This could have been uploaded a few weeks ago, alas... I didn't have a cover image! That's serious business, people. Oh well, I doodled something yesterday so I decided to use it.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel and/or Norse Mythology.
It had been... a week. Or two. At most three – since being locked up down here. He wasn't sure, there was no window in his cell, his meals seemed to be delivered whenever the guards felt like it and his sleep was erratic. With his injuries from the green beast still lingering and the overall exhaustion from the whole past year, he sometimes drifted off for what felt like five minutes and another time for maybe days. There was no way for him to tell. Even the unwelcome visits from the one who still considered himself his brother weren't coming in any predicable intervals, more like whenever the oaf had nothing better to do than to bother the disinterested prisoner. It didn't deter him from coming back again and again though, talking about anything and everything, hoping for a response.
Loki didn't deign to humour him. He didn't say a word since the wretched muzzle was removed as he was thrown into the small, dark cell. The cramped place was lit only by one torch on the wall across the hall, casting shadows of the sturdy metal bars at Loki's feet where he was seated on the floor. There was a bed – not terribly comfortable, but a bed in any case, something he couldn't even dream of during his time with the Chitauri – and even a table with a chair, but Loki preferred his chosen spot in the corner where he couldn't be so readily seen by anyone passing by his current... living arrangements.
Thor assured him that it was but temporary, just until the trial. Loki had scoffed inwardly at that information – and what would be after the trial? Did Thor expect that Odin will grant him a more luxurious cell as his punishment, instead of... oh, what about an execution? Or eternal torture? Or some more creative punishment saved for criminals of his calibre. Loki should probably enjoy the comfort he had right now. Not that he really cared. Right now, he didn't much care about anything. He will be punished on Asgard or Thanos finds him and he will be punished in some dark, faraway corner of the universe – which, admittedly, he feared would be worse. The best course of action for the Allfather would be to let Loki be executed and be done with it. The Realm Eternal would finally be rid of the hated false prince and he wouldn't miss his life terribly either. Everyone would be happy...
He heard a shuffle of one of the guards' feet, just a few steps and then his voice, muffled by the distance and the ever-present sounds of the dungeons – soft plops of condensed water, occasional grind of metal against metal or a clang of chains, a scream here and there in a further distance where other criminals in lower security cells could be found, rustle of rats' feet and tails against the dirty stone floor and many other quiet noises he stopped paying attention to in the first few hours of his stay here.
Whatever the guard had said, it gained a rather pointed response from... someone, someone who just came. It was a male voice, soon joined by another one, and then by a third one, a female voice this time.
Two males, one female. Three people Loki knew only too well and who couldn't be here for any other reason that to see him. His face paled if it was even possible any more. He almost wished Thanos had come and dragged him away, just so he wouldn't have to stand face to face to the combined strength of his family. He hadn't expect this to happen, why would they bother? They should... they should just forget about him. Why didn't they understand it would be so much easier for everyone?
The guard mumbled something, still unrecognisable but obviously apologetic, and moved further away in the corridor to give the visitors more privacy with the prisoner. Loki listened in dread as the three pairs of feet came closer, the female voice saying something in the very familiar motherly voice. And then the shadows in his cell covered most of the floor as the three figures stopped on the other side of the bars. Loki traced the dark silhouettes at his feet intently, not daring to raise his eyes. There was a silence for a while, none of the four knowing what to say. Finally Loki decided to break the quiet, still not looking up.
"You should not have come here."
"That is for us to decide," the woman responded in her melodic voice, holding herself strong even though the tinge in her words indicated she might very well start crying any moment. Loki felt something painful twist in his chest, took a deep breath and finally forced himself to look at his visitors. He would try to make his face impassive but it was impossible. She was one of the few people whose grief he couldn't just shake off after witnessing it.
"But what is here for you?" he reasoned, almost pleading, "I ruined your lives, it would be better if you just forgot about me..."
"Ruined our lives?" one of the men finally decided to speak up. "In which way?" demanded the other.
