SPOILERS! Read Ichidou before reading this oneshot. Original story credit goes to for "Ichidou: Ray of Hope" (story url FFN/s/5092054/1)
As she sat on the bed, Mei Ling's eyes traced the ceiling's many contours. It was white, but cracked here and there, water damaged in a spot or two, and the spread of paint was somewhat uneven. She wasn't sure if it was deliberate or not, but it gave her something to do, and was thankful.
Lying here, all but waiting to die, was not her preferred activity.
But she'd never had a choice, of course. She had been basically told that there was nothing that could be done for the spreading cancerous cells, originating from her pancreas. Chemo would only prolong her life. And for how long? Only weeks. The cancer had spread into her liver and surrounding lymph nodes, making an operation impossible, too. And so, in the dark hours when visitors were not allowed in, Mei Ling was forced to watch the ceiling, and remember, while she still could.
Once, she thought miserably, she had been a girl of unmatched vivacity, who threw herself headfirst into life, damning the consequences as they came. Now she was confined to this miserable bed, her life having dwindled into never-ending treatments, tests, and rests.
Could there have been a worse disease for her to contract? No, it had to be one that would slowly force her to cease all forms of livelihood as they searched desperately for a cure, or at least some way to make it all go away. Not something quick, not something that would let her live out her last days (if, god forbid, these were such days) as bright and active as ever.
What would she be doing now, if things had gone the way they were supposed to, without this constant pain in her abdomen? Perhaps out with Xiao Lang, on a date? She could only imagine it. Perhaps this time of year they would out at an amusement park, watching the stars go by in the sky as they went around on a Ferris wheel. And then Xiao Lang would grab her hand, and with one rough finger he would rub one of hers, her ring finger. He would feel the diamond that rested on her finger, and they would both smile, and say nothing as they simply relaxed together.
And perhaps she would let her head fall on his shoulder, and sigh happily, knowing that they would have wonderful Christmases like this for the rest of their lives…
Mei Ling sat up rigidly, forcing herself out of the too-vivid daydream. Her eyes began to itch, as they always did when she was resisting the urge to cry.
At least nobody was in the room, at the present. Sighing, she thumped back against her pillow once more, and closed her eyes.
How long had it been? It seemed like she couldn't remember a time in her life when she hadn't loved Xiao Lang. Her early memories, when she was about three or four, were scattered and rare. But even then she could recall going with her mother to speak with Yelan, a high school friend, and meeting an amber eyed boy, with an adorable scowl on his face. Even that long ago, she had liked him. He was a bit gruff, but when it was time to go it was he who spoke loudest, protesting that surely it couldn't hurt for Mei Ling to stay a little longer. They were already friends.
Since that day, they had always remained so. Within years Mei Ling was claiming happily that someday they would be engaged, and Xiao Lang, being Xiao Lang, said only, "do as you like." Which meant he didn't want to say it, but kind of agreed. Well, at least, she thought so.
Then, when she was ten, came the terrible day. That day, Syaoran was in a terrible mood, and finally yelled at her. It was long enough ago that it no longer hurt to think about – at least, not much.
"Xiao Lang!" Mei Ling sing-songed, dancing into his room cheerfully. She threw her arms around him from the back of his chair grinning. "Auntie Yelan said that we could go out for a little while! Will you buy me some ice cream?"
"Mei Ling, not now," he complained, sighing.
"Pleeeeeeeeeease?"
"Not now!" he shouted a little higher. Startled, Mei Ling loosened her grip.
"Is something wrong?"
"Of course something's wrong!" He stood up from his chair and shook her off, then turned to glare at her fiercely. She'd never been affected by his glare before, knowing he never meant it, but strangely enough it felt like he meant it now. "Look, Mei Ling. Get off my back!"
"Xiao Lang, what do you mean? Do you not want ice cream?"
"Not with you I don't! Look, you're always following around, hanging off me, trying to be with me – I hate it! You're always there; can't I just be alone for once without you bugging me about some stupid thing? Stop already!"
"But-"
"Get out!" he shouted, furious.
It felt like he'd stabbed her. Mei Ling didn't even try to stop the tears in her eyes from falling, and clasped her hands together as if trying to hold on to something.
"Go!"
She left, sobbing and heartbroken.
For days she didn't understand, didn't want to face him. Instead of bouncing about as always, she stayed in her room, or watched a movie, or simply lazed about. It took Yelan's kind invitation to get her out of the slump at last, after a week of wallowing in misery.
