Disclaimer: I don't own YYH (no duh or I wouldn't be doing this sh-t)
Cover drawn by GoodEnoughTheOpenDoor aka RheaSarama on DeviantArt and rheasaramaartworks on Tumblr
Vhee: Hey guys! Remember me?!
-crickets chirping-
Hiei: I doubt it.
Vhee: Remember Q&A With Hiei?
-crickets still chirping-
Vhee: -taps glass- Hello?
Hiei: It's dead.
Vhee: The fandom?
Hiei: Yeah. Which means I'm free from all this idiocy.
Vhee: Not so fast there. I'm sure there's at least two or three still left who love YYH! In fact I know at least three people who will review this -wink-
Hiei: I'll kill them.
Vhee: Ugh. It's been five years but I am back and ready to finally post the Hiei/Vhee story! Due the owner of FanWorks threatening to delete the ENTIRE site I realized that Q&AWH would be lost forever. I intend to have pieces of that thrown at the bottom with the A/N's because if people are gonna report Author's Notes then we are gonna have a big problem cuz everyone does it. I'LL be reporting some stuff of my own if that is the case. I'll be choosing my favorite questions and answers but just a little each chap. Like these...
Q&AWH Chap 4:
From: Shezka Foxe
"Does your speed limit you to only short bursts (or distances) at a time? And if so, what speed do you reach? (Talking about MPH)"
Hiei: No it does not. I can go for hours if I have to. What speed? Do I look like I have a speedometer on my chest? How am I supposed to answer that?
From: Kuri-nee-chan
"Do you think you stand a chance in Yusuke's upcoming tournament?( even though you probably won't win but will end up in the semi-finals and come to a very close chance, for the sake of the main character winning and becoming ruler of the Makai..sort of) Oh yeah, how would you feel if someone other than you killed the blue haired ferry onna? (yes because we all KNOW you would SO be rejoicing at that moment XP)"
Hiei: Yes I am very mature. I would do better than you, who would die instantly in the first match. Oh, I would cry huge buckets of tears while laying on her grave asking the gods why not me instead.
From: lilarenapa
"Do you feel that less and less people are becoming afraid of you?"
Hiei: -glares at Vhee- Yes, unfortunately. But I don't care. If you mess with me you will soon be afraid.
You'll cling to your yaoi pictures and beg for your life as I chase you through your house, hunting you in the darkness. Your last breath will be a shrill scream as I tear through your midsection releasing your organs, letting them fall to your feet. Blood filling your mouth, you will choke and gag as your eyes and throat burn with fire. Then you really will burn as I unleash the flames of Hell on you, disintegrating your flesh slowly. Fear me now?
Vhee: Prolly not.
"What are your favorite trees to sleep in?"
Hiei: The ones outside.
"Do you ever think about a family?"
Hiei: It controls my entire being.
Vhee: -laughing- I forgot how funny you were.
Hiei: Were?
Vhee: Uh huh. Anyway, don't wanna waste too much time! The excerpts from Q&AWH will be at the bottom from now on. Enjoy the story!
Hiei: As I set you ablaze with a fireba-
Vhee: No one cares!
Hiei: -sigh-
Heads or Tails
Chapter 1: Liek, the beginning
X -x-x-x-x- X
This is the part I hate the most. The beginning. The introduction. The place where everyone decides in just a few lines if they like the story hey, where are you going?! I haven't started yet! GEEZ, GIVE A GIRL A FEW!
I mean, my God, how rude! Already heading for the back button and you have no idea what I'm gonna say next!
I BANGED YO MAMA LAST NIGHT! HOW'S THAT?!
Yeah. Shows you.
Anyway...(cheerful smile) my story is the weirdest story you will ever read. EVER. And this isn't a story either, this is a documentary of what really happened to me. I'm serious. This really happened. I was really transported to the world of Yu Yu Hakusho.
GET AWAY FROM THAT BACK BUTTON! WTF MAN!
(Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh) This is not like all those other "normal girl gets taken to YYH" fics either. Why? Because I was really trapped in YYH. Trapped inside one of...
I'm getting ahead of myself.
Let's start with me, duh. I'm a girl, duh. Aaaand...I have red hair and green eyes.
Wow. That was lame. This is another thing I hate; describing what someone looks like. You get people like that or people that spend three pages talking about their OC. Is there a happy medium? I guess not.
I have no idea how to describe myself. I have red hair that would be orange if not for me dying it blood red. My eyes are GREEN. Like emerald green. Not teal green, not hazel. GREEN.
I'm kinda on the pudgy side. And no, I'm not self deprecating myself like some writers do with their OCs so you think they're so butt ass ugly no one would ever hook up with them and then five chaps later she's making out with the hottest guy and all the others wanna bang her. No. Just a simple fact. I'm pudgy. Never been thin. Never will be.
