Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing in the Harry Potter-verse. Property JK Rowling.


Well.. there's the usual thing... flowers, chocolate... promises you don't intend to keep... - Beauty and the Beast


Complicated

Sirius Black liked to think he knew a thing or two about birds. In the history of Sirius Black's world, girls had always been the same. It was almost a shame, really, that other blokes lacked his natural skills and abilities. He was positive it was his role in the universe to share his chrams, especially with women. should write a book, he thought: The Theory of Birds, by Sirius Black. An instance piece of classic literature, obviously.

On second thought, it might not go well if every bloody bloke had access to Sirius's power.

Sirius's system was fool-proof, a method of science and skill that changes and evolves as years go by. It was more than just a way to live, it was a finely-tuned art. He knew how people worked, especially women, and it was gift of information, a wealth of knowledge he should share with the rest of the world.

One. Find a girl. It takes two to tango. If within five minutes the girl shows no interest, abandon all attempts of seduction. If she doesn't return the feelings, she has all the power.

Two. The first conversation. Make her want a second one.

Three. Make the move: buy her something nice, put on some music, take her somewhere romantic, listen to her. Tell her what she wants to hear. Never lie, just bend the truth. If she find's out you lied, well...*.

Four. Location, location, location. There's no point in finding a girl to snog if you get caught snogging her. Find yourself a map.

Five. And then, gentleman, you're in the clear.

*Failure to comply with this or any rule will result in lost bollocks, meaning either a) you've fallen head over heels, an absolute no, See: James Potter, or b) she called you out on being a complete arsehole.

Sirius Black: the Next Great Philosopher, originator of world-renowned laws on how birds work. He quite liked the sound of that.

But now, he had a bit of a problem. He was spiraling out of control. He was losing confidence in his abilities, unsure of his own methods. He was in far too deep.

It was a shame, really, that there wasn't another bloke as charming as Sirius Black. Luck of the draw, he supposed.

Perhaps he should work on his arrogance.

ANYWAY, the matter of much more pressing importance.

Marlene McKinnon was making him question everything he ever knew.

Because Sirius Black always got the girl. And he would be damned if the one that stopped him was the one he wanted to snog more than- eh hem- take out on more than one date.

So now he was in the library, for the first time since first year, trying to find a book to read that could somehow, possibly have a better plan to get the girl than he did.

He slammed the book closed, shoving it down and realizing his mistake too late. Out of the corner came none other than the last girl he wanted to see right now.

Marlene comes striding around the corner, blue eyes clouded in anger and hair blowing out behind her. "What do you think you're doing?! You're going to get us thrown out!" He looks down at her, eyeing her cheeks flushed with anger, and following the path of her blush down her neck, lingering on her loosely hanging school- "Eyes up here!" She smacks his arm.

Godric, she was gorgeous.

"Oh, come off it, McKinnon. It's not like you'll get in trouble. What do you want?"

"A book!"

"That's bollocks," he replies lamely, but Marlene is no longer paying attention. She traces her eyes down to his chest ("Eyes up!" Sirius scolds) and comes to an epiphany as she looks left and right.

"What in Merlin's name are you doing in the library?"

And to Sirius's absolute horror, he actually blushed. It was very faint, and he controlled it quickly, and she probably didn't notice. But it was a point of pride! He didn't blush; he made the bird blush.

"That," he poked in her in arm, "is none of your business." He strided past her without a backwards- no. Wrong. He waited until he was far away, and then glanced back for a very, very long time.

What was wrong with her?! They had chemistry. Why couldn't she see that?!

He must be ill, there was no other explanation. It was like he had caught some...disease.

Lovesick, Sirius thought dryly.

No! Sirius reminded himself, not love. Sure, he had to admit he fancied her like mad, and maybe if she let him take her on a date, they could get there.

The fact that he was even considering it terrified him immensely.


"Do you fancy Black?" the question was blunt and caught Marlene off guard as she nearly fell face first onto the floor. Catching herself just in time, she glared up at Lily, expecting an apology.

