{Before Chapter 34 of the P&P book}
"They certainly have taken their time to come over..." I heard my aunt's mutterings as the clippity-clop of carriage horses drifted into the windows of Hunsford.
Ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum. Why am I so nervous?
"Wake up, Darcy!" My dear cousin slapped my back and rushed to the door.
Why was he so excited? Blast, could it be? Could it be possible that he also covets my Elizabeth? Nay, Fitzwilliam does not have my advantage of wealth. It cannot be.
Unwilling to risk any chances, I shot up from my seat and stomped beside Fitzwilliam.
"Darcy, you finally decided to honour our guests with your presence!" Fitzwilliam grinned cheekily. I rolled my eyes but a dark thought popped into my mind. What if Elizabeth favours Fitzwilliam because of their shared impertinence? Darcy, stop this negativity at once!
The door swung open and our guests entered the room. Blocking out the pleasantries Mr Collins was blabbering, I did a mental headcount.
Where is Elizabeth? Why is she not present? Did no one else notice it?
Interrupting Mr Collins' continuous praise of the Hunsford estate, I addressed Mrs Collins in a sharper tone than I had intended.
"Is Elizabeth not joining us for dinner tonight?"
Blast, I addressed her in her Christian name! What would Mrs Collins think? Mrs Collins explained with apparent surprise, "Elizabeth is not feeling well this evening so she is-"
Elizabeth is sick? I must tend to her right away! Not that I have any medical knowledge but I can always try!
"My coat, please." I signalled to the nearest servant who returned within seconds.
"Darcy, you cannot be serious! Leaving the dinner table for her is simply ridiculous! I command you to be seated immediately!" My aunt rose noisily and her voice boomed across the room.
I have never been serious about anything else in my life. The room was in perfect silence. Even Fitzwilliam, who was itching to make a suggestive comment or laugh, I am sure, held his tongue. Is this your attempt at stopping me? How pathetic.
I narrowed my eyes at my aunt before replying, "Have you not always educate us to be responsible hosts? I believe this is the most suitable opportunity to put your teaching into practice. Please begin dinner without me." With everyone open-mouthed and my aunt flaring with indignation, I slipped out of the door without hesitation.
•~•
I never ran so fast in my life. I reached the door of the parsonage, heart rate escalating. Darcy, you are outside the door. Now open it!
This was a rash and bad decision. Too late to regret now! You are already here, just do it!
Sucking in a big breath, I knocked and pushed the door opened hesitantly. What met my eyes was the greatest relief in my life. Elizabeth was not sick at all! In fact, she looked as pretty as ever. I mean, as well as ever.
How does the flush on her cheeks manage to bewitch me so?
"Eliza-, I mean Miss Elizabeth, are you well?" I forced my brain to construct a sentence. Deep breaths, Darcy, deep breaths.
"I have come in hopes of your speedy recovery." Yes, 9 words without a stammer! A new record!
"Yes, Sir, I am well. Thank you for your concern." Elizabeth replied stiffly and turned away. Is she alright? Why does she look so pallid?
Is this not the perfect opportunity to propose? It will definitely cheer her up again! Darcy, this is the most important moment of your life. Do not mess it up.
Blast, what am I doing, walking around the room like an awkward fool? Lord bless me, I am going to do it!
"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." I blurted out everything in a single breath. Elizabeth's fine eyes widened. She blushed but remained silent.
She wants me to continue, right?
"My dear Elizabeth, ever since I had the honour of making your acquaintance, I have felt nothing but admiration for you. Your wit and elegance have endeavoured my feelings to grow stronger over time. I repeatedly reminded myself of your low connections and vulgar family yet my feelings are still unable to be repressed. I tried my very best to forget your beautiful eyes with the reality that your inferiority should not be recommending yourself to me."
Was that guilt? Or anger? What is she thinking about? I was slightly confused but could not bring myself to stop my avowal.
"But alas, all my efforts were in vain. I had found it impossible to overcome my strong feelings towards you and I sincerely wish for your acceptance which I believe I am deserving to be rewarded with." I poured the contents of my heart out and laid it naked in front of Elizabeth.
Elizabeth took a deep breath before she said, "In such cases as this, it is, I believe, the established mode to express a sense of obligation for the sentiment avowed, however unequally they may be returned." However unequally they may be returned? What does she mean by that?
"It is natural that obligation should be felt, and if I could feel gratitude, I would now thank you. But I cannot-I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it more unwillingly." But-but I was never unwilling to have favoured you! I was just oblivious...
"I am sorry to have occasioned pain to anyone. It has been most unconsciously done, however, and I hope will be of short duration. The feelings which, you tell me have long prevented the acknowledgement of your regard, can have little difficulty in overcoming it after this explanation."
Occasioned pain? I will never propose to anyone ever again. How can you think that I will forget these ardent feelings so easily? I just told you how I painstakingly tried to ignore my emotions unsuccessfully and yet you rejected me so blatantly? I did not know which one I felt more: resentment or surprise or sorrow. I opened my mouth to retort but my breath hitched in my throat.
Calm down, do not say anything that you will regret later, Darcy. Even if it is to the only woman in town who would decline your proposal. Regaining my composure, I replied indignantly, "And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting! I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why, with so little endeavour at civility, I am thus rejected. But it is of small importance." Small importance? Who are you fooling, Darcy? I want nothing but to know why she would take my heart away and smash it into a million pieces.
Elizabeth started speaking again but I was getting sucked in a hole of despair. Why does nothing ever go right in my life? First Georgiana and that Ramsgate incident, now this rejection by the only woman I would ever consider marrying. Lord, is this my retribution for not being a dutiful brother? Or is it because I ruined the relationship of one so I will never find true love?
"-has been the means of ruining, perhaps forever, the happiness of a most beloved sister?" I snapped back to reality.
Blast, no wonder she hates me for separating Miss Bennet from Bingley. My face turns slightly crimson at being called out for my act of 'crime'.
I was indeed guilty of such, I must admit. But it is not without reason! As pretty as Miss Bennet is, I was certainly not going to let Bingley marry without affection! I do not see any fault in my actions so I am not going to let you guilt-trip me, Elizabeth. I did not deny my act of separation and told her so, but not without suggesting that I should have done it for myself as well. Then suddenly she mentions Wickham!
That son of a gun! Why is he appearing in my life again? Elizabeth proceeds to drone on about how I was basically the bane of Wickham's existence. You do not even know how opposing that statement is.
How could she believe Wickham? I thought you were smarter than that, Elizabeth…
Exasperated, I retorted back, "Perhaps, if your pride had not been hurt by my mention of your vulgar family, you might have been more gracious to forgive these offences. However, I will not delude myself from the fact of your relations and I will certainly not flatter you for your hand. Can you expect me to feel elation from binding and degrading myself to lower connections and lower condition of life?" If she managed to calm down just now, she was definitely raging again. Determined to hurt me as much as I did, she elaborated on her passionate hatred towards me.
"-I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry." Ouch, that stung. I cannot take this anymore. I have to leave before I break down into a puddle of tears. Mumbling words of apologies, I hastily left the room and fled like a dog with my tail between my legs.
That went very well. Amazing! Wonderful! Encore! … Why am I such a failure in life?
I wanted to scream and throw a tantrum there and then outside the parsonage. Who cares about propriety? The only one whose opinion I care about finds me disgusting. Without Elizabeth, this life is not worth living anymore.
A/N: Anything you recognise in my story is from Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I cannot pretend to be as well-versed in the Regency language as her. Don't forget to review and follow if you enjoyed this chapter, thank you!