Rated T for use of swear words and mentions of sexual activities.
Hey Guys!
So, this story came to me through my obsessing with this song. In case any of you haven't watched Shane Dawson's documentary on Jake Paul, the song used in this story is called "Bitter Heart" by Myra Granberg. All lyrics used from the song are in italics and bold.
*DISCLAIMER*
I am quite aware that there are parts (if not all of the thing) where a certain character is out of character. I am aware, I do know, it's just what came to me when I began to write this. So, before you comment "ew he so would never act like this!1111" I do know, but I think it fits pretty well.
Oh, should also add, I own nothing of Harry Potter. That all belongs to JK Rowling and not a penny to me. At all. Sadly. Also don't own the song used, as stated above. That glorious thing belongs to Myra Granberg.
Suddenly you look like a stranger...
It was always strange, coming back onto the platform years after I had graduated from Hogwarts. Things were so different now, much, much different. Everything had changed, we'd all grown up, had kids… Fought and died in the war.
I smiled down at Lyall, watching him as he searched the platform for his friends. Fifteen years had passed in the blink of an eye, and my baby boy wasn't a baby anymore...
Looking around the platform, my eyes skimmed over a group of people before they caught someone I'd never thought I'd see again.
A face I knew but most forgotten.../ Emotional flicker...
My breath caught in my throat as I recognised him, my heart hammering in my chest as my stomach dropped. It had been so long since we'd last seen each other; since I'd last seen him...
You were my everything...
Smiling up at him, I watched him laughing loudly along with his usual group of friends. He never believed me, but I loved his laugh. He rarely properly laughed, and when he did, my GOD was it a beautiful sound…
We know we could have done it better…
"It's not like it's something I planned on happening, Remus! For Merlin's sake, it's my life that's being completely changed!" I shouted, waving one hand in the air to try and grasp his attention. He growled at me, eyes narrowing.
"Ruined! You can say it, Emily! RUINED!" I winced as he shouted back, hurt stabbing at me at the hate that shone in his eyes. I shook my head.
"Not ruined, never ruined…" I sighed, rubbing my forehead, "It's less than ideal, I agree but… I can't hate something that we made out of love-" He scoffed, shaking his head with a vindictive smirk on his face.
"You're delusional, Emily. We're seventeen for fuck's sake! What do we know about love?" He sounded so, full of hate…
"I know we're young," I whispered as tears gathered in my eyes, "I know there's a lot in life we know fuck all about, but if there's one thing I know for certain, it's that I love you." He sighed, rubbing his eyes before giving me a sad smile.
"Ems, you don't even know me, not really…"
Fought for the little things we wanted...
I sobbed into my pillow, trying to get myself together but it was so hard after what he had just said. I felt the bed dip, with no doubt Lilly and Marlene wondering what was going on.
"Ems, what's wrong? What's happened?!" Lilly sounded flustered, like she always did when she didn't know what was going on. Lilly wasn't a control freak, but she really didn't like not knowing what was going on.
"He's finished with me," I managed to get out, knowing they would know who I was talking about. "He's just- He doesn't want me anymore…" I buried my head into my pillow as another wave of tears came.
"what?" Marlene whispered, shock clear in her voice. I felt her hand on my back. "That makes, like, zero sense, Remus has and always will be so in love with you…" I snorted, lifting my head up to shake it.
"Apparently not..." I didn't bring up the other situation, with less than three months left of seventh year I'd decided no one really needed to know. With most (i.e. all) of my friends being from the same friendship group as R- erm, him, I doubt I'd keep in contact with them anyways, so they didn't need to know…
"Did he say why?" Lilly asked gently, worry covering her face. I shook my head.
"Said I 'didn't really know him'." I sniffed, wiping my nose on my jumper sleeve. "He didn't even fight for us, one stupid fight and he… He threw three and a half years away…" I rubbed my eye. When I looked back up, Marlene and Lilly were sharing a look. "What?" I asked, looking between them. Lilly shifted uncomfortably.
"Well, I mean," She gulped, looking away from me before ruffling her hair. "Did you?" She tried to ask gently, but it still hit me hard. I scoffed, pulling away from the pair to hug my pillow to me tighter.
