Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.
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Bankotsu sighed as he walked down the quiet, dark halls of his castle. He held his hand along the wall and sipped his water.
Another night he couldn't sleep in the empty manor.
He hated the amount of loneliness it offered. There was a knock on the main door and he tensed. He cautiously set the cup on a table and walked to the door. He placed Banryu beside him, so it was hidden, and went to open the door.
He wasn't expecting any visitors at this hour so who would be bold enough to come?
He opened the door and some rain from outside poured in. A familiar figure stood in front of him with her arms crossed and her hair matted from the rain. She looked up and he frowned when he saw the mascara running down both sides of her face.
"Abi?" He whispered. It had been a while since he had last seen her, but she hadn't changed in appearance in the least.
"B-Bankotsu…" She whispered.
"Come inside, sweetheart." He stepped out of the doorway so she could walk by and she nodded in thanks. She shivered and his frown deepened. "Sit down." He went down a hall and came back with a blanket. "What are you doing out?" He whispered as he sat beside her on the futon.
"H-He d-d-died…" She stammered as her lower lip trembled beyond her control.
"Who did? What are you talking about?" He frowned. He may not have seen her in a while, but knew something serious must've happened to make the bird demon cry so much.
"Hiten…" She whispered and his eyes got wide.
"He…" Bankotsu started and she nodded. "Abi…" He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close. She buried her face in his bare chest.
"H-He's gone…" She whispered. He pulled her on his lap and stroked her hair, feeling his own tears build up.
"Sh…it's ok…." He rocked her back and forth.
"He…he isn't coming back…." She nuzzled into his hold.
"Come change into some dry clothes…..you can stay here for the night." He offered and she nodded. He helped her up and she kept the blanket wrapped around her shoulders as he guided her down the maze of halls.
They eventually reached his room and she sat at the foot of the bed.
"I don't have many women's clothes…just the ones that belonged to the lady who used to live here…" He held out a turquoise kimono and she nodded in thanks. "The washroom is there…" He pointed and she walked toward the room.
He watched her come back fully changed and the dried tears washed off her face. He patted the spot beside him at the edge of the bed and she took it. She rested her head on his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her.
"Bankotsu?" She whispered with a cracking voice and he felt his heart sink.
"Yeah?"
"Do you…do you think it's my fault? I-I wasn't there….to protect him and…" She stopped when he grabbed her chin and forced her to face him.
"Do not blame yourself." He cut her off and she blinked. "He wouldn't want you blaming yourself."
"B-but….we had an argument….he went off to a battle after a fight and…"
"Abi, it isn't your fault…" He assured.
"The last thing I told him was that I hated him." She finished and his eyes softened.
"He knows you well enough to know you don't mean it." He tried to convince her and looked into her eyes.
"I found him…after he died…."
"Abi…"
"He was…pale and…..the blood…." A tear rolled down her cheek and he used his thumb to wipe it away.
"He would never want to see you putting yourself through this…I know him, Abi. He adored you and he never wanted to see you blaming yourself like this." He frowned.
"But…"
"He hated the hurt in your eyes…like you have now. And when your lower lip puckers….you're too beautiful to cry like this…" He smiled.
"Could you….make love?" She whispered.
"What?" His eyes got wide.
"Please just…once?" She frowned.
"Abi…that won't change anything…"
"I just….I need to be close…." She whispered shamefully looked to her lap.
"I just…."
"It doesn't need to be me….you can pretend it's someone else….you don't even need to say my name." She looked into his hurt eyes.
"If I do this, I'm doing this for you and with you….no fantasies…" He said seriously and she half-heartedly smiled. "Are you…sure?"
"Yes." She answered. "Just…don't be rough?" She asked.
"I won't…" He agreed. "What you said before…about pretending….are you going to?"
"What?" She blinked.
"With Hiten….will you pretend?" He asked anxiously.
"No." She frowned and he nodded. He gently pushed her on her back and brushed his lips against hers. He closed his eyes and leaned forward completely to close the space between their parted lips. He slipped one arm under had back so it wrapped around her waist and the other hand cupped her face.
His hand slid from her face and his fingertips brushed down her neck. He lifted his body a little so his arm could get to her stomach and she wrapped her arms around his neck.