She went over for tea with her "aunt," who decided to console her on Xiao Lang. She was told that Xiao Lang was getting frustrated these days, and was taking it out on her, which he should not have done. She was told that he didn't really mean everything he said – Mei Ling was one of the people who was closest to him in this world, and that friendship was cherished, whether he knew it or not.
With these nice words at heart, Mei Ling managed to pull out of her misery, at least enough to smile when she next saw him in passing.
The next time they met, somewhat by accident, he apologized. It was when their mothers were having tea, again, and Mei Ling worked up enough courage to come along.
"I shouldn't have said all of that to you. I didn't really mean it," Xiao Lang explained. He wrung his hands out over and over again. "I…"
"It's alright," Mei Ling interrupted. She knew it was as close to an apology as she was ever likely to get from him. "Maybe I shouldn't have followed you around so much. I didn't know you didn't want me around…"
"It's not like that! It's just-"
"Not all the time, right? I really do understand, Xiao Lang, really! I'll leave you alone a bit more, okay? But I'll always be here. I want to be friends with always. We don't have to be engaged or married or anything, but I want to be with you, so promise you'll stay with me forever, okay, Xiao Lang?"
Poleaxed, Xiao Lang stared at her for a while. "Um, I guess that's alright."
"Promise!" Mei Ling held out her pinky finger, smiling. When Xiao Lang only stared at her, still dumbfounded, she sighed. "Oh, come on, silly. It's a promise thing they do in Japan. Please?"
"I know what it is!" he protested. Then, with a sigh, he relented at last. "Fine… I promise." Xiao Lang wrapped his pinky around hers briefly, scowling, and then pulled it away before she could do anything else.
"Thanks, Xiao Lang!" Mei Ling wanted to jump on him with thanks, but restrained herself, only letting a little smile get through.
She didn't mind putting aside her love for him, if it meant he really would be with her forever. Not in the least.
Years passed. Mei Ling remembered them fondly as some of the best days of her life. Her life so far, that is. She hoped.
Once she had stepped back a bit, things with Syaoran only got better and better. Soon, he began to confide in her, something he'd never done before. He complained to her about how, as the eldest son of such an old family, he had little freedom in his choice of friends, and a lot of people only wanted to know him because they knew his name. Then Xiao Lang apologized for telling her this, no doubt burdening her.
She had laughed at him, and given him a quick, brief hug.
"Don't be silly! Of course it's okay. We're friends. I'd almost be insulted if you ranted about it to somebody who wasn't me. I'm your best friend, after all. Right?"
Xiao Lang shrugged. "Yeah… I guess you are, aren't you?" he said suddenly. It was as if he was only realizing it now himself. Mei Ling laughed again, making him scowl and whip a pillow in her direction.
A pillow fight had quickly ensued. A tie was declared an hour later, when Yelan began to scold them, and the rematch was a tie after that, and they tied after that, and after that. To this day, neither of them had won. It was an ongoing struggle and hope of Mei Ling's that someday she would win at last.
That was when they were about thirteen. When they were fourteen, things began to change. Syaoran grew, and grew and grew. All of a sudden she actually had to tilt her head to look up at him, when they'd always seen eye-to-eye before. And more than that, Mei Ling began to find herself more than just in love with Xiao Lang. She was attracted to him. Strongly.
I mean, have you seen the guy? Even in his ganglier, awkward days he was hot enough that Mei Ling sometimes thought she needed to fan herself. Surely it wasn't legal to look so good and be as nice and strong and honest and kind as he was!
More so than ever, Mei Ling found herself blushing around him. Sometimes she would catch herself just staring at him, watching as he simply thought with a puzzled look on his face. Her eyes admired his messy hair, his calm face, his broad shoulders, his firm chest, his fine legs – and sometimes she stared at his crotch, imagining – oh, god, of all things! – his junk.
Her best friend was a sexy, sexy man.
And once, temptation was just too much for her to resist. They were on their half-yearly shopping trip shortly after her sixteenth birthday, one of the two times every year that Syaoran allowed her to drag him to the mall and let her try on whatever she liked, without him protesting too much. Mei Ling, with a grin, had been trying on two different skirts she thought were cute. Admittedly, they were a little short, but the patterns were so bright and fun that she couldn't resist trying them on.
Mei Ling stepped out of the booth, pushing aside the curtain and stepping out with a flourish, grinning widely. "Oh, I like this one!" she said, clapping her hands together. "Come on, Xiao Lang! What do you think?" She winked at him.
