Disclaimers apply.

Summer Shadows

By Dark Sadistic Angel

(Edited).

'Duo, what are you doing?'

Heero's shocked voice interrupted his focus, causing Duo to almost drop what he was holding as he jerked and swung around to face his former partner.

Duo blinked at Heero, his mind still not comprehending the sight of the dark hair Preventer in his bedroom apartment.

'Well I... what are you doing here?' his suddenly weak knees dropped his ass onto his bed as Duo sat down abruptly. A moment ago, they had been as strong as his resolution- but the sight of Heero had temporarily scattered his senses.

Heero didn't answer his question. Instead, he walked over to Duo's bed and sat down without permission beside Duo. The weight of the other man made the bed shift to his side.

'Asking what are you doing,' Heero stated blandly. 'So Duo- to repeat, what are you doing?'

Duo looked guilty. He figited by transferring the weight of the item he held from one hand to another. Like a hot potato.

'And don't tell me it's nothing,' Heero growled.

'Well, what do you want me to say?'

'The truth.'

'Why? Isn't it obvious?' Duo finally settled on holding the weight tightly with both of his hands. His left hand wrapped around his right as he tucked it protectively away from Heero's sight between the space of his open thighs. He also shifted forward on the edges of the bed. It was a vain effort to hid what he had been doing. Rather stupid actually, since Heero had already seen it and was not impressed, but Duo felt embarrassed with things out in the open.

'Maybe I should have asked- why?'

'Should there be a reason why?' Duo asked lightly. 'Sometimes you just... well, you know, do things without thinking things through. Just act.'

'Don't do it.'

'Why the hell not?'

'Don't.'

'Heck Heero, it's not like I'm doing anything to harm the world. I'm not going out by strapping bombs to my body and exploding in some random mall. You make it like what I'm doing is a crime.'

'It is.'

'Not in this country, it isn't. We've got freedom of everything here. We make our own laws.'

'Explain.'

'It's in the constitution, man. Haven't you've read it?'

'You know I'm not asking you that. I'm asking you to explain to me- why?'

'Heero- it's long past the time when you're entitled to any explanation, you know. I'm not your partner anymore.' Duo snorted. 'Not that I think I've ever was. You being the all so damn holier than thou type with your head up in the clouds, no wonder you're inclined to be judgemental all the god damn time. Ever thought you don't have right to do so?'

'No.'

'Well, you don't. You're not my partner anymore. You're not my lover, and you're sure as hell aren't a friend!'

Heero flinched.

'I'm tired, Heero. Go away.'

'No.'

'I swear Heero. If you don't, I will shoot you.'

Duo glared at the brown hair man. Heero looked back at him, his expression just as grim.

'That would be a crime, I believe. Even here. You're a Preventer agent, Duo.'

'Former Preventer agent, I quit months ago,' Duo corrected. 'Good point, though. But like I said, some things you do without thinking through a whole bunch of crap. Especially when you're pissed- you just act. Bang, and then maybe you're sorry afterwards. But that is a big if. Summer time heat, y'know. Makes the head dizzy and the palm sweaty and trigger finger slippery enough to be twitch back by accident. Especially Summer now in this god forsaken city. Swear the smog in this shithold will get you high enough and out of your right mind. Fucking as bad as Summer in L2, with them broken air filters onboard.'

'Duo... I'm not going.'

'Why? We're strangers.'

'No strangers could have shared what we had.'

'A one night stand that went wrong?'

'It wasn't just one night. Duo, remember?'

'Oh yeah, there was that other accidental time in the damn field,' Duo tried for sacarsm but instead his breath hitched. That long Summer afternoon had been spent in the fields of a hillside during the time when... the illusion of perfection had held. When he had thought he had finally gotten everything. Stability, peace, and a loving partner. Only that illusion had broke quite quickly. When Heero had disappeared on him with only a short, cryptic note that he had to go, at first he'd thought the Preventer head, le madam Lady Une, had called Heero in on short notice on some sort of undercover mission. Only to find the Preventer head herself geniunely puzzled by Heero's absence when he asked. He'd have rang the alarm bells then and there if it weren't for a secured voice cast Duo found on his communicator after that private meeting with Une. On it, a stiff, monotone Heero had instructed him to meet him at a hotel- in a nearby town six hours outside the city, south of the main external highway route. Duo didn't know why the hell Heero was there, but didn't question the invitation. Instead, he'd taken a vehicle from the office pool at lunchtime, and made off to visit a small town he'd only ever known previously as some small random dot on the map. The bubble of non-reality he lived in even lasted up to that night he met Heero at the hotel. It was the morning after, that shattered it.

'I'm sorry, Duo.'

'I know, you made it clear then.'

'No,' Heero shook his head. 'I'm sorry for that.'

'Not getting you, man. But hey- I rather not. Rather you fuck off and get out of my bedroom, to leave me be alone.'

A firm hand came down between Duo's legs, and forcible pressed down on his two clasped hands, trapping them on top of the bed mattress as Heero leant in. Beneath his pinned hands, the handgun he clasped dug into his hands.

'Not with that gun, I'm not. Not when you planning to kill yourself. Now, give the gun to me.'

Duo glared darkened.

'Just do it, Duo.'

