I want to talk for a bit. I haven't been able to update much the past month thanks to this beautiful thing called "school." I've been ridiculously stressed the past few weeks trying to finish all my work. Today, I'm finally free from it and won't have to worry about again until June 11.

One good thing did come from this stressful time, and that happens to be this fanfic. I attended a writing class the past semester, and my teacher is incredibly chill, and she said fanfics were allowed as a submission to fiction, so I got the chance to write this fic back in February. Now that school is over and I got advice from my classmates on what to fix, I'll finally post this oneshot.

Wow, I finally post a oneshot this year...

I'll be back on updating and editing my fanfics starting today. Enjoy!

The snow fell downwards, but she couldn't bother to keep herself warm. Her long auburn hair flowed freely and exposed to the wind, despite the rule she casually followed to keep it hidden. She was hurting, yet she didn't feel any pain. Her tears fell silent in the midst of the chilly night.

She followed this path for her God, but for what purpose? She had followed the path her parents had wanted her to follow. She promised she would be good, despite her casual nature bending the rules so much. Then came that night, when she had to destroy all evidence to keep anyone from knowing about it. She did it all to keep her life exactly how she should be. She confessed in silence and apologized daily.

But she wasn't sorry to anyone but herself, as she foolishly fell for the trap.

As Spring approached months before, she took her sweet steps outside. Luka wasn't one to really obey her orders to stay at home and dress properly, but due to her extra generosity and her dedication to keeping prayer, the head nun permitted Luka's carefree attitude, though she strongly wished Luka could obey the rules of their home for once. It had only been a few years passed since Luka promised her oath, but the head nun could never tell if Luka actually desired this path or only accepted it for the sake of her family's happiness, knowing they had expectations of her to live the path of their beliefs.

The sun had shined brightly, and Luka couldn't deny herself of a peaceful walk in the park. A mild morning, she considered, noting the lack of people in the park in the early dawn. Perhaps, it was due to how early it was, as she was aware it was almost seven in the morning. Luka had always been a morning person, and wearing a simple white dress to compliment her slim body figure and contrasting the black robes she had worn for days, she strolled by the park, opting to sit on a bench and recite the poems she had written, intending to share with her fellow sisters the following day.

"Every day, I am happy

Very thankful for my lord

To cleanse all my sins

And I promise to be loyal"

Although she spoke about herself as one to be loyal, no one outside of her home would have noticed who she actually was. This included the man who walked by and heard her melodic voice. With blonde hair disheveled and his tie loosened on his buttoned top, he walked on with a calm yet energetic attitude and was desiring for someone new to converse with. As soon as her heard her, he couldn't stop himself from coming up to her, not that he would have stopped himself.

"Hello," he began to speak to her with a kind voice, and that morning, Luka felt sincerity in his voice. "I heard your poem as I was walking nearby, and I thought it sounded lovely."

"Oh? Thank you," she smiled, her light blue orbs staring into his darker eyes.

"You look very lovely today."

"Oh, thank you."

He could tell she was a quiet, soft-spoken woman. Her voice was soft and melodic as she spoke to him. She wasn't outgoing like other girls he had conversed with in the past, and he began to long for her, craving a piece of her.

"Could I take you out for breakfast and we get to know each other?" He asked her, and it was his win. Luka accepted the offer, and she got to know him based on what he had told her.

His name was Leon. He was a teacher, he said. He was single, he claimed. His last relationship ended over six months ago, he told her. He spoke to her with smooth confidence and a charismatic smile.

As the days passed on, she occasionally left her home to see him. Each day, she enjoyed his presence and yet, she never told him who she really was. Luka found herself falling for the man… but she knew it was wrong. She was aware that it was forbidden of her to fall for him. She had made a promise, when joining her sisters, that she would cease all relations concerning the idea of "love." However, he wouldn't give up. Leon wanted her. He continued to woo her and shower her with love.

Wanting to spend more than several hours with him in a day, she went to her old apartment, one she had given to her younger sister after moving to the convent. Given permission to leave that night, Luka had returned to her old home while her sister had left to visit friends, promising Luka she'd be back in the morning.

