Liz threw her head back downing the amber liquid in her glass ignoring the burn that ran from the back of her throat down to her stomach. In all honesty she couldn't even feel it, after all she had been through,she was beginning to wonder if she would be capable of feeling anything anymore. She nodded at the bar tender a middle aged man who eyed her wearily. He seemed to regard her suspiciously because she wasn't a regular customer sitting at his bar. The truth was she wondered why she'd never come here before it wasn't far from her home. A small dark hole in the wall bar, she glanced around her and instead of seeing groups of loud rowdy people she saw small tables where only one person sat. it seemed people who came into this place came in alone to drown their sorrows more than likely because of the fact they were alone. The surely faced bartender poured more whiskey into her glass she mumbled thanks and downed her second shot. At this point she'd be lucky if she could get drunk enough to forget at least the day. All she could do was stare blankly at the shelves across from her, try as she might her mind replayed the events of the day starting at the beginning when her husband. Ex husband, she told herself taking the wedding band and engagement ring off of her fingers and setting them down on the bar in front of her, when her husband confronted her this morning claiming the box didn't belong to him. Not that she believed him at that point, there was enough evidence to make him guilty of at least one murder and now she was beginning to see the signs she missed all along. Signs that he was lying. He managed to convince her to take him to the station to clear his name which in her mind was an acceptable plan she wanted to turn him in to the police anyway and get him out of her house and out of her life. Her blue eyes scanned the long bar, the bartender was all the way at the other end and in a conversation with a man who looked to be around his age. Great isn't there another bar tender around. God knows how long she'd have to wait and waiting wasn't something she wanted to do at that moment.
She heard the door to the bar open behind her letting in a cold breeze across her back. Still staring at the bartender who looked up at the door and smiled for the first time since she arrived "Hey Donnie its been a while take a seat!" he said clearly happy to see him. Curiosity got the better of her and she turned around to see none other but Donald Ressler standing behind her. His light eyes found her immediately and he moved to the open spot on the bar next to her.
He stopped there looking down at her "Keen" he said taking a seat. "Oh shit" she mumbled as the bar tender came by. "what is it now" she asked looking miserable.
"Jesus Keen nothing I didn't follow you here if that's what you mean" he looked up regarding the bartender "Hey Vic nice to see you".
"Nice to see you too budy, I'll get you the usual. Another round?" he asked Liz regarding her in a kinder tone seeing that Ressler was near her. She only nodded.
"So why are you here did Cooper send you or Red what do they want from me now?" she asked blankly picking up her drink and downing it quickly.
"Easy they didn't want anything. After today I needed a drink. By some strange coincidence you are sitting in my usual seat in the bar I frequent" he said with a hint of a smile. She looked at him wondering if she should trust him but just shrugged not in a fighting mood frankly she wanted to be left alone.
"I didn't know you had a life outside of the FBI" she said waving down the bartender.
Ressler shook his head "If you call coming down to a shit hole bar to drink alone after work a life then yes I do" he said. She glanced at him with wondering why he was trying to be nice to her or funny, both traits seemed uncharacteristic of him. Ressler looked down at the bar and saw her wedding rings sitting there in a small puddle of spilled liquor. He swallowed his shot feeling sorry for Keen. He didn't really want to nor did he really get along with her since they had met but he realized it wasn't due to anything she did. He didn't trust her and what relationship she had with Red and why Red wanted to work with her but he was beginning to realize that Keen had no idea what Red wanted with her. "I'm sorry" he blurted out and Keen put her hand down to look at him as though he had two heads. "I mean about what happened today" he finished somewhat awkwardly, he was never good at comforting anyone and he hadn't needed to for a few years now. Keen didn't look impressed in fact she didn't look sad or angry or anything she only had a stony impassive look on her face. Her grey eyes moved away from his to catch the eyes of Vic who headed over quickly pouring them both another drink.
"I'm sorry too" she said finally. "I'm sorry I married that son of a bitch. I'm sorry I ever trusted him. I'm sorry I was too stupid not to read the signs right in front of me. I'm sorry I didn't turn him in sooner. And I'm sorry I didn't shoot him when I had the chance" she finished downing the shot quickly. Ressler looked at her and was surprised. He knew the past few months she was dealing with a lot, her life it seemed was slowly becoming unraveled and instead of making her sad, it made her angry. He always pegged her as a weak agent, another reason he didn't like her but she was dealing with her grief well or at least hiding it well. The woman in questioned seemed to remember he was sitting next to her and suddenly looked guilty "Sorry, I'm sorry. It's fine. I'm fine" she said looking down at her glass.
