Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
I just had this plot bunny when I was lying in bed and decided to write it down! It soon turned into a long one shot which I have broken up into chapters R/R please! Warning: some swearing and a couple of naughty words may be in this fic somewhere Also Hitler is mentioned and also some references to gay people. None of which is to cause offensive so please don't be upset or offended please!
Also will contain some very mild lemon.
Life in HFILChapter One
Freeza looked through the bars of his prison cell; he had been killed by that purple haired brat that came out of nowhere. He was still puzzled as to whom it was and how a Sayan had managed to survive and breed, it was extremely unlikely yet somehow It had been done.
The boy did have striking familiarities with his former servant the Prince of all Sayans. The eyes looked like his, the attitude and yet the hair looked different. Also the purple haired boy couldn't have been that fool Kakorot's, because he hadn't thought twice about sparing the life or neither him nor his father King Cold.
Perhaps Vegeta had a long lost brother or cousin.
Shrugging Freeza looked back to the other bad guys who had perished and been sentenced to eternity in the Home for Infinite Losers.
The Ginyu force was having a match of rock paper scissors to determine who the new leader was going to be. After all the only survivor had been Ginyu himself when he had been turned into a frog. He was still in the frog's body as far as anyone knew and was on Planet Earth eating flies and hopping about.
"Scissors cuts paper! I win. You can now call me 'Capain Jeice'. We are the Jeice force!" claimed the red faced white haired man.
"No fair. Best out of 3" Burter growled, getting ready for another round.
This was the level of what some of the strongest people in the universe had been dragged down to. Playing a game to determine who would lead them.
Freeza then remembered something. "They were idiots all their lives, dancing about like some clowns whenever they fought anybody"
King Cold was playing a strange musical instrument he had managed to obtain from one of the ogres guarding the next dimension. It resembled a kind of flute but was about five feet long and had a skull at the base of it.
He was also on lock up but in a different cell to Freeza, it hadn't even been their faults. A row had broken out and the two ice jins had been put in locked cells for their protection.
A large mob of the strongest Sayans had planned an attack to punish and torture the Ice Jin. King Yama had to be called down to calm them all down but there were not enough cells for the feisty bunch so they just locked up the two they were after.
Stupid because they were already dead. All they could give them was an eternity of pain. Maybe lockup wasn't so bad after all.
Freeza had also had some of his power harnessed before he was sent down; to stop any attempts to break out, this made him no stronger than an average Sayan. However the loud bunch had all been allowed to keep their ki's, this made it extremely unfair and the tables had turned.
"Hey Freeza my man. Want some" a gloved hand slipped through the bars and held out a bottle of yellow liquid. Eagerly Freeza snapped it up; it had been so long since he had drunk some alcohol. He didn't have the know-how to brew his own and the only ones that seemed to were the Sayans. As you could guess they were not in a rush to usually share.
Still when someone offers you a gift you take it, it could have been another decade until he had the sweet taste of alcohol on his cold lips. He was struggling. When he was alive he was a red wine addict, he couldn't get enough he was one hundred percent an alcoholic.
HFIL made him go cold turkey and he was getting serious withdrawal symptoms; he went to bed thinking about it, he woke up with it on his mind and all throughout the day he could smell red wine.
"Oh, why thank you" quickly he pulled the plug out of the bottle and guzzled it down, before the stranger could change their minds.
He didn't expect it to taste like wine; it was a Sayan concoction after all. No doubt very strong, Most Sayans drank until they collapsed and found very high volume cocktails absolutely delicious. They were experts at brewing their own very strong substances, that's why they were treating HFIL as a 24/7 party zone. They may all be dead but they sure knew how to party!
Freeza withdrew the bottle from his lips. He had downed it; he needed some sort of booze to keep him going. It didn't taste like alcohol however; it was something he couldn't quite put his tongue on. Quite warm as well, he always enjoyed his alcohol cold. Still one can't be picky in the circumstances.
Laughter suddenly penetrated all around. King Kai even heard the loud cheers and clapping from his little Planet at the end of snake way.
'OOH bubbles the Sayans must be having a good party" he snorted as he washed the rest of the soapsuds of his little red car.
Freeza didn't know what was up, someone was the victim of some serious bully abuse, looking around he tried to see who was getting picked on. Squinting through the tight bars he managed to make out many people all laughing and some pointing at… him…
"Why am I not drunk yet… stupid Sayan drink, how dare they bluff it's so strong" Freeza scowled kicking the bottle against the wall.
