A two-shot.

Inspired by Snow Patrol's Set the Fire to the Third Bar.

I know it's been done before.

Spoilers: "Aliyah" "Truth or Consequences" "Kill Ari Part One" "Kill Ari Part Two" "Undercovers" "Shalom"

Obviously, set during "Truth or Consequences."

Chapter One: Your Words

Their words mostly noises

Ghost with just voices

Your words in my memory

Are like music to me

It didn't bother him. She was just another partner. A partner who could be replaced. One that he cared about but one he could replace. He would forget about the hole that her empty chair burned in his chest. He would forget about what it felt like to follow her into a firefight. He would forget why he didn't mind staying late at work. He would forget why screwed up American idioms were some of his favorite things in the world. He would forget.

At least, that's what he told himself.

He hated work now. And that was probably an understatement. Tony dreaded arriving at the Navy Yard each day. He dreaded it. Why did he have to put himself through this? It wasn't like a normal relationship. He couldn't just throw out her picture and forget about her. She was everywhere – especially the empty desk, especially as he followed McGee into a warehouse that he knew housed more than just used car parts. She was everywhere.

Being in the office was worse than being in the field. At least, in the field, he could try and consume himself with the task at hand. Or, he could pretend that she was merely waiting back at the Navy Yard. He'd see her when he got back.

If only it were so simple.

Still, he had hope. Nothing was permanent or guaranteed. He'd learned that more than once. She could walk right through that elevator door at any moment and things would shift once again. It could happen.

And then Gibbs walked into Abby's lab and uttered those two words. He broke up the little game that Tony and his head had been playing for all of those weeks.

Death was permanent. No way around that.

He couldn't do it anymore. She was gone. Ziva was dead. He swore his stomach had exited his body through his feet. He wanted to dry heave. This wasn't happening. She was practically superhuman. She wasn't allowed to die. Especially not after the way they left things.

After that, business as usual lost all meaning. Because business as usual included Ziva. He couldn't think. He couldn't talk. People talked to him, they talked at him, they talked about him but he barely, rarely responded. What was he going to say, anyway? Good morning? It wasn't so why bother lying.

Abby tried to help him. Bless her soul, she was the only one brave enough. She trapped him in her lab one day. She locked him in. She tried to hide her feelings in order to help him sift through his own. It didn't work. He only caught half of what she said. It was like once the name Ziva was uttered his head went somewhere else.

He usually saw something resembling a musical montage. It was one that would revival the greats that he'd seen. Many he'd seen with her. First, he would see her walk into the bullpen on that fateful day. It was just after he'd lost his first female partner. Then, she'd slouch provocatively. The music would begin to build; they'd be seen sipping coffee under the canopy of the Embasario Hotel. Flash to a scene of them laughing as he did push-ups over her in a mission that would change the course of their partnership. And then, of course, the summer when everything really changed. He'd be holding her in the night.

He'd always watch for a while. And then it would become too painful. He wouldn't be able to look at her anymore without coming undone. He'd snap back to reality. It wasn't as painful as watching their past or was it possibly more excruciating?

Abby saw this. She saw his eyes glaze over. She saw a small but powerful storm move through them. With a sigh, she pulled him into a hug. He held onto her as she did. Who else did he have to cling to? If he closed his eyes, could she possibly become Ziva?

"Oh Tony," she said.

All Tony heard though was Ziva's voice. It was enough to break him.

Stay tuned for Ziva's Chapter Two.