This Small Miracle
Scrubs!Fic
Summary and Author's Notes: This story is inevitably an alternate universe based on some unconfirmed spoilers, Night Shift eps 3-5 and somewhat wishful thinking. Also, I'd really like to see some more Scrubs fic on ffn, so people need to post more of their stuff here! g And if there's any place where Scrubs fic reigns, please let me know.
Enjoy! Reviews and constructive criticism are more than welcome.
He watches her cradle the small baby lovingly, and feels his chest constrict and his stomach clench. There's something about the vision before him that almost causes his world to stop.
The look on her face is one that will forever be etched on his brain. She's in love with the infant, and he'd be jealous if it wasn't so honest and beautiful.
Patrick sighs and rubs a hand over his weary face. It's too late. His decision has been made. He's not ready to take on this challenge. It's a challenge he's not sure he can beat. The possibility of failure is too high.
If it's one thing Patrick can't stand, it's failure.
He's never taken on something he cannot beat, win or overcome, and he won't now… not when another life is at risk. He will not gamble with the life of a child until he's sure he can do so without ruining him… or her… Patrick wonders if that will ever happen.
He watches as Robin places Anna back in the basinet and stares for a long moment. She's happier than he's seen her in a long time, and he's often wondered if he could ever make her that happy. A part of him screams, "Yes!" while another is skeptical. He knows the love of a mother goes deeper and stronger than any other force of nature, and Patrick isn't quite sure he can measure up to or compete with that.
He walks away, unsure of himself and his decision. That same voice whispers a warning - that he's making a terrible mistake, walking away from his future because of the memories of his past. But he just can't stop himself from finishing his shift on the rooftop with the taste of Leyla's lips still lingering.
It takes him all of a day to realize that he hates himself.
Anna's gone. Has been for two months. To make matters worse, her name is no longer Anna. As would be expected, Robin took it very hard. And try as he might, Patrick could not bring himself to try to comfort her. Guilt, sadness and an overwhelming feeling of loss kept the barrier between them both tall and solid.
There was a point when he wasn't sure she was going to make it. She kept up appearances during the day, allowed herself to grow darker at night. Their punishment is over, and now they both should be able to get some sleep – and he would sleep if he didn't constantly feel like something was missing.
The sense that he's missed something unexplainably huge keeps him awake until the wee hours of the morning. He's becoming a liability, and it has to stop.
By the time snow is in Port Charles to stay during the second week of December, Robin is like a new person. She smiles more and there's a spring to her step. Something about her just begs for him to talk to her about something deeper than the weather, the patients they share, or the state of the hospital.
That first month or so was harsh. They said a lot of things they now regret. But the past couple of months have been… isolated. She's in another world half of the time, and for the most part, he's just trying to keep his head above water as he takes on more responsibilities and cases than perhaps he should. If only to move on.
One morning, when she seems especially chipper, he awkwardly asks her if she wants to join him for lunch at Kelley's. Nothing fancy, no expectations. He assures her that he just wants to have lunch as a friend, to catch up. Patrick fails to mention that she's looking more gorgeous than ever these days, for fear of scaring her away.
She orders the usual sandwich and a fruit smoothie, tucking into the meal with gusto before he can even grab the fork for his salad. He expected her to be distant and sarcastic, maybe even cold. But she just looks up at him over her glass of Mango-Strawberry Delight and grins in a way that causes him to freeze. She's glowing.
"So, how are you these days?" she asks casually.
Patrick gulps. "I'm pretty good."
"That's good." She smiles again and takes another bite.
"You?"
Robin swallows and shrugs. "I'm pretty good, too. How was Thanksgiving with your dad?"
Patrick finds himself smiling at the memory of his dad going near the stove and completely botching dinner. "It was… interesting. Definitely a Thanksgiving to remember." He pauses, unsure whether or not he should go further. "It would've been great to spend it with you."
Robin stops chewing for a moment, swallows again, and then sighs. "Yeah. That would've been nice."
"Did you spend it with Mac and the girls?" Patrick asks, now desperate to change the subject.
"I did," Robin replies. "You know, it's so hard to get us all in one place for any length of time. There was drama at the station that Mac had to handle, and Maxie of course had issues with some guy she's been dating. Georgie, surprisingly, was pretty occupied, too." She grins again. "I think I'm the only one in Port Charles who doesn't have a life."
Patrick chuckles. "Join the club." As he glances back at her, he sees that her smile has faded and taken on a very serious frown. He feels her grip his hand across the table and squeeze, and that frozen feeling comes back with a vengeance.
