I had a thirteen hour headache today, I'm on a fair few pain killers. I think the lesson we've learned here is don't let me write while on pain killers.
He'd convinced himself that this was the best idea. That doing this was better for both of them. That packing her things wasn't ripping the heart right out of him, reactor and all.
They'd been at some gala in Malibu, having a great time, and he'd gone to get drinks. As he was coming back, he spotted her talking to some guy, and that's when he felt it. Anger. It started out as a spark, deep down in his stomach, but by the time he'd moved another two paces, it was spiralling up into his chest, and he knew he had to get out. He left the drinks with a waiter, got in his car and sped home. She had to leave, he had to get her out. It was the safest thing he could do.
He was still packing her things when she got home. She stood in the doorway of their bedroom for a good five minutes before he spotted her, and he only did that because he'd forgotten to get her toothbrush from the bathroom. He stopped for barely a second before continuing and grabbing the toothbrush out of the cup next to the sink, depositing it in the suitcase on the bed.
"Tony?" Pepper said softly, her voice quavering. "Did…did I do something?"
Tony shook his head, but then nodded. "You were talking to that guy." He said simply.
Pepper squinted at him. "What guy? Kenny?"
"Yeah. I don't know." He sighed and zipped the suitcase up, lifting it off the bed and turning towards her again. She stepped aside as he exited the bedroom and followed him out to the lounge where two other cases were piled on the couch. "I'll get Happy to take you to a hotel for however long it takes you to find someplace else, ok?"
Pepper blinked at him. "Are you serious? You're kicking me out for talking to another guy? What the hell is going on?"
"He'll be here in about twenty minutes." Tony continued as if she'd never said anything. "You should probably-"
"No, hold on a second." Pepper's voice rose. "I don't understand what's going on here."
"It's best if you leave." Tony mumbled, looking at her with a peculiar expression.
"Because I was speaking to another man?" she asked indignantly. When Tony said nothing in reply, she started getting angry. "Oh, I get it, it's ok for you to be around other women, for you to have every other woman in the company, not to mention the rest of LA fawning all over you, but I have a conversation with another guy and I get tossed out?"
Tony shrugged. "I know it sounds a little hypocritical-"
"No, you know what? Fuck you." She stepped closer to him, wiping a tear away from her eye. "After everything I have been through with you. Ten years of escorting women out of here when you were done with them, dealing with all your bullshit, all the extra work you heaved on me when you didn't do your job, the countless fucking times I sat on this very couch, praying you'd come home safely from a mission, the times I've patched you up and nursed you and this is the thanks I get?" she shook her head. "You're pathetic, you know that? You're not a man, that's a tail between your legs." She grabbed one of the cases and headed to the door. "Your father would be disappointed.
"Don't you fucking dare say that to me!" Tony yelled. Pepper was so startled she stopped and turned around, wide eyed. "Don't you dare. Do you even know what kind of man my father was?"
Pepper sniffed. "I know he built this up from nothing." She said. "I know he gave you everything you could have ever wanted when you were growing up. He gave you a good life and he worked damn hard for it."
Tony laughed. "Oh yeah, he was a real hard worker. Kind, caring, good at heart. To the cameras." He stared her down. "You don't have the first clue what he was like behind closed doors."
"Aww what's the matter Tony?" Pepper was fast running out of patience. "Did Daddy not give the poor little rich kid everything he wanted for Christmas."
"You do not know the first thing-"
"Yeah I bet he was a real hard ass wasn't he?" Pepped the case and stepped forward. "Took your favourite toys away from you when you were naughty, grounded you, took a few thousand dollars off your allowance-"
"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about!" Tony yelled, his face reddening with anger. "That's all he did. It's not like he ever hit me or anything, right? It's not like he was a drunk. It's not like I'd have to provoke him, take a beating just so he'd leave my Mom alone."
Pepper swallowed, knocked completely silent. Tony reached up and started unbuttoning his shirt. "You want to know what kind of man my father was?" he ripped his shirt off and threw in to the ground, pointing to a mark similar to a birth mark halfway up his right forearm. "That's a cigar burn from when I was nine and I accidentally smashed a bottle of his favourite whisky." He pointed to his stomach, to a long scar roughly where an appendix would be. "That's from when a got a scratch on the hotrod. He went outside and got a switch from the tree and beat me for forty-five minutes." He turned his back on her and she saw the lines she'd always assumed where burns from the suit or working on one of the cars. "Those are belt marks from when I didn't finish supper one night." He turned back to her and put his hand over his heart. "And this. This is from when I was seventeen years old, and he drove while he was completely wasted out of his mind, and he crashed the car and killed my mother." His eyes had become red and he was barely holding back tears. "So don't you tell me I'm a disappointment to him like that's a bad thing, because the day I make him proud is the day I end everything, you hear me?"
Pepper stared at him, silent tears making their way down her cheeks.
"That's why you need to leave." He said, his voice breaking. "When I saw you with that guy tonight, I saw red. I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to hurt you, and I couldn't live with myself if I did that. So you need to go, alright?" a tear broke free and he blinked rapidly. "Just go because I will not stand here and watch you cry because of me. I will not become the fucking animal my father was." He let out a shaky breath and turned on his heel, collapsing onto the couch and cradling his head in his hands.
She watched him crying silently, rocking a little, his fists buried in his hair, and she could have sworn she'd never been so scared in her entire life. She slowly made her way over to the coffee table in front of the couch and eased down onto it, sitting in front of him. She brought her hands up to his head and gently pried his clenched fists away, holding them in her lap and rubbing her thumbs over the skin of his wrists. He was grinding his teeth so hard she was worried he'd break them.
"Tony." She whispered. "Tony, look at me." When he didn't, she placed her hands underneath his chin and tilted his head up. He looked away from her, practically shaking. "Tony, you are not your father." She said softly. "You're a good man."
He shook his head, tears spilling from his eyes. "I couldn't protect her from him, and I can't protect you from me."
"You don't need to protect me Tony." She encouraged. "You are not going to hurt me."
He still wasn't looking at her. She leant forward and rested her forehead against his. "It wasn't your fault." She whispered. Tony jerked away but she kept hold of him. "It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have done anything."
"I should have stopped him." He sobbed, finally looking up at her, desperately. "I should have done more to stop him."
"Shh." Pepper tried to soothe him, tugging him to her for a hug, raking her hands through his hair. "It's ok, it wasn't your fault, shh."
"I don't want to be him."
"You won't be. I promise. I'm not going anywhere."
By the next morning, Pepper's suitcases were gone, and she was right where he needed her to be, right next to him.