"Oh, well, there is this little thing you might have heard about, such as my true heritage," Loki couldn't keep the bitter sarcasm out of his voice, looking down again.
"Why should we care about that?" she asked softly but firmly, as if daring him to say there was anything wrong about that. How could... how could she not see? Loki stood up in one swift movement, fist clenched at his sides.
"You married a frost giant, Sigyn!" He shouted from the top of his lungs. "Your husband turned out to be a monster, how can you not be disgusted by that?" He stopped himself, panting slightly, when he noticed she made a step back, eyes wide. But she quickly returned to her previous place, throwing her waist long brown hair over her shoulder in unruly curls.
"The only part of you I could be disgusted with would be how easy it was for you to leave us," she said softly. "But I forgive you, Loki, for it must have been very hard times for you after this... revelation. I only wish you had come to me with your problems instead of trying to cope with them all alone."
Loki's shoulders sagged a little. How could she simply... "How can you act as if there was nothing wrong with who I am?" he whispered.
"There might be many things wrong with you, but none of them has anything to do with your species," Narvi crossed his arms.
"And even if we cared about that," Vali continued after his younger brother, "we have found out more than a year ago, a fairly long time to come to terms with the news that our father is in reality a blue-skinned icicle."
Loki blinked. He didn't understand, he still didn't understand. What was just happening? Was it some cruel joke, to make him hope that...
Vali sighed, probably as a reaction to whatever he saw in his father's eyes. "We were never really well-liked, you know that – everyone knows that. Being the sons of the unpopular prince or of a frost giant doesn't make much of a difference in the way others treat us. Maybe it is even better now – some prefer running away rather than confronting us," he chuckled.
"They could not do much either way," Narvi shrugged, "we are still considered royalty."
"And the Allfather himself assured mother that it is not going to change," Vali added with a smirk and Loki's eyes widened in surprise. Why would Odin do that? Sigyn was of an old aristocratic family so it wasn't like they would become scum of the society if they lost the connection to the throne. Maybe it was Frigga's doing, she loved her (false) daughter-in-law dearly and probably feared what would happen to her if her royal status was revoked. The aristocrats could be a nasty bunch when they wanted to, especially to someone from their midst. And especially with such a good reason.
"Then... you are... safe?" he asked tentatively.
"As safe as ever," his older son grinned.
"But still-" Loki felt like they still didn't realize the gravity of the situation. They were in no danger for now, at least, but their physical well-being wasn't his only concern.
"What now?" Vali rolled his eyes.
Loki exhaled and then looked right into Narvi's eyes, then to Vali's. "You yourselves are half frost giants," he finally said in explanation, cringing a little as the unavoidable truth finally left his mouth.
"We are not, actually," Vali smiled innocently. After you disappeared, mother told us that around the time she got pregnant, she had a thing with Fandral..."
"Vali!" Sigyn exclaimed, appalled.
"It does explain my fair hair," Narvi nodded sagely.
Loki stood fairly confused. For a God of Lies, he was currently not sure at all if they were telling the truth or not. These were not his best moments for sure, he was tired and weak and everything was so incomprehensible. Or maybe it had something to do with whether he wished it to be true...
"I only jest," Vali grinned again to put a stop to his thoughts. "That is something I might have inherited from you, actually, in case you were not convinced."
"My hair is still a mystery..." Narvi mumbled.
"My mother has the same fair hair as you," Sigyn told him quietly and caressed his blond head, now calmer as Vali reassured Loki of her fidelity.
"The reason I did so," Vali bent forward slightly, "was for you to find out whether you would prefer if it were that way. Just imagine it. Then we wouldn't be half-jotnar, would we? And the only other option is us not having been born at all. What do you prefer?"
Loki felt a surge of relief hearing the – now realizing that really ridiculous – revelation refuted. Of course he wanted his children to be his, he loved his children... It was selfish, he knew, he shouldn't want that, shouldn't want them to be half monsters. They would be better off with another father, even if it meant for them to be love children and of a lower status. Yes, even his wishes were wrong, but was that really any surprise? The only surprise that hung in the air was that they apparently did not hate him.