"I haven't completely moved on, Patrick," she begins, "but I'm trying. I'm happy to see that you are, too."
Patrick shrugs noncommittally and smiles wanly. She's yet to mention the Leyla incident, and for that he is eternally grateful. "I'd be lying if I said it was easy."
"No, it's not been easy," Robin agrees. "It never will be." Robin's intake of breath causes Patrick's own to hitch as she grips his hand even tighter. "I thought you should know… Two weeks before Thanksgiving, I underwent the IVF procedure that you heard Lainey and me talking about the other day. It was actually the second attempt." She pauses again, and Patrick desperately wills her to continue. "I had my follow-up exam two weeks ago." This time, her pause is followed by an enormous smile. "And… I'm pregnant."
Without hesitation, Patrick finds himself smiling, though he's not sure how his muscles are working of their own accord. Maybe it's the fact that she looks so happy and it's merely contagious, or maybe he's just happy that she's finally at peace.
"That's… that's great news, Robin," he says. "I'm happy for you. I really am. I know this is something you've wanted for a long time."
Robin nods, her smile dimming a bit. "I have. And… I had other dreams about my future, that I would've loved to see come true. Differences, and yes, fate changed that. But if there's one thing I've realized over the past few months, it's that I will never stop loving you, Patrick. And I know we can't be together – especially now – but I would really, really like it if we could still be friends."
A bubble of emotion rises to Patrick's throat, causing him to choke a bit as he nods. Friends. He would love that more than anything. "Yeah, Robin. I'd like that, too."
"That's great, Patrick. I'm so glad. Thank you." Her grip on his hand tightens momentarily before she lets him go and continues with her meal.
"When are you due?" he finds himself asking, though more questions about her pregnancy couldn't feel or sound more awkward to his ears.
"August 5," she says readily, like it's as common knowledge as her own name. "I'm not out of the woods yet, by any stretch of the imagination. And, I have to say, you're the first person I've told, even though Maxie and Georgie are going to kill me… But I'm confident this is going to work out."
Patrick nods, and this time, he truly feels as certain as he looks. "Me, too. Everything will be fine."
She smiles gratefully at his vote of confidence and munches on a few chips. He watches her eat, and wonders what life will be like in eight months' time.
She looks incredibly exhausted and weak as she watches him hold her son, but to Patrick she couldn't be more beautiful. As they should've known, little about the birth went according to plan, but Robin was a trooper throughout the surgery. Not for the first time in his life, Patrick is awed by her inner-strength.
Besides her family and his dad, Lainey, Jason, Jax, Emily, Elizabeth and Nikolas have all made short visits. Kelly's and Epiphany's orders were quite clear, and no one wants to mess with them after last night's scare.
"He likes you," she whispers as her eyes droop slightly. He grins at her dopey expression and shrugs.
"I'm a pretty likeable guy."
She scoffs. "Yeah, right."
"Hey!" The baby flinches at his voice, and he continues with a whisper, "I have my moments."
"Yes," Robin agrees with a sigh. "You have your moments." Then, "Thank you, Patrick. For everything. I'm so glad my parents were here for this, but I don't know what I would've done without you."
Patrick shrugs again and smiles. "You would've gotten through it, like you always have. You don't need me for that." He looks down and examines tiny fingers and a tiny nose. Big brown eyes and red cheeks. Patrick's voice breaks. "This little guy is lucky to have you."
The undeniable desire to protect this child runs down deep to his bones, and he doesn't try to fake indifference or strength as tears form in his eyes. He is broken, truly broken over the beauty of this infant, who has utterly captured his mother's heart and stolen Patrick's without warning.
"I'm lucky to have you," she whispers. Glancing back at Robin, Patrick finds her sleeping soundly, out like a light. Hopefully, she'll sleep until morning.
He prepared himself for this moment, as had Noah. This, Noah said, will be the first day of the rest of his life. Patrick now understands what he meant, even though he and Robin were not nearly as close as they are now.
He didn't think it was possible, but they're closer now than they've ever been, with room to spare for a new life. And though they've maintained a strong friendship and nothing more, Patrick is absolutely ready to take the next step now.
This is a challenge he's sure he can take on, and maybe one day master. The rewards far outweigh the risk, and Patrick is more than ready to consider the fact that fate has given him a second chance at the very thing he's run away from for so long. The past is behind him, and will continue to be, as long as the future is as bright as it seems right now.
He knows it must be this small miracle in his arms that has brought about this instant change in him, for Patrick would not miss any more moments like this for the world.