"Do I know the boy I've been in love with since I was twelve? I think, no I know that I do. Better than you both do," My voice was harsh, but by this point I didn't really care. Lilly opened her mouth, but I shrugged her off, "I'd like to be by myself for a while." I didn't leave any room for arguments, turning away from the pair and pulling my blanket up to cover me.
And know we were good together…
"You're doing it wrong," A husky voice came from behind me, arms wrapping around my shoulders to peer into the cauldron sitting on my desk, "You're cutting them instead of dicing." I smiled up at Remus, shaking my head slightly.
"what would I do without you, Mr Smarty Pants?" I teased, pushing the ruined ingredient off my chopping board. He laughed, leaning down to kiss my cheek.
"Fail potions?" I smacked him on the arm with my wand, laughing lightly in agreement.
"You okay?" I asked gently, sitting next to Remus on the couch in the common room. "You look really ill." He chuckled weakly, looking up at me from where he was half lying down.
"I feel it," He murmured, moving to lay his head down on my lap. "But you being around makes me feel better." I laughed softly, running my hands through his hair. He slowly went to sleep, a content look on his face.
"He's not lying, you know." I looked up at the sound of someone speaking, seeing Sirius Black leaning on the chair to my left. He nodded to Remus with a half smile, "He always sleeps better when you're around." I grasped the context without Black giving it away – while we'd been dating for over a year now I still hadn't told Remus I knew his secret, not wanting to intrude on it, and secretly wanting to wait and see if, and when he would tell me himself.
I smiled down at his sleeping face, moving a strand of hair out of the way. "Good," I whispered.
You swam so deep into my river…
I blinked as I took in a breath, coming back to reality. He was there, on the platform, with a boy I knew to be Harry Potter standing in front of him. Watching him with the boy, how familiar he was with him, made my heart hurt.
Looking down at Lyall, I sighed. I wished with all my heart I could've given him that, a proper family. But Remus had ruined that, refusing to even consider the idea. After that day, I didn't give him another chance, not that he was trying to get one. I couldn't, wouldn't let him hurt my son the same way he'd hurt me.
Your footsteps everywhere I go…
"Can I sit in here with you?" A nervous voice asked from the doorway, making me look up from my book. A cute boy stood in the doorway, with ratty looking clothes on. I smiled, nodding. "Oh good, everywhere else looks full…" His voice was quiet, verging on a whisper.
"I'm Emily," I introduced myself, smiling warmly. I held my hand out just like daddy taught me to. The boy looked shy, slowly putting his hand out to shake mine.
"Remus." He replied quietly. I smiled widely.
"I bet we'll be great friends, Remus!"
I never was a weeper…
My eyes ran with tears as the midwife handed me the baby I'd just given birth to, the boy crying loudly as he was deposited into my arms.
"A boy," I whimpered lightly, my tears landing on his little chest. I brought one hand up to wipe at my eyes, but they wouldn't stop. "Oh, he's beautiful," I murmured, using that same hand to run a finger down his face. His eyes opened slightly, a beautiful blue coming through with a light amber ring around the outside.
"Oh, darling he's gorgeous," Mum cooed as she moved to see him, gently reaching out to touch his face. "Oh, darling you can't stop crying!" She laughed lightly when she looked up at me, using a tissue to dry off my cheeks.
But I'm still holding on...
"Mum I see Chris! Can I go?" Lyall asked me, grinning up at me with the exact same grin that his father had. I smiled back gently, running my hand through his hair.
"Of course, gimme a hug first!" I wrapped my arms around my protesting son, laughing lightly. My eyes automatically looking for him in the crowd, widening when they met his brown eyes.
Oh baby,/ Look at me just one more time…
My breath caught in my throat again as our eyes stayed connected, only to be broken when Lyall pulled away and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"I'll see you at Christmas, mum, so there's no need to get upset." He said soothingly, grinning when I wacked him gently.
"Hey cheeky, I'll be glad to see the back of you for a bit! It'll be nice having a clean house for a change!" I teased back, smiling when he laughed and shook his head.
"You know that's a lie, mum." I looked down at the ground, shaking my head.
"I can pretend, can't I?" I looked my boy up and down before pulling him in for another hug. "When did you get so big?" I whispered to myself, closing my eyes as he squeezed me back.
