"Family"
Thank you for saying that;
You weren't supposed to.
I haven't cried like this since I was five-
nursing bruises and a broken dream.
When I fooled myself into thinking
I could possibly make them proud.
When I thought a good grade
might make them feel something other
than hate. But that was all
They ever gave me.
Don't know how I managed to forget the ache.
Before you-
it hurt more to remember-
remember being forgotten
all alone
...in the dark
...in the heat.
In the night spaces beneath the world
of thunder feet raining dust and spiders
of sparkling china and stinging bleach
and crisp bacon in a hot skillet and small hands.
Of pungent grass seed and parched hydrangeas
of rolled cotton elephant skins wrapped
in two twists of belt to cling to skeleton frame.
I, the skeleton in their perfect closet.
Everything was normal.
Everything was fine.
But my future is of Phoenician Carthage;
Fire my only friend.
It whispers, roars-
How many faces have you worn?
How many turned aside?
Surrounded by a mass of sickly flowers,
all turned away,
wind hissing through
screaming 'Liar!'
I was once told:
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget-"
I know.
I cannot mourn for you,
because that would mean admitting-
that for that one moment-
in that one breath-
I believed you could possibly be
mine.
And I am still alone.
AN: FF hates my special formatting so I feel like some of the impact has been lost; but I still want to post this here so I'm making compromises.
Did this up for a college writing class and was inspired by Richard Siken's poem "Straw House, Straw Dog" that someone brought to class. Anyways,
hope you like it and feel free to leave some feedback. Don't worry, the course is officially over and this is no longer "homework". Just wanted to put this
out there for my "target audience" as it were.
Ciao,
-Rae Simmons