Warning: I do not own Batman, Joker, Superman, Wonder Woman, or anyone else in the DC universe. I only own a few comics and movies.
Disclaimer: Slash of the Bat/Clown variety. Everyone's OOC, there's some language, and a bit of Superman and Wonder Woman bashing. Actually, this was just an excuse to bash on WW a bit…
This is a sequel to Something to Think About.
Someone mentioned in a review on STTA that there should have been an audience for Batsy and Joker while they were having their moment. Well, I wrote a side story a while back called A Good First Day Out that was kind of like this. Basically, Harley Quinn played witness to their scene and went to Poison Ivy for comfort. It's a Harley/Ivy fic if anyone's interested.
This takes place between the Justice League episodes Injustice for All and Wild Cards.
Enjoy!
The Joker giggled maniacally as Superman escorted him to the back of the awaiting Arkham van. He wasn't really struggling; more just flailing his arms, or at least trying to in his straight jacket. Superman was the one with the unfortunate duty of keeping the clown walking.
Batman looked on, usual glare focused on the clown. He didn't know what to make of this latest scheme. The Joker had simply robbed a bank – not his usual M.O. – taking the tellers and customers hostage while his hench-clowns graffiti the outside of the building. Brightly colorful sayings of 'Here I am, Justice League' and 'come get me, Bats' littered the brick walls. All in all, it didn't require the whole League, but Batman knew the Joker was a diva who liked an audience, so instead of just the Caped Crusader, Superman and Wonder Woman tagged along, just to be on the safe side. Taking out the goons and the Joker had been a cinch.
Wonder Woman came up behind him. She placed a light hand on Batman's shoulder.
"I don't like it," he growled. "I can't tell if this is all some part of a crazy scheme or if the joke's on us."
Behind him, Diana sighed. "Or it could be that he's just crazy."
Batman growled.
"Come on, Bruce," Diana whispered in his ear. "Just relax. If it is something to worry about, worry when it happens."
"That's just it. Until it happens, I'm going to worry," the Bat admitted. The last time the Joker went unchecked, Cheetah ended up in the ICU with tubes down her throat. The guilt still haunted him.
Diana sighed again, running both hands over his shoulders now. "I got an idea," she said. "Why don't you and I go out tonight? It'll be fun. Flash says there's this lovely Hispanic grill in Central that's to die for."
Bruce shrugged her off. "Tonight's probably not a good night." He knew what she was doing. She'd been playing this game for a long time, since just after the League formed. And Bruce was having none of it. Not only did he not want another person he cared about to get hurt, but he interested in her like that. She was a colleague and good friend, nothing more.
She huffed; pretty face growing red in frustration.
"And when will it be a good night?" she demanded. "You've been dodging me for months! Are you ever going to agree or are you going to politely say no every time?"
He really didn't want to have this conversation. Ever. "Diana. I consider you a good friend and colleague. Should anything ever develop between us, I don't want you to get hurt." He stared into her blue eyes as he said this.
She glared. "I can take care of myself. That is a sorry excuse and you know it."
Because she wouldn't be able to handle the truth, he thought.
In the background, the Joker was whooping with laughter, successfully distracting Superman from shoving him in the back of the van.
"Hey, Supey, what's white, blue, and red all over?" the Clown Prince of Crime asked.
Superman growled, actually having trouble keeping hold of the wriggling clown.
"You, covered in blood!" hooted the Joker. He burst into more raucous laughter, losing his balance and falling over. He kicked the air in his laughing fit. Superman ran a hand over his face.
Diana glared over the Batman's shoulder at the jester. "What's so special about him that he needs surveillance every waking moment?"
"Because he's insane," answered Batman. He was starting to get really annoyed with the Amazon. "You've seen what happens when he escapes Arkham. This was just some game. For all we know, this little heist could have been part of something bigger."
"Or it just could have been a standard robbery!" Diana yelled back. Some cops turned their heads towards the couple at the shout. "He just wanted your attention. That's all he ever wants! And like a trained dog, you always come running!"
Batman gave her one of the most evil glares she had ever seen. Diana felt her body shake in fear.
"And what would you have me do?" Batman demanded, growling. "Do you want me to let him go around terrorizing innocent people? We were lucky all he did was rob a bank this time. What happens next time? time. What happens next time? You don't know him Diana." He turned back to eye the clown, who was just starting to come down from his laughing high. Superman was standing over him with his arms crossed. "It's best to just cut him off when it's possible."
Wonder Woman crossed her arms. "I don't see how one man could have you so on edge."
Batman sighed. "You obviously haven't visited Gotham City that much."
The Joker looked over. He caught sight of his favorite playmate and smiled. It was wide and full of teeth, and Bruce couldn't stop himself from smirking back. Diana glanced back and forth between the two. It seemed to her like they were sharing their own private joke.