Luka invited him, believing it would be a night they spend time together as friends. She had told herself, before he came, that she would follow the oath she made when she joined her sisters years ago, but she was aware of her growing feelings for him. Her sisters were all fond of her, and they always view Luka as the most beautiful and most intelligent, a woman who could do no wrong. Even if she had gone out in public and dressed in clothes she shouldn't wear, her kind hearted nature was never ignored, and even the head nun admired Luka.

"Do you love me?" He asked her as the night had gone on.

"Love you?"

"Do you?"

Luka stared into his blue orbs. She was speechless, unsure of how to even reply. She shouldn't feel this way about anyone. Even then, Luka couldn't control herself. His lips captured hers, and she had fallen into his grasp. With no willpower to control herself, she reciprocated his actions, no longer trying to recall the promise she made to herself.

She gave him everything of hers that night. She had fallen deeply for his embrace, longing to feel more of him, even though it would mean destroying the oath she had made. He continued to caress her and treat her with gentle kisses, promising to not hurt her. He reassured her everything would go smoothly as he placed the package around him, to ensure nothing would come from that night. She had told him she had never done it before, and although she had learned about it years before, he continued to reassure her that nothing could go wrong.

She messed up. Luka was very well aware she made a mistake that could have been avoided. Push him away, refuse his advances, or not even inviting him to her home would have spared her from the consequences she would be suffering from in the long run.

Weeks after that night, Luka struggled to find him again. He never replied to her messages, and he never called her. Luka grew worried, wondering if his phone was damaged or he didn't pay the phone bill. The idea that these actions were intentionally quickly wiped out of her mind.

"He wouldn't do that… right?"

Even more, after weeks pass by, Luka's fatigue began to weaken, as well as she was emptying contents from her stomach in passing mornings. She immediately suspected that the night had gone wrong. It shouldn't had gone wrong, she thought. Leon told her everything would be okay. He had used methods to prevent this from happening, but Luka couldn't help but feel these methods had failed. Roughly a month after that night, Luka opted to go to a hospital in the city rather than go to a clinic or shop at a pharmacy, out of fear that her sister or other family would see her or discover what she had done.

After her meeting, her heart raced in fear. Her assumption had been proven true. She couldn't have. It shouldn't have happened.

Luka broke her promise.

Without even thinking twice, she raced downtown, down to a place she never saw herself entering. It had to go. Luka had to get rid of it before anyone found out. It shouldn't have happened. He told her they were okay, and nothing would happen because he would make it safe.

Clearly, it failed, for Luka had to destroy the evidence.

After that night, Luka never saw Leon again. She couldn't bring herself to think of him without feeling the pain of having to destroy the piece of evidence of what had happened that night. After that night, her behavior had changed significantly and it didn't go unnoticed by her sisters and the head nun. Although it seemed like she was finally fully obeying the rules she must follow, her warm hearted smiles and lively eyes had vanished.

"Luka? Are you okay?"

Although months had passed since that night, Luka's tears continued to fall in moments when she least expected it.

"I'm okay," she smiled at her fellow sister, Avanna, although her smile was weak and weary, nothing like the smiles she had given before meeting Leon. "I'm just menstruating."

"I see," Avanna sighed, giving Luka a gentle hug. "You're so beautiful. I never want to see you upset," Avanna continued. "I guess your period is painful? I never seen you cry over it."

"It hurts a lot," Luka lied. "Today, it just feels as if I'm killing a life."

"Oh? You shouldn't worry about that. It's only a life when it's fertilized from unprotected sex."

"Even protected sex can fail."

"That's true, but that's never going to happen with us, Luka. We made a vow to never commit to these sexual relations after all. It's our vow to give up these kind of relations to serve our lord."

"That's true," Luka smiled weakly.

"If it still hurts, I can take you to the nursing room and have you rest there," Avanna offered.

"Thank you, but I will be fine," Luka stated, not wanting to burden herself. Soon after, Avanna left her, leaving Luka alone in the outdoors. The weather had gotten much colder, signalling the soon arrival of winter. Strangely enough, she wasn't cold. Even with a light sweater that wouldn't properly warm her up and not wearing her dark robes but instead a red gown that couldn't keep her warm, Luka couldn't bring herself to come inside.

"It's crying," she whispered softly as her cramps worsened. "It's dying again. It wants to live, but my blood is taking it away… I gave him everything."