"It would have been better if you were not my children," he forced himself to say finally, head bowed down.
"How can you say that?" Narvi shouted and the other three jerked in surprise; the youngest son was usually very calm – or he used to be, maybe he changed in the year Loki was gone, how could he really know? Maybe he didn't actually know his children – yes, his children, in his mind he could say the truth that he wanted them to be his children still – and the thought was making him feel guilty. "Are you trying to push us away? Like Thor?" the blond continued more quietly.
"No," Loki shook his head and came a step closer, the mention of Thor only adding to his hurt; why did Narvi had to mention him too? "This is different," he said automatically and then added – because Narvi was right, how could he say that? – to reassure them: "Besides, Thor and I do not share any blood-"
"And you wish you and us did not either," Narvi countered. Loki paled at that. He did not mean it like that, did he? He did not want to push them away! But... he said it with those intentions. And he wished he wanted that, because it would be so much easier for everyone. His mind was fighting with himself and his wife and his sons were looking at him with expectation and disappointment – how could those two emotions even mix? – and he prayed they would go away and forget about him. Then he could forget about them too and die in peace.
Forget about them.
Forget about them.
It sounded so unbelievable, so unfeasible and he would laugh at himself for thinking he could do that, if it wasn't precisely what he had done more than a year ago. Up to his neck in his problems he did not spare a thought for them. They would be justified to forget about him in turn, he deserved it. Even if he weren't a monster. Yes, even if they so foolishly, ignorantly did not want to turn their backs on him because of his rotten heritage, he could coerce them to do so if he reminded them of how he acted – these were the actions of a monster anyway – and they would leave him, they would finally leave him. Not for the most important reasons but for very valid ones either way.
Even if his monstrous, selfish heart – or whatever black hole it is that monsters have in their chests instead – wished for them to stay close. And it was quite persuasive in its wishes: But I forgive you, Loki, for it must have been very hard times for you after this... revelation, it reminded him, the words Sigyn said mere minutes ago.
How could you forget, you idiot; your wife is so pure, so perfect.
A reason more for her to be rid of me.
But you do not wish that. Do not argue with your heart.
I will rip the heart out, then.
You thought you did that already. And behold, I am still here. You will never be rid of me, nor of your family. It is how it should be and how you want it to be, you just need to admit it.
Never. For their sake.
And you think they will be grateful?
Once they finally realize what I am, yes. Maybe. Or just disgusted, as they should be. Why is not Sigyn disgusted that she laid with a frost giant...
Loki glanced up at his visitors again, the realization dawning on him. Of course, he knew the reason. Vali and Narvi were both young and impressionable and the word of their mother meant much to them. And it was her who was the source of this seemingly unexplainable affection for the monster.
"Poor, poor Sigyn," he creased his brows and shook his head sorrowfully, looking at his unfortunate wife. "I understand now. And... I am sorry. I am, really. The Norns bestowed a terrible fate upon you, the Goddess of Fidelity."
Sigyn blinked once, her wide, beautiful eyes sad. "Is this what you think about me?" She stepped closer and closed her long graceful fingers around the metal bars. "That I am but forced to love you?" For a moment she looked close to tears again but then she stilled and straightened up. Her look was caring but stern and she held her chin high. Her strength was not in battle but something much more subtle – and she could still turn a grown man into a cowering pup. Loki might have been towering over her but now he felt like he needed to look up just to see her face. He couldn't avert his gaze from the woman before him. This was whom he fell in love with, the caring mother, the gentle lover, the beloved goddess of immense hidden strength which was all but radiating from her at the moment. He did not deserve her, although the thought alone physically hurt him. When she spoke again, her voice was calm and unwavering but laced with the sweetest of emotions:
"I do not love you because I am the Goddess of Fidelity. I am the Goddess of Fidelity because I love you, now and forever. Remember that."