But my boobs are HUGE.
Sorry, but they are. DDs, man. Hell yeah.
I'm like five feet tall, which does not help the pudge factor, but it helps dudes wanting to protect me. Like, "awww she's so small and chibi-ish...with big tits."
My face is like a doll. Like a toy doll. Small button nose, big eyes and round chubby face.
And that's all I can tell ya really unless you want graphic details and that would be a different fic, man.
Anyway. My personal shiz. I'm a lowly pathetic orphan and no one loves me!
Haha, nah. My family is just...about themselves. They have their own thing and I have mine. Not that they're bad people, or screwed me over, they just...are. The only one I am remotely close to would be my cousin Bree, but we don't talk much either anymore...
I'm not some sad sappy person. I have a life. An apartment, a job, a car. Normal stuff. I'm the ripe ol' age of twenty one and do not currently have a boyfriend, but who needs 'em anyway! Yeah, amirite?!
I'm so lonely...
Ahem. I was on my way to work one day. Simply minding my own business driving down the road when I hit a stoplight.
Okay, I know what you're thinking. "More detail than that, please?" but who seriously wants to read my whole life story from the moment I started storing memory to me brushing my teeth that morning? Hmm? Anyone? I didn't think so.
So. Street. Driving. Yes.
I turned on the radio and was blasted by some lame ass shit so I turned on my CD player (yeah CD what of it) and crooned to some Evanescence.
I am not emo so STFU.
I'm singing and driving and totally not paying attention when the door opens. I'm a complete loser bag and forgot to lock my doors! Oh, yay! It's rape and murder time!
He grabs me and throws me to the back seat with little effort and climbs into the driver seat, slamming the gas and sailing through the intersection. I'm wailing for mercy as we travel like sixty miles an hour.
This was not happening. It simply was not. You hear about stuff like this and you never think it'll happen to you. My whole life flashes before my eyes. My family, my school, my television programs.
Apparently, my life is really boring.
"I can't believe this!" he shouts, hitting the wheel as he continues to drive at Mach five. "I came all this way to escape Koenma and his freaks only to be chased by worthless humans!"
Okay...um...WHAT.
I know that name. I know that name all too well. Ko-en-ma. Leader of the Spirit World. Mostly stays in toddler form but sometimes changes to a "cool teenager" when he wants to fit in. He likes his binky. He's very cowardly. He always yells at George. He eats a lot. He cries a lot.
He's a fictional character in a fucking anime series!
I must be going insane. It's the shock. Yes, that's it. The shock. But that name keeps repeating in my head and it won't stop.
It couldn't be...
I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY AN ANIME FREAK WHO WENT CRAZY AT A CONVENTION OR SOMETHING!
Not that there's anything wrong with being an anime freak. I myself am one. It's my dirty little secret so to speak. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't smoke or have casual sex or watch little animals get tortured.
I just like to cosplay as Éclair from Kiddy Grade and stalk the FUNimation voice actors. Is that so wrong?
And now I am face to face with someone else who has lost all contact with reality.
But I...can't shake what he said...I shudder and then I notice the guy has YELLOW eyes and he's staring at me through the rear view mirror. "Ko...Koenma...?"
He growls at me. "Shut up or I will rip out your throat!"
And then I started sobbing.
There were cops behind us, blaring sirens, (oh so loud, ow my ears) chasing us. I cried and tried to wave at them, hoping they would save me. He crashes into a fence and begins driving through people's yards, skids out to another street and revs the engine further, all the while I'm screaming and about to piss myself.
He finally stops and grabs me from behind, yanking me out of the car, my body slamming on the pavement. "I have no choice! What is your name?!" I choked on my tears and gunk running down my face. "Tell me your name or I'll gut you!"
He holds out a knife and brings it to my stomach. I gasp and wail. "Vi...Vi...OH, GOD!"
"Viogod?! Your name is Viogod?!"
You ever have something really bad and serious happen to you and right in the middle something funny happens and you wanna laugh? Yeah.
The cops round the corner. "Dammit! You worthless slime!" And he goes to toss me. Before he does, I grab at him. Something clatters out of his jacket and hits the ground. I literally go flying and roll on the concrete, the wind knocked out of me.
I had no idea pain like this could exist.
My head. My chest. My legs. My whole damn body, weak and pathetic. I finally breathe again and watch as he holds out his hands and...
My ears go numb. The sound deafened them.
What the sound was I have no idea. Like a blast, only louder. And the flash of light blinded me.
I was now blind and deaf (shit's gettin' serious now, huh?).
When I came to again, I saw several officers on the ground, red stains under them. The guy was motionless on the ground too. I gasped and gathered all the strength I could and crawled over to my car. There were two items under it and I reached for them.
