We had sex...oh my God...I don't believe it, we had...sex... It is truly amazing how some sentences form in your mind the moment you gain consciousness. I had just crossed the barrier from asleep to awake when that sentence flashed across my mind.
I hadn't even gotten my eyes open yet, but the memory of what we'd done hung in the air. I could smell it, taste it and mostly certainly feel it. Having sex with Illya had been the culmination of a long dream, one that had taken me through some pretty dark times. Through torture, through heartbreak, the hope that one day we would be in exactly that spot in time and now it was real.
Illya moved, murmured in his sleep and reached out an arm, draping it over my waist. I held my breath, worried that I'd woken him. Instead he snuggled closer, sighed and continued to sleep even as I wondered just what we'd done.
To have sex with my partner was probably not the brightest idea I'd ever cooked up. I didn't even want to think about the conversation I was going to have with our boss. I only knew there was no going back now and I wouldn't even if there was. What I'd felt last night, what I still felt this morning...
"No regrets, then?"
At first I thought I'd slipped, let the sentence out by mistake, then I felt Illya's thumb moving against the skin of my belly and I realized he was awake and tuned into my brainwaves, as usual.
"With regards to what?" I decided to play the dumb card.
"What we did… what I want to do right now…"
A tremble went through me, making me press back even closer rubbing against his erection. I sighed as his very strong, very capable fingers wrapped themselves around my morning erection, working it slowly as if we had all the time in the world and nothing more pressing to do than pleasure ourselves.
As excited as I was for a reenactment of last night, my ass was still dealing with the aftereffects of our lovemaking. It had been frantic and hard, an act of desperation and sheer need.
The mission had been long and frustrating. We'd been within a hair's breadth of success and failure a dozen times over. How we'd triumphed was still a mystery, how we'd escaped injury even more awe inspiring. When we'd returned to New York, I'd followed my usual pattern of finding a woman with the sole intention of bedding her, but as the evening progressed, I found my attention less on her and more on my partner.
There had been something about Illya the last few days, At first, I put it off to the stress of the mission, then to fatigue, but I'd swear the man was flirting with me, making casual comments that bordered on innuendo, nothing new for me, but certainly for him. He seemed to be sticking a bit closer and I decided it was time to get a few things straightened out.
He straightened me out all right. Within fifteen minutes of my arrival at his apartment, he had me stretched out on his bed, both of us too far gone with carnal pleasure to even claim a single rational thought between us.
"What did we do, Illya?"
"Are you speaking of last night or of the big picture?"
"Both, I think." Or perhaps I didn't think at all. If I had, I most certainly wouldn't be thrusting into the warmth of the hand that held me so intimately. Or biting my bottom lip as a pair of lips and a tongue worked their way over a half dozen bruises from the night before.
"Do you want me to stop?" He'd slid his penis down the crack of my ass and was using it to massage my perineum and nudging the head of his dick against my balls. I was practically keening now.
"Only if you don't value your life." I wanted to go on like this forever, but something else played at my mind. Last night, Illya had made his claim and now it was my turn. I tilted my head back and twisted so I could see him, his eyes half shut, his face open in a way I'd never seen before. "I want to take you."
His answer was a smile, sly and impish.
"You know how to do this?"
"I'm not as green as you think, Kuryakin." I rolled in his arms.
"Last night I wasn't sure; you seemed surprised by some of the things we did."
"Surprised that I was doing them with you, but not by the acts thesmselves." I let myself respond to his touch in a way that I rarely did. But this was my partner. If I wasn't safe with him, who would I be safe with? "My life isn't exactly an open book, you know. I do have a few secrets I've kept to myself."
"I find that very hard to believe after last night." Illya's mouth, that clever thing, was keeping me from thinking straight. "Why did you come here last night?"
"I'd been getting some odd messages from you. I wanted to know if I was right."
"Were you?" Illya's tongue tickled my ribs. If I didn't talk soon, it would be too late. With that thought in mind, I reluctantly dragged him back up my body. His eyes were suddenly wary, as if he was wondering if he'd made a mistake or gone too far. I'd seen the look before, a 'now or never' for him.
"I was and I don't regret what we did, Illya. I could never do that." I ran my fingers through the mussed blond hair, tugging it gently. He closed his eyes, a cat smile on his lips. "I just want to know how this is going to end."
"How would you like it to end?"
"Happily ever after?"
"I don't believe in fairy tales, Napoleon. I'm a pragmatist. I believe in the here and now."
"Then here and now, I love you, Illya. I always have, practically from the minute I met you."
"I know." I was overcome with the urge to wipe the smug look off his face. I couldn't very well smack him, so I kissed him instead, carefully, tenderly, as if this was our first kiss shared, not one of a dozen or more. "I can't ask you for more than you feel comfortable giving me, Napoleon. We are each too much our own man for that."
"Then what do you want?"
"To know this is real. To know this is where you want to be and what you want."
"Very much." I took the initiative now, mapping his body with my mouth, tasting him as I'd never done before, discovering the spots that made him squirm with pleasure, gasp with delight. Entering him was almost enough to make me climax, but a Solo is nothing if not In control of the situation and I made sure it was a long pleasurable ride for us both.
And when we lay, panting in each other's arms, I thought it again. We had sex...oh my God...I don't believe it, we had...sex... And I caught his mouth in another kiss. And it was incredible.