Then, Mei Ling noticed that his eyes were not on her face, but by the hem of the skirt, and his cheeks were slightly flushed.
"Oh my God. Xiao Lang, are you checking me out?" she asked wickedly.
"What? I – no!" He shook his head, now definitely flushed. "Don't be silly. I was looking at the skirt. It's a good one on you."
"You said that the last ten times! Fine, let me just ask. Which skirt's better? This one, or the blue one?"
"They both look really good on you, Mei Ling."
She beamed, and sat down next to him. "Really? You can be honest! If one of them is unflattering, really, tell me!"
"No, they're both fine. Honestly. You could wear about anything and still be pretty, though, so…" Xiao Lang cleared his throat. "You should buy them both. They're even in season colors, at least according to Fanren."
"Xiao Lang?" she asked. Mei Ling had been planning only to grin and say thanks, but when he looked up at her questioningly, the breath blew out of her throat as quickly as the wind in her sails.
Oh, his face was close. And curse it, he was so hot, and so sweet to her, always…
Screw hesitation.
Mei Ling put her hands on his cheeks, and kissed him the way she had always dreamed, sweetly, slowly, truly. She was shocked at herself, at her audacity. She had probably just ruined their friendship forever with this, but by now she had abandoned all thought, preferring instead to focus on the fireworks spreading all over her body as he pulled her towards him, allowing her hands to slip back behind his neck as his held her waist, and his lips moved against hers…
Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Was he kissing back?
WHAT?
The shock of it was enough to make her leap away. She jumped up, pressing a hand to her lips in horror. "Xiao Lang! I'm sorry, I mean, I liked it, but I didn't mean, I promised myself that-"
"Shut up," he replied, coldly, standing up as well. Then, shocking probably both of them, he proceeded to roughly pull her towards him for another round.
Oh, my, Mei Ling thought devilishly, smiling as she opened her eyes. But there were no warm molten amber eyes awaiting her there. It was still a cold December afternoon, and she was all alone in a hospital bed, dying slowly, wishing she were anywhere else.
Merry Christmas, she thought to herself. The weather outside was cloudy, she noticed. Not sunny, not rainy or snowy. Just light and cloudy. The most boring weather there was.
Disgruntled, she turned away. She wanted to be with Xiao Lang so much right now. She didn't mind not being with anybody else, or being someplace else. She just wanted Syaoran at her side, like he'd always been. Mei Ling wanted to live, wanted to fight, but there was only so much she could really do against the disease. Being healthy and brave could only help her so much, and though she hoped for the best, there was still that chance.
She might die. Maybe not today, but tomorrow or the day after that? Who knew? The doctors suspected she had months, but they couldn't predict everything.
Suddenly, something occurred to her. How would Xiao Lang fare, if the worst came to pass?
Never before had Mei Ling thought of it. The dependant one had never been him, only her. Without him, Mei Ling's life would be a bleak world, but Xiao Lang?
He would be devastated, certainly. But she hoped, quietly hoped, that he wouldn't completely fall apart. After all…
No, this wasn't the time to think such a thing. Not now. But how could she help it?
Maybe, she thought grimly, this was her price. For being with him, when she knew the truth. Somehow, Xiao Lang had to leave her. Somehow, he had to let go – and she as well. Maybe this was the world's merciful way of doing just that.
Some mercy.
A knock on the door made her jump. Mei Ling realized that she had dozed off for a bit, preoccupied with her thoughts. "Yes?"
Xiao Lang stepped in, a small smile lighting his face. He held out the little present behind his back – a bundle of roses, in red and dark pink, mixed together.
Oh, I really don't deserve him, Mei Ling thought sadly. There were tears beginning to well up in her eyes, as they had so many times in this torturous past week.
But I'm so glad, even if I'm not even around for another few months. I'm so glad that I was here to spend this time with him, no matter the price.
I hope Xiao Lang falls for another, four times harder than he ever did for me. He'll be happy that way.
Smiling happily, Mei Ling took the flowers from his hands.
Fun fact: this is technically fan-fanfiction. I basically wrote this as a tribute to the story. Ichidou's good. So go read it, ne? The two of us consider this to be either fan-fanfiction or an extra chapter of Ichidou which just happens to be written by somebody else. If you read this by accident, blatantly ignoring the warning at the top, please do go to the URL at the top.