Loki stood stock still for a few moments as if processing what he just heard. If only these were lies. But Sigyn was not like him, she was ever so guileless, her words unable to say anything but the truth. She... she truly meant it.
Something in Loki snapped. His breath hitched in his throat and he shook his head fiercely several times, unable to say a word but aware of the prickling in his eyes. "Sigyn..." he croaked. "Sigyn-" a loud sob escaped his mouth and his legs moved on their own, covering the short distance between him and the prison bars. Tentatively, he reached for her hands and wrapped his own pale fingers around them. Sigyn smiled softly and only now allowed her eyes to glisten with tears. Loki's own cheeks were already wet, his vision blurred. He bowed his head in shame, he was not worthy to see her smile. Sigyn inclined her head slightly forward so their foreheads touched between the freezing cold metal that separated them. Loki closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, inhaling her sweet scent of fruits and honey that enraptured his whole being. The smell of nostalgia, of home. And then her soft lips found his and they tasted oh so much sweeter.
For the moment, Loki forgot everything, his worries, his hurts, his current precarious situation. There was nothing but Sigyn, dear, wonderful, perfect Sigyn with her familiar smell, touch and taste. When they finally parted – just an inch, the tips of their noses still almost touching – he opened his eyes to gaze into the ocean of rich brown, feeling as if he were drowning in its depths. He moved one hand up and caressed his wife's cheek with gentleness he did not know he was still capable of and matched her watery smile with his own.
Vali stared at his parents with mock horror expression and covered his younger brother's eyes, who swatted his hand away and frowned at him. Then they both grinned and turned back to the adults, who rather self-consciously pulled away under the scrutiny of their sons.
"Oh, do not mind us," Vali made one step back, raising his hands with palms forward. Narvi just chuckled.
Averting their gazes from the beaming adolescents, Loki and Sigyn locked eyes once more. "Do not ever doubt me again, understand?" Sigyn all but ordered, thought still in the gentle tone.
"I will not," Loki promised. "But I still do not know why-"
"Love is blind," Vali interrupted matter-of-factly, "that is why mother has never seen your blue skin and red eyes... or was it red skin and blue eyes?"
Narvi cocked his head, the wide-eyed childish look still quite effective as he only recently entered the great world of adults. "Then I must be in love with father too, for I do not see either."
Sigyn wiped away her last stray tear and chuckled at the remark. Unable to stop herself, a small laugh escaped her lips and soon she started giggling along with the two boys. It was not anything exceptionally funny but the pent up emotions decided to be let out in any way available. Her laughter was contagious and as she kept her eyes full of mirth on Loki, he was laughing too in no time. After several minutes when any attempt at calming down was mercilessly put down by another family member bursting into a new bout of giggles, they all finally lapsed into a comfortable silence. Eventually, Vali decided to speak up with newly regained seriousness:
"Now, before you start to have second thoughts again, let me remind you of our half sister and half brothers. We were never in quite such a denial as you about their half-jotun nature. They even turned out to be pure-blooded jotnar and we cannot not care less. So unless you want to condemn them and call them monsters along with their mother-" Loki tensed visibly at such a proposition, all good humour gone "-you should accept that we are not going to hate you."
Loki, not sure how to suitably respond with words, nodded minutely but not quite so unwillingly by now, more like in resignation – and relief.
"I think we should have used this argument at the very beginning," Narvi deadpanned.
"We might have risked a mental breakdown if we did," Vali bit his lip theatrically. Loki was going to react to that accusation of his mental stability but Vali quickly decided to change the subject, continuing: "Although now that we broached this topic, do you not find it amusing that Eisa and Einmyria are in fact half fire demons, half frost giants? Who knew such crossbreeds were even possible, am I right?"
"Do not worry, the girls both took the revelation well," Sigyn assured her husband. "Even Glut did not really care much..."
"She said something about divorcing father if they were not already long divorced," Narvi oh-so-helpfully reminded. "But it was more for political reasons if I remember correctly," he shrugged at Loki, "you know, she must keep her appearances."
