Hello and welcome to my first fanfiction. I hope you'll enjoy it and give me a little feedback :*

Those things you'll never know

Chapter One: Getting By

I've kept looking outside the window for the past thirty minutes and a heavy sigh escaped my lips.

'Is there something you wanted to add, Miss Taniyama?' my teacher asked. I winced and nearly lost my balance but could get a hold of myself on the table. 'N…no, nothing.' I stumbled.

'Since all of you are planning to graduate soon, I expect you to pay attention in my class or else there is going to be a bad awakening for some of you during the finals.'

I gulped and nodded. I wanted to graduate very much so that I could go to university in less than two months. After Naru's departure to England I focused on my study that's why I catched up pretty well in school. That's the only positive aspect in the end. I thought bitterly. Since he left there hasn't been a day I didn't miss him or his brother. I didn't feel it that much when I was together with my friends or at school but when I'm alone in my apartment, I could feel my heart shriveling like a raisin and it felt like there is not enough air in the room. Due to that I always run out on my balcony to inhale as much fresh air as my lungs allow me to.

This is how I got by the last year without my favourite narcissist. Sometimes I'm thinking that he might come back only to say that he loves me too and that he was a fool believing I've fallen for a dead person. Then I slap myself saying I have to continue my life and to live it to the fullest without that asshole who torn up my heart into thousands of pieces.

After one month without Naru I stopped crying like a baby every night spitting into my blanket on the couch while I watched classic tearjerkers that made me cry even more (and caused some damage on my blankets). The second month I got a bit numb and the 'I-don't-care-a-shit-about-no one-attitude. In that phase I isolated myself from the outside world but thanks to my wonderful friends who still called and visited me I've found my way back into a life without him. I decided to stop saying his name without any good explanation. It's just like the you-know-who-phrase in Harry Potter. I just somehow felt that I could get over him when I won't use his name anymore. Stupid Mai, you'll never get over him…

I shook my head hard to get rid of my thoughts about him. This had to have an end. The world keeps turning and seasons are changing. And that's not the only thing that kept changing. I let my hair grow a bit longer and dyed it a few nuances brighter. When I look into the mirror it reflects young woman with curves on the right places, not the almost too thin school girl with a shy glance. After all I'm turning eighteen next month and I started to work as a waitress in a fancy restaurant in order to get a driver's license. Of course I'm not able to buy a car but it could be an advantage in my cv and all of my friends are getting it. And I didn't want to admit that HE could be amazed when he sees me again…

I almost sighed again but I could control myself and paid attention to class the rest of the day.

After school I walked along under the sakura trees and suddenly a piercing pain shot through my heart. This is how everything started…I closed my eyes and began to run away from these trees I'm tending to hate now. Why can't you just leave me alone? I screamed in my head. Everything worked out perfectly fine without your help. The pain went unbearably strong so I sat down on the next bench. Some little tears ran down my cheeks and I just noticed them as they wet my jeans. I wiped them away and looked up in the sky. That always helped me to get by.

I won't leave you…

I jumped and nearly fell off the bench. What was that? It definitely sounded like Nar…I mean him.

'Nice Mai. Now you're officially insane.' I had to stop this whole mess once and for all or else I could commit myself to a mental hospital. I got up slowly and walked home.

Today I couldn't stand the silence so I turned on the TV with full volume. Then I took a shower and sang some random songs (totally wrong since they were English and way too loud). I ended my day with a good meal and went to bed early.

The next day I awoke half an hour before my alarm clock. I was completely rested and had enough time for a well-balanced breakfast which I enjoyed together with a nice warm cup of Ceylon tea. Tea…I immediately stopped my thoughts from going any further and got dressed.

My flat suddenly seemed too small and it felt like the walls would squash me every second. Grabbing my bag, I rushed outside and left way too early for school. I jogged the whole way and regretted it as I reached the school yard. My stamina wasn't the best and my lungs burned. Breathing heavily, I turned around only to bump into something black.

Before I could look up my whole body freezed as someone cleared his throat and a very well-known scent rose up my nose…

First chapter and a cliffhanger...Hope you won't kille me :P