"Between what's been going on with Red and the blacklist cases, your husband and with the agency and" he paused "How I've been towards you I know the past few months haven't been easy" he said. Liz looked at him surprised he was admitting that he could be an unbelievable jack ass at times.
"Yea I guess you're right. I just want it to be over with all of this. And I want answers. Some kind of answers as to what Red wants with me" she admitted and felt foolish for telling Ressler this. To be honest though it felt good to tell someone something about what she felt and what she thought, the problem was she couldn't trust Ressler and he didn't trust her. She shifted in her seat her leg moving up and down rapidly as she waited for the bar tender to come back.
"Jesus Keen, how much have you had to drink already?" Ressler asked with a slight twinkle in his eye. Liz shook her head moving a stray piece of dark hair away from her face
"Not nearly enough" she admitted. Ressler nodded in understanding.
"Hey Vic" he called. The bartender immediately looked at him "Can I get a whole bottle were going to grab a table" Vic nodded and pulled a full bottle of the whiskey both Keen and Ressler were drinking sitting it down in front of them. "Thanks Vic" Ressler said and he stood up "Come on Keen let's sit down somewhere a little more comfortable were going to be here a while" he said it like it was an order not a request so she stood up to follow him. Forgetting how much she already had to drink she began to sway her vision became blurry as she reached out for the bar stool. "Easy Keen" Ressler said from behind her his arm grabbed her waist to steady her.
"I'm fine" she said grabbing her glass and moving out of his reach quickly. The last thing she wanted was Ressler to think she was a drunk idiot. he already thought she was an idiot and not up to be a federal agent this would just give him more ammunition. She walked to a corner of the small bar that was dark and where no one else was really sitting. There was small booth sitting under a dim light and she plopped down on the dark green seat. The alcohol was making her warm so she put her dark hair up behind her and took off her jacket putting her elbows on the table she watched as Ressler sat the bottle down as well as his glass and took off his dark blue blazer hanging it up on the hook. "You want me to hang up your jacket?" he asked her she nodded handing it to him.
"Thanks" she muttered. She watched as he sat down across from her and opened the bottle pouring them both a tall glass. "And by some strange coincidence we both drink the same booze" she noted echoing his own words. He smiled a little moving a glass towards her
"I guess we have more in common than I thought, cheers" he said raising his glass she raised her own then downed its contents setting the glass down and leaning back.
"Why are you here, why are you being nice to me Ressler. You hate me" she said bluntly her eyes demanding an answer even if they looked tired and worn. The blond haired man shook his head "I don't hate you Keen" he began.
She laughed the effects of the whiskey making her braver then she felt "Come on, you never liked me and you certainly never trusted me. So why are you here sitting with me now?" she asked again.
He looked at her and she could see he was debating about how to answer her, tell the truth or tell a lie after she had heard so many in the past few months. "I like you Keen, did I trust you before, no. Did I think you were up for this job, no" he admitted honestly. "But I was wrong about you. You can do this job in fact you've proved me wrong on every case so far. Not only are you smart enough to figure out our targets move before myself or anyone else but your stronger than I thought".
She cut him off "Strong not strong enough to stop getting myself kidnapped or stop the stewmaker from throwing me into a tub of chemicals" she said reaching out to the bottle.
"That wasn't your fault Keen it could have been any one of us and even after he drugged you, you still were able to escape from him buying yourself time until me and Red got there" he pointed out.
"Well thanks but you still don't trust me" she said pouring the brown liquid into his glass spilling some over the side. She grabbed a napkin and wiped it up.
"I didn't trust you, I figured that you were working with Red or why else would he want to work with you so bad? But now I don't know, I think he does want to work with you but I don't think you or any one of us know why" he said finally. She looked at him in shock. But should she believe anything he said? How could she really trust anything anyone said to her anymore? If that was one thing Red taught her and one thing her soon to be ex-husband taught her was in the world there were few people you could trust.