He couldn't understand why they were laughing at him, perhaps because he had been put into solitary confinement and hadn't done anything wrong.
"YO FAG" that was Freeza's new nickname from the almost extinct race.
"WHAT"
"DO YOU WANT SOME MORE ALCOHOL?"
"Why what's the catch?" He said suspiciously.
"Nothing, when is there a catch? We just want to apologise for our poor behaviour, and want to make it up to you. Maybe even settle our differences." The voice defiantly belonged to a Sayan, it was one that he recognised but couldn't work out who it belonged too. It defiantly wasn't King Vegeta or that stupid baka Nappa.
Freeza summed this up in his head.
'So, I killed their race. Took their prince and made him my slave, killed their King, forced them to work for me before I did all that. Now they want to be… dare I say my friends…?'
'Man these Sayans are nothing but stupid monkeys they have no idea. Well I will be friends with them but just for the booze they have. Once I learn how to brew it myself, they'll wish they were never born.' He grinned thinking to himself at his sheer intelligence. Or so he thought.
The laughter was almost deafening him now; it was pounding right through his ear drums which were much more sensitive as he was forced to by King Yama to return to his first form that he had on Namek.
A short while later another bottle was handed through the bars to the eagerly waiting lizard, he snatched it,
"Thanks boys. I hope this one stronger; I don't feel drunk at all." He said in his pervy voice as he pulled the plug out.
This time warm was not the word for it; he noticed that inside the bottle had some froth. Shrugging he downed it as well; it was still the same stuff.
"Boys. Now you and I are ahem... friends. May I ask what your secret ingredient is?"
More laughs, even the Ginyu force had stopped arguing who was going to be the new leader and were joining in. Freeza was totally unaware of what the Sayans had done.
King Cold was shaking his head at his son's misfortune, he would love nothing more than to bust out of the prison and tell him what was going on, but that wasn't possible as the bars were KI proof. Secretly he found what the others were doing was disgusting but disturbingly amusing.
"Well… what do you lot say,? We tell our lord what is in that lovely alcohol?" Radditz said levitating above all the rest of the group. There must have been at least fifty Sayans all clustered together. Cheering and laughing.
"Your majesty. Would you like to do the honours?" Nappa said bowing to his King who was standing amongst the crowd with his crown still perched on his head. King Vegeta himself had consumed too much of the liquor and was feeling very tipsy.
"Oh no… no lets all do it! On the count of three…" insisted the King as he clapped his hands in the air ready for the ultimate count down. He himself had drank far to many cocktails and was feeling very tipsey.
Freeza began to feel sick; they had put some sort of poison in it, something dreadful. Perhaps they had something that would make his genitals turn into a females. Or more likely maybe they had spat in it first. That would explain the froth on the newest bottle he had guzzled.
"1…………..2……………………3!"
"PISS and CUM" they all cheered.
Some called it different names as you can imagine. There was an uproar of laughter; even the ogres were joining in the party now. Everyone was teamed up against Freeza.
He himself had turned a pale white colour, and was considerably paler than he naturally was he had a tad of green to his skin which was UN natural. Never before had he felt the need to chuck up so much in his life.
"Man that's so wrong! You guys rock!" Reccombe said as he punched a very drunk Sayan on the back.
"Cocktail dude?" The drunk said as he held out a huge glass goblet with pink stuff in it to the huge member of the Ginyu.
The party was really vamping; one of the ogres fetched some colossal size speakers and was pumping the latest tunes from Earth down to the HFIL.
Everyone was having a really merry time, except Freeza and King Cold.
"OH I LOVE THIS SONG!" shouted out a female Sayan as she began to dance on a boulder in a very sexy manner, all the guys were chanting at her to take her clothes off.
"Lord Freeza. My master. Are you okay" Zarbon said as he rushed over to the prison chamber.
He hadn't joined in the fun that everyone else was having, he had been keeping out of the way already that morning he had this week so far been given a hair cut by a group of teenage Sayans and had been forced to endure hours of beatings whilst they tied him using ki proof rope they had presumably stolen from the ogres. He was far from the proud strong man he had been on Nakek, he was also teased constantly and reminded that his death was due to the Sayans heir.
"Zarbon. Make yourself useful and get me out of here. I don't care how. Just do it, I cannot endure this humiliation any longer, im going to make those monkeys pay dearly for what they have done." The angry Ice Jin growled as he threw a punch at the wall. The only damage he did was to himself, it was all Yamma's fault for taking his power off him.