With teeth grinding together, she took hold of Batman's arm and spun him around. "You two act as though you have been friends for years!"
"We might as well be," Batman snarled back. He wrenched his arm out of her impressive grip. "We've been enemies for years. At this point, I'm the only one who can come close to predicting him."
"And can he predict you?" The question was completely honest and Batman couldn't bring himself to answer. He wasn't even sure he knew the answer. He turned away from the amazon. The Joker was still lying on the ground, laughing at the Man of Steel as he antagonized him. Superman looked ready to knock him out. The ten cops still at the crime scene weren't sure if they should help the hero or just stay back. Bruce figured the deciding factor for them was that they didn't want to get close to the Joker.
Could the Clown Prince of Crime predict him? At this point in his career, Batman wouldn't be surprised if he could. Just as the jester came up with new ideas and plans to take out the Batman, Batman came up with new ways to take down the Joker. But that was just it: they were always going after each other.
Every time the Joker escaped Arkham Asylum, Batman was on him. Every time the clown caused trouble, Batman was there to punch him in the face. That's how he was predictable; he would always come. Diana said it herself; Bruce was a trained dog, always coming when the Joker called. It wasn't like either one had a leash on the other, though – they obviously didn't – but when one did something, the other knew all about it.
Like that night on the roof. After the whole Luthor fiasco, Cheetah had been attacked. And who had been the attacker? The Joker, of course. Why? Because he was a jealous diva, that's why. Batman smirked as he watched the Joker. The clown would kill him if he could read the Bat's thoughts, but that night had been interesting.
"Bruce?" The princess's voice interrupted his thoughts.
He kind of wished she would shut up and go away.
"Yes?" His voice was gruff and full of annoyance.
Diana seemed to take the hint because she paused for a moment before speaking. Actually, she didn't say anything at all.
Instead, she grabbed hold of him once more and spun him around. The thought of smacking her briefly flitted through Batman's mind, but before anything else could process, warm lips were pressed against his. Bruce's eyes widened behind the cowl.
They stood there together, Wonder Woman molding their lips as Batman just stood. He could hear everything around them go silent. He almost thought that everyone was gone, until he remembered the Joker was giggling mere moments ago. Oh… wait…
What happened to Cheetah again?
He felt Diana prod at his firmly shut lips with her tongue, but he gave her no admittance. He wasn't Bruce Wayne right now. Maybe if she had waited, he would have played along. Instead, he shoved her away.
Diana, completely unsuspecting of the harsh treatment, barely caught herself in time before falling over. She blinked wide-eyed at the Dark Knight. She was fully convinced he would have accepted her affections.
Wonder Woman continued to blink stupidly at him while Batman glared. "Don't… touch me," he ordered.
All eyes were on them.
Slowly, Bruce turned and faced the staring pedestrians. The cops that were still there quickly flinched away from his death glare and went about their business, finishing up their scan of the crime scene and exchanging reports. They didn't dare mention what they had just witnessed.
Superman's face nearly made him chuckle. Like the other Justice League members, he thought that Batman and Wonder Woman were a couple and that if they weren't they would be eventually. Clark's mouth was hanging open and he looked confused, glancing back and forth between his two friends. His hold on the now standing Joker loosened considerably.
Speaking of the Joker…
The clown's face was priceless. He was staring wide-eyed and open-mouthed, shock written all over his face. It wasn't a look the Joker normally sported, and Batman gave an internal chuckle. He knew the shock wouldn't last for long.
It didn't.
The Joker recovered faster than Superman, face slowly scrunching up in a scowl, white cheeks filling with color, eyes narrowing and mouth pulling back in a snarl. Clark must have still been stunned because the next thing anyone knew the Joker was marching right up to the Batman and getting right in his face.
"How dare you?" he snarled lowly.
Batman stared coolly into his green eyes. Wonder Woman took a step forward to attack the clown, but Batman held a hand out in front of her. Might as well let the Joker get his anger out now before something happened to her.
"How dare you?!" the Joker screamed. This was faintly reminiscent of their first 'talk.' Thank God his arms were restrained otherwise there would be a giant mallet involved.
Batman kept silent.
"Do you not remember our little talk?" the Joker continued. He was as close as he could get to Bruce's masked face without them touching. He was positively seething. "Huh? Because I do! It was sometime after I put that Cheetah woman in the hospital. Do you remember that? It seems like it. Because every day since that little talk you've been good about this whole making out with women thing! What is it with you and them? Hmm? I mean, I get it - you're smart, tall, dark, and mysterious – you got all that going for you. Your voice is gorgeous and you must be good-looking, too, considering how all the ladies, bad and good, just seem to flock to you. But really?"
