lacan stole a quick glance at the other two men in the room before returning his gaze to Sophia. Neither of their expressions had changed at all in the past two hours since he last looked at them. Roni Fatima was still looking between everyone present, his concerned blue eyes watching over them all. Krelian looked as brooding as ever, staring at Sophia with unreadable green eyes while casting the occasional venomous glance at Lacan. The tension between the two seemed especially thick, with Lacan bearing the full weight of both his own mistake and Krelian's anger. Lacan could not shake Krelian's words out there on the battlefield, when he shoved him from Sophia's side:
"...You keep back! I knew we couldn't leave Sophia in your care! I'll protect her... even if it costs me my life!"
Maybe he's right... Lacan thought to himself. He's far stronger and more intelligent than I'll ever be. He'd be much more capable of protecting her than me...than someone who panics and tries to run away from the truth...
Roni watched as Lacan's shoulders slumped even lower. Krelian's eyes narrowed, as though he were poised to strike if Lacan did so much as reach out to Sophia. This is ridiculous. He thought with a shake of his blonde head. While he could understand why Krelian was so angry with Lacan, he could not stand to watch this little mind game his superior was playing now. Roni knew how both Krelian and Lacan felt about Sophia. He also knew that while they were both friends, Krelian considered himself somewhat superior in both knowledge and strength to the young artist. Lacan never had much faith in himself, Roni discovered that much when they discussed the painting of Sophia, when Lacan decided to stop working on it. Roni decided that this game should stop now, before the conflict reaches a point that could jeopardize everything they had worked for.
"Krel...why don't you get some rest now?" Roni said in suggestion. "You've been up since yesterday, haven't you?"
Krelian cast a sidelong glance at Roni, the first time he'd taken his eyes off Sophia in hours. "I'm fine. I'll keep watch here a little while longer." He replied in a tired, raspy voice.
"But you look ready to fall over. Some sleep would do you some good, especially right now." Roni said with more urgency in his voice.
"I'm not worried about myself. Now isn't the time for me to sleep." Krelian shot back irritably. He cast a quick glance at Lacan to make sure he didn't move.
Roni knew from the start this wouldn't be easy, but even so he went on. "Don't give me that! You're the head of the military forces here. If the others see you dead on your feet like this, the morale around here will drop straight to hell."
Krelian struggled with the decision, knowing that Roni spoke the truth. He needed all his energy to take care of things while Sophia was unconscious. But...to leave her with HIM... He shot another hateful glare at Lacan. He isn't worthy of her. He couldn't protect her. He couldn't even finish a simple portrait because he felt weak in the knees whenever she looked at him. He's so damned wishy-washy and yet she still...she still...
"I'll watch her if that'll make you feel better." Roni spoke up, reading Krelian's mind. "She's recovered from her injuries and it's only a matter of time before she wakes up. You just concentrate on handling things with the sect for now. You're the only one who can keep it stable right now."
"All right. I understand..." Krelian sighed in defeat and turned to leave. As he reached the door to the medical ward, he shot another glance at Lacan and opened his mouth to say something. Thinking better of it, he opened the door and walked through. Roni followed close behind, giving Lacan a meaningful look before he too passed through.
Roni...you're a godsend... Lacan thought as he pulled up a chair and sat next to Sophia's bed. He shakily reached out and took hold of one of her small hands, a small wave of relief filling him as much as the warmth from her hands did. Her delicate body rose and fell with her breathing, her face looking ever peaceful as she continued sleeping.
Her eyes are still closed. I know they'll open again...but... Will you ever look at me the same way again? Will you ever show me that special smile you always do...even after I failed you so many times...
The burden became too much for Lacan and his face fell beside her, his body shaking with sobs and tears that longed to be released. "Failed...I failed you, Elly... What did I ever do to deserve... Oh Elly..." He didn't understand anything, didn't understand her. A beautiful yet frail young girl full of love and life. He was never full of self-confidence. In fact, he was a loner by nature. They had grown up together in his village and it seemed that no matter what the time or day, she always showed him a smile that seemed reserved especially for him. Even when they were growing up. Even when they went their separate ways, she showed him that smile. Even when he painted her portrait, it was that same smile. And now, because of his blunder, she may never show him that smile ever again.
He felt a hand caressing the back of his head, fingers threading through his black hair. He slowly rose his head, expecting Krelian to crush his skull any second. Instead, he found sea blue eyes and a pale face framed by vibrant red staring back at him with loving concern.
"E....Elly...?" Lacan stared in both relief and disbelief.
"What's wrong, Lacan?" Elly asked in a soft voice.
Lacan fumbled his words as he replied. "I...I thought I lost you. I thought...because of me..you'd never..."
"I know." Eli's mouth spread into that special smile. A smile full of nothing but love. "It's not your fault, Lacan. It was never your fault. People get hurt in battle. I knew that when I decided to accompany you. In all honesty I was terrified, but I knew you'd always be there..."
"It's not just that!" Lacan said with a sigh. "It's everything. All this time you've shown nothing but love for me, you've always smiled for me. Even when I painted you, I didn't understand why. I'm not worthy of your smile... Who am I? I'm just a mere artist, and you're the Holy Mother of Nisan. I just don't understand why you'd give such a special smile to someone as pathetic as me..."
Elly squeezed his hand tightly. "Because you're more than a 'mere artist'. And I'm more than just a 'Holy Mother'. To me, you've always been the one who was always by my side. You never deserted me, no matter the time. And you...you've always treated me differently from everyone else. You were always so sweet and kind to me. Everyone saw me as the hope and salvation of the world, but to you I was always just 'Elly'. I liked it that way, just two normal people doing things together without a care in the world."
"Elly..." Lacan choked back some of his tears.
Elly shifted over in her bed so her face was inches from Lacan's face. "I didn't want this. Sure, I wanted to give people hope, but I still wanted to be a normal girl. A normal girl who grows up, falls in love, and lives happily ever after. It may not be reality, but one can always dream, right? All I ever dreamed about was spending the rest of my life with you, Lacan."
Lacan froze on the spot, unable to speak or move as Elly leaned forward and softly touched her lips to his. His whole body went numb and he could feel nothing except for the small, warm hand that he still held. As she pulled back from the kiss Lacan suddenly felt light as air, all the burdens he carried disappeared from his shoulders.
"I love you, Lacan..." Elly said softly, her smile seeming to glow.
"Elly...I..." Lacan faltered then tried again. "...I love you, too."
Their lips met again, both their hearts and souls intertwined as though
pulled together by fate. To Elly, it was something she had longed
to say and do with this one man alone. To Lacan, this woman alone
was enough to make life complete. Nothing else matter except Elly.
And her special smile.
Disclaimer: Xenogears and all it's characters are owned by Squaresoft. I'm merely borrowing from their imagination.
Author's notes:
- I don't often write fics based on video games and anime, but I just
felt the need to write something for Xenogears. Especially since
I can't seem to find anything on Lacan and Elly's life. I thought
I'd touch on their relationship the way I saw it, before all hell broke
loose on the game. For those who've played, you know what I mean.
^_^
- Did I make Lacan sound too much like a crybaby? I'm usually not that good at portraying characters, but I kinda figured he was "always a pessimist" as Roni Fatima said in the game. I just hope I didn't go overboard.
- I also hope that I didn't make this story too sappy, especially towards the end. I guess I'm a sucker for sappy romances, but I haven't written too many of them. I at least hope that whoever reads this will have enjoyed it. ^^;