He always cared for Abi, but he wasn't sure if those feelings went as far as 'love'. She meant a lot to him, though, and he would do anything for her. Even if it was this she wanted.
He slid his hand under the opening of her kimono and his hand rubbed from her stomach and went up until it cupped her breast. She gasped as he tweaked her nipple and her back arched. He trailed his lips down her neck and she opened her eyes. He pulled her kimono off her shoulder and revealed her breast.
She shivered at the draft and he smirked and began sucking and lightly nipping her hardened bud.
"Bankotsu." She hissed and he frowned but tried to ignore his mixture of feelings about the whole situation. His hand went from her breast and down her stomach. He would continue to please her.
He almost always put his own desires first, but because of why he was doing this, he would put Abi first. She was the one that desired closeness and he tried to remember that.
He reached her womanhood and heard her breaths get shaky. He wasn't sure if it was anxiety or nervousness. He shifted his weight so he was eye-level with her and her scared, scarlet eyes looked into his unsure blue ones.
"If you want me to stop…" He whispered.
"No…it's ok…" She whispered. He didn't like seeing her this vulnerable…it worried him.
"Are you…"
"Yes, Bankotsu." She cut him off and he slowly lowered his hand. She gasped when he slid one finger in her womanhood. She clung to the pillow below her head as he slowly moved it and he watched her blankly.
She panted and her back lifted off the bed when he added another finger. He leaned down and kissed her neck to avoid looking into her unfamiliar scarlet eyes. She was always strong and determined…her eyes looked so fragile. Like he had never seen them before.
"Bankotsu…" She moaned.
"Are you ready?" He mumbled into her hair and nipped at her earlobe. She grunted and grabbed his shoulders, roughly pulling him down to her.
"Yes…" She whispered dryly in his ear. Her voice was raspy and he only imagined it was from the amount of crying she had done before she came to him. The thought saddened him more.
He stood on his knees and she sat up in front of him, letting her kimono slide off. His manhood showed he was excited, but his mind wasn't so for it. Still unsure if this was really the right thing to do.
He wanted to comfort her but what would this honesty do? Maybe it would take her mind off things but only temporarily. Maybe she just felt so awful she wanted pleasure. Maybe she simply wanted sex.
He shook his head and slid down his white pants. He threw them aside carelessly and watched her lay back on her back, waiting. He crawled between her legs and frowned down at her. She innocently blinked, as if confused.
"Abi…if you want to stop here I won't be angry…" He whispered. He had himself propped up with his hands on both sides of her head.
"I want to." She whispered.
"Want to what?"
"Continue…please…it can be quick…" She pleaded. He lowered himself to his elbows and positioned himself. He buried his face in his shoulder and slowly thrust himself into her. She took in a sharp breath and dug her nails in her back.
He grunted at the pain in his back but did his best to ignore it. He slowly pulled out and heard her gasp loudly. He pushed back in and she moaned. She shifted her hips against his and he silently took the access.
He grunted in her hair as he tried to keep his slow place and her moans became louder. Her fingers were tangled with the black wavy hair on the back of his head as she clung to it. He hissed a little and squeezed his eyes shut.
"Bankotsu…." She moaned.
"Sh…" He cooed. He pushed back into her damp walls and she moaned loudly again. He was happy she was able to satisfy her, but still wasn't comfortable with what he was doing.
"Don't….stop…" She begged as he moved a little quicker.
"Don't worry about it…" He pulled back to face her a little and saw tears in her eyes. He stopped moving and she rocked his body with hers, while he was still on top. "Abi…."
"Just please…don't stop…" A tear rolled down her cheek.
"Does it hurt?" He gave her a sympathetic look and she nodded no.
"It feels good…." She assured and he slowly rocked forward and back again. He watched her hiss and moan. She repeatedly whispered his name. She even screamed it a few times, but he felt no satisfaction.
He felt disgusted with himself. There was a point where Hiten was his best friend. They even considered each other brothers, and here he was, with what was once his wife and is now his widow, having sex with her.
He knew Hiten always trusted him with Abi, but how would he feel? He never said anything about after he died. He would want Abi to be happy but like this? He knew it was better him than some man that didn't know her. That would use and leave her and not understand her but he still couldn't help but feel shameful.