"As it is now," Sigyn continued, "she can use an excuse in front of the royal court of Muspelheim that she thought you were an ás when she married you. But you know the fire demons – past is just the past for them, they do not dwell on it."
"Yes, and she mentioned that being an acquaintance of a prince of Asgard and Jotunheim should be politically very useful," Narvi concluded with a grin. Loki grinned too, albeit not as widely. It was just like Glut to leave him such a roundabout message of saying "you surprised me unpleasantly but we are still friends."
And suddenly he realized that it could all very well end soon. The trial was in less than a week and the death sentence he so longingly wished for a mere hour ago was now a horrifying prospect. He saw now what he would lose – and that there would be those who would truly miss him in turn.
"I – I am sorry it all ended up this way," he said quietly and his family knew too well they weren't talking about Muspelheim anymore. "If I could turn back time, if I could go back and change the things I did-"
Sigyn placed her finger on his lips. "It does not matter now. What is done is done. I know you are not a bad person and something tells me the awful things you did on Midgard were not entirely your idea." Loki raised his eyebrows. He did not tell anyone about the Other and Thanos yet and about what he went through in their care. Yes, it was not all up to him, the invasion, though he could not be excused by direct mind control as his temporary mortal minions. His wife knew him just too well... "Have faith in the king and his wise decision," she added.
He snorted softly. "You sound just like Thor."
"Well, then have faith in you brother too," she responded simply.
Loki replied automatically: "He is not my brother."
"I think he is," Sigyn signalled with her tone that she is finished with this topic, no but's. And Loki surprisingly kept quiet. Or maybe not so surprisingly for those who were acquainted personally with his wife's stern gaze.
After a minute or two of silently locking their gazes, a shuffling of feet was suddenly heard from the corridor and the guard who initially let Sigyn and her sons in appeared in Loki's view.
"I am sorry, Lady Sigyn, but the time for your visit is up." He was visibly nervous and by the looks Vali and Narvi shot at each other Loki knew that they too realized that "the time was up" quite a while ago. The guard did not dare to interrupt their conversation and waited until he heard no voices coming from the direction of the high security cells.
"Oh, of course," Sigyn responded pleasantly and with one last squeeze released her husband's hands, smiling sadly. "Then we must be on our way."
Vali and Narvi went up to the bars to say their good byes for now. Loki reached out and gripped each of them by a shoulder. Vali was nearly his height; was he really so tall before?
"Thank you for coming," he said sincerely in hushed tones.
"Thank you for listening," Vali kept his voice down too as he grinned and placed his hand over his father's. Narvi did the same, smirking a little: "This went much better than we feared."
Loki's brows creased. "Should I ask what you 'feared'?"
"Maybe next time," Vali glanced over at the hovering guard. "We will see you soon."
As they both moved away from their father, Vali spoke up again, this time in his normal volume: "And if you want us to break you out, just say the word."
The guard visibly stiffened.
"Do you not dare to try something so stupid!" Loki reprimanded him. He knew it was meant only as a jest – Norns, he hoped it was – but who knew how the guard might take it.
"Well, in case you change your mind..." Narvi shrugged and Loki shot him a stern glare. "All right, all right," his youngest son said defensively, "no jailbreaks."
Loki rubbed his face with his hand. In quite a while he hasn't experienced the joys of being a father. But... it wasn't such a bad feeling.
He glanced again at his family. They were healthy and safe but he wished he himself could do something for them. And be with them again and this time forever. Maybe one day. "Be well," he wished them.
"See you soon," Sigyn promised and with that all three departed.
Loki closed his eyes at the bittersweet feeling. "See you soon," he whispered.
Okay, I feel like I should explain a few things: Glut is Loki's first wife. I think she should be a fire giantess, i.e. a fire jotun, but as a "jotun" is way too connected to frost giants in this fandom, not to meniton I would like Glut to have "normal" size, I made her a fire demon. In my headcanon they married very young and soon divorced. Oh and Eisa and Einmyria are their daughters.