Disclaimer: Sadly, as much as I want to, I don't own Vampire Knight and everything related to this manga, anime and game. Vampire Knight is property of Hino-sensei.
Author's Note: Greetings, fellow fanfic writers! :D This is my first fanfic; I hope it's good enough. :)
"What Happiness Means to Me"
Every peaceful night I spend alone, you always appear before me; haunting me for what I have not done.
For what I have not done or for what I have done? Those two questions seem to refer to the same thing. The same thing that I regret and, at the same time, don't.
Inside my spacious bedroom, you stand before me—motionless and staring. I reflect your action although not exactly as I sit at the end of the bed.
All I can do is take in your appearance; your long, silky, ginger hair that are tied up in two ponytails, baby-smooth face bearing no emotion, but if closely looked, worry can be easily detected, and the Night Class uniform you wear is as neat as ever.
You look the same—exactly the same. Way too similar everyday . . . Nothing changes like my memory.
"Shiki," you say with such tenderness that I pray to hear it again. I long to hear your melodious voice. "Shiki . . ." Under the presence of the moon, its light cascades at you, veiling you with that mysteriously breathtaking glow. You look beautiful at that moment, if not more than usual. You resemble a white angel with its wings spread out from your shoulder-blades.
"You came again," smiling gently, I say. "I'm glad you're paying me sweet visits every night."
"Forget . . ." you say, eyes boring straight to my soul. "I want you to forget . . ." Your reassuring sapphire eyes display so much love and pain that I want to stare at them forever.
"Rima, stay with me. Sit beside me," patting the available space on the bed, I smile. "Come," I offer a hand for you to take, speaking as though you hadn't.
But all you do is stand and stare some more.
Your eyes, they're begging me to stop; begging me to wake up and face reality. But I don't want to, and I never intend to do so, if this is all what'll take for you to stay.
"Shiki, please forget about me," gently, you say, firmly standing on the ground. "Please . . . you're hurting yourself." Shaking your head, you continue, "I don't like seeing you suffer."
I am suffering? That sounds ridiculous. Yes, I did suffer; I suffered when I lost you the night my father killed you using my body.
Ichijou-san wasn't able to save you, and neither did I as I was trapped in my own body.
That night . . . all I could do was watch you bleed; watch you through my eyes in horror as Rido used my abilities to bring harm to the person I love the most. You, Rima.
I tried to break free, but my father was too strong. He's a Pureblood, after all, and my strength wasn't enough.
Only did he left me when the time of his awakening arrived.
And only did I experience extreme loneliness when I knew you wouldn't come back.
Because a body that turned into dust can never be mended.
No longer am I suffering now, because I finally have you back. With your same attitude, same appearance; they are enough for me. I'm satisfied this way.
"Please, Shiki. You perfectly know that I can never come back," you start to fade away, leaving me feeling slightly panicked before I relaxed, knowing you'll return the next night.
"Then why do you visit me so?" I ask, eyes displaying every emotion coursing through me: love, care, longing and hope.
You do not answer for a while, but speak up until the very last moment. "To convince you to forget about me." A lone tear escapes your mesmerising eyes as you smile sadly at me, "This is a permanent good bye, Shiki."
Eyes widening in horror, my whole body becomes rigid. "No . . ." I manage to choke out. "No!" Silent tears fall down from my eyes like raindrops from the sky. "You're kidding; I know you'll be back!"
"Good bye, . . . Senri . . ." You are gone in one blink of an eye.
And that night . . . That night is the last time I saw you.