Her expressions were changing but she didn't smile…not once. And it bothered him. He thrust in again and she turned her head to the side with her eyes closed. He frowned. She continued to be loud, even say his name, but it was as though she didn't want to look at him.
With their bodies still moving together, he leaned forward and brushed his nose against her cheek, like a desperate dog. His lips attached and kissed the side of her face repeatedly. She turned her head to face him and pressed her lips firmly against his. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and her legs spread in the air before wrapping securely around his waist.
She bit his bottom lip softly as he pulled away.
"Deeper…" She whispered in his ear and he did his best to comply. "Bankotsu….please….faster…." She pleaded and he obeyed without a word. 'Can you…say something?" She meant it to be a serious question but couldn't hold in the urge to moan.
"Abi…" He hissed. When he faced her again he saw her lips twist into a faint smile. His eyes lit up. She just wanted him to know it was her. "You're beautiful…" He whispered and watched her face get red.
She was under him, he was ramming her, and those two simple words made her blush with a smile. He playfully kissed her neck and heard her softly giggle. They turned into more loud moans.
"Bankotsu…don't stop…." She hissed. He groaned and dug deeper into her one last time before pulling out completely. He panted and watched her chest rise and fall with every deep breath. They were breathless and glistened with sweat.
She smiled again as she regained her breath. He leaned down and kissed between her breasts. He trailed his lips down and she giggled as he went through her stomach. He stopped at her clit and looked up to her. She looked down with anxiousness and he stuck his tongue inside and tasted her juices.
She clung to the sheets and gasped. His tongue moved to, once again, please her, and he saw he was doing so. He pulled away and rolled beside her. She curled up in a ball and buried her face in his chest. He pulled the blankets over them and wrapped his arms around her.
He kissed her forehead again and pulled her close, hearing her sniffle and silently sob. She probably felt guilt too. As though she was betraying the man that was once her husband.
"It's alright…" He mumbled.
-
Bankotsu groaned as the sun shined brightly on his eyes. He opened his lidded, piercing blue eyes and realized Abi was no longer beside him. His back shot up and he frantically scanned the room. He saw her standing beside the bed, tying the last part of the kimono he had given her.
"What's going on?" He whispered and she jumped, startled, obviously not expecting him to be up. She faced him and crossed her arms.
"I'm…going home…" She bit her bottom lip.
"What do you mean? Aren't you staying?" His eyes softened.
"Bankotsu…last night….I just….I felt as though I needed closeness…of anybody."
"Abi, that was more then closeness." He glared.
"I know I just….your heart lies elsewhere and…I should just go…" Tears welled up in her eyes.
"My heart doesn't 'lie' anywhere…you can stay…I'll stay with you." He frowned.
"I saw the way you looked at me last night….you felt as awkward as I did…" She whispered.
"That can change…I can take care of you just…give me time…"
"Bankotsu…we aren't fated together…I just….needed it last night. I appreciate what you did for me but….you know as well as I do it can't happen again."
"Abi, please." He got to his feet and slid on his pants.
"Bankotsu, you don't love me and I don't love you." She stated bluntly and saw the hurt in his eyes.
"If you stay…"
"It wont change….even if you are open to the idea…I don't think I can be yet. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forget him." She looked to her feet.
"I'm not asking you to…" He stood in front of her. "Just…you don't want to be alone forever…neither do I. This could work…."
"I won't be. Eventually…when I do pass on, he'll be there." She half-heartedly smiled.
"Don't think like that….what about until then? That's a long way….you have so many years of what could be loneliness ahead of you…"
"Bankotsu….please don't make this hard for me. I….I was selfish to come, and I'm sorry, but…it can't be more than it was, ok?" She looked up with eyes glistening from restrained tears.
"Abi…"
"Thank you…for everything." She pecked his cheek and tensed when he wrapped his arms around her.
"If you even need anything…" He whispered as he pulled away and she nodded.
He watched her walk out and stood on the porch as she flew off. Now he was sure of it.
His care for her went as far as love.
Or maybe it was as she told him…maybe he, too, just needed a temporary closeness.