"Thanks I think, but I'm sorry how do I know you're not telling me this so that I trust you? Are you saying this and waiting until I drink enough so that I tell you something about Red you don't know? Because everyone assumes Red tells me everything, I wish he did but he doesn't" she told him. Suddenly she felt light headed as if all of the glasses of whiskey refused to take ahold of her until that very moment. Sitting back she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths trying to steady her focus. Ressler was watching her closely, as if studying her as though she was some kind of foreign object he didn't understand. "I'm sorry you're being nice to me and this is how I treat you?" she said shaking her head. "You know I wanted to say thank you" she blurted out and he looked taken aback as he too finally sat back in his seat looking more relaxed.
"For what?" he asked. She looked down unsure if she should continue and felt embarrassed for what she was about to say.
"A few weeks ago after you guys rescued me from the stewmaker. I kind of fell apart and I'm sorry for that. I should have been stronger, I don't know why I broke down like that but thanks for uh well being there and not laughing at me" she said sheepishly. Ressler nodded and smiled a little
"Your welcome, I would never have laughed at you after what you went through. Come on Keen I'm not that bad of a guy am I?" he asked pouring himself another glass he raised a brow at her as if to ask if she wanted more and she nodded. They both drank from their glasses this time she only sipped the whiskey still smart enough to know that too much more she'd be falling over the table.
"No you're not. Ressler" she said hesitantly. He watched her carefully setting his glass down on the table. "yea Keen" he answered waiting for whatever was going to follow. "That story you told a few weeks ago. I know there was some truth to that. How did you lose your family? Please tell me, I feel like for the past few months I keep asking for answers but no one will give me anything except for vague clues or encrypted messages. I just want the truth for once, please" she said her eyes falling. Out of all the possible questions to ask him she asked him a personal question? She could have asked more about Red, about confidential files regarding her husband's doings but no she had to ask about my family, he wondered.
"I guess I'm surprised you want to know so badly but sure I'll tell you" he said. She nodded at him to continue. "Four years ago my wife was pregnant. We were going to be parents after trying for over a year but she had health problems that made it difficult. Both she and the baby died in child birth" he finished bluntly. Keen looked horrified which was part of the reason he didn't like telling people because they immediately pitied him and he didn't want that.
"I'm sorry I had no idea" was all she could say at first and they were both silent until one of them felt that they needed to say something. "How did you get through that?" she asked. He shrugged there was no pain on his face now she could see while he remembered it was a distant memory now. "I got pretty low for a while. I came here a lot and drank that helped me to forget what happened" he admitted honestly. "And then I went back to work at the bureau and that became my life, it became the most important thing to me. I want to do my job and do it well. I want things to be done the right way I want the facts. It's why I can't stand Reddington so much" he admitted his fingers touched the rim of his glass.
"Why do you hate him so much? Believe me he's not a good guy but he has helped us hasn't he?" Liz asked him.
Ressler nodded "Sure he has but he's not doing this out of the kindness of his heart. Men like him have no heart".
She looked down knowing that he was right "I don't know what he wants with me or all of us but I do appreciate him telling me about" she stopped a sick feeling in her stomach. "Tom" she continued.
"You didn't deserve that, what he did to you it's horrible and he's stupid" Ressler said not keeping the anger from his voice.
"He had a different life a better life and he was selfish and wanted both. He nearly got away with it I wouldn't call him stupid" she explained smartly.
Ressler shook his head "I didn't mean it like that. He was stupid for wanting to have a different life then the one he had with you" he said but looked away quickly and fumbling with the bottle quickly poured himself another drink downing it quickly without asking if she wanted one. Again silence filled the space between them and without warning Liz's stomach contracted loudly in hunger pains. It was so loud that even Ressler heard it and finally looked at her. They both said nothing before bursting out in laughter. "You wouldn't happen to be hungry at all would you?" he asked smiling.
She nodded "I haven't eaten since yesterday morning and honestly it was the furthest thing from my mind but yea I could eat" she admitted.
He nodded "Vic!" he called and only minutes later the bartender appeared before them. Ressler smiled at the man "Vic I want you to meet one of my partners at the bureau Liz Keen".
Liz watched Ressler clearly surprised at his behavior. "It is a pleasure to meet you ms Keen" Vic said holding out a hand to her.
She shook it gently "Nice to meet you too Vic" she noted with a smile.
"Vic were starving can you have Lenny make us something?" he asked. Liz looked at the table but there were no menus in fact she didn't think this place even served food at all.
"Of course what would you like?" he asked looking at Liz.
She looked across the table but Ressler said nothing waiting for her "Uh, well, what do you have?" she asked him.