Duo slipped his fingers out from Heero's tight grip and allowed Heero to take the handgun. He knew better to go against Heero. His former partner was notriously stronger than Superman himself.

'You know, this is only a temporarily delay to my plans, you know. I can get around obstructions like this. I can get another gun, easy.'

'Is that what you call people begging for you to live? Obstructions? Is that why you damn well didn't leave anyone warning? The other said you said you were taking a trip- but you lied!'

'I don't lie, Heero. I just told Quatre, Trowa and Wufei I was going on a trip. And I would have.'

'So they couldn't stop you? If I didn't come here tonight... you would have... you would have-'

'Fuck yeah- I would have damn well blown my brains out by now as scheduled.'

'Why didn't you tell somebody-?'

'And give warning? Fuck man, suicide notes are so lame. They're nothing more than a call for attention from wannabes who don't know what the fuck they're doing. I know what I'm doing and I sure as hell don't anyone- especially you- barging in to stop me. I don't talk shit- I do shit. I don't see anyone begging here, only ordering. You've got no right to take that away from me.'

'You're right, I don't. But I love you.'

'...what?'

'I love-'

'I heard what you fucking said. I'm just questioning what fucking crack have you've been smoking? I mean- what the hell? What is this spin you're shitting me on about?'

Heero looked into Duo's eyes, his Prussian depths no longer the hardened grey-blue clouds they had been. Instead, they were dark as turbulent storms and filled with regret.

'I'm sorry, Duo. I shouldn't have, but I did. I know it is late- very late late and what I did wasn't forgivable. But please... don't do that. Never that.'

'Go away, Heero. This time, I really mean it. Go the hell, fuck away from me. What the hell do you think, after all these months, that you're at all entitled to care about me?'

'This.'

Heero lifted up Duo's black handgun and started to press the muzzle against his temple.

'Heero-!'

The sound of the explosion was near deafing to Duo's ears even though he'd fitted the handgun with a silencer. It really couldn't have been so loud. But in reality, movement couldn't have been as slow as his perception either as Duo knocked the gun away from Heero's hands. The gun clattered down against the metal bedframe with a keening clang that echoed Duo's shouted swearing. The handgun shot out another bullet to scar the oppossing wall with a matching imprint to the first shot. But Duo didn't turn his head to look sideways at the bullet hole. He was far too occupied with staring into Heero's staring, open eyes.

'...Heero...' he breathed out with a half sob. 'Damn you.'

Dark, long brown lashes closed over Prussian blue eyes then opened again as Heero smiled tightly at Duo. Oh gods, he was alive. Duo could have wept if he wasn't still shaking from adrenaline and fear.

'See?' Heero whispered huskily.

'Heero- I fucking hate you!' Duo shouted. 'You damn cocky bastard. Why don't you go to hell? It's been nearly a fucking year- why the hell do I still care for you?'

'I don't know. But I had hoped... that maybe it was the same for you. That Summer... it was so hot and bright- but I couldn't help but notice the shadow the sun casted on the field was so long... I felt the darkness was going to take you when you laid underneath me, even as you came alive in my arms. And those shadows only grew longer as the sun went down, Duo. Until the only heat I could feel was your body beneath me in the darkness. Then I had the thought- what if you disappeared too? It scared me... Duo... I've... never felt fear until then. It sent me running. I damn drove to the next town in blind panic, just being stupid. I had thought if I didn't see you- then I wanted to see you- and you came- I couldn't resist just one last kiss then- I didn't mean to lose control. But I did. The next morning, I pushed you away to keep you away because I still had thought there was a chance that... Damnit, I've been in hell away from you.'

'Liar! Eleven months is nearly a fucking year- it's Summer time again, you prick! How dare you come back like this. You're nothing but a liar.'

'I know! I've realised... it wasn't fear I felt then. Real fear was what I felt when I walked into here today and saw you looking out your window- at those stupid wilted dehyrated flowers you've got on your window still... And with that gun to you head! It was then... I realised what true hell would be... I'm sorry, Duo. I'm so sorry. Can't we start again?'

'Spring's the season for love, Heero. It's long past. Soon it'd be a Autumn passing briefly before a long Winter's death.' In contradiction to his refusal, Duo melted himself over Heero's sprayed body on the bed. He embraced Heero tightly. He couldn't stop himself. Although he could see there was no bullet hole in Heero's head, and he knew Heero was alive- he needed the reassurance of Heero's heartbeat against his own chest. He'd clearly been sucessful at knocking the gun out from Heero's hand before he could shoot himself, but Duo was still shaky.

'Please...? Doesn't Spring come again?'

'Yeah, for those who live past Winter. But there'd always be long shadows in the Summer time,' Duo said softly against Heero's neck, just below Heero's ear. 'And they'll get longer 'till they cover the place when the sunlight disappears. Regardless of the season, there's always night. I don't want to be in the dark too, Heero. And you left me there. It's cold there on your own, you know?'

'Yes... I do.'

'But because of your choice. I'd rather leave you now than you leave me ever again- do you understand me? I'm a coward, just like you are.'

Fingers lightly tilted his head to the side then soft lips sought his. After a brief hesitation, Duo allowed Heero to kiss him.

When Duo drew away, he heard Heero's breath hitch.

'Thank you, Duo.'

Fin.

DSA