One was like a small candle, maybe an inch wide and six inches tall. It was blue with brown markings, a single red button in the middle. The other was like a tiny compact mirror, again blue with brown markings and a red button in the middle.
The way that one looked reminded me of Spirit World again. I couldn't believe I was thinking of Yu Yu Hakusho, but I couldn't help it, especially after what the guy said. He said Koenma.
My body was in all sorts of shock right now and all I could do was drift and hold these two things in my hands.
My thoughts rolled to the anime itself. My favorite episodes and moments. What it looked like. Yusuke's city. Genkai's temple. Everything...
And then...finally...my favorite character.
I am...a Hiei fangirl.
Hold your shocked gasps 'til later please.
I pictured him. I would stare at him for hours memorizing how he was drawn so I knew him the best. My mind seemed to speak on its own. Hiei...
As I heard more sirens, I tried to get up, still all these things running through my head, but I couldn't and I fell; my right hand slamming on the mirror and the left falling under my body and being crushed by my massive chest (always with the damn boobs!).
Two different beeps sounded and I gasped as a white light surrounded me. My last thoughts being my favorite anime and my favorite anti-hero in it...
I woke before I opened my eyes. I could tell I was laying in grass. It was soft and I could smell the scent, which seemed very strong. Almost too strong, like it had been freshly cut though I knew that wasn't the case because it was long, tickling my face.
I opened my eyes and what greeted me was red. I blinked a few times, clearing the fog and looked at black clouds floating through a red sky. Where did I know this from?
Lightning crashed, thunder rumbled far away.
I know this...
I sat up.
The field I was in was...for lack of a better word; drawn. The details were as drawn as anything on paper. Sure, it was three dimensional, you could tell that but...it was...DRAWN OKAY? FREAKING DRAWN LIKE ON PAPER! I can't describe it better than that. Ugh.
I reached out to touch it and immediately pulled my hand back.
My hand...was a dude's.
Not only that, it was covered in white bandages which I also knew all too well.
I opened my mouth and the noise that came out of me was as undignified as could be.
I coughed a few times and tried to speak. "What...oh, God..."
My voice...was not my voice. My voice was fucking Chuck Huber's.
Of course right now with the squeaking and shuddering it sounded a bit like Garlic Jr., but it was definitely him. I'd know it ANYWHERE.
"No..." It was his voice and I swallowed, feeling the thick saliva run down my throat. That felt as real as anything else did. I could also feel the wind and smell it, and was beginning to notice it was God AWFUL. What the hell was that?! I don't wanna know...
I blinked, trying to do that trick where I force myself to wake up. Didn't work. I pinched my leg, which was like pinching a freaking ROCK and when I finally felt the pain, that didn't work. I grabbed a piece of grass and stuck it in my mouth, tasting it was real, regardless of its visual appearance.
I sniffled back some congestion and looked around, more thunder rumbles echoing in the distance. The ground was slightly wet and I could feel it seep into my pants.
I also then noticed I wasn't wearing a shirt.
And I was a very well toned male.
I groaned, the all too familiar voice making me queasy as I looked around to see anything at all. I was alone in a field of grass. There were woods in the distance, but I felt like if I went in there I would fo' sho' die horribly.
I caught sight of a tiny pool of water maybe six feet from me and crawled over to it. When I reached the water and regarded my reflection I'm sure everyone in a fifty mile radius heard my oh, so manly Garlic scream.
Slightly crooked oval shaped eyes, pointed brows, onyx hair covering a white cloth on the forehead and sticking up to a flamed point, a white starburst in the middle. And crimson pupils looking back at me.
I touched my - his? - cheek. It felt like real skin, soft...so soft...and warm...The eyes looking back at me widened in surprise. It felt as real as my face did this morning when I washed it, though I beheld a drawing in the pool of water.
I panted and fell back on my butt studying my hands again. They were calloused and rough, the nails long and sharp. That was something the anime never showed...
And reality came crashing down on me.
The shock would not let me think what I knew I should be thinking but now I had no choice but to think it.
"Ohh...God..."
Somehow...I was transported into the world of Yu Yu Hakusho.
And I was inside Hiei's body.
...
...
...
...
"WHAT THE FLAMING PISS COVERED FUCK?!"
~To Be Continued
J2DOY A/N: Just so ya know, this OC ain't me. She is very close to me in how I would react, but her life is not like mine at all. Nothing about her is like me. Except the huge boobs. Those are totally mine :)
Vhee: So...you're not me anymore?
J2DOY: No. I don't really use the alias of Vhee on the internets anymore. Ya'll can call me Dream or J2DOY.
Vhee: Uh, I like Dream. -smiles-
Hiei: I hate you both.
Dream: We love you too, hot stuff.
Vhee: Please review!
Hiei: I will destroy you all.