"Typically we do not serve food here ms Keen only drinks". She felt bad and shook her head "You don't need to make us anything" but Ressler cut her off rolling his eyes "What do you want Keen?" she said nothing for a while before looking at Ressler sheepishly "Pizza?" He nodded and looked at Vic "You heard the lady she wants pizza" he said with a grin and Vic nodded "Of course it should be ready in a half hour or so" he said. "Thanks so much" Liz said smiling at Vic who nodded and walked away. She moved her eyes to look at Ressler who shrugged sheepishly "what?" he asked. Shaking her head she had to laugh "Thanks, he's a nice guy. He seems to like you a lot too".
Ressler waved off the comment "He better after how much money I've given him over the years. It's sad to say but this place serves me most of my dinners. I'm not much for cooking" he admitted. Liz laughed "Ah so there is one thing the great agent Ressler can't do". He nodded laughing too "there's plenty of things I can't do but that's definitely one of them. But one thing I can do is play darts, how bout you Keen?" he asked nodding at the electronic dart board hanging on the wall a few feet away from her.
"Never been very good and I doubt after drinking half a bottle of whiskey I'll be better now but let's see what happens". The two played two games before their pizza came and Liz lost both of them but by the time the sausage pizza was finished she was not only full, and drunk but she realized she hadn't thought about what had happened that day for the past few hours and she was grateful.
"You look about ready for bed" Ressler joked sipping on a whiskey and coke. Liz nodded leaning back in the seat laying her hands over her stomach "I'm full and drunk and tired. Thanks Ressler for hanging out with me it helped me forget about today" she admitted. "It's no problem Keen I don't know about you but I'm about ready to go I think we both need a good night's sleep" he said seriously and she nodded standing up for the first time in about an hour. Again the blood rushed to her head but she managed to stay standing. Until she took a few steps to where her jacket was hanging and almost fell on the seat or on top of the agent who was still sitting in it. Putting her arms out she went to grab something to steady her, that something was Resslers shoulder.
"God I'm sorry, yep that just about does it for me" she said with a laugh that she couldn't suppress. Ressler laughed too and held her steady as he stood and put his jacket on.
He looked at Liz "How were you planning on getting home tonight?" he asked. Keen looked thoughtful and he saw her eyes drift to the door "I uh walked here from my house its about 30 min from here on foot. I hadn't really thought about how I was going to get home" she admitted. "Well you certainly can't drive and you probably shouldn't walk either right now and I doubt you could even walk anyway" he said with a small smile as they made their way to the door. Ressler stayed close behind her in case she took a tumble and Liz was grateful as it took all of her concentration not to fall down. When they got to the door Ressler stopped her, grabbing her arm to slow her down for a moment. "Hey Vic" he called and the older man with dark hair back at his place behind the bar turned to him "Yea Donny" he called. "Just put it on my tab" he advised and Vic nodded "Goodnight Donny, goodnight kiddo it was a pleasure" he said with a wink at Liz who only smiled and nodded at him feeling Resslers hand on her back urging her out of the bar.
"How are you going to get home I doubt you should be driving either" she said suddenly turning towards him. A strong gust of wind blew cold air around her shocking her for a moment as she put wrapped her arms around herself to keep warm.
"Your right I wasn't planning on it. I'm going to hail a cab want to share it at least that way you won't have to walk in the cold". She nodded at him shivering as he walked out to the street waiting for a cab to drive by. It didn't take long and they piled into the back seat. Liz gave her address and the driver only nodded and began to drive. While drunk Liz thought of her empty home, well her dog was their of course but now that Tom was gone she'd have the house to herself. Suddenly she didn't really want to go into her house not after all the bad memories. There was nothing she could do about it now but she had the sudden idea to put it up for sale so she could move far away from that place to somewhere new. Liz was silent as they drove and so was Ressler. She was so lost in thought that she jumped when she felt a hand on her arm and turned to Ressler who nodded out the window "Were here" he said. She nodded and handed the driver money. She opened the door to leave but turned to him first. "Thanks again for tonight. I'll give you money for the food and the drinks on Monday" she promised. But he only shook his head "Don't worry about it Keen. Get some sleep if something happens or you need anything you can give me a call" he told her. She smiled at him before shutting the door. She watched the cab back up out of her driveway before turning to head up the steps and quickly into the house.
