AN: Hey guys, I know that I'm already writing a story set after the big Piper and Alex fight in Paris, but when I heard this song, this idea came to me and I just had to write it down. It's not really much, just Alex's thoughts mainly, set in between their two scenes in Paris, after their Istanbul fight and before Piper comes back, looking for her passport and finds out that Alex's mom has died. The characters do not belong to me and I'm not making any money from this story, and, there is no sex or violence but there are a few bad words. Also, the song lyrics aren't mine, they belong to the band A Great Big World and the song is called Say Something.
Enjoy!
Say Something
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one if you want me to
Anywhere, I would have followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
"Can we talk about this?"
We sit on opposite sides of the room; me, on the bed and her, by the window, looking out into the busy Paris streets far below us and this tension filled room. I don't know how we got here, to where my every plea is answered with silence and her ocean eyes are so blank when they were once filled with so much. I would prefer screaming and cursing over the quiet that blankets us now because anger I can deal with, but this soundless refusal to even look in my direction, I cannot. Words I can control and manipulate, creating a fanciful tale that will lure her in and keep her entertained while I strategize on my next course of action. Silence is my kryptonite and right now, it is unraveling all my plans and hard work. How did I lose control of this situation so fast?
She calls me a free faller, because I am so laid back and care free, but it's not completely true. I can only afford to be that way because I have everything so under control; every word planned and every response methodically thought out. Even our relationship was planned right down to the smallest detail.
I knew what I would say to her when she walked into that bar, and I knew what her every reaction would be to my simultaneously charming and offensive words. I had intended her for a mule, only to find that I wanted her for so much more and so, had created a plan to make her mine. It was easy, she was so willing, wanting the adventure I promised and the emotions I produced in her. But I became too cocky and while I kept the rest of my life on a tight leash, I let my control with her slip until finally; she was no longer resting in the palm of my hand. I was stupid, I didn't think that she would stray, didn't think that she would shake off my iron grip and wander off on her own. I gravely underestimated her.
I told her that I saw this coming and I did, but I truly thought that we'd get through it, like we get through everything else. Because we're a team, right?
And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all
And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl
"Piper, please, will you just talk to me? Saying something, anything."
But unfortunately, I underestimated myself too; I never thought I'd ever be able to feel this much for someone, let alone what I thought was a stuck up debutante. And if I'm honest, it's because she isn't what I thought she was at all which is why I fell so hard for her. She's not so much stuck up as she is confident in her own way, but never looking down on people, as she never once looked down on me. She was brought up in a rich yuppie family and yet, is not even slightly impressed with the large amounts of cash I throw around or the lavish gifts I present to her. She hasn't followed me around the world for the money; she was more excited about the brightly colored fish we saw while snorkeling than the extravagant and beautiful hotel room we stayed in. She enjoys talking to the common people in Bali and relishes their stories more than the rich and sometimes famous people that we've met in our journey. I find her deliciously unpredictable, willing to try anything once while at the same time, smart enough not to let herself be burnt twice, which is exactly my problem right now because I've already scorched her once and she isn't falling for it again.
She is exactly what I've always wanted, even when I didn't know I that wanted it. She was only meant to be a way to pass the time and she ended up being the one that I want to spend all my time with, for the rest of my life.
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere, I would have followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
"Fuck, Piper, I've made some mistakes but it's going to change, everything is going to change, I promise. I love you and I know that even though you're angry with me right now, you love me too. So, can we please just work this out?"
She has done things for me that no one in their right mind would have done, all because she loved me. She has carried drug money for me, transferred cash for illegal transactions, dined with criminals, but none of that matters to me. What matters are the times that she held me when I was sick, and wiped my tears when I cried, reassured me when I was insecure and gave me a chance when she should have run for the hills. And now I regret the things I said to her, only a few hours ago, when our words spat like poison from our lips before the silence crept in.
"I'm just another drug mule to you."
"You are such a naive asshole sometimes!"
"I'm an asshole?"
"I'm drowning here and you won't even consider helping me!"
She's only ever helped me, given me everything I ever asked for and what have I given her except for a few good memories and trinkets from the places we've been? Nothing. She's always giving and I'm always taking. It's like a punch to the gut to realize that she's been right all along, that I've neglected the one thing that means anything to me anymore.
And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye
"Look, Pipes, I'm sorry, okay? You don't need to go to Istanbul and it was stupid of me to ask. I promised that I wouldn't do that anymore and I won't ask again, all right? We can work this out, just don't leave, Piper. Please, talk to me; tell me that we can work this out together."
Still, she won't look at me, even though I know that her skin must be burning underneath my pleading gaze. She's strong that way, stronger than I ever gave her credit for. Some people might call it stubborn, but standing up for what you believe in and how you feel is fucking brave and it was wrong of me to try and push her into something she didn't want to do. I'm trying to follow her example, trying to fight for what I want, but I know my excuses are weak and that I'm fighting a lost cause.
I wish that we could go back to the way things were before work got so heavy and trips to new countries meant a vacation instead of business. I wish that we could go back to when my laptop was just a part of the furniture and we would sit on the balcony, discussing books and the places we wanted to go and things we wanted to do. I wish that we could go back to when we couldn't keep our hands off each other, and our days were spent beneath sheets and my eyes were only on her and every piece of skin that was caressed beneath my lips and fingertips.
I wish that she would just say something, anything, to let me know that there was still a chance for us and for the grand plans I've made since I met her.
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere, I would have followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
"This is fucking ridiculous, Piper, all I'm asking for is one sentence here! You tell me all the time that you want to talk, and now you won't even say one word to me?"
I almost cringe as soon as the words are out of my mouth, hating the manipulative side of me that I can't control. I didn't want to use this tactic, trying to force an argument out her by preying on her hair trigger temper, but I'm frustrated and the silence is starting to take its toll on my broken heart and exhausted brain, and if it makes her speak to me, then I won't regret it. But I receive nothing from her, just an exhaled breath which could have been a sigh and I wonder if she's even listening to me anymore or if her thoughts are too focused on which clothes she should pack in the suitcase that is waiting by the door.
But I can't give up, even if it resorts to getting down on my knees, because I've finally realized what I think my heart has always known, that I don't want this crazy, adventurous life if I'm not living it with Piper Chapman.
Our adventure isn't over and our story isn't finished yet and I refuse to acknowledge the credits that are rolling in my mind.
Say something, I'm giving up on you...
"Piper, please, I'm begging you here, can you just say something?"
She finally turns her head to look at me, though her eyes are dull and lifeless, so different from the sparkling orbs that I've developed so much affection for in the years we've been together. She looks fragile and weak, as if the life has been beaten out of her and it hurts to know that I've done this to her. I watch with baited breath as she inhales and opens her mouth to finally speak.
"I need to go out and pick up some things. Can you look for my passport while I'm gone? I can't find it anywhere."
Say something..
She's finally given up on me.