He looked disappointed, devastated even. Batman refrained from chuckling.
"I thought we had something, Bats!" He looked genuinely distressed now. "You were doing so well up until today!" He pressed his face against Batman's chest, nuzzling against the Bat symbol. Superman's eyes widened further, mouth opening and closing like a fish, and Bruce could only imagine the look on Diana's face. It must have been comical, as well. But right now he was only focused on the upset clown in front of him. "Am I just not good enough for you?" He sounded so sad. "Is that it? I can do better, I promise! I have this great plan in mind involving Vegas and the whole Justice League – you'll love it!" Now that had Batman worried. He'd have to ask about that later when there was nobody else around.
The Joker was on a roll. "But you promised!" he whined. "You promised there was no one else! I thought everything was going so well! And then you go and do this."
His voice turned venomous, taking a step back to glare up at his enemy. The Joker turned away from him, instead focusing his rage-filled glare on Diana. He took a step forward. "I swear, Wonder Bitch, I'm gonna find you and slowly peel your flesh from your bones until there's nothing left but muscle and tendons. And I'm going to make sure you're alive all the while, too. Then I'll find your little Amazon Island and burn it to the ground while you watch all your friends and family burn with it. I'm going to make your life absolutely miserable; keeping you all tied up in a warehouse somewhere with no food or water and not even Batsy will be able to find you." For every hate-filled word that was spat from his red lips, the Joker took a step forward towards Wonder Woman, backing her up until she was pressed against the brick wall of the bank. Fear shined in her eyes.
This was the first time she had ever actually come face to face with the Joker, and to be honest, he terrified her. His eyes were like Hades and his face was scrunched up in so much hate, so much anger and it was all focused directly on her. She didn't know what to do. She felt trapped, frozen, and unable to fly or run away. His face was mere inches from hers.
"Oh, how you will rue this night!" he hissed. If it wasn't for the straight jacket, he would have gone for her throat.
"And you!" He whirled around, stalking back towards the Bat with all the righteous fury of a scorned girlfriend. He got right in Bruce's face and would have jabbed a finger at his chest of his hands were free. "As for you – mm!"
Everyone in the immediate vicinity's eyes bugged out of their skulls. The officer standing closest to Superman thought the hero was going to faint.
As entertaining as the Joker's rants could be, Batman was starting to bore of it. He let the clown finish his threat to Diana and her people, because some deep, dark part of him thought it was hilarious. But it had to end sometime and if he let him, the Joker would go on and on and on. So, uncaring of the ten cops around them and completely disregarding his fellow heroes, Batman grabbed the Joker by the back of the neck and kissed him. He kissed him long and hard, easily pushing his tongue into the clown's wet cavern with no resistance. It was a far better kiss than the one he shared with Diana and he was completely okay with that.
The Joker's eyes widened when his higher brain functions kicked in, struggling just a bit. When the Bat's other arm wrapped around his waist, however, he relaxed, letting his lover have his way with him.
The harlequin was putty in Batman's arms, and the Bat took advantage of it. He loved that he was the only one who could shut the Joker up like this. They stood there kissing, lips devouring each other's mouths as tongues ran over lips and teeth. It wasn't until a tiny cough from Wonder Woman made Batman pull away. Dealing with her and Clark later was going to be fun.
"You talk too much," Batman muttered, resting his forehead against his much paler lover.
Joker sighed, closing his eyes. "I hate it when you do that…"
"You love me. Now get over it, you saw me push her away." The hero ran a gloved hand through the Joker's green hair.
"Doesn't excuse it." The Joker leaned into the soothing touch. "It took you too long to push her away."
Batman looked down at him, smiling a soft smile that was only ever meant for his enemy. "You know I haven't been with anyone."
"And it's going to stay that way, right?" The clown actually looked extremely insecure about this, biting his lip.
Bruce smiled, kissing his lips softly. "Of course."
The Joker beamed. "Good."
"Are you serious right now?!"
Well, it seemed Superman finally recovered.
The Harlequin of Hate snorted. His lower lip started to quiver.
Suddenly he burst out in loud peals of laughter and all Batman could do was smirk.
I had fun with this one. The Joker threatening Wonder Woman was awesome.
This was dialogue practice for me, sorry if it doesn't seem too in-depth.
Unlike A Good First Day Out, this one is more what the reviewer suggested. And since I've wanted to write another Batsy/Joker, I thought hey, I'll give it some thought. Well, at work a couple of days ago, I was thinking about how much I wanted Joker to tear into Wonder Woman for being close to Bats and then his little speech popped into my head. So I quickly scribbled it out on a napkin and tada! This is the fic.
Don't you like how I kind of make Superman look like an idiot?
Please review and tell me what you think!
p.s. I don't like Wonder Woman.