Baba the little witch who was cousins with the perverted Master Roshi materialised sitting on her big magic ball. She was searching for somebody; she hovered trying to avoid the drunken Sayans.
'They call this home for infinite losers. Pfft nothing like it used to be, I'm telling you. Yamma's really let himself go this time, these idiots are treating it as a holiday resort!' baba whispered to herself as she avoided a group of young males making what looked to be a pyramid out of Sayans whilst another was charging at them trying to knock them down.
A particularly large long haired male jumped onto her magic ball and began to hug her. He was even taller than the one named Radditz.
"Hey sexy. How about a kiss Hun!" he growled into her ear, as he began to try and grab her butt. He couldn't have been much older than Goku but he looked much rougher.
A large group of males found this highly entertaining because she was so old and ugly. Poor Baba was turning a deep shade of crimson.
He succeeded as he overpowered her and placed his lips onto hers with much jaunts and cheers from the ex space pirates.
"Arggggg" he shouted as her false teeth popped out of her mouth; he quickly sobered up when he realised what he had done. It was his turn to blush. He quickly jumped off the glass ball and ran into a corner to vomit up the toxics he had put into his body.
"I've still got it in me" Baba said aloud as she grabbed her false teeth and transported out of the wilderness.
"EW man gross! You win; I've never pulled something so ugly. Eww" one of the guys said patting his friend on the back who was still emptying the remains of his guts.
"Hey that's no fair. It was hardly pulling- it doesn't count!" another protested, he had a long scar across his left cheek and had dark brown spiky hair which resembled a porcupine.
King Cold placed the musical instrument back into the wooden box it came in; it was getting to hard to concentrate on the notes with all the music and noise from the loud bunch of Sayans and partygoers.
"You know what Byrocka?" one Sayan said sitting down next to the blood lake with a blue cocktail in one hand.
"What" the one named Byrocka replied as he laid down
"I recon this is more fun than upstairs; you don't recon we accidentally got sent there do you?"
"No Shendrake, notice the lake? It's not blue it's red. Notice the rocks? No flowers, look at the sky, it's cloudy and dark. Sorry Drakey mate, we are in HFIL for sure." Byrocka assumed closing his eyes.
"Yeah spos your right. Sure is fun though! Nice to all be together! Do you recon every single Sayan is somewhere down here?"
"To be truthful. Yes. We did kill many, our race are hardly saints." Byrocka said without lifting an eyebrow.
Shendrake saw this as his cue to leave and guzzled his drink, wobbling off he went to find something else to drink and another guy to talk to.
"Vegeta. You're the prince of all Sayans right?" Yamma growled as Vegeta stood impatiently at his desk.
"Yes baka. You met me before when that twat Freeza killed me on Namek. Remember" Vegeta said sarcastically folding his arms; he was beginning to get pissed off.
"I'll have no more of that attitude from you boy! I've dealt with many people like you in my time." Yamma said getting up to check Vegeta's files.
"What as strong as me also?" Vegeta said curiously.
"Well… no… not as strong as you, but with your attitude." He admitted as he undid the tie holding his record together.
The paper unravelled and seemed to go on for miles.
"Darn that's why the ribbon was holding it in." Yamma said scratching his head, he quickly looked through the beginning of the paper; Vegeta side glanced through the open door. It was the exit onto Snake way; he looked to the left and saw the path leading to the heaven side of the after world. Then straight ahead to the long and winding snake way.
"Well I can clearly see where you are going boy. Another Sayan for HFIL how lucky for them."
"How do you know? I helped save that stupid mud ball planet Earth. Surely that makes some difference." Vegeta scowled, as he looked back to the open door.
Yamma laughed hard at this comment;
"Unfortunately you have killed so much more than you have saved, you should know that son"
An idea suddenly sprung into Prince Vegeta's mind.
"No I don't understand, explain to me please"
Yamma sighed; he was going to be one of the ones that really pissed him off and made him work harder.
"Look at it this way; you have saved the Earth what once?"
"Yes"
"But you originally came to Earth to conquer it, kill everyone and use the dragon balls for your own selfish means. Am I right?"
"Yes."
Yamma continued, Vegeta's plan was in motion.
"Let me just put it straight. Every member of your race, excluding Goku and his family have ended up in HFIL."
"Really! How interesting" Vegeta said sarcastically as he conjured a small ki and began to set fire to his file that was dragging on the floor, Yamma was oblivious to this.