Instead, she looked innocent and inquisitive. "What?" Marlene hissed, for reasons she did not know.

"I thought he caught your eye," Lily replied simply.

"What in Merlin's name gave you that idea?"

"Oh come on, Mar. You don't hate him. And I know for a fact you think he's fit."

Marlene was offended, "No I do not! Thank you," she snapped, "Is that so absurd?"

Lily doesn't understand this statement, apparently, and she raises her eyebrows in typical "duh" fashion. "You're serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Mar, every girl in this school, besides the members of that horrid family of his, and a few blokes, have fancied Sirius Black!"

"You haven't," Marlene shot back immediately.

Her friend's eyebrows crinkled together. "We're we close second year? Because I quite remember having a long conversation in which I wondered why he was such an arsehole because he was so dashingly attractive. I told Mary, for sure."

"Well I, for one, do not think he's attractive, and there's not a chance in hell I'm going about fancying the bastard."

Lily just smiled. "Is he a bastard, though? Really?"

That actually required a bit of thought, and the fact that she was even thinking about it terrified her immensely.


Sirius waited anxiously at the top of the astronomy tower, undestandably freaking out.

What if she just ignores him? What if gets stood up?

Sirius Black does not get stood up. Sirius stands up.

He has no idea what he's doing. How does he expect any of this to work? Sure, the night was cool and pretty, and the stars were beautiful, and he had her favorite sweets, and flowers, and he fully planned on-

"...Black?" Marlene came around the corner tentatively, and she stopped dead when she saw him. "What," she giggled, "what is all this?"

Sirius gulped, but started at the beginning. "Can you call me Sirius, please? Marlene? See, it's not so hard." He flashed her a grin.

"Um, okay. Sirius. Yeah? Why are we up here?"

And then, he rambled. "Aren't stars wonderful?"

"What?"

"What was the divination homework?" He was pathetic.

"..."

"Do you- do you, ah-" but at that moment, Marlene's gaze locked with his. "Sod it all," he decided, and leaned in and kissed her. He wrapped her arms around her waist before she responded, but when he pressed just a little bit-

Marlene didn't know what changed, but she melted. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tangled her fingers in his hair. They panted, exchanging heated kisses as they embraced further. But then Sirius pushed away for a moment, and when he had to hold her back so she didn't pounce, he beamed. He was in the clear.

"I really fancy you, McKinnon. Go out with me, please? Just give me a chance. I swear, no more random snogging. I actually really fancy a bird, and you're that bird. Please, believe me."

"Fine, Sirius!" and Marlene kissed him again.


Fool. Proof.

But Sirius pushed the theory to the back of his head, that night. Because with Marlene, he had it all.


A/N: My first Sirius/Marlene! I really hope you liked it. Please review and let me know if you did, and concrit would be greatly appreciated!

Also, I could use some feedback telling me I'm not a sappy romantic writer because all of my stories are fluffy. They're not, I swear! Check out some of the other ones! Haha.

Oh well.

Beta'd by Juliana677- thanks :D

At first, I was a bit lenient on the couple, and then I thought about it...well, I LOVE it. :D I honestly don't think they were head over heels in love, but they dated, and I think her death hit him hard.

Written for:

Hogwarts School Competition: transfiguration (write about an animagi; prompts: history, world, people, art, way, system, information, reading, map, two, family, health, year, music, reading, thanks); charms (write about someone who excels in charms, be sure to include in what way; prompts: bird, library, problem, literature, law, theory, method, control, knowledge, ability, understanding, power, love, science, library); astronomy (write a romance; prompts: failure, meaning, philosophy, teacher, night, chemistry, disease, role, location)

...I can't believe I managed that many prompts.

Star Challenge: Sirius: write about Sirius

Cinema Competition: Beauty and the Beast: "Well...there's the usual thing...flowers, chocolate... promises you don't intend to keep..."

Disney Movie Competition: Pinocchio: write about someone who would be willing to do anything to get what they want

Again, please review! I hope you enjoyed!

Lara,