Ressler watched her carefully as Keen opened the door to her house and disappeared inside. He hoped she would be ok, she needed time right now to deal with all that had happened to her. He looked out the window as the driver slowly made his way down her street and saw a large white van parked a few houses down. He didn't think anything of it until he saw a grey haired man walking down the sidewalk, eating something and stop in front of the van. Ressler looked out the window and the man saw him as well and hurried into the van. As the cab pulled further away he turned quickly in his seat and saw the lights on the van turn on as it was started and it slowly began to pull away. A strange feeling began to creep up in his stomach. Something wasn't right. What was that van doing there just parked out on the street at this hour? He sat up quickly, and what was it doing so close to Keen's house? "Stop!" he demanded loudly causing the driver to slam on the breaks.
"what, what is it did I almost hit something?" he asked turning around to face Ressler.
"I need you to turn around and go back to her house" he said motioning to the other end of the street.
"come on buddy you missed your chance you should have made a move when you had the chance" the driver said with a chuckle.
"Now!" Ressler demanded taking out his badge and showing it to the driver. Without another word he pulled into a driveway, backed up and sped down the block. The cab pulled into her driveway and Ressler opened the door "Stay here" he ordered and he shut the door racing up the steps. As soon as he got to the door he wasted no time in knocking and tried the knob but it was locked. He pounded on the door but there was no answer. "Keen" he called loudly but nothing. Unable to wait any longer he threw his weight into the door and it flew open. He ran through to the back of the house calling for her. goddamnit where was she? Running through the living room and then the kitchen but both were empty he ran to the stairs taking them two at a time. The first door on the left was closed and he opened it shouting "Keen!" There was a dog in the room who started to bark at him and a door opened near the back of the room and she stepped out looking frazzled "Ressler Jesus what are you doing here?" she asked looking startled. She noticed he had a frantic look in his light eyes that worried her. Usually Ressler didn't get shaken up easily so she wondered why he looked so worried now and why he was in her house.
"I well needed to talk to you. I wanted to see if you wanted to get out of this house for a little bit" he added looking at her sternly. He didn't want to tell her what he thought out loud because more than likely someone was watching the house and taking surveillance. Keen looked at him confused and he sighed how was he going to do this. He noticed she had her phone on the nightstand by the bed and he took his out. "Hold on I'm getting a message from Cooper" he lied and she nodded watching him closely. Typing as fast as he could he sent a message and hoped Keen would pick up her phone. A moment later a loud vibration was heard on the nightstand and she walked over picking it up. Ressler watched her closely and was amazed that the tired and drunk look that was on her face disappeared in an instant and she looked at him alert and clearly worried. "where did you want to go?" she asked trying to sound as casual as she could.
"We can get a hotel somewhere, pack a bag and bring the dog. The cab is waiting" he advised walking to the window and looked out seeing the driver still in the driveway. He looked down the block but there were no other cars there and no sign of the white van that had been parked outside minutes earlier. Someone was clearly casing the house but he wanted to know why. He also had to assume that there were cameras all over the house, they would have to come in later and try to find them but it was too late now. "
Ok I'm ready" he turned to see Keen lift a large duffel bag putting it on her shoulder she called to her dog and put a leash on him. Ressler nodded and followed her out of the door down the stairs and out of the house. He opened the door to the back seat and she piled in her dog followed her. He closed the door and got into the front. "Where are we going to go, most hotels won't allow dogs" Liz pointed out. Ressler seemed to have already thought of this as he rattled off an address to the driver. "where are we going?" she repeated.
"We'll just go to my place for now" he said quickly. The cab driver who was waiting to pull out of the driveway shook his head muttering "unbelievable" but both Keen and Ressler ignored him.
"Ressler I don't want to impose on you like that I can find a hotel" she pulled out her phone to begin looking.
"It's fine besides as of right now it might be the safest place. You can't get into my complex without going through security first" he explained. Liz only sat back in the seat and tried to calm her dog. What the hell was going on, she wanted to talk to Ressler more about his text but it was clear he didn't want to have the conversation now. All it said was "someone is casing your house and watching you". She wanted to know who and why. Suddenly the buzzed somewhat happy drunk feeling left her and now she felt worried yet again. Why was all of this happening to her now? Why her, she was no one, unless whoever was watching her house was really watching Tom not her but now he was gone so why continue? Did Red have anything to do with this? Her mind swarmed with questions that she had no hope of answering tonight.