"Okay also your career was a Space pirate AKA a Planet Purger. You did this for nearly a decade. Killing I can't even pronounce this number of people…" Yamma followed his hand down the paper.
"Yes. But I've changed, I'm a super Sayan now, I've got a kid with my mate. I only did that because of Freeza." Vegeta protested. The paper was burning fast, he smirked to himself.
"Right. FINE." Yamma said adjusting his crown onto his red head. He swivelled around and began tapping at a monstrous sized computer. Without turning around he began speaking to Vegeta.
"The computer database says that you killed people and destroyed Planets with your father and friends? This was when you were approximately four... oh and five here… you were given to Freeza whilst you were seven."
He had his back turned to the Prince; and he saw this as his opportunity for freedom, he ran through the open door and swiftly turned left. Firing a big bang behind him as he went blowing up the entire office and destroying everything.
"you also wiped out I'm not sure I cant see without my specs… I think over 300 races…" he squinted at the bright computer screen.
It was a little while until Yamma noticed something was up; he screamed so loud that the whole of HFIL could hear him even over the notorious loud music that was beating through the speakers. It was so loud the ground was shaking. They still faintly heard Yamma hollering and swearing.
"Someone's in trouble" Bardock said as he began to strip off to take a dip in the lake. The music was beginning to get on his nerves. It was okay for some of the people down there; but he liked the peace and quiet. He also was one of the only Sayans who were not off their heads. Bardock was a t-total Sayan, never in his life had he drank alcohol and he didn't intend to start when he died.
These days all what seemed to be happening in HFIL was; the Sayans woke up, teamed together, made booze, drank booze, made more booze, partied hard, drank more booze, some took the occasional hard core space drug called Pluzoc, which they had actually managed to grow, and harvest using only one bag which was left after they were killed.
Drank some more booze, collapsed. Then the cycle started all over again.
An Ogre spoke into a kind of walkie talkie device.
"Hey Yamma's got his hands full. You guys your prince has just been killed in action, and he's now on the run."
An uproar began, glasses got smashed in anger, swearing was all around the underworld. It looked like a riot was about to break out.
"How'd he die! Poor Geta!" shouted one purple haired female Sayan, she had very good looks and was wearing some very complimenting space armour with a short skirt.
"He got killed by that baka Freeza" pointed another guy. Freeza took a gulp; Zarbon hadn't returned yet and Freeza looked like he was going to get a torrent of abuse.
"No. he was wished back remember" Radditz yelled butting in, shouting the obvious.
"Yes. My son was wished back, he had made a life on Planet Earth from what I hear" King Vegeta growled. Silencing everybody with just one of his hands rose.
He was not overly happy with the rumour he had heard about his son mating with an Earthling. He was even less impressed that his son had managed to get his mate pregnant.
"Good on the prince!" One Sayan crowed, causing a loud applause to echo around HFIL. The ogres had long since given up trying to control the manic down under and were now resorting to drinking some of the heavily made cocktails.
"Yeah but he's dead now!" another female shouted as another glass was smashed on the floor.
A large group of big burly men began to have a fight a few yards away from Freeza's cell, it seemed they were debating about Prince Vegeta and if it was right to make a new home on Earth. They began to sandwich on top of each other in a very drunken manner.
"Hey scuse me. Yeah you." A Sayan with short cropped hair called Touresme said as he pulled on the arm of an ogre.
"Yessss how can I be of assistance hic" the blue ogre slurred as he threw the umbrella to the floor and guzzled the tropical coloured beverage.
"You don't recon you could get us some of that coca cola from the Princes new home do you?, and some of that vodka we've heard about… the guy over their told us about it" pointed Touresme.
His finger wandered over to a man in about his forties decked out in a Nazi uniform from head to toe, he had a strange moustache, and was drinking what appeared to be a muddy puddle as the Sayans named it.
"Wha Hitler? He said get vodka and coke?" the ogre said chucking the glass into the lake just missing Bardocks head who was still lying by the lake.
"Yeah him, the crazy guy who has likes to shove things up his arse"
"You can't say that! That's so mean" a female Sayan said butting in the conversation between Toureseme and the ogre; spilling her pink drink all on the floor as she danced to the music blaring out of the speakers. She was wearing nothing but a strange kind of bikini. The top was already beginning to go transparent after she had spilt the pink drink over it, however she was so out of it she didn't even seem to notice.
"I'll see what I can do. You guys are the best, anyone ever tells you that?" the ogre named Tonk slurred watching the girl dance by, and patting Touresme on the back.
