Spencer's POV

I can't deal with it anymore, it's just too hard.

Between A, the girls constantly hovering around me, everybody judging me and staring at me, it's too much. All I did was Take a few pills so I could figure this stupid thing out. Yet through it all I didn't achieve anything.

I was staying at toby's apartment because it's too hard to deal with my parents constantly punishing me, and when they aren't doing that, they're at work all day and I'm stuck home alone because I'm too afraid to go back to school. Toby was the only one that stood by me, even though he was angry, although I realise that he also kind of hovers around me, but it's for a different reason, he's just worried.

Toby is at work for the day, he was hesitant to leave me on my own but I told him he had to go. It's 12:45. Im lying on Toby's couch, staring at the TV, even though it's not turned on, the only sound is the constant dripping from the tap, comforting yet annoying. All I can think about is what's happened, all the bad stuff is building up in my mind, constantly drumming against my skull. I get up and go to the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror, I'm ugly, I look a mess. My hair is knotty, I have no make up on, I have dark circles under my eyes, it's all I can do just to stand up. Withdrawal symptoms I guess. I'm surprised Toby hasn't left me I look that bad, but he wouldn't do that. He doesn't t care about that stuff I guess. I open the cabinet under the sinks and take out the razor blades. I remove one from the packet and take the piece of protective plastic off the blade. I stare at it in my tiny fingers. I could do it, it would be so easy. Toby isn't home, no parents bothering me. I could just do it. I take the tiny blade to my arm and press it into my skin. Slowly I start to drag it across my arm. Then I feel the twinge of pain shoot up my arm. I release the blade and look at the blood seeping through my skin. It hurt but it felt so good. It felt so good to finally be in control of something. It caused me physical pain but relieved me of emotional and mental pain I suppose. I took the blade to my arm and did the same thing 3 more times but then it started to hurt a lot more so I stopped. I rinsed the blade off and put it in the bin, but I pushed it down to the bottom in case Toby saw. I looked at my arm, it was bleeding quite a bit. I decided to have a nice hot shower to rinse of the blood.

I went into the bathroom and turned on the hot water. I undressed as I waited for the shower to heat up, careful not to get any blood on my clothes. Once I see the steam erupting from the shower I climb in. I wince in pain at the sting of the hot water hitting my cuts. I rinse off the blood, biting my lip to stop myself from screaming, but after a while the pain goes away. I wash my hair and body and get out of the shower. I grab my towel and wrap it around me. I grab the first aid box from above the sink and bandage my arm. I put it back and walk out of the bathroom. I walked over to the wardrobe and grab out a pair of legging and a jumper, so that the sleeves will hide my arm. I can't let Toby know What I did, it would hurt him too much. I put on the legging and jumper and go back to my spot in the couch, and lie back down. After a while my eyes start to close, and I fall asleep.

I woke to the sound of the front door closing and keys dropping on the coffee table in front of me. I open my eyes to see Toby smiling down at me and I force a smile back.

"Morning" Toby said

"Morning" I replied

"I should be saying afternoon, it's 4:30" he said as he walked into the kitchen and put his jacket down.

"I thought you didn't get home until 5?"

"Yeah but." He continued hesitantly "I asked if I could go home early so I could make sure your okay."

"Toby I'm fine, you should have stayed, you don't have to constantly make sure I'm okay"

He walked over to me on my spot on the couch. "I know, but, I wanted to. I love you."

"I love you too" I said as I sunk Into his warm chest.

He kissed me on the forehead, stood up and Walked back into the kitchen. "Have you eaten anything today?"

"Um, no I'm not really hungry." And that was the truth.

"Spence, you have to eat something"

"Toby, I'm aggressively unhungry."

"Well I'm gonna make a sandwich so I'll make you one too because u need to eat."

"Uggghh" I sighed, and dropped back onto the couch, dramatically to make a point. I was behaving a bit childish about the whole thing but it made Toby smile so I guess he didn't mind.

Toby's POV

I finished making the sandwiches and handed one to spencer. It was just a ham and cheese sandwich, nothing fancy. She ate half the sandwich, but only to make me happy. She took my empty plate, and her half empty plate and took them into the kitchen. She started washing up, and I told her that I'll do it, but she shoed me away and did it herself. I sat on the couch and watched her. She was so Beautiful, she had messy hair and no make up on and she was still the prettiest thing I'd ever seen. What did I do to deserve her. She caught me staring, "what?, do I have something in my teeth?" She questioned, frantically trying to look at her teeth in the window, unable to see anything of course.

"No" I giggled "I just think your beautiful." I said, walking into the kitchen.

She turned bright red and turned away, going back to washing the plates. "You must be crazy, I look aweful." She said sheepishly. She had wrapped her half a sandwich in cling wrap and turned to walk to the fridge, avoiding eye contact. But I caught her wrist and pulled her back towards me, hugging her tight and lifting her chin to look me in the eye.

"You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen" I said to her. She blushed furiously turning even more red then before. She was so adorable. She was so beautiful and she didn't even realise.

I leaned down so our lips were barley touching, and then our lips crashed together. It wasn't a desperate kiss, it was a passionate kiss. I ran my tongue along her bottom lip, asking for entrance, which was immediately granted. I slipped my tongue into her mouth and cupped her face. God she was beautiful.

Our lips parted and we just stared into each other's eyes for a moment, hers a dark chocolate brown, so warm and soft. I stroked her cheek with my thumb. Her skin was so soft as well.

Then she turned around and walked to the fridge and put the sandwich in it. I laughed and walked into the lounge room and turned on the TV. I opened my arms for spencer to sit with me and she did. I wrapped my arms around her and she snuggled into my chest. I smiled at this.

Soon we both fell asleep in each other's arms.

Later I opened my eyes and and looked down at spencer who was fast asleep in my arms, I smiled to myself. I looked up at the clock which read 9:30pm. I carefully picked spencer up in my arms, trying not to disturb her and carried her to my bedroom. I lay her down on the bed and pulled the covers over her. I took my jeans and shirt off and climbed in next to her. As soon as I lay down she snuggled into me once more and I wrapped my arms around her, and I soon fell asleep.