"Over the summer I reckon," Lyall pondered sarcastically, "Think I grew three inches!" I smiled sadly, my eyes swimming slightly as I kissed his forehead.
"Be a good boy this year, you hear me?" I murmured against his head, pulling away to look at him seriously. "It's not the time to be playing around, not with your OWLS-"
"Mum save the lecture!" He moaned, causing me to smirk. "I'll see you soon, and I'll send a letter in a week or so! Love you!" He shouted as he moved backwards, waving at me. He bumped into one of the Weasley kids, apologising before rushing off towards his friends.
Tell me that you don't regret it…
I laughed lightly to myself, shaking my head before I felt eyes on me. Turning, I saw Remus watching me intently. He almost looked… Sad. Like he was missing something. I blinked, looking away before meeting his eyes again. He sighed, rubbing his eyes before turning to the group around him with a tired looking smile.
Really thought we were fine…
"You can't say something like that!" I laughed, playing with Remus' fingers as we laid in his bed. His chest vibrated with a chuckle.
"Yeah I can! It's true, anyways." He attempted a shrug before laughing again, "I mean, don't you think that Sirius and Marlene are destined?" I snorted, turning onto my stomach to look up at him.
"Just because they both sleep around doesn't mean they'd be compatible," I laughed at the thought, "Marlene would murder Sirius before they even got to the bedroom." Remus laughed loudly at that, nodding along.
"Yeah I see your point," He mused, running a hand up and down my bare back, "They don't quite have what we do, do they?" He gave me my favourite smile, his lazy smile. I bit my lip, leaning closer to his lips.
"No, no one does," I murmured against them, before kissing him properly.
Then you shot... me... down...
"You just don't get it!" Remus shouted, moving closer to me in his anger. "Three years means jack shit, you don't know me at all!"
"That's because you don't tell me anything!" I retorted, scoffing at him. "How do you honestly expect anyone to be let in when you don't even tell someone you've been with for three years about the real you?!"
"THAT'S THE POINT!" He screamed, making me jump slightly, my back hitting the table at the front of the classroom. "I don't WANT anyone to know me! The people I did want already DO!" My heart dropped to my stomach when he said that, my breath catching in my throat.
"I've known you since first year…" I whispered, my hands clutching my jumper over my stomach, "Just as long as them… Why do they get to know and not me?" I couldn't help but ask. He laughed cruelly, one of his hands running down my arm.
"Why do you think, Thomas?" He spat, his amber eyes narrowing, "Because you mean nothing to me. You didn't then, you don't now." I swallowed hard at that, forcing a breath out. I lowered my eyes to his feet, trying to regulate my breathing and my thoughts.
"But… Lilly…" I whispered, tears tripping down my face. Remus brought a hand up, his hand cupping my cheek before he laughed derisively.
"Lilly is something else," He spoke softly, but every word stabbed my heart, "She will always be a good friend to me." I gulped, my heart stuttering.
"But I'm nothing," I barely got out. Remus nodded, looking away from me with a serious look on his face.
"You are, and always will be, nothing to me." He brought his eyes back to look at me, the heat back in them. "And whatever you decide to do with that- that bastard in your stomach, I want nothing to do with it."
Oh, I wish you hadn't pulled the trigger…
I felt my heart breaking again staring at him pretending like he always did. With a sigh, I turned to leave the platform.
Shot me down with my bitter heart…
"You mean the world to me," He whispered, slightly out of breath from the mind-blowing sex we'd just had. I gave him a tired smile, cuddling into his side.
"You are my world."
"You are, and always will be, nothing to me."
My blood is getting thicker…
I turned slightly, looking over my shoulder when I felt eyes on me. A girl with bright pink hair was staring at me with curiosity. Remus turned to her, his mouth open to talk before he followed her eye line. He swallowed when his eyes met mine again.
You shot me down,
"Who is she?" I could see her mouth.
"No one, she's… No one" He replied.
You shot me down,
"No one" I mouthed lightly to myself, laughing at my thoughts while shaking my head. "As if, after all this time…" I murmured under my breath, watching him with the young witch before forcing myself to move. No point in wondering over the past…
With my bitter heart…