"Yep lots of females do often tell me that" Touresme said grinning and grabbing a bottle of Champagne which was laying on the floor and had Yamma's name written across the label.
Prince Vegeta was running to nowhere in particular; he was tempted first of all to go along the snake way and train with one of Goku's Sensei's king ki.
He decided against it and went exploring to see where he ended up.
"Bulma, please gather those stupid orange plastic balls and wish me back soon" Vegeta thought into his head as he crossed over a funny bridge made of cloud. He couldn't believe that he had sacrificed himself fighting that fat pink mass of goo, and as it turns out. That fat pink mass of goo was still alive and kicking.
King Yamma was furious; he had never had a person escape him before; although in his heart he knew that he maybe wouldn't even be able to control the tempered prince if he did power up to Super Sayan 3, he was still furious.
His little helpers were running around the room in a frenzy trying to prevent the queue of dead people from causing too much of a backlog. As the day was turning out a Planet had managed to fall into a black hole killing all the inhabitants instantly. The queue was beginning to mount as people were waiting to know whether they were going up or down. Also people were still waiting after getting killed on Earth by Buu, it was the busiest the stop station had been in decades.
The papers that the Prince had burnt had soon been stamped out but some of the latest things he had done had been up in smoke, some hadn't even been logged onto the computers database yet.
For example when Vegeta was being tail gated by the Police when he was driving Bulma's super car he simply destroyed them with no care.
Another prime example was when he went into space to vent his anger about his feelings for his mate. He destroyed several Planets that got into his way.
None of this had been logged. He still had more than enough evidence to go back down to HFIL however; as he had been a 'bit' bad behaved in the past. Yamma smirked to himself, sending that terror down was going to be fun.
Freeza grimaced as a group of ogres walked over drunkenly and laughing they were swinging the keys to unlock his cell.
'Hey! What do you think you're doing stop" the ice jin protested as the bolts unlocked and the door swung open. He had wanted to escape but the Sayans would still be after blood; he wanted to do it in a sneaky way.
"GET HIM!" shouted a group of teenagers as they bundled into the cell and began punching and kicking the shit out of the once powerful tyrant. One of them made a ki and cut of his tail, blue blood squirted everywhere. Freeza fell to the ground in agony; he knew he couldn't die that made it worse. This really was Hell for him, a lifetime of beats from a group of his ex predecessors.
Suddenly the little human named Hitler ran into the room carrying what looked to be a giant fruit.
A small smile crept over the tyrants face, maybe HFIL wasn't going to be that bad, Hitler had commented to him on several occasions how he liked the sound of Freeza's voice and secretly the Ice jiin had a small crush on him, King Cold would be disgusted.
'What is he going to do with that fruit?' Freeza pondered as perverted thoughts crossed his mind about the crazed dictator.
The teenagers turned their attention to the short fat human carrying the large fruit.
"Hey if it isn't bumboy." One crowed leaving Freeza lying in a pool of blue blood on the floor.
"Oi sir whatcha gonna do with your fruit?" one said as he pulled a hood from his top over his hair he walked closer to Adolf.
"I recommend he shoves it up perv's big ugly butt crack" a third replied cackling meanly.
All ten of the gang were disrupted when a voice screamed in the distance.
"Mazock isn't that your sister screaming?" the first growled clenching his fist angrily.
"If anyone lays a hand on her…" the one named Mazock shouted as he flew out of the prison cell; he was soon followed behind by the nine others leaving just Freeza and Hitler in the cell.
Bardock began to swim lengths through the huge red lake, his son Radditz was beginning to get onto his nerves, always telling stories of him and the Prince and their adventures in space. Lately Bardock kept thinking about his youngest son Kakorot, if it was true what the Prince had said on his last visit to HFIl he had made it to the legendary super Sayan. Was it really possible a feeble third class could hold that power? Also he had heard from the gossip that he was a grandfather and that Kakkorot had bred and produced offspring.
Hitler turned to face Freeza with a psycho looking smile across his face. "Hei. You. big boy. Stick that tail right up my bum crack. Do it now." He instructed pointing to his nether regions.
Freeza began to cackle in an evil way; he pulled himself off the floor and tried to wipe some of his blood off his skin. Maybe the Ice Jiin could make an army with his new friend? First he had some things to deal with… like getting his hands dirty and sticky.
Disclaimer: That's the first chapter done and dusted, let me know what you think, and if you want the other chapters posted up. Hope you have enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I did writing it.
R/R please many thanks!