A/N: So wow yeah it's been a long time, a really long time since I've done any writing like this, but that's life for ya. I've only just recently gotten into Doctor Who this past year and am absolutely obsessed. I'm finding myself suddenly inspired to do things I haven't in a really long time, like write and even start making fanvids again (link in profile if any ones interested in seeing those).
This thing will most likely be a one off story in more ways than one (free time is pretty scarce and usually taken up with vidding) but I'm willing to keep open to the possibility of more someday.
Apologies if this thing is rough as hell around the edges, it's not betaed, but it wouldn't leave me be until I got it out.
"Why?" Staring at the empty space where the TARDIS had just moments ago been Rose felt her world crashing down around her, "Why…..again….?"
"Because he wanted you to be happy," The Meta Doctor answered simply.
Confusion lacing her expression Rose whipped her head around to stare at the man next to her. "In what possible universe could abandoning me make me happy?"
"And to not hate him…." he dropped his head.
"Hate? I could never hate him, even after all of this I don't hate him." Rose returned her gaze back to where the TARDIS no longer sat, a distant gaze in her eyes. "I love him and was ready to spend the rest of my life with him. That's what would've made me happy." She turned tear filled eyes back imploring him to make sense of it all.
With a small sigh The Meta Doctor tightened his hold on Rose's hand and led her over to a small cropping of rocks so they could sit down. Taking a moment to stare off into the distance he gathered his thoughts, trying to explain. "Yes in the beginning you would've been happy, but over time you would have come to resent him, to possibly even hate him."
Rose opened her mouth to again protest, but The Meta Doctor held his free hand up to stop her. "Please let me get this out, it's important that you understand…." his voice cracked slightly "Important that I make you understand." Rose nodded allowing him to continue.
"Rose he could never love you the way you love him, not fully. He could never completely give you the kind of intimacy that humans need and crave. And honestly you wouldn't be able to give those things completely to him either." The Meta paused seeing a lone tear slide down Rose's face and fought to hold in his own tears. "Time Lords, we - they - don't feel and express love and intimacy the same way that humans do. For you it's all about the physical for Time Lords it's all about the mental. Think of Time Lords as being an entire race of asexual beings, they achieve intimacy not through physical means, but by mentally bonding with each other, by opening themselves up and allowing another to merge and become one with their essence."
"So what, my being human means I could never mentally bond with him?" The tears were flowing freely now.
"Not entirely, not on that level, no. But he could have initiated something that was close enough if he'd been willing."
"But he wasn't…."
The Meta let out a deep sigh, "Rose you have to understand that, that kind of bond is very powerful and very life long. The two most powerful bonds a Time Lord will ever have is with their life mate and with their children."
Rose inhaled sharply, she had known on a basic level that The Doctor had been a father once, which presumably meant he'd been a husband once as well, but it was one of those taboo topics that he would never speak of other than the random offhanded comment. Seeing her reaction The meta Doctor tried to elaborate.
"Time Lords don't procreate like humans do, they use what's called a Loom. Basically it's a device that 'weaves' genetic material together to create new life. What a lot of outsiders don't know is that the process requires more than just genetic material from the parents, it also requires a mental component. When it's decided that the parents are ready they will mentally merge together so deeply and strongly that for a brief moment they are no longer individuals but one solidified entity and it's that psychic energy that kick starts the whole process and bonds the family together."
His own tears now falling The Meta took a moment to try and steady himself before continuing. "To lose even one of those bonds can be devastating, soul crushing for a Time Lord, but to lose all of them at once it's almost incomprehensible…." He trailed off, darkness clouding his eyes.
"The Time War," Rose squeezed his hand, laying her head on his shoulder.
"It nearly destroyed him, probably would have if you hadn't come along and showed him that maybe just maybe there was still a tiny piece of his heart and soul left that could on some level love again." Suddenly feeling antsy and the need to be on the move The Meta Doctor stood up and still tightly clasping Rose's hand gently pulled her along as he started walking along the beach.
Jackie who had been sitting on the beach a short distance away on the phone (presumably with Pete) saw the two on the move and began to get up. Taking notice the Meta Doctor made eye contact and after a brief moment Jackie gave a slight nod and sat back down, both coming to an understanding that this was something important he and Rose needed to settle on their own and that she should stay put.
The two strolled along the beach in silence both lost in their own thoughts for a time before the Meta once again began to speak. "Even after all these years that piece of his heart is still so tiny and fragile and he knew that if he fully let you in, let you touch it then that would be the end of it. To let you do that and then to inevitably lose you to time while he continued on would shatter that last little bit and heavens help the Universe if a Heartless Doctor were ever unleashed upon it, The Master's madness would pale in comparison."
Scrubbing a hand through his hair he pulled Rose around to face him and leaned forward to touch his forehead to hers. "If you'd stayed with him nothing would have really changed between you, it would have been just like it was before. He still would've held your hand and hugged you and maybe occasionally kissed you but that would have been it he wouldn't have allowed anything else, would've been unable of committing to anything more. And maybe in the beginning that would have been enough for you but eventually you would have demanded more, more that he would be unable to give to you and that in turn he feared would lead to resentment and hatred, which is something he could never live with. So instead he let you go, left you here-."
"With you," Rose interjected.
"With me," he nodded, "to try and find the happiness you deserve."
"And what about you?" She demanded. "You're still part Time Lord will you be capable of getting what you need?"
"Yes," there was no denying the absolute conviction in his voice. "Because I'm also part human, I can give you the physical and unlike him I'm willing to let you give me the mental, there's no danger of me setting the universe ablaze with grief if I lost you." He gave a small dry chuckle, "Mind you I'd still probably go mad with inconsolable grief at the loss I just wouldn't be able to destroy the universe with my madness." Pausing for a moment he lightly kissed the back of Rose's hand. "We both only have one life to live now and I want to live it out with you, if you'll have me."
"No."
That one word felt like a physical blow to the Meta Doctor, he quickly dropped Rose's hand as if he'd been burned. Feeling his single heart stop and the air rush from his lungs Meta tried to make a hasty retreat but was stopped when Rose snatched his hand back and none to gently yanked him back to her.
"That wasn't a forever no, that was a for now no." Gripping the back of his head with her free hand she brought their foreheads back together again. "Despite what everyone says you're not him, not entirely, you're not the same man I fell in love with." His sharp intake of breath made her pause briefly but she pushed on, "But you know what I'm not the same woman you fell in love with either, not entirely. We've both been through a lot these last few years, suffered, lost ourselves even. I don't think there can ever truly be an us until we know ourselves individually. You need to discover just what it means to be human and who you are now that you're not the time traveling fully Time Lord Doctor and I need to rediscover who Rose is and where she fits in the world. We need to go back to the beginning and rediscover our friendship first and let that guide us to our possible future." Bringing up his hand she was holding Rose placed it over her heart then moved her hand to rest on his. "I'm willing to give us a chance, to work at this, it won't be easy but I'm willing if you are. I want to be by your side during this journey are you willing to be by mine?"
"Always and forever" The Meta Doctor softly kissed Rose's forehead before pulling her into a loving embrace. No hesitation, no doubt if this was what Rose wanted -no needed- then he would do it, he would walk the slow path with her, first as friends and then hopefully as something more.