Disclaimer: All characters/ story-lineare George Lucas's.
Author's Notes: This is kind of short, but I just finished reading "Revenge of the Sith" by Matthew Stover and I was inspired! I hope you enjoy!
Warning: Spoilers for SW: ROTS
How was I to know?
How was I to know that I would leave my family to become a Jedi?
How was I to know that I would find the woman I loved at such a young age?
How was I to know that I would be considered a hero when I "accidentally" destroyed the Imperial starship?
How was I to know that I would lose my first Master?
How could it be that I rejected all my accomplishments and became this? This thing?
How could I have destroyed all that was graciously given to me, my trusting Master, my lovely wife, my little child?
How could I have hated the Jedi who saved me from slavery and taught me in their ways?
How could I have become so distant, so cold, and detached from the world?
Why did I do it? Why did I annihilate all those Tuscan Raiders, my first experience with the Dark Side?
Will I ever know? How can I know?
Will Padmè ever know how much I loved her before I became this hideous thing, trapped in metal?
Will my children learn about me before I turned?
Will they hear the stories of my triumphs, my losses, the mistakes I made? What about the things I left them, my droid and his counterpart? Will they know? Would they even care?
Will Obi-Wan ever forgive my actions? Not just the simple things, but the ones that ultimately led to my downfall?
Can I go back? Can I be the man I once was? And if I could, would I be forgiven? Could I forgive myself?
When I sleep at night, will the terrible dreams go away? Will I ever again be comforted by the thought of my Padmè?
Will my life make a difference some day?
How can I know? And the truth is, I may never know.
My life was destroyed long before the day I fell into the lava pit.
Anakin was long gone as I said my last goodbyes to my wife, even though she did not know it.
Vader's thoughts betrayed mine, as they do now: every second, every minute, every hour. Except now. Except in his dreams.
When Vader wakes up, it is like it has never happened. 'No fears, no regrets,' just like Master Qui-Gon used to tell me. But, he did not mean it in this way. He did not mean with evil.
Eventually, I will be silenced again and be trapped in the strange, unfeeling body of Darth Vader, the man I became.
Someday, somehow Vader will be gone. Forever. Just like I am now.
How? I do not know.
When? I can only hope it is soon.
Why? Look at what Vader has done. He has killed thousands, millions, destroyed countless worlds, been a ruthless killer with no mercy. How could that be me, Anakin Skywalker?
It's not me. I know. Padmè knew. Obi-Wan knew. Yoda knew. And so did Emperor Palpatine. This was his plan from the beginning, but no. It was the Force that guided him, that gave me this terrible destiny.
It was the Force that led me to the Jedi in the first place, gave me my first Master, set up countless adventures to test and increase my skills, formed emotional barriers to create my breaking point, which led me here, to now.
But someday, I will overcome it. In death. And when that happens, I will be set free.
I will rise up and look into the eyes of my Padmè, and tell her what I should have said a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.
"I love you, and I'm sorry."
Please review! I would REALLY appreciate it! I will take any types of reviews, I would really like to know what you thought of this: the goodAND the bad. Thanks!